| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:28:59 PM | there's this thing that people do... they hide their bad qualities. like the qualities where they get extremely irritable, angry, and become an ***hole. say you get there and everything's fine, but he starts acting weird because he's nervous, or you're not willing to do with him what he wants to do with you, and he gets mad. not saying he's going to rape you, but do you want to be stuck in the house with somebody who is getting crazy/retarded? it happens...
my friend was dating a guy for 6 months, they met at work, knew each other for a year and a half... and out of the blue one night, he tried to rape her. she refused him sex, and he ripped her pants off of her and started beating her with them. it may not sound so bad, but she had a heavy belt on her pants, and he was swinging them by the legs, and she had marks and bruises all over her body from it. and this was a guy she has known for over a year and a half, dated for 6 months.... point is, you NEVER know. personally, i think there's something wrong with you, if you are unable to find somebody worth dating in your general area, and have to travel 300 or so miles away to find a single person to go on a date with, who you have never met. so, with that being said, the two of you have problems. hopefully your problems are compatible with each others, but god only knows. put a few redbulls in your car, so if things get weird you can just split and get far enough away to stay in a motel that he won't come looking for you in. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:29:03 PM |
I agreed *gasp* to let my honey come to my house and stay, for the first time we truly met, physically, too. I had absolutely NO DOUBTS about the safety, and I KNEW I wanted him to stay with me. Heck...I did not even leave his personal info with a friend or family member "just in case" something happened...because I had absolutely NO DOUBTS that nothing bad would occur.
Sorry but that's hugely naive thinking and you're just a very lucky woman that nothing happened to you. To not even have given his info to your friends/family was ridiculous and you took a huge risk. I'm amazed at how careless women are, absolutely no common sense. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:38:27 PM | Wutz...
I am mixed between LMAO and...well, LMAO! A) Naive is the LAST adjective that would be used to describe me by any of those who know me. I might think the best of folks, making me gullible to a degree...but because I am also extremely in tune with reading red flags, picking up on vibes, and am NOT one that is baffled by bullsh1t...I trust MY OWN judgments when it comes to MY OWN life.
So instead of blaming it on "luck"...how about giving the credit where it belongs and placing some emphasis on intellect, intuition, experience, and the ability to read people extremely well.
And as the post above yours points out...it can happen at ANY TIME. Six months later, a year and a half, or after 20 years of marriage...someone can suddenly be someone we only thought we knew. I have no intentions of living my life in chronic fear, thank you. And by the way...I have also decided NOT to meet someone in a similar situation because I had bad vibes about such. Thus why my initial reply to the OP (where is she, anyway?!) was that my concern was that she had concerns or doubts. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:39:56 PM |
The hotel puts things in your court as far as sex is concerned, if you want it by the end of the date, invite him to come back to you (don't disclose the location beforehand, just invite him to follow you there, or cab it together).
Tiger wood
No where did you factor in that OP is 500 miles from home, completely wide open
to this guy, hotel room is in HIS court, not hers as you stated.
He may have offered to reverse roles here, not good enough, he should have
INSISTED , for her safety, as she is not a martial arts trained individual.
You need to consider the real world , safety being paramount.
Taking someone along on a first meet , even in ones OWN backyard is advisable
nowadays, let alone 500 miles away.
Yeah I know...she's a BIG girl.......which works BOTH ways here......big enough to
understand that utilizing an ounce of caution is far better than a missing person. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:38:04 PM | | You are a cool but inexperienced woman. What took you so long. I would not have waited so long. I would have given you only a week. Life is short. Life is more like a sprint then a marathon. Now, go meet him. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:41:29 PM | I just noticed that the OP's marital status is "Prefer Not To Say". Perhaps it's not her parents that she lives with... maybe it's her husband. Could it be that our little down-2earthgal is having a weekend tryst while hubby's at home alone? Guess it would be hard to leave the new guy's phone number and address with the hubby, huh? Curiouser and curiouser... | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:57:01 PM | | When I met my hubby off the net, he was from USA, I met him at a greyhound station at 4am, brought him to my house, and he stayed with me a whole week. Most people would say what we did was "crazy" but frankly, we'd been dating online 3 months I had REAL feelings for him and TRUSTED him. If you are having doubt, don't do it. If you feel good, then trust your gut! | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:01:08 PM | No, I do not think, but then, I am a feminist
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I knew it! I could tell by looking at you Nick! What do your feminist organizations recommend re: young gals meeting guys on the internet? | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:27:05 AM | | not a good idea...you're letting your 'loins' speak for you.you're taking a huge risk and their could be danger...rent a room..plan on staying in it at least one night..then if eveything goes well..and your gut feeling says its ok..go ahead and bang your brains out.I didn't look to see your age..but i assume you're over 18.. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:41:16 AM | | Okay girlfriend, I flew across the country to meet a man and stay with him in Vancouver for the weekend. We were planning a future together. The difference is that he comes from my hometown though we had never met, that was one security feature because I had members of his family to connect with beforehand. But, I went in total faith and I had a wonderful weekend. The fact that things didn't work out for us was another matter. I say, have a plan B like you seem to already have, and have faith in yourself, in your own judgement. Don't listen to the naysayers. Bon voyage....you have CAA don't you? Act :) | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:45:22 AM | | ya run like hell from the men on pof lol. they all seem to want something from the woman. maybe not all of them..but there is shitload that do. be very careful in whom you choose. you just make sure next time he does the traveling to you. if you are the one doing the traveling all the time its a red flag that just screams loser. It says ok she can put all the wear and tear on her car, she can be the one who is out all the gas money. be careful. its not bad that you are going to travel to him if you think you really like him. but keep in mind the driving should be shared. you know what crosses my mind anytime the man wasnts to drive a long distance is taht he has no care whatsoever if i break down and am alone. I probably shouldn't feel that way but it does cross my mind. then the question what kind of man does that make him. I dont base my life off it but it does cross the mind. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:00:00 AM | If your intent on going..........Make sure that you have a hotel room, that HE is paying for. Dont invite him to your room!!!!!!!!!!! Go out and get to know each other, because trust me at this point you dont. As someone already said, give someone all the info and check in with someone every 6 to 8 hours while away. Your safety should be your primary concern when you are away, and given its not your territory make sure when you go out its in a public place.
I realize that he has offered to come to your area, and that should have been the case. He could have rented a room just as has been suggested you do. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:34:14 AM | I'm going to guess that you've driven that kind of distance before and you have a well maintained car, so the drive isn't much of an issue. The fact that he has offered to drive to you seems to tell me something that quite a few others have seems to have missed, he does care about the relationship. I wouldn't want to stay at his house right off the bat, that would be way too much, too soon. Others have said stuff about him just "looking for a quicky", I won't worry much about that, I've known some players & guys that do go out looking for a one nighter and I can't imagine one of them investing the time to chat daily and exchange email with someone for a week much less 4 months.
I don't really think the internet/pof is full of perverts and by now if the guy hasn't sent you some off the wall crap, I'd be willing to bet the house that he isn't a pervert/nut. I would not be surprise though if you didn't hit it off as well as you hope, thats why their are so many people single. There are lots of people you can know and talk to, a much fewer number of these people that you want to call friends, and a much,much fewer number of these that you would want to share your life with. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:37:51 AM | | kittenshere, I've been on several forums that you have been active on and I can't for the life of me figure out why you are on a dating site, it can't be to meet men. From what I've read you don't like us. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:58:33 AM | Sheesh...I have got to agree with QuietCowboy! Kittens...I am appalled that you remain on a dating site, with such a lousy attitude!  "They all want something from the woman?!" Yeah...I think the vast majority want the same thing the women want...to find someone compatible, whatever their requirements! Sheesh!
you just make sure next time he does the traveling to you. if you are the one doing the traveling all the time its a red flag that just screams loser.
Actually, she EXPLAINED why SHE is doing the driving...she lives at home and is not keen on having him over at her parents! Maybe she just PREFERS such.
It says ok she can put all the wear and tear on her car, she can be the one who is out all the gas money. be careful. its not bad that you are going to travel to him if you think you really like him. but keep in mind the driving should be shared. you know what crosses my mind anytime the man wasnts to drive a long distance is taht he has no care whatsoever if i break down and am alone.
What if he is giving her gas money? What if she has the newer or more economical car? What if there is more to do in his town? What if it's more logical for her to go to his home because maybe he has obligations that he still has to meet, but she does not? There are a 1000 what ifs!
I PREFER to drive to my honey's because he has a huge old house that requires a lot of upkeep and maintenance. The little time that he gets to do such, is mostly the weekends. So I much rather be there with him, than have him here and stressed out about what needs to be done, or pressured to get everything done before leaving for my place. It's also a great way to learn even more about a person and their character, when you get to see them in their own environment. And frankly...it's a getaway for me that I enjoy! As far as the travelling expenses...for me, it cost $50 round trip...for him, over double that! And who says the MAN is the only one who should be investing in the relationship?! I mean, this is for ME, too...my gosh!
And thank you QuietCowboy for mentioning what I already did....that your typical or average "player" is NOT going to emotionally invest 4 months to get a piece of ass! People are here to meet a quality person that they can, hopefully spend their lives with! This becomes more valuable, and YES, an investment...especially as you get older and realize that it is hard to find someone with the character traits that you desire. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:12:27 AM | | well of course I like men. just like u men have to watch out for certain kinds of women so do us women have to watch out for certain kinds of men. it works both ways ya know. And I didnt accuse all men of being bad , I said not all of them. There is nothing wrong with her traveling to him. I do not put down on men unless its deserving. In most of the post i have responded in badly its becuaes the man was asshole. so dont try to make me out to be something im not. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:24:15 AM | | But it did reek negative vibes...and you said "maybe not all...but there are a sh1tload of them" when I think the majority are the good guys...the minority are the sh1ts. :O) | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:29:17 AM | | well my apologies to you and any other man who feels offended by my post. I am not speaking of you personally. I cannot speak of somene that I do not know personally. I simply want women to be careful. all I do know is that what I have met off here has been a huge disappointment. Does not in any way mean they are all bad. that wouldnt make any sense for me to say such a thing. after all, Im still here which means I have not gave up on meeting a wonderful man regardless of what I have met so far. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:13:04 AM |
well my apologies to you and any other man who feels offended by my post
Any other man?! Me no man...me woman! ;O) LOL
Not offended...just made observation and commented...after all, this is a forum for discussion! (And I am bored out of my mind, taking a break from cleaning my carpets!) LOL | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:25:39 PM | First of all congrats on finding someone who has captured your attention. Only you will know if it is a good idea or not. Go with you gut instinct. Have fun and whatever happens happens. Dont go with set expectations because you may be let down. Go with the intentions of having fun and then just roll with it.
I know personally I took the risk and drove 2 hrs one way to meet a guy. I was very unsure of how things were going to go. To my surprise they went better than ever could be expected and I am still with that guy today. Relationships take time especially ones at a great distance. If you keep an open mind, communicate well and both want things to continue then why not. Go have fun and enjoy!!
Congrats and Good Luck | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:11:51 PM | In all fairness, this is a 30 something year old woman posting here.
And they have been communicating for a long time. So I believe it is her right to do as she deems fit.
OK, I do think it would be be better if he had the nuts to come and visit her, and even spring for a hotel nearby. But, apparently , it isn't working out that way.
I mean....think about it...how are they ever going to meet?
somebody has to bust a move.
I say go for it....with one caveat....check online for nearby hotels...and book a room for yourself....just in case something feels awkward, then , you have a place to stay, but, if things are going well, then just cancel your reservation.
baddabing
~~~~~~~~~~~ "kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 2:41:42 PM | Two things.. I'd have him come to where I was and stay in a hotel or I would stay in a hotel..
But last poster got it right you seem to be having doubts .. that is a bad sign. | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 2:46:06 PM | | are you serious? this is how movies are made, if you really insist on driving to him, get a room at a local hotel, and get to know him in person before you plan on spending anytime in his house. don't think you want to be on the nightly news. he could be a really nice guy, but use your brain for a second and just be a little more cautious, there are alot of wack jobs out there..be safe | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:36:29 PM | | How about you guys meet half way that way it knocks out all the driving. Yeah and yall should do a public date first to get the feel of each other | |
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| Advice on meeting a man from POF
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:16:01 PM | What to do? Meeting a man or woman on POF............................................................
For a long time I had been talking through email to the odd guy here. Those guys wanted to meet A.S.A.P. and had no comprehension of the need for creating a safety net for women, meaning letting a woman know they are safe to be with. If they don't we are responsible for creating our own.
down-2earthgal I have been speaking to a man for 4 months. He lives 500km away. We chatted on MSN messenger every night and many phone calls. This weekend i plan to drive to him, and stay weekend with him. Can anyone advise me on if its a good idea. What i should look out for etc. // The fact that you are asking for advice after four months conversation with this man is a blinking red light. I think you had better talk a little more before you go riding off to the sun set. He has offered many times, to come to me, but i live with my parents. So i insisted ill meet him.//
You know what girl. If you have to hide this relationship from anyone for any reason especially your "parents' you are headed for a fall. You are not being fair to him or yourself. If you really care about this guy have him stay in a hotel near you and introduce him to your parents! You don't need ideas on how to be a sneak!
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