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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:06:54 PM | I thought about this
if we turn this around - - - we all think that we are good people - - -
and can say this - - - - "why do women or men overlook a good man or woman"
which basically means - - - why doesn't she or he like me or want to go out with me.
I have heard stories from women about a man that they meet, he is wondering why she got up and left - - - going - - why does this good looking woman not want me ( a good man)
I have done the same with women - - - she shows up - - 100 lb's over weight(picture is old very old) , or is a smoker when I have clearly said - - I do not want anyone that smokes. She thinks she is a good woman and I go - - forget it. - - she might be but clearly not my type.
We all have done this - - - - - - to someone that thinks they are a good person and desirable - while they are clearly what the other is not interested in - - - -
and other reason is we do not always realize how we are coming off to the other person.
I have a buddy, old long time friend but his wife - - - oh boy, I swear if he was to record some of the conversations she has and plays them back - - she will be totally shocked at how she is coming off. - - - totally, the worst part of it is she thinks she is smart - - not realizing how she is really coming off. - - - - We are all this way in some way at some times. Just some are worst than others.
Jim P | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:30:02 PM | Whatsallthis:
"Would someone please define "good woman"? I have dated many different kinds of women, and many believe themselves to be 'good" when in fact they are all the same. They are all pretty much control freaks, they are always right, and it is always the man's fault. Some are just nicer about it than others. I would love to be proven wrong, but I'm not going to hold my breath."
Ironically I think you just answered what the OP may mean, and I admit I'm taking a liberty by assuming...I am none of the things you listed, I know several women who aren't and I'm assuming the OP isn't either: yet we're all getting passed by...
You realize you just said that's how all the women you meet, act?...well, we're standing right here but we get passed up all the damn time for the control freak/ men hating women, and I have to come to believe that man men LUV drama even when they won't admit it. If every woman you've dated has those characteristics, than yeah, we're asking you why you keep choosing those and not those of us who treat our men with repect and kindness the way WE would want to be treated...."good women".... | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:30:59 PM | I would just like to say that Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder....and we tend to pick who we are PHYSICALLY attracted to, not knowing for sure whether they are "good" people or not......but a lot of us take that gamble....based on chemistry. That is not to say that if you dont look good to someone, that you are a bad person....you just arent their type, and maybe they are missing out of something really good because they caved in to visual lust and attraction. I think we miss the good ones because we dont look beyond the exterior......and that is a shame.....and one of the major problems with dating and courtship. WE want what we are physically attracted to, whether it is good for us or not....and 9 times out of 10, it is not the best way to pick a suitable partner.
Ginger  | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:32:49 PM | | We were all suppose to learn by Kindergarden that being dishonest gets you nowhere in life. They really should fail a lot more kindergarden kids! And yea, all you people that think you can read between the lines and make judgements prematurely you are only losing out yourself! Anybody can blather on online and say what the f ever. Take the time to meet a few people face to face, a non commital short meeting and let the phermones do their thing. Even pictures can put people in a different light, good and bad, don't be so quick to judge. And some of you look in a mirror! Waste an hour or two now and then and see if you don't reap some benefits. What do you have to lose, but hey, be careful out there! | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:01:07 PM | | It is because some men like a whole lot of drama in their life. They crave it. For instance this guy I was interested in, I finally got the nerve to tell him and he wished that I had told him before he got involve woth some young girl he didnt mean him any good. She is just like his ex and also almost got him killed but he still fools with her. I am a virgin she is not, I believe my education comes first, she doesn't, I don;t believe in using men for their money she does. So he liked that more. But it is funny because some men not all of them will still say I cna't find a good woman when the whole time she is right there in his face he just want to turn a you know what into a good woman. Men you are not miracle workers, don't settle for less! | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:06:24 PM | | Well....that one little gal put it fairly good when she said men were after sluts.....Now, I don't want a slut, but I'll admit that I have been confused by a slut a time or two in my life......they just don't go around wearin' name badges and we just aint so smart. I need me that tall gal on them 3 inch heels that is lookin' over 'em all to point me in the right direction. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:36:56 PM | I think I am the epiphany of a good woman! I have had so many male friends that I have pumped the "info" for what they want in a woman! And the answer is:
EVERY GUY IS DIFFERENT!!
I'm even talking about the "player" type guys. Deep down everyone does want the "same" thing but everyone is different!
You can have- trust, communication, great sex, good looks, etc..
But we all are looking for the SAME thing and that is: SOMEONE WITH THE SAME LIFE GOALS that we personally have.
But every person has a different view of what that may be for them personally...
finding that match............is harder than finding a needle in a haystack!
But some people find it--and Wham! They have the True Love Syndrome.
I have been told men overlook good women because they in their eyes have been thru something that hurt them, and a "good woman" is just TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
She is overlooked, she could be standing naked and hot as hell in front of him, and if he has been burned, he may "do" her........but she then would be cast aside......he wouldn't even want to know what she thought of his bed.......or how good the sex was! haha | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:45:58 PM | studio.."Men are vsiual beings FIRST...When are you going to it?"
Oh,, we get that all right..What we dont get is their incessant complaints afterwards about who they picked based on them being so visual...Maybe they should rethink their decisions before complaining to good women they maybe should have picked in the first place... | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:12:58 AM | Author66, I think what you said is true. I have read almost all of the posts on this topic. First I would like to respond to those who want a definition of "good" man or woman. I think everyone knows what "good" means on this kind of website. It means someone is looking for a person who is kind, considerate, compassionate, loving, and giving. Okay? Next, I think everyone knows that both men and women "overlook". I have been on this site for quite awhile and have felt that I was passed over without the guy taking the time to get to know anything about me. Yeah, it hurt. But over time I did learn not to take it too personally. Then on the other hand, I have had almost all the guys who contacted me tell me how attractive my pictures were! Go figure. I have dated quite a few fellas off here. And what I found was most of them had no idea what they REALLY wanted, even though most of them had pretty clearly stated "wants" in their profiles. They are truly just "casting" their fishing poles (no joke meant here) in and seeing what bites. It does seem though, that a lot of men AND women are addicted to drama (arguments, scenes, jealousy, hurting and being hurt, etc.) Why is a good question. The few people who really want a sane, nurturing, healthy relationship are few and do get discouraged. I was getting VERY discouraged. In fact, I had decided to take my profile off. Then at the last minute, I happened upon a fella on THIS site (can you believe it???) who was kind, considerate, decent, great sense of humor, intelligent, and understanding. He had been through a lot emotionally himself with 2 very bad relationships, but he had mourned his losses and still had faith that finding a "good" woman was not impossible. And so we got together and its been wonderful every since. Our plans are to be partners for life. (Yeah, the "M" word!) So it can happen, even on this website, and with so many hurt and "damaged" people.
Aimi | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:44:16 AM | | Sue city Sue: rock on, I totally agree that you have to meet people. But, I have found that guys I wasn't all that attracted to in the first place, are even worse in person... But, I like kissing frogs, so it's no big deal :) | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:53:21 AM | I don't think it's true that men overlook good women.
The ones that complain (and we hear about in the forums all the time) are the ones that made bad choices or who just LIKE to complain period.
There's plenty of complainers. More than good people, I think.
If you gripe about things, that trumps your goodness and I no longer see you as a potential mate for me. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 11:43:27 AM | | renaissance..I know plenty of good women who are very romantic and sane and practical but alas, they arent considered "attractive" enough and remain alone and so the man misses out, chooses an insecure beautiful Barbie doll then spends the rest of his time with her complaning about her.... Some men need to rethink their view of "attractiveness" before complaining to those women like me who were never considered "good enough" to date long term but definitely good enough to whine to and demand attention and support and get intelligent, good advice from me when they needed it...We dont want to hear it.. Those men cant it both ways | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:33:28 PM | Because they can and we need to start calling them on their bullshit! Sorry, fellas, but this is a valid point and I know women are guilty of it,too.  | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:46:35 PM | | Most of the posts state that men are visual. They want someone to look good. What happens when a man reaches 60, 70, 80 years old? Does he throw aside someone his own age, because she has to look younger or better? If all you go on is looks.... no wonder cosmetic surgery is huge.... | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 1:52:46 PM | | What a sensible and true posting! I have just said the same to my ex of a mere four months ....... told him to get over his marriage first before trying to jump into another relationship to fill the void. It's just a pity he wasn't more honest and led me to believe he was alot further down the line. Still ...... least I now know what to look out for in a bed hopper! Life is just a process of learning. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 194 | |
| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/7/2008 4:04:58 PM | Well, I consider myself to be a "good woman." I also love to flirt, tease in a lighthearted way, have fun, and generally keep the sparks going between me and the guy. Could it be that men see the "good woman" in the same way women see the "nice man"? (Kind of boring, that is?)*
*ducking her head to avoid the brickbats flying toward her! | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:04:32 AM | | man 1950...I was making reference to men who choose looks over sanity and intelligence in women then complain about it to the more stable and intelligent women they see as "friends" to be "used" for support but not for a long term relationship. Maybe they should have taken a second look at who they choose because I hear numerous complaints from them about who they pick.....Im all for everyone choosing who they are attracted to BUT dont complain to me about your "choice" after the fact...Im not here to be men's emotional support after they overlooked me and wonder why they are so unhappy....Ive had that happen several times until I pulled away immediately....Thats called being used | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:23:50 AM |
I was making reference to men who choose looks over sanity and intelligence
Come on... I don't think men go looking for good looking psychos or dum dums....
And just because someone is NOT good looking in your viewpoint, doesn't mean they would be a better mate (more sane and/or intelligent)
All people complain about their last relationships... with no bearing as to how attractive they were. | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:01:34 AM | janet..."All people complain about their past relationships"...Not quite so simple.....They never made it to the relationship "stage"...I left way before then...Thats what I was talking about...
I do agree with you that those men dont consciously look for psychos or dum dums..Thats part of my complaint, their lack of awareness....They arent aware of what they are doing until after the fact, as least consciously...There are lots of warning signs they ignore...Until they are forced to open their eyes about the situation...I dont want to be there when they do and hear the complaints..Hence me making a fast exit | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:36:31 AM | Why Do Men Overlook Good Women...
You know, I'll be more likely to answer a question like this the day I encounter one that doesn't also work with the genders reversed  | |
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| Why Do Men Overlook Good Women?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:19:24 AM | Good and bad is a moral or ethical evaluation or judgement based on perception of what is morally right or wrong usually with consideration based upon religiouse beliefs or political indoctrination (laws) .
I think finding a partner with good moral practices is a consideration for most people but it is only one aspect, when choosing a companion. Some guys dont want a "good" girl. I had a buddy that wanted a "party girl" because he liked to go out and party. He certainly didnt want a girl that would try to drag him to church on a Sunday morning with a hangover.
I think the term compatibility is the real issue. People are seeking a person they are compatible with, thats shares the same basic likes and dislikes, likes to do the same things, a person they enjoy being around and spending time with. Another aspect of compatibility is physical attraction, personality, activities, profession, habits. So to make the argument that a person is overlooked because they are "good" is NOT a valid logical argument.
I realized when I moved down to a small town in the Bible belt, there are alot of religouse people here, does that make them "good" Their own Bible tells them that ONLY God or Jesus is qualified to Judge "judge not lest ye be judged" and that is what a determination of good and evil is, is a judgement, but I realized I certainly did NOT want a religouse fanatic for a girlfriend, she may be a real good person (by her own system of evaluation of good and evil I am not qualified to make that determination because I am not God). On the other hand I dont want a girl that lies, cheats and steals and breaks the law. I am not looking for a perfect girl, just one I enjoy being with.
* remember in Genesis when the serpent beguiled Eve and told her to eat from the tree of knowledge and "you shall be as gods, knowing good from evil" The biggest offence against God in the Bible is to JUDGE, to use what you think is knowledge to evaluate good and evil. It resulted in man being cast out of the garden of Eden in the Bible. In my opinion that is what makes Americans practicing Christian religion so hypocritical because they never figured out the biggest sin against God was - to judge (determine good from evil)
Now in the Political aspect of evaluation of good and evil, American govt as well as many others have emulated the Christian philosophy in religion, wherby it is the sole role of a JUDGE or MAGISTRATE to determine if an action is good or evil, and the system of evalution is NOT the bible in this case but the Law or laws. Now the police can speculate if a law has been broken and arrest them for it but a person is innocent of all evil until the action is evaluated by a judge or a jury under strict supervision and instruction of the judge and the judge still has the final say.
So to answer your question why do "good" people get overlooked - the answer is they are rejected as a partner because there is a lack of COMPATIBLITY in some area
and if you are believer in any religion based upon Christianity or its derivative (which most americans that practice religion are) you just offended God by calling anybody good or bad, because the role of judgement is Gods role and Gods solely. | |
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