eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:43:33 AM | Go ahead and drive...assuming he has a paid for hotel room for you...that way you both have some investment in the weekend. USE the hotel room. That doesn't mean that he can't spend the night if you want him too...but you at least have the safety net of being in a commercial establishment, etc., in case you run into problems. It gives you a safety zone to retreat to if you need it.
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:00:08 AM | this weekend i plan to drive to him, and stay weekend with him. Can anyone advise me on if its a good idea. What i should look out for etc.
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That sounds like an easygoing fun thing to do. Can you think of any reasons why not?
Heres a couple of things to remember for the trip, since you will be driving 500km and staying with a strange new man for the weekend you've never met.
a. I assume your auto-carriage is at least 90% tip top shape, check your tire pressure, change the oil first, wash it, and vacuum the carpets. Can it accelerate fast and do a 360 spin? If he's a gentleman, he will want to let you drive when you get there.
b1. bring condoms, probably throw in a few smalls too. I doubt you'll need any extra large.
b2. Also, I noticed on your profile you are in health, grab a can of Nonoxynol9 in case he has herpes or HPSV.
c. Make sure he gets you the proper address and directions, don't trust google maps, you may end up at an old abandoned warehouse.
d. Is there any way you can see an upclose good quality current picture of him..just so you can be sure its the same guy when you two meet. If his POF pics were real blurry, or really really good like mine, ask him to cam nude with you to see for sure, most POF guys will fall for that ladies guile.
e. Just in case you two hit it off with a lovers quarrel first thing, like maybe he accuses you of not being pretty enough, or says you can't stay, do you have pepper spray or a handgun?
f. Think about getting a gift for his wife in case you meet her accidently. No one likes empty handed house guests. She's probably tired of surprise visitors the way the house looks.
g. LEAVE A NOTE ON YOUR FRIGERATOR OR PILLOW, explaining where to and who you are going to meet, just in case you don't come back. I do this even for a local coffee meet up with a gal. There are a lot of psycho women on here, the golddiggers especially go off on me when I ask them to pay for the date, since I'm unemployed. I try to tell them that means I have more time for them.
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(((500 km away, 4 months of phone chats/IM'ing sounds about par for the course.
No local lads suitable then?)))
No doubt she lives in a small town and its hard to date, not many good men there for some reason.
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:24:35 AM | | Gosh, all I can say is that you are very brave. First of all, I definitely do NOT think it is safe to stay his home ... you haven't even met him yet! And despite 4 months of calls & messages, no matter how much you "like" him, and you now know him, I can't tell you how many times I have shown up to a meeting (ok, after just a few messages and/or calls, but the principle is the same) and found that there is NO chemistry whatsoever, despite how warm & fuzzy the emails and phone calls made me. People often don't look like their photos. And, even if they do, there is so much more to chemistry than just someone's exterior... mannerisms, personality, sense of humor, the way they dress, the way they carry themselves. How they treat other people (wait staff, strangers, etc.) What will happen if you arrive and find that you are totally unattracted? If you are still hellbent on going, please be sure to take a credit card and do research in advance so that you know where available hotels are in the area. By the way, why can't you both meet halfway and stay in different hotel rooms? You can still hang out together for the weekend & get to know one another in person, without being put in the situation of having to share living (bedroom) space soon after your first face-to-face meeting. Whatever happens, good luck to you and I hope it works out for you both. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:29:41 AM | | Wow, you are much braver than I am! I really think you should go with the general consensus here and have your own hotel room. If he turns out to be all that you expect and the physical chemistry is there then all is good, but if you have built this man up in your mind and you end up being a little disappointed then the awkwardness of leaving is not a problem. Four months of conversation is great and yes you do have a really good impression of who he is, but there is bound to be some surprises. You have seen only the moods that he has wanted you to see, there is more just below the surface. Be safe girlfriend. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:16:24 AM | | I agree with all this and all the others who say to be cautious. Plus I'd have a Plan B in case this doesn't fly. It's a long drive with high hopes only to be disappointed. Reserve a hotel room for yourself in case YOU need it for the ride back. You can always cancel. Give phone numbers to someone close to you and all the info you can so we don't hear about you on the evening news. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:53:49 AM | Wow...I can certainly understand people being leerie, but some of these replies are just plain silly! (and I am not sure that they are attempts at humor?!)
Olyman...
No doubt she lives in a small town and its hard to date, not many good men there for some reason.
Sometimes it just HAPPENS as such. I most certainly was not LOOKIN' to meet someone who lives a 2 hour drive away...it HAPPENED. We connected, clicked, and the rest is history in the making! LOL
BUT...if you are looking for someone in the same neighborhood, why waste your time on POF? Head to your local grcoery store, introduce yourself at a neighborhood watch meeting, or something?!
Someone suggested that the man was paying for her hotel...I think that while that would be a nice gesture, since SHE is making the trip...I would be more concerned with the reason behind planning such! After four months of regular conversations...you pretty much know what could happen....is he hiding something? I can honestly say that when I met my beau, I had every intention of "it" happening...and would have been slightly disappointed, had it not! LOL | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:07:24 AM | | I think if he is serious he should drive to you! Most men that live that far away are just looking for a quickie! They know they don't have to see u again cause u don't live in the same town and they figure if your staying it is a sure thing. Women I have talked to from their experience they go meet the guy they have sex and when they leave the guy doesn't talk to them again. If your looking for sex that is great but if u thought it was more then u get hurt. I get people asking me to drive to see them. I'm ole fashioned and think the man should come calling, not me chase him. I had one fly here from the hamptons to meet me. Just be careful and know what u want. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:11:16 AM |
Most men that live that far away are just looking for a quickie!
OMGawd...please do enlighten me of where these statistics are from?! Personal experience? Some of us DO know how to listen to red flags and have excellant intuitions, not to mention BRAINS, to know the difference!
Not to mention the obvious...if they were looking for a quickie...why spend all the time, money, and efforts of getting to know someone when they could get a quick lay by going to a bar in the next town?! No...4 months of investment is NOT a "quickie!" | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:21:11 AM | I love how nearly every woman on this thread has jumped on the "why can't he drive to see YOU" bandwagon before even bothering to scan two messages down for a follow-up post by the OP where she states:
down-2earthgal clarified::
He has offered many times, to come to me, but i live with my parents. So i insisted ill meet him.
A little quick on the gun, aren't we ladies...? 
Now to continue the topic, I agree with the sage counsel other posters have chimed in about getting a hotel room and meeting in a public place. Despite 4 months of "interaction", you don't know for sure if you'll actually click in person, a lot of us have had high hopes only to be disappointed by a flop meeting in the end... 
Meeting in a public place is a sound security measure whether you've met someone online or offline. The hotel puts things in your court as far as sex is concerned, if you want it by the end of the date, invite him to come back to you (don't disclose the location beforehand, just invite him to follow you there, or cab it together).
As for poster's claiming that "you don't know anything about the other person, even after chatting for 4 months online", well that is certainly true, but can be said for ANY person you date in real life or online. All you know is what they TELL you, and what you can independently corroborate via third parties, friends, family, etc. You could date someone you met in the bar for 4 months that has ball-faced lied to you every waking moment and dumped your trusting behind on the curb once they've had their fill, male OR female...
It's sad, but you have to use both your head and your heart as far as romance is concerned, and even then there are no guarantees you'll get it right... Best of luck OP, and to all!  | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:25:56 AM | Apologies, the expression I meant to say was "bare-faced lie", not "ball-faced..." ... 
Clearly I've been distracted by thinking about baseball... | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:28:51 AM | Excellent point, Tigerwoods, and one that I was going to mention earlier but had a brainfart moment! LOL
No matter the method of how you meet...you can never KNOW for sure...and heck...husbands end up killing their wives after years of MARRIAGE, for cripes sake! LOL So sometimes the length of time knowing someone, has nada to do with it! Not to mention, how many of you nay-sayers have actually went home with someone...you know, one night stand style...after meeting someone in a bar for an hour or so?! LOL
(And if you have NOT, yippee yippe yah yah to your morals! I really don't need to know!) | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:34:40 AM | Re the Opost
I think that the authors of posts 15 and 17 said it best and said it all.
An LD meet is not more risky per se as a local one. Only with the local one or a local person one has a perception of safety. He is indeed taking a chance by inviting someone else at his home. After 4 months of mails, chats and calls one should be able to know the other person to some extent, provided of course the chats were not all about the weather and giggles (I assume not)!!
Some people do behave as if they have been outside their hometown/villages! Makes one wonder! | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:41:54 AM | no. if you plan on staying, get your own hotel room.
why are you driving to him and why not both meeting in the middle?
just tell your friends where you are going and when you will be back, where you can be reached. because if you go to his house you are stuck.
Good luck. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:55:47 AM |
He has offered many times, to come to me, but i live with my parents. So i insisted ill meet him.
I read this and I read your question on your first post about does anyone think this is a good idea....and I have not looked at your profile, but my guts are telling me the reason you want to drive to him is because your parents would not approve of this arrangement to meet a man from the internet, never mind stay the night with him......hence your wanting to go to him and be free to do what you want.
And then you post this thread asking for advice if it's a good idea....as if we were your parents, in a strange way.
Honestly, I sense you don't think it's a good idea. Do you? And if you do, what is good about it? Can you see what isn't, as many here have tried to express? Also, why have you waited so very long to meet if he has offered to come to you so many times? Has he said he'd only come to you if he can spend the night with you?
Lastly, your last post here -
I know dangers lurk out there in cyberspace, none of us personally know each other. Just trying to work out if it is crazy or sort of ok to do.
Actually, the danger is not here in cyberspace at all....the danger potentially lurks in real life when and if cyberspace becomes reality and not 'virtuality'.
You next line shows your feelings about it - either it's crazy or sort of ok to do. Which means you believe it's sort of ok not to do it....which means you do have your doubts and if so, then perhaps don't do it, but find another way to meet this guy that you feel 100% doubt free about. Seems the wisest thing to do, doesn't it?? | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:58:37 AM | You've gotten plenty of good free advice. Earthgal please promise us all that you'll give us an update on how things went. Bad or good .
I hope he turns out to be as special as you think he is.
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:11:07 PM | Why can't you guys drive half way to each other...
This is one of the most torturous things about internet dating. You can meet people that live far away and hit it off and become really great friends and then reality sets in they live far away and you may never meet them. It is always good practice to just stick to talking with people that are within true dating range distance wise...Is just torture when they aren't...Many of us have made this mistake more than once.
(Keeps beating myself over the head with my own advise here I haven't taken yet...met so many great people on here that don't live close and would love to date)
Good luck | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:11:52 PM | | Like others have said, I think you should both drive halfway to somewhere but then have rooms in seperate hotels. Spend a weekend together and see if any chemistry happens. If you are both sincere you will both find this reasonable... | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:20:44 PM | I love how nearly every woman on this thread has jumped on the "why can't he drive to see YOU" bandwagon before even bothering to scan two messages down for a follow-up post by the OP where she states:
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Well Tiger, I think their point is, that this is all just plain weird (but weirdo things have happened off of POF). Who cares what their 'excuse' is. Its weird. Does her living with her parents who won't let him come over all of a sudden deserve our blessings? Not mine...I hope he at least sends her gas and hotel money. 350 miles is a long way for a single lady to drive to meet a stranger from the internet, dont ya think? | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:11:28 PM | "....350 miles is a long way for a single lady to drive to meet a stranger from the internet, dont ya think?..."
No, I do not think, but then, I am a feminist (and the lady is an adult, in 2008). Women cannot drive as well or as long as men??????
PS. Why not take plane and split the air fare bill? | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 5:13:36 PM | He better be taking you out for dinner and lunch every day if YOU are driving there.
Let someone KNOW where you're going and how long you'll be gone. Phone them every day to let them know things are okay. Nothing is more important than being safe. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:26:49 PM | OP, I do not think the way you're doing this is smart or safe. When I've met men from online, they always travel to where I am first, then if things go well we take turns traveling to see one another. For the first meeting, they stay in a hotel and I don't have them in my home even to visit; we meet somewhere very public and I always tell family or friends where I'm going and why.
I don't care how much you've chatted and talked on the phone ~ it is not a good idea for a woman to travel alone to meet a man from online, particularly in an unfamiliar place.
That is exactly how things happen that we hear about on the news. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:11:17 PM |
This weekend i plan to drive to him, and stay weekend with him.
Down to Earth
NO WAY!
HE should drive to meet you!
No gentleman in the world would conceive of even allowing his intended
to make a trip that far, knowing it's ramifications! | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:19:48 PM | happy compromise:
if you're willing to drive all that way to meet him, *he* can put you up in a hotel.
(fair's fair, right..?)
only you can say what you're comfortable with; if he respects you, he'll meet you 1/2 way on this.
definitely would reconsider staying w/a man you haven't met yet.... | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:20:51 PM | Oh Lordy...I know I am not ultra feminist...always thought I was a nice mix of Modern Millie and Miss Modern, but REALLY?! So now a poor little female should not be making this whopping...6 or 7 hour trip, all by her little self...and this pig of a man should be ashamed for letting her?!
Argh!
OP....Drive! And drive OVER the speed limit, too! :O) When you get about 10 miles from his house...stop to freshen up your make-up, breath, clothes, whatever...and then when he opens the door...flash him the biggest smile (cause you won't be able to stop it!) and give him a killer kiss! (Cause it will probably come naturally!) And enjoy your trip!! :O) | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:27:04 PM | | Nooooo... Have you ever met him before? You need to be careful. Find a neutral place to stay like a motel/hotel, for safety reasons. If you are persistant in staying, make sure that your family and friends know where you are, make sure that He does too..Give them a day and time of you getting there and home...Do the contacts thing regardless... | |
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