| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:24:10 PM | She's not going to change and if you leave her she'll just find someone else who will pay her way
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:35:33 PM | While I guess it's a "plus" that if she's not working, at least she's spending most of her time cleaning her house as opposed to other, more worthless pursuits, I still hate to say it OP but...she's too young to NOT be working. That's not meant to sound condescending since I'm a decade older than both of you at all. But, she's an able-bodied adult, so there's really no good reason that she shouldn't be working. Whether she's preparing for a "stay at home mom" role or not, the fact is, she's NOT a mom yet, so she really has no reason to be staying at home and not working right now. And if this was going to be her future role, it should be something that's openly discussed and agreed upon by both of you.
Really though, how messy could her house possibly get, if she's cleaning it so often anyway?? So that excuse doesn't wash. Some posters have said it's too soon for you to question her on things like this, but really, I think this is the perfect time. You don't know each other that well yet, and first (or should I say "newish") impressions can last a lifetime. If this woman isn't interested in pulling her own weight, and that's not something that you're looking for, then it's a good thing that you're discovering this now. Statistically, financial issues play a huge part many relationships breaking down, so if you're already resenting her lack of ambition this soon, then it doesn't bode well for a future living together and possible children, etc.
I would talk to her, but I probably wouldn't issue an ultimatum or be rude about it. I would tell her that you think it's maybe too soon for the two of you to live together, and that she should get her ducks in a row first, get a stable job and organize her life a bit first. I'm old and crotchety, but that's my best two cents.   | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/21/2008 7:43:19 PM | You're still in the "honeymoon phase" after only two months. I'd put off making any big decisions, like moving in together, till at least after the six-month mark, and that's even assuming things are going smoothly. With an issue like this on the table right out of the starting gate, I think you really need to slow things down some.
For what it's worth, I couldn't get involved with someone who refused to work, and really I much prefer to be with someone who has her own career and financial goals. I don't expect anyone to support me, and I don't want to support someone else. I worked my way through school, I get up and go to work every morning whether I want to or not. I don't think that's asking too much of any adult. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:18:10 PM | Sorry OP, but I do mean to clobber this decrep "woman" of yours...' But I am going to anyway. ~
Try CHILD...That word is a more fitting. She is FAR from a woman.
OP says: "I've tried to bring this up with her but it always ends in her saying "I know WAY more about being unemployed and looking for jobs than you". ( WOW, that is such a GREAT quality to have ~ too bad she can not keep those jobs... This is already pathetic) When I try to offer advice it leads to further arguments, and at this point we've agreed to simply not discuss her job searching. This seems to be perfect for her as she can now do nothing but clean her apparenment all day while watching sappy DVD's and not feel guilty for it (before you berate me for not considering cleaning real work, I'd be happy to clean after I got home from work if it meant her getting a job).
Ummmm...Try this out for size OP...make the letter "L" with your thumb and pointer finger~slap that up to her head and BINGO!!! You got it!! Let us say it all together!! LOSER!
She is a sorry, lazy, pathetic woman. She is looking for YOU to pay her bills and take care of her. Pick her jobless, sorry azz up and throw it to the curb...she is costing you $$ and stress...who needs a sorry azz, needy , pathetic , decrep?
I know I don't...I am guessing you don't either.
That is such a deal breaker quality in a person...Someone who uses lame, worn out excuses because they can not rise above to the occasion and take care of themselves ~ Why work? YA? WHY? When they can live off of other people...DISGUSTING... There should be a place for these " I refuse to grow up and take care of me people ~ name it "Decrep Island" this would be the place for these sad exuses of human beings...They can all sit together and have nothing ~ Hell, they made it that way ~ now they should live it.
PFFTTTTTT........................ Be gone with that panty waste. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:10:34 AM | Ya, maybe you should leave her and find a **** of a woman who works 9-5. The one that comes home pissy and asks you why the hell is the house so dirty. She will have your ass cleaning the house as she takes off her heels. And where is her dinner? You better get your ass in that kitchen boy, this woman has worked all day just like you, and probably harder. Oh ya, and don't even think of touching her sweet spot, the boss took care of that on her lunch break. Sounds like joy to me.
You're with this chick every damn day, who cares if you pay for food? It's not like she's in a moo moo, sleeping until noon and asking you to pay her bills. That would be different  | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:39:12 AM | I sat her down last night and told her we needed to talk - her face went white.
When I told her I still liked her but decided not to move in together she was visibly... relieved. I think she thought I was ending it (I'm not the easiest guy to read and she could tell somethings been on my mind for a while).
So, if the first two months of the relationship are an indication of how the rest will go this is not the girl for me.
That being said, I'm now in a position where I can give her the benefit of the doubt for a few more months and see if this really was just a slump for her. She makes me happy when were together and that's rare for me... I'm pickier with women than I have a right to be, so for the time being I'm putting any perceived 'faults' aside and just enjoying my time with her (which wasnt possible with looming financial decisions in the near future).
While I did not expect this thread to get so big so fast, I'm happy to have brought a not-so-redundant topic to the table and really appreciate how helpful most of you have been.
Chris | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:49:58 AM | Whewwww kid....narrow escape! Glad I read all three pages before posting. I was afraid that in 10 years I'd see yet another post from a guy who marries a bum and 10 years and 2 kids later comes back whinning about alimony and child support!
You guys have got to stop feeling guilty for expecting a woman to pull her weight. I'm so tired of hearing it.....that I'm really tempted to start telling them...hey, you married the lazy B1tch.....then YOU support her for life....I'm tired of carrying these deadbeats (via public assistance). When the alimony and child support runs out....then the taxpayers have to carry her.
LOL! from now on I'm telling men.....you EVER tell a woman...."ohhhh, don't worry baby..I'll take care of you".....then DO IT til you choke on it! EMPLOYED PEOPLE need to start a revolution! NO DEADBEATS! | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:26:57 AM | You guys have got to stop feeling guilty for expecting a woman to pull her weight.... you married the lazy B1tch.....then YOU support her for life....I'm tired of carrying these deadbeats (via public assistance). ...LOL! .....you EVER tell a woman...."ohhhh, don't worry baby..I'll take care of you".....then DO IT til you choke on it! EMPLOYED PEOPLE need to start a revolution! NO DEADBEATS!
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That is the most eye opening thought I've read on POF in 10 days (sorry to: the OP re the expertly unemployable girl, the CL platonic pal that turned into a non kissing pushy pleasurer, the young lady driving 500Km across AU to meet a stranger, the guy who really believes himself that "every single available woman is taken", about 200 dudes in the last 10 days who think all women are playing headgames and they aren't that hot to begin with, all the drunk ones who can't figure out why they had a fight and brokeup again, the hillarious middle aged women who seem light years ahead of most middle aged guys here ~well me at least~, and the three other guys in forums who can reply to a post who seem to understand relationships...
Anyways, I digress. As a man divorced now for 13 years, I remember back in 1989 telling my soon to be exwife "MOVE UP HERE AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORK". Of course I was at the really naive young age of 30 and had been drinking (hmm). Of course guess what, Yeah, you ladies know I know what...About a month later I asked her "so do you think you'll be able to get a teaching job soon, we could save that money to buy a house with...."
Guys, don't promise her anything, except to love her....and don't have kids until you are SURE YOU LOVE HER and CAN AFFORD LIFE! Yeah, a little sperm here there everywhere, and B-O-O-M three or more lives affected forever.
The OP has it easy right now.........Please reassure your GF you do love her, write her a poem DON'T BUY HER ANYTHING, and take her for a romantic walk and YOU DON'T TALK about moving in..of course, I am sure a level headed young lady like her will bring it up about 1/2 hr after you meet tonite..........Watcha gonna do? Call Ghostbusters?
If she really loves you, she will have a job by this time next week, and keep it for a long long time...Are there any employment resources centers you could write down the info for her..OH WAIT, THAT'S WHAT I DID FOR THE EX I PROMISED SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE TO WORK...She really really resented that...she wanted to be a "momma" and hang wicker on the wall. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:31:11 AM |
OH WAIT, THAT'S WHAT I DID FOR THE EX I PROMISED SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE TO WORK...She really really resented that...she wanted to be a "momma" and hang wicker on the wall. That's easy enough to address Olyman.....tell her that YOU can't be a dadda and work.....ohhhh wait...that's right....you never got her drunk enough to tell you that you didn't have to work. LOL! I feel for ya dude.....but I didn't give birth to her....didn't sleep with her and I'm still sick of paying for her dang food stamps!
I do agree on one point.....
Please reassure your GF you do love her, write her a poem DON'T BUY HER ANYTHING, and take her for a romantic walk and YOU DON'T TALK about moving in..of course, I am sure a level headed young lady like her will bring it up about 1/2 hr after you meet tonite... No Ghostbusters required, if she leaves a toothbrush, either throw it in the trash or hand her a bill for storage rental. IF she loved him.....the next week she'd have a job and not only pay the storage bill...but also carry in a few bags of groceries (that she paid for) and new matching toothbrushed for BOTH of them. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:37:59 PM | | You made the right decision not to move in with your girlfriend and you're very wise to expect your future partner(s) to pull their own weight. It's so important to be able to trust your partner to be reliable and also to know they actually care enough to give you 100% support when needed. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:53:29 PM | Simple...If she doesn't want to pull her own weight, and expects the man to do it...and you're not into that....then it's time to tell her, "Happy Trails...I don't ride down that thar path, Sweetie!" | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:21:27 AM | One more thing...and I KNOW I'll get a shoe thrown at me for this...
A handful of women say, "I want to be independant...and do my own thing, blaze my own trail..." (etc) .... and then they soon find out that it’s easier to spend a man’s money then earn their own, and they think that actually having to do the sort of work that men do is more oppressive than just shacking up with one and catching a short cut up the lifestyle ladder...
I can't help it...but that's the way it is...Sorry if the truth hurts... | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:31:32 AM |
I'm now in a position where I can give her the benefit of the doubt for a few more months and see if this really was just a slump for her.
Good for you, cktoronto. Now show resolve and "stick" with it. If she doesn't show radical, "sustained" change (not show stuff in order to just string you along, then once you make a commitment she reverts back to old ways) -- move on. I'm sure you have feelings for her and it'll be painful, but the alternative is to be bled dry and used up like an old tissue. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:52:29 AM | | oh grow up and be a man. if you cannot accept her not wanting to work thats ur problme ..not hers . boy if your love for her is based off whether or not she works then she dont need you. what a man. your best bet is to let her go so she can find a real man. you know the kind that know what love is. will love her unconditoinal becuaes his heart aches for her. and since your not married to her its none of you busienss if she gets a job or not. You dont like it..by all mean leave and quit whinning | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:03:51 AM |
oh grow up and be a man. if you cannot accept her not wanting to work thats ur problme ..not hers . boy if your love for her is based off whether or not she works then she dont need you. what a man. your best bet is to let her go so she can find a real man. you know the kind that know what love is. will love her unconditoinal becuaes his heart aches for her.
I let's what happens with a few subtle changes:
oh grow up and be a woman. if you cannot accept him not wanting to work thats ur problme ..not his . boy if your love for him is based off whether or not he works then he dont need you. what a woman. your best bet is to let him go so he can find a real woman. you know the kind that know what love is. will love him unconditoinal becuaes her heart aches for him
Absurd.... | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:04:28 AM | | its the man job to have a job. and if he dont nwat to work no thats his problme cause im out of there. its a man's duty to work. thats how God intented it. now if he was married to her and htey needed the money to make it ya of course she can get a job and help but to hear a man complain over some girl he is not even married to is sickening. her making money is more important to him than she is? please. do you thinki if she had a job she would give her money to you??? I think not. however i do agree that she needs to get a job and work for herself ..NOT FOR YOU. Doesnt sound like you would know what love was if u tripped and fell over it. you saying u love her is a joke. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:05:36 AM | Better let all those feminists know.
It's not just about jobs or if money is "more important" either, it's about being taken advantage of, and letting feelings blind you and becoming a doormat. MARRIED or NOT, here, let's try this:
oh grow up and be a woman. if you cannot accept him not wanting to be faithful to you thats ur problme ..not his . boy if your love for him is based off whether or not he is faithful to you, then he dont need you. what a woman. your best bet is to let him go so he can find a real woman. you know the kind that know what love is. will love him unconditoinal becuaes her heart aches for him
So absurd..
do you thinki if she had a job she would give her money to you??? I think not.
Then why should HE give her HIS money?
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 69 | |
| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:14:35 AM |
refusing to do anything that wasnt specified in her interview
so what, what does her union say?
what’s the big deal here? If it was looked at from the other side, …’you weren’t employed to do this’….. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:16:14 AM | CK, glad to see the talk went well.
I could see her wanting to stay home, if she had small children. I did this for 10 yrs. But my ex made enough money that allowed me to do this, and we agreed as a couple that this would be best.
Now I am on my own, injured, and fighting to stay at work. I cannot survive if I don't work. And if I cannot stay at my current job, I have a back up plan, and am going to school to learn a new occupation.
I think you are right to take it slow, and not move in with her. While it feels right now, what if it doesn't in August?
Good luck! | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:35:41 AM | its the man job to have a job. and if he dont nwat to work no thats his problme cause im out of there. its a man's duty to work. thats how God intented it.
Oh Gawd, that just set womanhood back about 100 years...lol. Why not just add: And a woman's "job" is to be in the kitchen, barefoot, pregnant, pamper her man, and give him anything he desires on "demand"....lol | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:45:20 AM | however i do agree that she needs to get a job and work for herself ..NOT FOR YOU.Doesnt sound like you would know what love was if u tripped and fell over it.
Living together and SHARING EXPENSES is her working for him how?? They are both contributing to the financial aspect of the relationship, and neither is being the doormat. Sounds to me like you're saying that if he isn't her financial doormat, he doesn't love her. If he doesn't allow himself to be used, he doesn't know what love is.
Absurd. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:50:42 AM | Kittenshere, I really don't know what to say, your comments make me so sad.
Equality, and more specifically womens rights have come such a long way in your lifetime yet at 41 you still perceive a womans place to be in the kitchen. By your logic wed soon strip women of the right to vote.
My issue here is done, but Kitten you need some help.
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:58:49 AM | | I dont vote anyway. so would i care? no. I didnt ask for women's right either. I dont need help....you do if u base a relationshiop off whether or not she has job. the man is the supporter always has been and always will be in my eyes. now I myself will work. I had two jobs working 15 hrs a day at one time. But I would not give any of money to a man and a real man would not ask me for it. now if i were married to him ..different story my money woudl be used for whatever we needed it for but u sir are not married to that woman. in fact you hardly know her. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:14:27 AM |
Kitten you need some help.
I'm sure there are men out there that believe women are just a means for children, meals and clean homes. Perhaps Kitten will meet one, and they'll be perfect for each other.
I think it's ok if YOU feel you should be a housewife and stay home - long as you're not preaching it to all women, as in this day and age, women all now get to choose what path we want to take... | |
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