| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 12:04:30 PM | re post 266:
"I know a guy who complains his wife isn't interested in sex. She's heard this ad nauseum for years. Finally she burst out, "I'm plenty interested in sex, but 12 seconds of foreplay and 2 minutes of pumping at me until you get off is BORING. I'm not interested in BORING sex."
Why did she marry him then? Or when/why did the sex "evolve" into "12 seconds + 2 mins" ? Is that the type of commitment and marriage women want nowadays? I assume not, so why are they so keen on commitment and marriage (since so many "hot" rel "evolve" into the above situation)? | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 12:16:12 PM |
Personally I don't think sex has ever been an issue for men who REALLY wanted it This cumming from a woman, I think many men would disagree.
nor do I think it has anything to do with marriage (unless getting married guarantees he'll never have sex again, of course) This is what I referred to as you contradicting yourself . It's like you are trying to write your own point, counter point.
but 12 seconds of foreplay and 2 minutes of pumping at me until you get off is BORING. Guys like this make me sick and makes it harder for the rest of us. I like foreplay and do the reverse. I do at least 2 min or great foreplay then get at least a few good strokes, I look for quality not quantity. 2 min + 12 sec = great joy. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 12:20:07 PM |
I'm trying to figure out why this stuff always seems to come down to "men want sex". Am I the only woman out there that wants sex just as much as any man? It always starts to sound like women don't like sex and only do it to make men happy. If that's the case for so many, I feel really sorry for them.
No, you're not kthyg - one of the many reasons I don't want to get married is that I fear that I'll end up with someone who won't want sex, and to top it off will expect me to go without it because they don't care - and I don't think that's fair at all. Ain't gonna happen. I am usually the one in my relationships who wants sex more often (although so far, none have complained about having to fulfill that requirement). I agree that it would be terrible to only think sex was something to give a guy...maybe upbringing, social conditioning and early experiences are what makes some women look at it that way?
I mean if you're raised to believe that enjoying sex is taboo, that it's a gift to men to have sex, and you meet a bunch of men who you feel confirms this belief, then I guess you think that's the way the world works.
I've got plenty of married girlfriends who will attest to the fact that male lack of interest is far more prevalent than media stereotypes want to admit.
I do as well - as a matter of fact, in my social circle I hear more complaints that although men wanted sex constantly during the early dating process, once the serious relationship/marriage happened, the women were the ones initiating/wanting sex far more often.
This cumming from a woman, I think many men would disagree.
If it came from a man, would it be different?
This is what I referred to as you contradicting yourself . It's like you are trying to write your own point, counter point.
Agreeing that sex has nothing to do with a man's desire to get married is a contradiction in what way? I get the contradiction part, you already mentioned that - the "why" is the part I'm a little fuzzy on.
I am sure you would agree that if a man knew 100% he'd never get laid again if he were to marry someone, he'd reconsider it...outside of that I don't think that sex and marriage are connected.
I'll be watching for an explanation of what I contradicted...again... | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 12:24:07 PM | No man on earth ( who has any brains or self respect ) is going to marry a woman who would use sex as a bargaining chip.
Men don't like being pressured into marriage anymore than women like being pressured into bed.
If you want a man to marry you, then you must make marriage worthwhile for him.
Sex is NOT a worthwhile reason to get married.
So, think of something else !
Also remember this, there's a big difference between commitment and marriage. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:18:05 PM | I don't like to focus one a single individual or topic but is it just me when I read?
Agreeing that sex has nothing to do with a man's desire to get married is a contradiction in what way? I get the contradiction part, you already mentioned that Or is this a contradiction that in the same sentence or next explains itself. I think it's just the way you write but it confuses and bothers me.
This cumming from a woman, I think many men would disagree. If it came from a man, would it be different?
I do as well - as a matter of fact, in my social circle I hear more complaints that although men wanted sex constantly during the early dating process, once the serious relationship/marriage happened, the women were the ones initiating/wanting sex far more often. Is this a group of independent women? Women's liber's bordering on being femi nazi's, women responsible for the demasculanization of men and then surprised when men don't act like real men? Women that nag and bltch and wonder why their man has lost his sex drive around her and may seek out strange woman? women that attach conditions to sex that make it less than appealing. I use every opportunity to explain to women that they have a lot of responsibility in behaving and treating their man right in order to be treated how they think they deserve to be.
Me thinks the post below shows a lack of understanding of what I just said or a complete failure to understand or acknowledge the concept of treating a man like a man in order for him to act like one. This is what I try to explain and oversimplify when I say women have control over a large part men's behavior. They mistreat a man and then are surprised and blame the man for how he acts or reacts. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:26:16 PM | "Is this a group of independent women? Women liber's bordering on being femi nazi's, women responsible for the demasculanization of men and then surprised when men don't act like real men? Women that nag and bltch and wonder why their man has lost his sex drive around her and may seek out strange woman? women that attach conditions to sex that make it less than appealing. I use every opportunity to explain to women that they have a lot of responsibility in behaving and treating their man right in order to be treated how they think they deserve to be."
Nope - just regular gals who would like to get off occasionally too. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:30:26 PM | | nipoleon, what do you think is the difference between commitment and marriage? Personally, I think they can be pretty much the same - you can have commitment that equals or even exceeds that of marriage, in my opinion. The difference is the legality and the symbolism - perhaps. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:33:21 PM | 99% of men on POF have come from a bad marriage and a very expensive divorce.
Which man in his right mind would go back to a possibility of that ?
I own my own house and car and have plenty of money.
Why should I give half to someone just because they live with me ?
This means that if I sensibly want to live with someone then to save my financial position I need to meet someone else with their own house etc.
There are a few women around like that but there are many more with nothing.......... | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:51:46 PM | As men get older the prostate swells up reducing libido and functionality. Excessive wine or whine from a woman makes it a lot harder to perform. Read the previous example of a woman complaining in public about her 2 pump chump, she gets what she deserves. She probably causes some of that.
I spend too much time trying to inject reason into these mindless forums. I need to do some work on my motor and get ready to get my daughter and go fishing. Spend the summer floating around doing some fishing and skiing and forgetting about all my troubles. I understand now where the joke came from about what a boat is. A hole in the water that you throw money into. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:58:46 PM | Commitment to what?
Like zentral, I think a commitment can be as large as a marriage - even larger if you consider how "small" some people's idea of what marriage is or means. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:13:22 PM | | Maybe I'm naive, but I feel like your commitment should be marriage like before marriage... that way you know what is expected before you go in. At the very least I feel that it's necessary to have a "what I expect" conversation... far to many people enter into a legal binding expecting unreasonable things. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:20:14 PM |
If a man doesn't want to commit to you, he just doesn't want to spend his life with you. He will gladly though spend it with someone else.
Or...as a book said..."he's just not that into YOU." Ladies, the gentleman above is right--whether we like it or not. If you're with a guy for any length of time, and every time you bring the word "commitment"up, as in, where is this relationship going, let's commit to living together, let's talk about marriage, and he doesn't jump on it...it's YOU that he's not wanting to commit to. I realized that very thing 4 yrs ago after dating a man for over a year and many I love yous, etc, he suddenly decided that he had "a lot on his plate" and didn't have as much time to spend with me as he used to that it was time to part ways. He wasn't into ME enough to want to commit to me. Not marriage, but time and energy to make the relationship work and last. After I broke things off a friend gave me the book "He's Just Not That Into You" and I read it in 2 days. One of the authors, a guy, btw, had a great line that I remember CLEARLY..."Unless he's the President of the United States, he's NOT that busy...he's just not into you...and you should move on and find someone who is."
Sure there are men who just don't commit--but they will tell you upfront what they will/won't do. Many men will commit--but if he doesn't commit to you, it's not always him--it might just be you. I decided that my ex didn't want to commit to me for whatever reason, so I needed to find someone who would. (Ha...still looking...lol). | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:36:50 PM | Well I dont know what world your living in, you need to come back to earth.. because men want sex, and when woman put out, why should that man commit to her,when he knows alls he has to do is call her and she will sleep with him again. which why i say why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free....
Wow. With an outlook like that you are carrying a chip over someone. You are certainly in for a lot of deep loneliness and emotional suffering. I feel sorry for you and whatever made you have this belief. It might shock you to know but no man marries for sex unless he was drunk or mental. It is just hollywood nonsense and a stereotype..
How many women can say they do not marry for his wealth, status, earning potential or looks? Probably less then 30% would be my educated guess. Incidently that is the more likely cause of divorce then any other factor. When the man stumbles in his life or fails to live up to her ideals, then he is out the door.
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:39:06 PM |
you're still a student...why would anyone marry you?
get a job, make some money, then buy a house....
then maybeeeeee.....
what do you have to offer? huh?
Yarimelma, you forgot to mention she has some other guy's kid. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:47:12 PM | OP that's a load of shit about us getting spoiled?? I think it's the other way around. You know what and even if females started withdrawing sex, yeah we men would look elsewhere for it and replace ya.
Sex is not everything, there could be other reasons behind why we don't want to commit. But you can't generalize it based on sex alone.
Marriage for starters is something to take very seriously, OP you should talk to your man about marriage first before you talk about how men don't want to commit cuz there are some men out there that would like to commit to marriage, it just takes responsible men that's all. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:51:46 PM |
Yarimelma, you forgot to mention she has some other guy's kid. I wouldn't mind the kid as long as they are old enough to be weened I want my shot at suckling and getting a taste. Sorry couldn't help myself. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:58:50 PM |
I know a guy who complains his wife isn't interested in sex. She's heard this ad nauseum for years. Finally she burst out, "I'm plenty interested in sex, but 12 seconds of foreplay and 2 minutes of pumping at me until you get off is BORING. I'm not interested in BORING sex.
Which is pretty much along the lines of why men stop wanting sex with their wives.
Well, that and the fact that while women claim they LOVE sex, they only LOVE sex on their terms, from my experience. That gets old REALLY quickly. Begging is so demeaning and having sex only when SHE wants is just as much so.
It's very rare men lose interest in SEX, they just lose interest in sex with YOU. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:02:12 PM |
(ItsMargo) Commitment to what?
Like zentral, I think a commitment can be as large as a marriage - even larger if you consider how "small" some people's idea of what marriage is or means.
People get "commited" to institutions. I look really bad in one of those "Hug Myself" jackets...
Arlo | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:07:55 PM |
I know a guy who complains his wife isn't interested in sex. She's heard this ad nauseum for years. Finally she burst out, "I'm plenty interested in sex, but 12 seconds of foreplay and 2 minutes of pumping at me until you get off is BORING. I'm not interested in BORING sex.
And this is why so many relationships fail.
Both parties were unhappy for YEARS before someone said, "Well, I have a problem with this, and this is how you could fix it" ... and when someone finally DOES say something they explode in a way that will be hurtful.
COMMUNICATE, PEOPLE! | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:08:35 PM | let me just say that i am not defending men.. the "majority" of them have earned their reputations of pond licking scum.. (not all of them) and some of them even revel in it.
i myself am currently going thru a divorce. and you know what i got after 7 years of helping him build a life for us? i got squat, that's right jack sh1t.. because he has kids and i have none.. he got our house, our furniture, our nice car i didn't even take a spoon from him when i left. because i felt like i'd be taking from the kids...
so i can understand mens hesitancy to get married since they are usually the ones who lose everything..
other than the legality of it or for insurance reasons.. why would you want to be married anyway? it doesn't change anything. it doesn't make you love one another nore. i say if this guy truly makes you happy and if you can look him in the eye and fell his love for you, that should be all that matters.
and if you're only wanting to be married for the sake of what your girlfriends or co-workers think about you two just being together.. then that is totally for the wrong reason too.. it's not always being able to get what you want but always being being happy with what you have. and if you have someone who loves you than you already have more than the most of us here..
i wish you nothing but the best.. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:12:10 PM | "Read the previous example of a woman complaining in public about her 2 pump chump, she gets what she deserves. She probably causes some of that."
Yes, of course it's all Eve's fault for biting that apple and then making Adam eat it too!
Funny how you overlooked the precursor to that public discussion. But I guess it's ok to publicly accuse your wife of being frigid, just not ok for her to defend herself. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:13:52 PM | "Which is pretty much along the lines of why men stop wanting sex with their wives. "
Exactly! Get in, get off and get out right? I mean after all, you've bought the cow! Why should you have to stroke it too! | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:22:14 PM | marc.
Why do you assume she said nothing about the problem prior to her frustrated, public outburst? For all you know, she was coaxing him gently into becoming an accomplished lover for years - he just didn't give a rats. HE didn't have a problem getting off, so what's the big deal here? | |
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