| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:05:10 AM | | Firstly my man, you have not stated the living arrangements as to her place or your place, after you have moved in together. If she shuts you down about her finding work well then either tell her how exactly how feel about the siuation, and that it has to change, otherwise face consequences both of you and it won't be pretty. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:07:32 AM | If she has NO income, none. How does she pay her way? Op said she pays her own rent, he just pays for food and another poster mentioned he is probably eating that food being with her day and night.
She must have some income.
This seems all a little weird to me. She is 25yrs and OP has been in her life for 2 months, therefore she has managed her life pre OP. Did she work then or did she live with someone else? She must have some capabilities and be responsible or she wouldnt be able to get a lease on a place.
Anyway, you shouldnt be with someone that doesnt have the same values as yourself, recipe for disaster. Your work ethics are obviously different from hers.
Personally, I like women that are homemakers, the idea of being looked after appeals to me. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:24:50 AM | ^^^^^the OP already explained what she's surviving on................"birthday money." What a winner! Guess the money is running out.
Personally, I like women that are homemakers, the idea of being looked after appeals to me.
So really, you're not looking for an equal/partner - you're looking for a Mommy. That's rich. Good luck with that. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:30:19 AM | Several of you have asked for clarification on exactly how she paid her rent before we met. As far as I understand it:
- She had a full time administrative job for about 3 months prior to us meeting. Wel say January to March. Today I learned that during this time she asked for and received a substantial amount of money from her father.
- She was employed the first week we dated before getting fired. She found another job about 3 weeks later and lasted a week there before being fired. Her reason was 'the boss doesn't like me' but after numerous discussions I've learned she simply didnt want to do grunt work, or any menial task that wasnt specified in her interview.
LittleAudrey - I disagree with your thinking that basic housework is equivalent to a full time job, but when you add a child into that equation i believe housework + child is considerably MORE work than a full time job.
Cassandra - You're right, I shouldnt be forcing a square peg into a round whole but I've never dated a dependant of any kind before and didn't think I'd have issue with it. This relationship has taught me that I do, at least right now in part because...
Kitten - at what point did I indicate how much I make? I could be working for minimum wage for 12 hours a day.
This thread has essentially turned into a debate on whether a womans place can still be a homemaker if she wants it to be. I'm sure in 20 years I would do anything for a woman like this, but at this stage in my life I am cautiously seeking a partner that can contribute to a down payment on a house, take a vacation to Australia with me or even a road trip to Detroit for a Stanley Cup game.  I don't need a woman with a single cent in her bank account, I just need to feel like the motivation is there to do more than spend night after night on the couch in front of the TV. I myself am still in debt from a gambling problem I had when I was younger, for those interested in my financial situation, but I seem quite good at borrowing money and paying it back quickly. 
As far as my opinion on what now seems to be this thread subject, if you're a woman without a child that finds a man willing to support you unconditionally great, but as you may be learning from my situation it would be prudent to have a backup plan. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:31:19 AM | watznottolove
awwww thats nasty.
I prefer the old tradition so in your opinion I am looking for a mommy....your just rude lady and I'm sure all those women that like that role in life would love to know you think they are in a parent child relationship.
No Im a man that loved a women that looked after me and she loved a man that looked after her. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:31:37 AM | CK, (msg 87) While I very much like your compassionate approach - reveals how kindhearted you are - her going back home may actually be very good for her. Depends, I suppose, on her mother's attitude; whether her mother will be another enabler or a catalyst for change and growth. Sometimes we need the breakdowns until we hit a rockbottom to find the "stuff" to get out of our own way and begin to make things happen in our lives.
With good fortune, this will give her some stress free time to rethink and regroup, perhaps even find herself along with her feet.
A wise person once told me that, with some exceptions of course, whatever problems one has in ones life are there for a reason, because one allows them or needs them - often as a shield to protect one from looking at oneself. The thinking goes... if the problem or the story wasn't useful to you, you'd get rid of it.
She isn't settled on who she is or what type of work she wants to do. As long as she has her problems of "can't find work", or "getting fired" she doesn't need to take a serious look at what she does want/need. Maybe she will continue to dither on this until she faces some hard truths and takes a look at who she is really and what she wants to happen in her life really. Until then, my guess is she will continue to play at life.
We are all, each one of us, fumbling along the wall in the dark searching for the light switch. Let her find it. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:33:04 AM |
- She had a full time administrative job for about 3 months prior to us meeting. Wel say January to March. Today I learned that during this time she asked for and received a substantial amount of money from her father.
- She was employed the first week we dated before getting fired. She found another job about 3 weeks later and lasted a week there before being fired. Her reason was 'the boss doesn't like me' but after numerous discussions I've learned she simply didnt want to do grunt work, or any menial task that wasnt specified in her interview.
So really, to sum it up - a spoiled little loser with a sense of entitlement and superiority. And now she's movin' back home to leech off Mommy. Ugh. A disgrace as a woman and inhabitant of our planet. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:51:01 AM | So really, to sum it up - a spoiled little loser with a sense of entitlement and superiority. And now she's movin' back home to leech off Mommy. Ugh. A disgrace as a woman and inhabitant of our planet.
ouch...a little immature maybe but sheesh. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:54:34 AM | ItsMargo has touched on a central part of this that hasnt been mentioned yet - her mother.
While her mother is a very nice and pleasant woman, shes also lived off the man shes been with for 12 years and has a casual, carefree attitude towards most of life. My girlfriends best friend and confidant is her mom and this is part of what concerns me.
On the flipside, my mother is single and works her butt off daily just to pay her bills since my father left.
Maybe the idea that we (men) are attracted to women alot like our mothers is not so far off (please don't interperate that in a sick way, if you've read this thread you know what I mean). | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:57:29 AM | OP
It sounds like you have made your point and from your own posts it sounds like she needs to exit your life immediately. It seems very important and you have something very specific in mind and she is NOT it, in fact she is the polar opposite of what you want.
I would drop her and try and learn what you did in the situation to be attracted to a woman like this so you don't repeat this next time.
You do have to remember that in order to attract the type of woman you want, you first must have that attribute yourself or close to it. That will make attracting those similar attributes much easier. Also with time you will be able to spot the leeches of the world fairly easily but that will take time. They tend to be good at "distracting" you with whatever they feel you need the most whether it be intense emotional attraction or a piece of @ss. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:33:48 PM |
While her mother is a very nice and pleasant woman, shes also lived off the man shes been with for 12 years and has a casual, carefree attitude towards most of life. My girlfriends best friend and confidant is her mom and this is part of what concerns me.
CK, you can't save them from themselves. As much as you might like to, you can't. Rationally, you know this. Each of us do get many of our values and approach to life from our parents.
If her mum has lived off a man, and your g/f sees that as a viable way-of-being, you know that is what you're cued up for. ... and that isn't what you say you want in a life partner. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:16:21 PM | To be honest, this woman's personality is set. The enablement may and will stop at some point, but she's gonna be fighting having to work her whole life. That means welfare or some poor schmuck is gonna get sucked into supporting her lazy ass.
There's a weed in every lawn and this root goes deep. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:52:40 PM |
The worst part of this is that I'm sharing my problems with you all like its a big deal, and in comparison to her problems its nothing. Shes at rock bottom and I don't know how to be more helpful without my chequebook, and even that is only a bandaid solution.
CK, the rock bottom she has hit, is of her own doing. She is the one who chose not to stay at any of those jobs, and as you stated before "for foolish reasons".
I could see you wanting to help her if it were a situation like mine. I injured my shoulder 7 months ago. I do light duty at my office, receive a small workman's compensation check, and my child support. Not nearly enough to pay the bills, but I do what I can with what I have. I don't want the man I am dating to help me financially. Emotional support is enough...listen to me gripe a bit.
My situation is nothing I could have controlled...it happened in a split second. And now I am at the mercy of doctor's to figure out what might get better, or what I will be limited in.
Just know that you gave her the best you could. If she chooses to still see you, great. If not, take time to heal and move on. You did all you could. And you handled it well. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 2:38:44 PM | | if her work ethic is this bad, think of what she will be like if you marry this woman | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:18:00 PM | It couldn't be any clearer that she doesn't want to work and she wants someone -be it a boyfriend, parent, sugar daddy - to take care of her.
If someone paid all my expenses I'd sit at home and keep the house nice and tidy too.
Well, maybe not, cuz that would get awfully boring...
It bugs me you pay for her food but she pays for her clothes and make-up. Why the f*ck is she buying that stuff if she isn't working? Those are luxuries that come with earning money for extras. If she can't afford food, she shouldn't be buying clothes!
Good luck, it seems you are sticking up for her way more now so I guess you're stuck. Just don't come back whining to us when she drops you for someone who makes more money and can buy her anything her heart desires and he doesn't resent her for it.
It sounds like she wants a sugar daddy - is she hott enough for for that?? | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:35:05 PM |
It bugs me you pay for her food but she pays for her clothes and make-up. Why the f*ck is she buying that stuff if she isn't working? Those are luxuries that come with earning money for extras. If she can't afford food, she shouldn't be buying clothes!
 exactly! | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:56:17 PM | The first thing I want to say is that being a housewife, to me, is equal to working outside the home.
Your kidding right. At home you can take a break whenever you want eat when you want and not have someone telling you what to do. Working at home is no where as hard as going to work. I would love to stay at home it is almost like doing nothing. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:23:27 PM | | darknight have you ever heard the song "Mr Mom" i think you need to listen to it. its by lonestar | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:32:05 PM | A woman always says she doesn't want a man...she's got to support...
Well...the knife cuts both ways...I don't want a woman I have to support either! | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:33:52 PM | | its a man's duty . get off ur high horse and act like a man. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:35:08 PM | | ^^^ what's a man's duty? - to support a woman? What, are women feeble little dolts who were put on this earth to do nothing but bake toll-house cookies and clip coupons? Support your own damn self! | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:54:26 PM | | I have the perfect solution to this problem. If she likes to be a caretaker and homemaker, maybe you could encourage her to do this for a living. There are great nanny positions available and some pay pretty well. There are also situations where she could take care of disabled or elderly people. She may enjoy something like that if she genuinely liked the people she was working with. Everyone has to do some kind of work for a living, but why go against the grain? Personally, I hate work, so I make a living at doing a lot of things I enjoy--massage, housepainting, pet sitting, and a little office work to buy the groceries. There's gotta be something she enjoys that she could make money at. Maybe you could motivate her that way, instead of in a more negative way. On the other hand, you could just stop paying her way, and then she won't have a choice. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:10:55 PM | its not attitude i have an idea though, why dont u men pay us women for doing ur laundry, cooking for you, keeping ur home clean and everyting eslse we do for you. I think if we have to have a great paying job , u can be the one to pay us.
I figure if the men are gonna act crayz on here why not me too. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:15:22 PM | So really, you're not looking for an equal/partner - you're looking for a Mommy. That's rich. Good luck with that.
and if he is happy and she is happy this matters how? | |
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