| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:25:17 AM | Oops, I goofed. I assumed I couldreply right after yours , but evidently not. Sorry Java and Meeg.
BlueDad- I honestly have to say you have got to be one of the most expressive, kind men ever and thanks so much for your kind words. I do take all of this into consideration...and I am not turning my back on him at this time. His job over there is that of Lead Gunner ( ground) so his life now is a complete turnaround from when I met him. The man I knew was a teacher who worked with kids with traumatic brain injuries and Autism. He probably doesn't know who he is anymore and I understand that completely. I havent heard from him in 48 hours or so.....but if he calls I will be there to listen. The woman who catches you is going to be very, very lucky. My best to you.
Gideon- I am interested and listening. I understand your point completely. I know what his life over there is like and I have no problem with him having communication with other people. My concern is that he is telling me one thing and I see something else in a profile of another woman. I love him, my heart goes out to him, he is in my prayers and I know that my voice calms him. I was the one he called to take him to report in for active duty....and again the morning of his send off. I didnt turn my back on him then and I certainly won't now either. The reason we stopped all communication at all was for his safety, he felt I was too much of a distraction. I'm all about keeping him safe...and him coming HOME. But if it's going to be to the arms of another woman, I deserve to know that. I just want answers.
To Gideon...and all of you who have served our country...my heartfelt thanks to you for all that you have sacrificed for me and my family. God bless you always.
Friend~ | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:50:53 PM | I am not sure why I have not posted it in the first post but actually a younger sister of my college GF had a quite similar story in some way. I do not know all the details but here is what I know. Because she asked for our opinions. Both are in mid 20s.
They met on-line and he came across someone how really wants serious stuff. they started going very strong and she knew about his upcoming deployment. He suddenly told her that he doesn't want serious stuff not ready and etc but never mentioned the deployment was a reason. She assumed that it is because he is worrying about his military assignment (I actually thought the same as way as well). All i Know they were still talking and he still was doing websites and telling how much he wants to settle down to other women and how much he is ready and etc.....
He got deployed but never seriously got involved with anyone by then. He removed his profiles shortly before he left th US. She tried to e-mail on his personal and military addresses but never got any responses.
He contacted her when he came home (well and alive). But said he doesn't want anything serious because he is going back again in afew months. They saw each other and she found out that his profile showed up again with the same story how much he wants to setlle down, it is the right time for him and etc. Ocassionally he were e-mailing her on her personal address.
As far I understand she confronted him and broke up with him and during their last conversaton he said somthing like: " You are a smart girl. You finally figured out the game".
OUCH! | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:18:19 PM | Here's a little advice to you and anyone else: dating a guy in the military or who would even think about joining the military is downright STUPID.
The point of the military is to turn a human being into a killing machine . . . a tool for the man. Normal humans don't like killing things, so they have to dehumanize you to turn you into a killing machine. There is a very good reason why there is such a high percentage of spousal abuse in marriages where one member is in the military: VIOLENCE IS THEIR JOB AND PART OF THEIR DAILY LIFE. It is the very definition of military: problems between countries should be solved with violence and we need some dumb saps to do it for us.
Ok, so apart from being beaten, why else should you never date a guy in the military? How about the fact that he could get killed at any time? How about the fact that he could get deployed at any time? Do you really think that he'll just be celibate for 12 months . . . come on now.
Seriously, stay away from military guys. They are covered in red flags. | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:56:53 PM | Saw this last post and it almost made me sick. I wouldnt listen to this last post as its meaningless. You sir should be strapped to one of the tanks or any other piece of gear we have over there so you are hit before the guys who are actually there to die for your country.
On another note I agree with whats been posted, the one and only thing I could say is to be understanding. The kindness that represents will go a long way when it comes time for this man to return home.
Oh and im military and have never commited any type abuse against anyone Ive ever dated .. so your hypothesis on military and abuse isnt 100% accurate | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:47:16 PM | Ive said this several times when it comes to dating avoid military guys at all times. I dated them and I also served in the navy for 4 years. I see what happens when men married or not get into port. | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:53:37 PM | | When push comes to shove... it's more about you than him. I know that feeling of' that kick in the belly' when somebody you love deceives or betrays you. It's like a nausea that comes upon you. But always remember it's on him and not on you. You've done nothing wrong. And Nobody can make a fool of you ( you can only make a fool of yourself). Trust your judgements and if it feels like something is wrong - it probably is. Sounds like he's certainly burning one or more candles at both ends. I had a soldier scam in recent days. Are you sure he's really a soldier? Seriously. I took a pretty far run with mine; the secret mission, not able to supply an address or use a phone. Hopefully yours is 'for real' military. But even then, at best, he's confused and undestandably emotionally drained. Not the best case scenario for starting a relationship. Also - don't assume his character flew out the window because of stress. Some people just have no integrity PERIOD.. It might be wise to pull out now, and tell him to call you when he's settled in (wherever and whenever that may be). A responsible man will set up shop before engaging a woman for the future. | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:08:22 PM | Hi,
Whether he is in the military or not he is playing you.
Sorry you have been hurt. Not all guys in the military are like this. I am retired Air Force and deployed numerious times through out my career and always got word to my wife and avoided any situation that could even remotely resemble me cheating.
Go with your gut and don't waste your time, he isn't.
As for all the negative comments about the miltary. folks you are entiled to your opinion and all the folks serving make sure that you can freely express it.
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:11:48 PM | OP, it doesnt sound very good.
He says to you he just wants to be friends because he needs to focus on other things. I wonder what the other things really are.
I have a cousin in the British Navy who was in the Gulf War, he managed to email me daily and his wife and other members of family. The only time we didnt hear from him when there was a communication shut down.
Sounds like he is giving himself permission to play around by putting a 'friends tag' on you.
I seriously think you should email this girl, doesnt matter the dates dont add up, he may well have told her that in all his deception and she may well be paying out alot of money for a wedding that just isnt happening.
It doesnt matter what he is going thru, no one has a right to make you a doormat or hurt other people for their own personal gain.
If he is genuine, then letting this other women know you are about will help her back to reality.
I hope I am wrong but I foresee you posting to us again about "Why do men play games with our hearts" or "How can he be so cruel" | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:26:12 PM | I fail to see how anyone in the military since the revolutionary war has defended my right to my opinion. I also fail to see how killing innocent people in Iraq is "defending my country." Last time I checked, Iraq never attacked my country or me or did anything to me in any way that would jeopardize my supposed "freedom." You military guys sure are brainwashed and yes, I know that YOU have been convinced of all the catch phrases, "defending your country," "fighting to defend your freedom," "risking my life so that you can freely speak," but it's all BS. I would just, for once, like one of you to explain to me how going into a country that has never attacked ours accomplishes any of those prograndist goals. It doesn't. The military exists to serve the economic whims of the President and whatever he feels like he has to do to get reelected. You are all tools for the man.
So yeah, explain to me how your killing babies and women in Iraq allows me to speak freely or live freely please, thanks. Othewise, you're just spewing the propoganda they force down the throats of the uneducated in this country to get them to sign their souls away to the military. | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:48:49 AM |  Come on.... This guy was playing games with you before he was deployed. I stumbled across your new prof and this post. Based on information I had from before and what you posted here it sounds like the same ole stuff from him. Like I have told you before be wary of peoples whose actions dont match their words.
It sucks to get played but when you keep putting yourself back in the game, you have to expect the same results.
Its hard when you love the wrong person...but leaves no room for the right one to come into your life.... | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 7/28/2008 10:58:05 AM |
The point of the military is to turn a human being into a killing machine . . . a tool for the man.
Hello poster. I am one of those killing machines. I was trained using targets shaped like people, and I was taught the best way to get a knife out of a human body fast enough to kill another. I was taught to duck, shoot, run, and organize myself in a way that would allow me to act as an individual within a team. You may not understand that, but that's ok.
Every time you walk out of your house without showing your papers, Every time you see an 11 year old that has not already been raped, Everytime you speak english instead of japanese, Everytime you drive your car, everytime you see children in a public school instead of a brothel... you can thank one of those men and women who were willing to die to give you that right, those protections, and that freedom.
You're welcome. | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:58:32 AM | At first, I wasn't going to waste my time on this post. But then I realized that this was not about you. Others do not know why we have an army, and why we have a bill of rights.
You may not understand how those who are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan are protecting you and your children, but I do. I know because I’ve looked, read, and seen the why.
The First Barbary War, 1801 – 1809 was the first war that the United States fought that was not on it’s own soil. The Barbary wars, there were two of them, were causing those in the US some serious problems. They were faced with an enemy that casually pirated ships, killed crews, and often sold hostages back to the US for money to further their agenda.
Those in power at the time knew that there would be issues and that the US, against it’s better judgment, would eventually need to raise a standing army. Most people were terrified of standing armies, as they had run from countries that had them, and from countries that had used them to subjugate it’s own people. James Madison penned the “Bill of Rights” that prevented the federal government from taking away the most basic rights of every individual… The Bill of Rights protects the freedoms of speech, press, and religion; the right to keep and bear arms; the freedom of assembly; the freedom to petition. They prohibit unreasonable search and seizure; cruel and unusual punishment; and compelled self-incrimination. The Bill of Rights also prohibits Congress from making any law respecting establishment of religion and prohibits the Federal Government from depriving any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law. These were penned and passed to prevent the new standing army, the Marine Corps, from taking those rights away at the point of a gun.and from ceasing to be a group representing individuals and becoming a group that ruled individuals.
This is a quote from a number of sources. Citations available if requested.
…By 1783, America became solely responsible for the safety of its own commerce and citizens with the end of the Revolution. Without the means or the authority to field a naval force necessary to protect their ships in the Mediterranean, the nascent U.S. government took a pragmatic, but ultimately self-destructive route. In 1784, the United States Congress allocated money for payment of tribute to the Barbary pirates and instructed her British and French ambassadors (John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, respectively) to look for opportunities to negotiate peace treaties with the Barbary nations. Unfortunately, the price demanded for these treaties far exceeded the amount that Congress had budgeted.
In 1786, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams went to negotiate with Tripoli's envoy to London, Ambassador Sidi Haji Abdrahaman or (Sidi Haji Abdul Rahman Adja). Upon inquiring "concerning the ground of the pretensions to make war upon nations who had done them no injury", the ambassador replied:
It was written in their Koran, that all nations which had not acknowledged the Prophet were sinners, whom it was the right and duty of the faithful to plunder and enslave; and that every mussulman who was slain in this warfare was sure to go to paradise.
They still believe this.
Do you remember the US flags burning in the cities? Stories of Muslims killing US men and women for no reason? Do you not even remember recent history? I’ll not bother if you don’t. If this islamic woman hating hajib wearing, murdering sickness gains too much of a foothold in the world, then no place will be safe. | |
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| Guy deployed to Afghanistan & my heart is broken twice.
Posted: 7/28/2008 12:10:02 PM |
He asked me not to contact him during his tour, he felt that ongoing contact would only make it harder.I adored this man and I was falling in love. I wear a prayer bracelet on my arm that keeps him in my thoughts and prayers...and I certainly wouldn't do this for someone I am ambivalent about.
Well, I understand the sentiment, however in your own words is the answer you seek. You had the emotions, he clearly did not. Leave it at that. He's a game-player and a waste of your good time. Those types are what they are and you seem like a very sincere lady. The two don't mix, oil/water. Apples/oranges. 'Get rid of' versus 'a keeper.' You'd be a keeper for so many, why on earth mess with someone not of your ilk? Hard as it is, move on just like he likely has been. (And NEVER approach "the other woman/women" what purpose would that serve? Who needs the drama???  ) Good luck OP.  | |
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