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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:15:20 AM | Here you wrote:
Sigh...such a trite and tiresome sentence, A Fortiori
Standard reply to a woman who has the nerve to debate a man.
They start hitting below the belt with stuff like this when the kitchen is getting a bit hot.
And in the other thread you wrote:
That was an incredibly hateful and spiteful reply. To write all of that shows me that there is something wrong in your attitude towards women . Something very scary.
What a serious case of cognitive dissonance. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:25:28 AM | You know...rock hunter
I like to debate situations and topics reasonably...
If you look at why I said that to A Fortiori, you will see that he made a personal remark to me that had nothing to do with the topic I was debating. I simply had said to him that nobody had the right to expect someone to change for them. Please read my posts regarding that before you make opinions that inflame. The Mods don't like this kind of thing. Neither do I.
As for the 2nd comment, if you read loonytunz post and my post previous, you will see that he was "over the top" in his direct vitriol against a woman.
Again, my remarks were in reply to direct vicious attacks personally to me.
If you want to make an issue about this, I will ask the Mods to take a look at some of the angry men direct attacks on here.
Debate reasonably and on topic.
Thank you. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:05:53 AM | She sounds like my last bf (except for the cleaning part)
He quits left and right. He borrowed a lot of money from me ( has never returned so much as a penny) and preferred that to having someone see him in a job that was "beneath him"
well PFFTTT
what it is, is laziness pure and simple.
People like that have excuse for EVERYTHING under the sun.
Yes you have let her become financially dependant on you. No matter how much you talk about it, she has no reason to get a job as long as you provide for her now does she?
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:38:30 AM | I like to debate situations and topics reasonably...
Well, when are you going to start?
You see, "you hate men" and "you hate women" are two sides of the same coin. You can't make an issue of somebody using one, while you at the same time use the other.
Again, my remarks were in reply to direct vicious attacks personally to me.
I've read your posts, dear. You're attacking men, making disparaging comments, calling men narcissists and abusers, and generally being the champion of the "poor women are always victims of evil men" crowd.
Anyway, your threat about the mods is quite revealing. Others haven't called the mods about your comments, have they? Besides, you're supposed to be a strong, independent woman. Stop expecting others will handle your fights for you.
Debate reasonably and on topic.
Ok, then stop using commonplaces such as "you don't like a woman who has the nerve to debate a man". It's only an admission of lack of arguments and a feeble attempt to garner sympathy. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:35:35 PM | op said "I've tried to bring this up with her but it always ends in her saying "I know WAY more about being unemployed and looking for jobs than you". When I try to offer advice it leads to further arguments, and at this point we've agreed to simply not discuss her job searching. This seems to be perfect for her as she can now do nothing but clean her apparenment all day while watching sappy DVD's and not feel guilty for it (before you berate me for not considering cleaning real work, I'd be happy to clean after I got home from work if it meant her getting a job)."
You've been in a relationship for 2 months, and are already living together. ???? Who'se idea was that?
Sounds like laziness on her part. She is a leach, living off you. Normal to feel resentment when someone uses you. You had better be careful or she will wind up pregnant and have an excuse to not work, and you'll be stuck with the girl for a long long time. Tell her she may know more about unemployment and looking for jobs, but now she has to learn about employment, and keeping a job. Its what adults do.
I have a sister who has always depended on someone else to take care of her. She worked one night as a stock clerk, but it was too stressful, putting the packages of diapers on the shelf. She is in a unhappy relationship, but feels like she has no other options, cause she cant, wont, work. They live week to week, or day to day, financially, electric and phone get cut off routinely. I get hit up for money quite frequently. Yet she does nothing to help herself. I think any adult should at least be able to take care of themselves. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:17:35 PM | | sorry, i thought the comment in OPs original post about he would be glad to come home and help with the housework, meant they were already living together. Op, if you dont like the situation you are in, change the situation you are in. Dont be her enabler. Why in the world would you buy her food? | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:55:45 PM |
As for the 2nd comment, if you read loonytunz post and my post previous, you will see that he was "over the top" in his direct vitriol against a woman.
Again, my remarks were in reply to direct vicious attacks personally to me.
If you want to make an issue about this, I will ask the Mods to take a look at some of the angry men direct attacks on here.
Debate reasonably and on topic.
Really I had only suggested that you be accountable for yourself. And like the OP of this thread I find the no sense of responsibility for oneself thing repugnant.
Explain if you will how suggesting that someone who claims to be making decent money for herself, engaged to a wealth executive can defend logically the need for spousal support from someone else that you once had a relationship with. This was all something you brought into a thread discussing the implications of palimony, you tried to use an unrelated personal example as justification and were called on it period.
So rockhunters observation is very valid.
P.S> If you are engaged to a wealthy executive as you claim elsewhere, does he know you are still on POF?
Oh and for the record I am fine with women that will debate with me without having to resort to the victim card when they have nothing to back up their stance. And there are a number of those here aswell.
OP: Those are red flags galore, she is who she is. And if that is an unmotivated lazy person you will never change that, so avoid the frustration and head for the door. Unless of course you like the thought of a future with 3 kids at home (the 2 you have with her and you wife/partner).
You say you want an equal then go find one, they are out there. It just takes more patience to find them since they will be busy with work and their own other obligations just like you are. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:21:59 PM |
This was all something you brought into a thread discussing the implications of palimony, you tried to use an unrelated personal example as justification and were called on it period.
She was? I can no longer find this thread and can only assume it was pulled by the mods, so we'll never know who got called on what.
Y'kow, for the most part I love PoF and the forums. There are some cool people at this site.
That said, I see a disturbing prevalence of men who seem to be terrified that 98% of women intend to use sex / trad gender roles to seriously infiltrate his wallet.
Guys, regardless of what you may want to believe, relationships, marriage and children wer not things devised by women so they could get " a free ride". Unfortunately there are women who make it SEEM that way, but I can't think how a blanket assumption that all women are like that is beneficial to your dating experience.
To refer back to the true OT, I think that the OP was wise to dial back the intensity of the involvement. Given that the lady stalked off to live with her mom in the country, I'd have to say that it IS entirely possible that she was indeed counting on being the OP's live in GF as her "occupation.
Or, (and I think someone else also commented on this), she might be experiencing a bout of moderate clinical depression, or be somewhat agoraphobic. Either of those situations could be a possible reason for her behavior. Regardless of possible reasons, the discrepancy in his and her work ethics was/is a serious issue to this relationship.
I've also seen women who are willing to work when it's needed, while seeing their real career to be a wife and mother. Again, there seems to be a "double bind" in action here.A woman who would send a sick child to day care, leave them with a marginal caregiver, in short"put her job ahead of her children" would be vilified as a bad mother and a bad person in general. BUT, if she puts kids and husband first, at the expense of optimizing her work history and "promotability", then she's vilified as not looking out for her own best financial interests. What way do you want it to be, people? Love, marriage, kids, home be top priority, or money/earnings/protecting herself financially top priority? Or should she just say "screw this double bind, who needs the risks posed by marriage and motherhood"?
When women are taught that marriage and motherhood are just a "moonlighting" job, that her IMPERATIVE is to earn money to support HERSELF, that looking to get married, have kids and be supported by a husband is piss poor life planning, then we won't have these scenarios anymore.
I'm guessing that there will be a lot fewer marriages, kids, divorces and probably considerably less sex, as well. Be careful what you ask for, guys, you just might get it...
Cindy O | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:51:11 AM |
That said, I see a disturbing prevalence of men who seem to be terrified that 98% of women intend to use sex / trad gender roles to seriously infiltrate his wallet.
And this is NOT what the OP has clearly stated he wants both here and by his account (I don't think the woman has replied to the post) to his girlfriend. Yet her actions say this is EXACTLY what she is all about, despite agreeing with his desire for an independent mate with words.
Guys, regardless of what you may want to believe, relationships, marriage and children wer not things devised by women so they could get " a free ride". Unfortunately there are women who make it SEEM that way, but I can't think how a blanket assumption that all women are like that is beneficial to your dating experience.
To refer back to the true OT, I think that the OP was wise to dial back the intensity of the involvement. Given that the lady stalked off to live with her mom in the country, I'd have to say that it IS entirely possible that she was indeed counting on being the OP's live in GF as her "occupation.
In no way was that a blanket statement, I just indicate that "this particular fish is no keeper". And it seems you even concur, so please stop assuming that fish wears the "mantle for womankind" and any male that calls her on her behaviour as an individual must be threatened or in some way mysoginistic. It spoils any value of the opinions you offer. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:39:45 PM | Tell her this is a deal breaker; she is not allergic to work, she's lazy and doesnt' like to take orders or be responsible. That spells train wreck for sure. Man up and tell her to grow up and get her act together or its over.
You need to stop looking at the sex and sweetness and start looking at the actions. If she can't be responsible, how do you think she will be when tough times occur in a relationship. When things get rough do you think someone so dysfunctional will be there? no way.
Get her to buck up; if she's so precious and sweet, she will listen and do what is needed. Anyone can be sweet when times are easy and good. Its the tough times that matter. good luck. | |
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| Allergic to Work
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:10:28 PM | Anyone can be sweet when times are easy and good. Its the tough times that matter
Agreed. But: she could also be depressed or with a need for dependence. It's difficult to tell somebody to live their life according to your standards, even if your standard are not too far from average. You never know where the truth lies. The only thing that one can do is to set one's own boundaries and live by them. Others may or may not respect them. | |
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