| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:57:37 PM | It is the way society is wired!
If you are good, you are seen as needy or with a hidden agenda and this brings out the Flight mode in people. Nature hard wired us to go after what is not good for us, when you were a baby, your mother told you not to play with fire or anything hot, but you had to touch it.
If I see a woman who is good, my scram mode starts to tell me all that could be wrong with her as I try to run and keep running. For this reason, I prefer to chat with
Profiles with no Pictures so as to "see" who the real person is before seeing the face.
The irony of it all? The good woman is the same one who wants to see a picture of a man first and in the end, thinks she is overlooked..... This is a mirror effect of good men being overlooked too. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:27:42 PM | This goes both ways.........sometimes I have found that women overlook good men. Note that good does not mean boring. I'm a perfect example, and quite tired of being asked why I'm still single. By all means I'm good looking, speak well, dress exceptional, own my own place, have high goals, no past baggage or ex-drama. But somehow I still can't find a decent person that appreciates that. Even on pof, I get in touch with a few who I think are good catches. Thing is that they all have tonnes of favorites, and get attention from everyone else so it's hard for them to even know who is geniune and who's not. But I have come to a conclusion that the more one has to offer, the tougher their chances of finding a good mate. Reason being that you raise your expectations and being that most of us are used to being burned, our approach to someone good is always met with skepticism. I will be on pof until someone proves me wrong.
In a nutshell, I have good attitude and still believe in true companionship. Good luck to people still searching. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:56:02 PM | ^^^^^Exactly !
Men don't generally overlook that which we are attracted too!
Apparently, as I understand it, it's all about genes! Making sexy,
attractive offspring that in turn will attract attractive partners
and make more sexy, attractive offspring and so forth! | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:43:58 PM | | I have to agree with person121uk. I think a lot of times, and just for the record I didn't say 'all the time' or 'always', women say they want a good guy but they go right back to what hasn't worked in the past... and then place blame or wonder what happened. And YES, this does go both ways guys. But I think guys have to realize that while a lot of women say they want "honesty" most of all, the fact is that they aren't being honest with others (because of how it would appear) or maybe not honest with themselves about the fact that "looks" is really a primary reason in how they choose a guy. It comes down to chemistry nearly every time. I'm not judging anyone, just trying to throw another perspective out there and maybe help a few of my brothers. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:39:03 PM | | Just out of curiosity, Renaissance, if you've mostly dated women who are "attractive" and "good", why are you not still with one of them, rather than on POF still looking? | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:43:31 PM | I would say two things, first, have you read "The Power of Now" it really gets to the core of why relationships end in travesty.
Second, have you read "The Game"? I don't know if you are referring to why men overlook good women after they are in a relationship, but I think it may have to do with the nature of men (and the nature of women too), more generally speaking, the nature of attraction. We all want what we don't have. And seem to not appreciate what we do (including a good woman). | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/19/2008 11:33:45 PM | ~OP~ What I consider a "nice guy" isn't going to be what someone sees as a nice guy. Have you ever met someone you perceive as wonderful, yet their ex hates them and they hate their ex? That would indicate that at least one person on the planet doesn't think he's a good/nice guy/nice woman. I'm think I'm ok in the good woman department ~ that doesn't mean everyone that knows me would agree. I've lived a long time, I'm certain there are those who think I'm a royal pain in the azz ~ and that's OK, the sentiment is likely what I feel for them. It's all subjective.  | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 259 | |
| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:22:12 AM | Hmmm. I am 5'5", and sometimes wear heels, so I might be a bit taller at times. It's kind of hard to overlook me unless the man is really tall! 
Sorry. I couldn't resist being a smart-aleck. Take care to everyone from a reformed "good woman"...! | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:16:28 AM | | I disagree. Many women go beyond the surface. We are not as shallow as men. Remember the old adage: "Men 'love' with their eyes, women love with their ears". We privilege intangible qualities such as good character, intellect, listening skills, honesty, loyalty, emotional involvement, gentleness, reciprocity, help around the house, etc. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:39:14 AM | | Ive overlooked alot of good women, according to what is the agreed benchmark of what a good woman is. They are generous attentive, non judgemental and seem to have this unconditional love where anything is permitted as long as you love them back. They will bend over backwards for you, but theres always something that makes me stray from them. Of course Im not married so I cant say the other type of women out there have caught my attention for too long either. But if I was to ever settle down it would definitely be the types I have overlooked in my past. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:51:49 AM | Why do people keep confusing desired traits with attraction?
Unless it's those that don't generally have what triggers attraction
in the opposite sex!
I desire a woman that is financially responsible and intelligent!
However, when I talk to a healthy looking, tall slim blond, with
incredible hair, my mind goes blank! That's attraction! I can feel
that special chemical shooting through my body! She may be totally
financially irresponsible and dumb as a post, but my attraction
ISN'T a choice! It's hard wired for producing the best genes!
I would consider it, doing myself an incredible disservice to myself
and my partner if I wasn't with woman I felt a great deal of attraction
for! That would be worse then a second rate relationship in my opinion.
And these same people mentioned originally, wonder why their partners
have affairs or spend private time on their computers! They are looking
for that thing, that is missing in their relationships! ATTRACTION!
We may not want it to be that way, but that's the way humans have been
wired! | |
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gxa
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Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 263 | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 264 | |
| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:06:01 AM |
It's hard to imagine "overlooking" a foxy woman with a Master's degree. It's more a matter of being able to see all the way to Kansas.
Flattery will get you everywhere, Ren...! What's the quote attributed to Mae West? "Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere!"
Spoken by a truly reformed, former good woman!
PlasticSturgeon, I really believe there is a lot we can learn from your response. Isn't it possible for both men and women to be "good" (you don't beat animals; you are courteous and polite; etc.) and still have that particular spark of attraction that is so darned much fun? I think it is. Kind of like our infamous Nice Guy threads that pop up so often, a Good Woman thread can imply that if you are always self-sacrificing, the man will love you forever and ever.
Wrong. Enjoy flirting and attraction; do things for the other person because you want to; and don't ever, ever be a martyr or passive-aggressive to get what you want. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:18:53 AM | If you see things in terms of genetics and reproduction, many things
start to make sense! You also realize the cruel heartless nature of nature!
Many women find themselves single and with children! They've done their
thing! As far as nature goes, the only important objective has been achieved!
Nature could care less whether they are lonely til the day they die!
I've known more then a few women who were simply stunning in their
teens or early twenties. Hardly a man, wouldn't have wanted to mate
with them. In very short order, they became less then attractive. I'm
sure that this is no coincidence as far as natures purpose goes!
You can't fight nature! | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:56:41 AM | [Quote]I disagree. Many women go beyond the surface. We are not as shallow as men.[/Quote]
For the most part.....false. Women are mostly just the same a men. ..initially.
You would not message 5' 6" 400 lb half-bald man with the intentions of possible dating because he says all the right things in his profile.
The part about going beyond the surface happens AFTER you have met, for some other reason...maybe it was someone you work with. Or another single parent that you see at school activities, etc.
The same thing for men as well. Not many men go out looking for a 300 lb woman, but many of them are married or involved in LTR's. It's after you get to know the person that you can get past the looks and learn about what's inside. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:20:57 PM | overlooking is something women do, not paying attention to the characteristics that matter most.
men don't overlook good women but many will overlook those women whose character is such that they preferred to not take care of their body. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 2:29:04 PM | Is it that men or women overlook good people or is it that what might be a good person to u might not be to somebody else.    We all can be good to an extinct to catch somebody but give it time to know them an then u can really tell if they yo idea of a good person or not. Mentally an physically. like they say to each its own  | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:00:26 PM | Most men dont take the time out to REALLY get to know someone for who she is on the inside. Some women sometimes may look or give the impression an outer hard shell but on the inside, its a whole different story. Such as a huge heart and someone who has alot of herself to give to the right man. It just so happens that the man doesnt really take more than a first meet to "invest" in someone who has that potential. Half the time, men dont even realize this until its too late.
JMHO. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:22:02 PM | | We live in fast paced times. If a woman has a heart of gold but isnt marketing herself right, then she WILL be overlooked. Personally I give women 30mins to make a good impression, then she quickly drops into the friends only category. Not because she isnt nice, but because Im not in the business of drawing out that better side of her. A mature minded lady will always put her best foot forward, I can understand this searching for the caramel centre if she was a teenager, but after that? come on she has to step up to the mark, no excuses. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:31:57 AM |
Then, IME, I think people can tell on a first meet over dinner, if there is chemistry and a strong sense of connection and really wanting to know each other, or if there isn't. IME, that doesn't "develop over time". It's there, or it's not. So, you're right, if there isn't strong attraction and chemistry, there's not much point to a second date. That's what first meets are meant to find out, and it doesn't take 2 or more dates to figure out if "you're just not that into" each other, or if you're left feeling the next morning that you just can't wait to be with each other again.
Exactly why there are so many "nice guy" threads. Most men don't give relationships a chance unless the strong physical/chemical attraction exists from the beginning. Now, that's fine for really attractive people because if you have any kind of personality at all, you will inspire a desire for a second date. Still leaves everyone else out and for some people, it does take more than one date for that attraction to come.
I think one begins to understand that more and more as they age. In my 20's and 30's, I was pretty darn good-looking and so were lots and lots of men my age. Now, in my 40's, I am smart enough to know that I am less able to inspire that immediate "reaction" nor do most men in their 40's or 50's inspire it in me. If we don't become more willing to give someone a little more time so that we can actually get to know them, many of us will continue to remain single. Of course, it's only really a problem for those who really don't want to be single. For now, I'm fine with holding out for the physical attraction part. When I realize that I might have to give up on that, I'm certainly not going to come on here and complain about being overlooked (since I'm probably doing some overlooking myself!) | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/27/2008 3:48:07 PM | | There are no good women or men out there, only good humans. If you identify with your gender as who you are, then you will never have any fun. Stop playing these silly gender role games and get after it... | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:15:02 PM | The problem with this post is "good". Exactly what is a good woman or man? Of course, if there are good women (and men), exactly what makes a bad one? We need to know both sides of the track to give this question a fair answer. Generally posts like this one are nonsense.
The Eagle | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:09:00 PM | | k,good point......not always accurate,but a very good point.lets try something different,shall we?k,lets go above the level of the exterior and shot 4 some interior action.wanna?im a cute girl but i believe my heart is irrisistable,,,,, | |
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