| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:11:24 PM | Wow, there is some major harshness going on here. I can't say I blame the OP, one bit, in this. He is trying to get help, instead of just blindly going ahead.
I tend to go with what others have said, let the father adopt. Though, that being said, what he did to the adoptive parents, is pretty damn rotten. If you don't want a child for the first several months, don't wait until the baby is born to express your rights, especially if a good family has already been chosen.
Mark, you are in one HELL of a situation, and I hope it works out. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:14:57 PM |
and another thing, financially we arent prepared for another child
Well she should have thought about that before going out and getting pregnant by someone else, she should have thought about useing birth control and other fourms before getting pregnant by someone she had only been with for what 6 months tops and if she got pregnant in sept then she was only with him for 2 months if that (that really shows how mature she is now doesnt it). And to be sleeping with and getting pregnant by a married man to boot.
you dont have to make that seem likes it my fault
No one is saying this is your fault, but I am sorry if I knew that me and my gf split up and she slept with someone else and got pregnant I would not be stupid enough to take her back.
second i agree the best scenario would have been to give the child up for adoption but thats not my call
That's about the smartest thing you have said so far in this thread.
number 3 the baby weighed 3lbs 12 oz so yes the baby is premature, i am 1000% sure its not my child so stop trying to make a case out of nothing.
I am not trying to make a case out of nothing, but if this baby is premature and small like that, she is going to have a long time to think about what she want's to do because this baby is going to be in hosptial and she is going to be the one that is going to have to be there for the baby tell they figure out weather the baby is going to be adopted out or go with the bio father, and if not she is the one that is going to be up the creek for abandoning the baby at the hosptial.
My advise to you is to end it with this girl, she must not be all that serious about you if she was willing to go sleep with any joe blow when you were apart, get custody of your daughter and stay in her life but as for the mother I would be kicking that to the curb right fast. just my honest opionion though. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:15:36 PM | | Well huney, what a position to be in..but if you really loved your gf u would be able to get past raising another mans child, remember u can bond just as good..because its from birth. Anyway, u would make room in your house, lives if you truly loved this woman. The financial side of it may sound difficult i know, but if your working with kids u can get child tax credits, working tax credits to top up your wages..your gf can even get child care vouchers if she wanted to continue with her medical degree. Love can conquor all ..best of luck x | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:21:54 PM | Button, if you can't do the time then don't do the crime. We were not put here to just have babies anytime and anyway we want, and then just get rid of them!! I'm sure if they were "really" responsible they would have used protection. But if you use abortion and adoption as a means of birth control, then I guess trying "not" to get pregnant is no big deal right?
OP, if you do not want to raise another man's child (which no man should have to) then you chose the wrong girl to have kids by, because apparently she has another man's child. Why do you have to be with her? I am sure it is possible for you to take responsiblity and be a great father without being with a loose girl like that! | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:31:22 PM | I'm with Thinkinmansgirl..... why does she have a problem with the bio-dad taking the baby if she was willing to give the baby up for adoption anyways? Is it because he's actually stepping up and taking responsibility for his actions? Or because him and his wife are going to try making it work even though you and she won't?
I don't know any specifics about family law where you live, but it's very possible that bio-dad has no rights in this anyways... so it may be a non issue (which, I'd like to note, I don't agree with. He ought to have the same rights as bio-mom here).
Interesting thread I posted last year... which is rather relevant to this situation, although just north of your border: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6474764.aspx | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:55:16 PM | pride of la
Yes, the most responsible thing would have been not to get pregnant in the first place. Birth control or abstinence would prevent having to make such a tough decision, getting pregnant and dealing with making the right decisions for the child is a HUGE big deal.
But, if someone did make the mistake of unintentionally getting pregnant don't you think you should put the baby first? Everyone does make mistakes. You make it sound that if you get pregnant your punishment would to raise that baby no matter what. I think people that make decisions based on what is best for child are really responsible. If someone doesn't want children and they make the decision to give the child to good adoptive parents they are doing the baby a huge favor. I wouldn't want to be raised into a family that didn't want to take care of me in the first place.
There are so many people that want children and can provide a child with a good home and a world of opportunities. Many of those that can;t have children and would love to adopt.
It sounds to me that you would favor having someone that doesn't want to raise children but made a mistake raise them anyways. Rather than enriching the lives of a couple that would want to raise the child and enriching the life of the child by putting it in a stable home.
Parenting isn't a punishment for bad decisions. Parenting should be something that a mother (s) and/or father (s) do with love.... not resentment..... | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:45:01 PM |
Lots of men do, by BF is and he is a wonderful father and treats her and loves her as if she was his own. My father did as well and he was wonderful to me. Not everyone is so narrow minded.
If a man does not want to raise YOUR KID, it does not make him narrow minded! Your boyfriend is probably a wimpy co-dependent "nice" guy who doesn't realize that he got the short end of the stick. Aim your darts at the guy who got you pregnant and then wasn't man enough and too narrow minded to stick around and raise his family. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:54:08 PM | I think people that make decisions based on what is best for child are really responsible. If someone doesn't want children and they make the decision to give the child to good adoptive parents they are doing the baby a huge favor.
Common sense....will tell you that there is nothing about their decision that is/was responsible. What mistake did they make? I'm sure a grown single mom and a married man know how to use contraceptives. They just got in trouble and now want the easy way out. If she want's to go out and make babies, then she needs to learn how to be a mother. Maybe people are different, but my consiencous gets the best of me. And who say's that the adopted child is going to be soooo happy. Plenty of adopted kids grow up with abandonment issues. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:56:12 PM |
Aim your darts at the guy who got you pregnant and then wasn't man enough and too narrow minded to stick around and raise his family.
Actually her bio-father is in her life and does pay support. Maybe you should keep your ignorant-ass comments to yourself and not pass judgment on other when you dont know the situations.
I can understand that there are some men out there that do not want to raise another man's child, I got pissed at the fact that is was stated that NO man wants to raise another man's child. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:06:12 AM | Here's a thought, perhaps she wanted the baby to be adopted because of your attitude towards the baby. As you say, she doesn't work, so she's relying on you to take care of her and the baby you have together. Why are you even with her if you can't accept this baby? would you have turn your back if she had kept the baby if you didn't reunite til then?
It is wrong of her to give the baby away if teh father wants the baby. I think some guys panic when they are going to be fathers and not ready to either commit or be responsible, but in the end they will either step up or walk away, and this guy seems to step up, which your gf is not. I'm sure deep within your gf, she wants to keep the baby but won't because of you.
you just need to step back and do what's best for this baby... | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:41:55 AM | Pride of La
I'm going to have to address the 'no man wants to raise another mans child'. Which bit of Victorian England do you come from? Not being funny love, but you're 38, so meeting a man who has no children is pretty slim. So there may be a time where you have to consider 'raising another woman's child'.
I have two children, and whilst I don't 'need' any man to raise them, I would like to meet someone and have a relationship. If I do, that doesn't make them wimpy, or that they have the short straw, it means they have the enjoyment of a child rushing to show them a picture they drew - with pride, it shows they are of decent background, and are not so pretentious that they beleive that some vestel virgin has saved herself JUST for them. When I do meet someone, hell, I may even sleep with them, preferably before I die of old age!!!!
As for the 'loose woman' comment. How long exactly do you have to be celibate for before you are allowed by all to actually have some fun? Please let me know, as I would hate it to be 20 years, I'm nearly 40 now!!!
OP, I don't think your gf is loose at all, she is in a situation and a difficult situation at that. You have to decide whether you could live without her in your life, and if not, bite the bullet and enjoy your family - biological or not. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:48:54 AM | OP, There's nothing you can do, The damage has been done, just attempting to remove the child from your life is not going to remove the issue that has already happened .
Unfortunately, when you choose to be in a relationship with someone , you choose to accept whatever it is they are, so even though this child is not yours, the child is HERS. and if you choose HER then you choose this child, like it or not. You're also forgetting that even though there are no blood ties to you , this CHILD is your daughters BIOLOGICAL SIBLING.
The damage is done, it's not repairable, unless you can somehow change your state of mind on things. Either you accept it , and everything that goes along with it, or you refuse to accept it , and move on.  | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:08:49 AM | | Basically mate, shes an idiot for getting pregnant again in first place. Its her mess! And I agree why should you raise another mans child? Life is hard enough nowadays, and its the last thing you need in your life. ( another mans kid) Best thing is to get the kid adopted and move on with your lives together. She will think twice before dropping her knickers next time!! | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:35:00 AM | OP, I don't think your gf is loose at all, she is in a situation and a difficult situation at that.
I agree. Calling the woman a whore over and over again when we don't even know her is ridiculous. While she shouldn't have been sleeping with a married man, it happened. Other than that, she and the OP were broke up and it's not like she had 6 other illegitimate children running around already. It's her second child, not her twenty second for fecks sake.
OP, what about your daughter? Isn't she going to wonder why the baby didn't come home? I mean, she had to have obviously known her mother was having another baby.
Basically mate, shes an idiot for getting pregnant again in first place. Its her mess! And I agree why should you raise another mans child? Life is hard enough nowadays, and its the last thing you need in your life. ( another mans kid) Best thing is to get the kid adopted and move on with your lives together. She will think twice before dropping her knickers next time!!
This might very well be the worst piece of advice I have ever read here. No, he doesn't have to raise another mans child- he can pack up and move the hell on. Oh, and last I checked, she didn't get pregnant alone. Their relationship will never last now that this is happened. They can either drag out the pain or grow a couple pair and accept it. I think everyone in this train wreck of a situation needs to keep their knickers around their waists from now on. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:55:30 AM | Oh, and last I checked, she didn't get pregnant alone.
In respect to the OP, YES, SHE DID. Don't put responsibility on somebody who wasn't there.
Which of course doesn't mean I don't think the OP is an idiot by accepting her back.
And why are women thumping him with this "if you loved her" crap? Is that some kind of out-of-the-jail-free card allowing her to do every kind of crap on him without fear of the consequences? If it is so, why aren't they saying "if you loved him, you would accept him back even if he's a cheater/beater/junkie/whatever?
If SHE loved him, she wouldn't have gotten herself pregnant by another guy. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:52:17 AM | | i feel i need to get a little more specific to maybe get rid of some confusion, ok when i accepted her back into my life she told me she was pregnaut, I asked her what she was going to do and she told me she didnt know, so i backed off and didnt make a decision one way or the other on accepting her back or not. so a few weeks go by, we were living in seperate homes, she told me she was placing the baby up for adoption. I asked her why, and she told me that it had nothing to do with me, that it was because she thought it was the right thing to do for herself as well as the child, When she was with the bio-father they planned on keeping it because he was better off with his living situation, his father pays his bills, must be nice by the way. after she left him which til this day i really dont know why, and i dont really want to push the situation. Well I told her i wasnt sure about even taking her back after i found out about the adoption plans, i waited a few more weeks and came to the conclusion I would give it another try with her for the sake of the love i have for her and my daughter, we have been going to counciling for the last 2 months under the assumption the baby was going up for adoption, well the another night came when she went to the hospital for a case of pre-clamsea, she had the baby after inducing labor, she called the babies bio-father up to have him come up and sign the final adoption papers, he says he has changed his mind about the adoption and he wouldnt sign, in the state of md both parents have to sign adoption papers in order for an adoption to take place as long as you know who the father is, well like i said in the op, i am confused on how to help her thru the situation. I love this women with all my heart but I know for a fact i am not ready for another child whether its mine or not. I have always protected myself when it comes to sex since my first daughter was born to make sure I dont get her pregnaut again until were married and in a financial position to be able to afford another child. as far as this new baby goes and when i said what man wants to take care of another mans child, why would you say i am narrowed minded if i dont, its not like i meant a girl that already has a kid, this was my wife to be that got pregnaut by another man while we were broken up. I based my decision on taking her back on love and the fact that i wouldnt be raising his kid. now i dont think that makes me a bad person for not wanting to responsability for another mans kid. some of you have tried to make me feel like this kid is my responsability. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:34:38 AM |
In respect to the OP, YES, SHE DID. Don't put responsibility on somebody who wasn't there.
I WASN'T SO STOP YELLING AT ME. I meant the other dude. Everyone is so quick to tell a woman to keep her legs together and call her a whore, but she's not the only one who has responsibility in having sex. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:23:52 AM | this was my wife to be that got pregnaut by another man while we were broken up.
So your "wife to be" broke with you. In less than two months she found a substitute (a MARRIED man), and managed to get pregnant. Even less time, if we take in account the time needed to meet a guy, a few dates until have sex, a few sex sessions until getting pregnant. And the fact that the guy stayed means that it wasn't a ONS, but already a relationship. Probably she was single less than two or three weeks altogether after your breakup. So you were not only replaced, but easily replaced, at that.
Four months later, when the pregnancy is already visible, she decides to go back to you. The fact that the bio-father can't make a family with her (because of the small detail of him being already MARRIED) has nothing to do with her decision, I suppose, as well as the fact that she has no job.
You don't know why she left him (perhaps because he was MARRIED?), and I bet you don't know either why she went back to you (any port in a storm, I suppose).
Of course, you decide that well, what's a small pregnancy by another man between you and your "wife to be" and accept her back.
I have a name for that, starts with Ch and rhymes with Pump.
Everyone is so quick to tell a woman to keep her legs together and call her a whore, but she's not the only one who has responsibility in having sex.
Nobody is saying she's the only responsible one here. I think there are several choice words to say about the guy, but it doesn't mean she's not what she is. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:58:33 AM | First of all you will surely lose in this situation OP. Making a parent pick between a lover and a child is a losing bet. The resentment WILL drive you apart. Period end of subject
Next up on the plate, you two, as others have eluded too, are just a mess. What makes you so sure the child you are currently raising is yours? The way you two play hide the sausage all willy nilly is pretty dysfunctional! It could be anybodies child for all you know.
I say man up and quit being a punk little ****. Either you accept all of her or none of her, you don't get to pick and choose. Time for you to get a better job or move on. | |
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