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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:09:19 PM | First off I'd like to address some of the uncalled for crap that pours out the
mouths of individuals whom obviously spend their spare time judging people
they don't even know. Aren't these forums and threads for advice? How about
from single parent to single parent? I can't believe the names you are calling the
OP's girlfriend, seriously...she got pregnant, now maybe some contstructive critism
or advice, positive or nagetive would be better then bashing. For the record he obviously
loves his gf so show some gosh darn it respect to him at least....gesh.....
I think it was mentioned in the beginning to support her, i have to agree.
I can't say I know how you or your girlfriend feel, it must be a tough situation
to be in. I can't tell you what to do or feel either but people (yes every human being)
makes mistakes, shit happens. I'm not going to bash her for that, and clearly
she must be going through alot. I wouldn't say give up on her if she decides
to keep the child, any decision she makes will be hard on everyone but if your
meant to be together you can make it through this.
I'm not saying to raise another man's baby, I'm saying do what in your heart
feels right. That baby is part of her, and no matter what anyone thinks about
this situtation, the good the bad and the ugly....that's your family and you'll figure
it out. It won't be easy for anyone so stay as positive as you can.
Also to the person who said what man would want to raise another man's baby
needs to rethink where their posting such stupid ass comments. This is a single
parents forum/thread where the majority have "children" and are "single"
and are hoping to find other open like minded individuals for friends and/or dating
which leaves me to wonder why your here?
Also I agree that adoption was a wonderful choice, many great people who
can't have children would make great loving parents. Although everyone wonders
why she wouldn't just hand the baby over to the father, we'll never really know her reasoning
but perhaps the stop in the whole process gave her time to "think" and her mothering
instincts and uncondionital love just kicked in......who knows but it's possible she wants the
baby, it's not that easy to just hand your baby over even if it's the right thing to do......
just support, support, support,
and good luck to the both of you and the "blessing" of a child, not problem :)
GPH | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:29:27 PM | I think I said "both"!
Every child is a blessing no matter what the situation is, it's not the "childs"fault it was
born, seriously.
And yes, stranger things have happened and thank goodness for loving open minded individuals
on this planet ! things aren't just black or white.......add some color and brighten your day. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:58:49 PM |
she told me she was placing the baby up for adoption. I asked her why, and she told me that it had nothing to do with me, that it was because she thought it was the right thing to do for herself as well as the child,
When she was with the bio-father they planned on keeping it because he was better off with his living situation, his father pays his bills, must be nice by the way.
Mark, reread your statements. Notice anything a tad...off? | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:27:51 PM | I'm going to have to address the 'no man wants to raise another mans child'. Which bit of Victorian England do you come from? Not being funny love, but you're 38, so meeting a man who has no children is pretty slim. So there may be a time where you have to consider 'raising another woman's child'.
Clarey, I don't know what side of the tracks you live on, but where I'm from there are plenty of men in their 30's, 40's, and 50's who do not have children, who would love to meet a woman around their age that comes without another mans child. I meet them all the time because I seek that world to socialize in. You do not realize this because single parenthood is all around YOU. And believe me I will never consider raising another woman's child. I have no need to be second or third in my man's life behind his kids and his EX who he has permanently bonded with by having kids with her.
I have two children, and whilst I don't 'need' any man to raise them, I would like to meet someone and have a relationship. If I do, that doesn't make them wimpy, or that they have the short straw, it means they have the enjoyment of a child rushing to show them a picture they drew - with pride, it shows they are of decent background, and are not so pretentious that they beleive that some vestel virgin has saved herself JUST for them.
Clarey, if you think that when a man meets a woman with children that his frame of mind is "Oh I will have the enjoyment of a child rushing to show some picture they drew" you are greatly mistaken! What they see is a family they have to support financially, physically and emotionally, and it is a hard job. Children require constant attention and money. Any woman in the situation of single mom, will expect the man she is with to treat her children as their own.
Men are not being pretentious because they want a woman without children. She may not be a virgin, but to him she is his untouched flower who has not bonded with another man.
And I know plenty of men who are from a decent background who would not date a woman with children, especially Smart Successful Men who have a lot to lose.
OP, if she truly was the one for you (your soulmate) believe me getting pregnant by another guy would not have been an option. Is this type of woman really the girl of your dreams? If she doesn't want to be a mom to this child, why would she want to be a mom to the one she has already? Get a backbone and be strong enough to walk away. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:56:06 PM | | I read your dilema, first of all if your girlfriend doesn't want the biological father and his wife raise the child then are you sure she wants to give the child up for adoption or is she afraid of losing the man she loves (you) if she keeps the child. To make a woman choose will only be a problem in the future. So what I understand is that you won't stay with your girlfriend if she decides to raise the child. I am not judging, that is a decision only you can make. So say you stay together and down the road you meet a woman, she has no kids. You fall in love, but wait she says she can't be with you because you have a child by another woman. I am sure you would understand even though she broke your heart. Please remember a man is not a dad just because he is the biological father, it is the person that loves you unconditionally and keeps you safe. By the way who can afford kids now-a-days. Good luck with whatever your decision is. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:07:23 PM | | She was going to give it up for adoption anyways, so let the real birth father have it and maybe the wife can "adopt" it. Make sure she gets her rights signed off though so he doesn't come after you both for child support. If she wants to keep the baby though, and you can't handle it, she will have to live without you. Tuff spot to be in. I don't think I would give up my child for any "man" though blood is thicker then water. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:30:53 PM | To the ones who keep saying for him to do the math...why don't you do YOURS? If they broke u pin JULY and she got pregnant in Sept and just had the baby that would make her at around 35 gestational age (which would explain the low birth weight, etc). NOW, if the OP were the father, then the baby would have already been AT LEAST a month old...and if the baby was born at 35 weeks, the baby would be over 2 months old. And if she would have just now had the baby then she would have had to carry it at least 44-45 weeks and ANY doctor in his right mind would have induced a LONG time ago. So, all you math freaks out there....you just failed that question.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:26:10 PM | not trying to burst ya bubble or anything welder so dont take offense.... but the gestational age sometimes has nothing to do with how far along you actually were with some pregnancies.
I found out i was pregnant it was 8th Oct.... ultrasound stated i was 5 weeks... so that took me to have fallen early sept... my due date ranged from 3rd-7th july estimated by follow up ultrsounds. I gave birth 28th june... my gestation was at 38 weeks... and my son was born at 8.5 pounds.... same as my nephew he was 9 weeks early and weighed in at 2pound 9..... i also know people that have carried to full term and still had a 3-4 pound baby and their gestation was different due to the baby being small.....yes every pregnancy is different... same as every birth.... same as every child.
The OP's gf fell pregnant... when in sept we dont know... could have been mid to late august... we dont know.... but as stated above the OP said her and this bio father wanted to keep the baby.. if she wanted to keep the baby why would she give it up for adoption... if she truly didnt want to have the baby she could have aborted (each to their own on that personally im against abortions for myself but dont have a problem with people that do) unless it was too late to have one.
The OP sorry but i feel you knew what you were getting into when you took ya gf back.. you knew she was pregnant with another mans child... for you to say im not gonna raise another mans child is silly coz there would have been a 50/50 chance she could have changed her mind herself on the adoption after the birth..... this is something you will have to work out for yourself... to support her on this and stay with her... this will or may always haunt your relationship with your gf ... things might change and she may regret giving up the child and that could put tension on your relationship... this you have to deal with as well.....maybe both of you should go and sit on some meetings for parents that have lost their child and see how they handle life afterwards....... if you dont think you would be able to handle it... then dont prolong it and let her be.
i dont think any amount of advice would really be worthy of this situation...coz it comes down to what you feel is right in your heart and gut. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:40:31 AM |
Something like... him not being a factor in her decisions at all?
Like in, just being a life-support system, not a partner, not a love, even less a to-be-husband?
Pretty much nailed it, Rock.
Also, one minute...she's putting the child up for adoption. Next, when the bio-Dad shows interest in raising his child...WITH HIS WIFE, she's now reconsidering.
Maybe it's just me, but I sense a hint of malice/spite on her part... | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:14:51 PM | | to the last poster, she isnt the one that decided to reconsider, ok? the bio-father is the one that changed his mind, if she had it her way the adoption would still be on. where in any post did i say she changed her mind? the bio-father decided against it. but to put all this to rest, she decided she is going to the baby live with her father and wife and have visitation with the child. I am supporting her decision 100% and I will stand by her, she didnt make this decision for me, she decided adoption was the best choice before we started talking about getting back together which was my idea to begin with so she didnt come running back to me when she found out she was pregnaut. so leave it be a decision has been reached, and thanks to everyone that gave advice. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:18:48 PM |
where in any post did i say she changed her mind?
Maybe I misunderstood. Your initial post, which includes the below statement, seemed to imply otherwise.
Heres the problem, if she decides to keep this baby it wont work between us for a number of reasons.
Best of luck. | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:13:08 AM | Clarey, I don't know what side of the tracks you live on, but where I'm from there are plenty of men in their 30's, 40's, and 50's who do not have children, who would love to meet a woman around their age that comes without another mans child. I meet them all the time because I seek that world to socialize in You just read that again Pride-of-La.... there's so many men that would LOVE to meet a woman around their age that comes without another mans child. Just to confirm, you're still single aren't you? So being the perfect woman without having been violated by another male and procreating - looks like you're still not being 'snapped' up eh! You do not realize this because single parenthood is all around YOU. And believe me I will never consider raising another woman's child. I have no need to be second or third in my man's life behind his kids and his EX who he has permanently bonded with by having kids with her Single parenthood isn't all around me, you know nothing about me and my upbringing and my status, so don't try and assume from atop of your 'holier than thou' castle. I don't doubt for one moment that you wouldn't raise anyone elses child, or consider having to share a man with his offspring, because I don't think I have ever come across anyone so selfish, self-centred and needy - you don't have any consideration that you are not the most important person in the world, if not the axis, and the world does indeed revolve around you. In fact, I would recommend you don't have children, because then, the man of your dreams (who previously only gazed at you) would have to share his love! Selfishness personified. Clarey, if you think that when a man meets a woman with children that his frame of mind is "Oh I will have the enjoyment of a child rushing to show some picture they drew" you are greatly mistaken! Really? How do single parents ever meet anyone ever again? There was me thinking that people are kind, and accepting, but you, dear pride-of-la have shown me otherwise. What they see is a family they have to support financially, physically and emotionally, and it is a hard job. Its called teamwork, family, sharing. And as for supporting financially, are all these single parents without food, clothes and shelter before they find these imaginary men? I own a house worth over a quarter of a million pounds, I drive a very nice BMW and provide for my children solely on my own. I certainly don't need any 'financial support' from anyone in my life, and the few other single mums I know, are also self-supporting and independant. Jeez, you really are in some kind of time warp bubble aren't you. Children require constant attention and money. Do they??? Bugger me, that's where I'm going wrong then. Any woman in the situation of single mom, will expect the man she is with to treat her children as their own Any woman? I don't expect ANY man to treat my children as their own, but if they want to be with me, I expect them to be a positive influence on my children, and a positive role model. And I know plenty of men who are from a decent background who would not date a woman with children, especially Smart Successful Men who have a lot to lose.
I don't know which side of the tracks you live on, but where I live, in Britain, in a very nice area by the south coast, where smart successful men live, we tend to help each other, and care for each other and treat each other with respect. I am so glad I do not mix in your social circles, as I don't think I would be able to cope with conversing with ostentatious, conceited, self seeking personage, it would confuse me as I do not, as you so rightly pointed out, mix with the same kind of neandertholic thinking class.
OP So pleased you have reached a conclusion that everyone is comfortable with. Enjoy being with your gf and daughter x | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:18:09 AM | ^^^Oh my goodness^^^
sorry the above is really hard to read/understand. I will try and send you a private message about "quoting" and hopefully can help you out so you can get your point/opinion across more clearly.
I say don't give the slashing/bashing posters even the time of day, ignore them and hopefully they'll go away *wink*. (it's a plan/idea...hehehe)
GPH | |
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| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:03:26 PM | Posting again, as previously it was impossible to read, and I feel very strongly about the previous post from Pride-of-la la land.
Clarey, I don't know what side of the tracks you live on, but where I'm from there are plenty of men in their 30's, 40's, and 50's who do not have children, who would love to meet a woman around their age that comes without another mans child. I meet them all the time because I seek that world to socialize in
You just read that again Pride-of-La.... 'there's so many men that would LOVE to meet a woman around their age that comes without another mans child'. Just to confirm, you're still single aren't you? So being the perfect woman without having been violated by another male and procreating - looks like you're still not being 'snapped' up eh!
You do not realize this because single parenthood is all around YOU. And believe me I will never consider raising another woman's child. I have no need to be second or third in my man's life behind his kids and his EX who he has permanently bonded with by having kids with her
Single parenthood isn't all around me, you know nothing about me and my upbringing and my status, so don't try and assume from atop of your 'holier than thou' castle.
I don't doubt for one moment that you wouldn't raise anyone elses child, or consider having to share a man with his offspring, because I don't think I have ever come across anyone so selfish, self-centred and needy - you don't have any consideration that you are not the most important person in the world, if not the axis, and the world does indeed revolve around you. In fact, I would recommend you don't have children, because then, the man of your dreams (who previously only gazed at you) would have to share his love! Selfishness personified.
Clarey, if you think that when a man meets a woman with children that his frame of mind is "Oh I will have the enjoyment of a child rushing to show some picture they drew" you are greatly mistaken!
Really? How do single parents ever meet anyone ever again? There was me thinking that people are kind, and accepting, but you, dear pride-of-la have shown me otherwise.
What they see is a family they have to support financially, physically and emotionally, and it is a hard job.
Its called teamwork, family, sharing. And as for supporting financially, are all these single parents without food, clothes and shelter before they find these imaginary men? I own a house worth over a quarter of a million pounds, I drive a very nice BMW and provide for my children solely on my own. I certainly don't need any 'financial support' from anyone in my life, and the few other single mums I know, are also self-supporting and independant. Jeez, you really are in some kind of time warp bubble aren't you.
Children require constant attention and money.
Do they??? Bugger me, that's where I'm going wrong then.
Any woman in the situation of single mom, will expect the man she is with to treat her children as their own
Any woman? I don't expect ANY man to treat my children as their own, but if they want to be with me, I expect them to be a positive influence on my children, and a positive role model.
And I know plenty of men who are from a decent background who would not date a woman with children, especially Smart Successful Men who have a lot to lose.
I don't know which side of the tracks you live on, but where I live, in Britain, in a very nice area by the south coast, where smart successful men live, we tend to help each other, and care for each other and treat each other with respect. I am so glad I do not mix in your social circles, as I don't think I would be able to cope with conversing with ostentatious, conceited, self seeking personage, it would confuse me as I do not, as you so rightly pointed out, mix with the same kind of neandertholic thinking class.
OP So pleased you have reached a conclusion that everyone is comfortable with. Enjoy being with your gf and daughter x | |
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Grotty
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 71 | |
| my g/f just had a baby that she got pregnaut with while we were broken up
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:51:49 AM | Just a thought, to the people who think the OP is stupid for getting back together with his pregnant gf - he already has a 3yr old with her ?
And she wasnt going back to him simply for financial support with the new baby coz they were going to put it up for adoption.
So kudoes to the OP for trying, at least.
It would be nice if he could get past the "other blokes" kid thing (would he have gone out with her if she already had a kid?) , but it must be raw to have that happen only 2months after their breakup. | |
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Hewee
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Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 75 | |
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