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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:20:22 AM | Musician, the muclear family is very new. Basically since the advent of motorized transport to be honest. Historically we have lived in extended family units, and prior to that, tribal systems. I get my information from historical research which is there for all to read if you so choose. Somehow though, I get the idea that certain things like hitorical documentation and science mean very little to you.
As far as the whole god thing goes, enjoy. Live your life according to whatever beliefs you hold. Mine are far removed from yours so I would suggest not using that argument to try and persude me. It's a futile effort.
New things aren't always better but they are always inevitable. Our society is constantly changing and evolving. It's the nature of the world. Certain things such as vehicles, air travel, computers, ect.... make that change inevitable. I suppose that's why some religious groups chose to seperate themselves from these techonological advances. They don't like change either. Again, change is neither good nor bad; it is simply change. | |
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Pers14
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Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 356 | |
| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:48:35 AM | Came back to put in another couple o' cents 
I love men. Like all humans - they are interesting, quirky, have needs, have wants, have triggers, etc... etc...
I married someone I was incompatible with because we started dating in high school, we were afraid to look beyond our relationship, even though I can remember early days when our lack of compatibility was blaring like a bullhorn but we ignored it. I tried to change him - and he always tried to change me. We both felt like we didn't measure up and that feeling festered like an infection in our marriage.
I miss him sometimes, but I've learned that men aren't home improvement projects. You can encourage each other, but the emotional and verbal beating I gave my ex and he gave me, is not right and I never want that again.
I hope to find a relationship - I don't feel like I NEED to have kids, so I feel like it's not a rush. I'm enjoying my solitude, my own place - MINE after a cancerous relationship. I don't think I'd ever marry again, and I really don't think he'd make that leap again. Is marriage becoming irrevelent? I hope not, because I'm a romantic. Is marriage relevant for me (and other women)? Not so much :) Good luck to all seekers! | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:48:47 AM |
You are seriously describing a WOMAN here, men don't act like this.
i hope you dont really believe that. i am a woman, i date men. This has been my experience with many of them. The inevitable whining starts sooner or later. Whether it is you squeezed the toothpate from the wrong end or you hung the toilet paper roll backwards. It alway starts.
You do want to be someones boss you just don't realize it.
I have no desire to control anybody but myself. I am seeking a man with his own mind, not someone i can control like a mindless twitt. | |
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Pers14
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Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 358 | |
| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:53:13 AM |
i can only speak for myself, but, this isnt what i am looking for at all. I am just looking for a man that makes sense. I do not want a man that constantly ****es and complains about what i do or where i go, complains that the house isnt neat and tidy [get off your ass and clean it yourself]. A man whose actions match his word, would be just dandy.
You are seriously describing a WOMAN here, men don't act like this.
Um...tell that to my controlling husband who didn't let me take a breath without him knowing it and commenting on it. I lived with constant b*tching, complaining, lecturing, etc...
I was supposed to work as he wanted, keep house as he wanted, obey every whim, be okay with his whims, ...and then expect sex where he didn't give a flying f*ck about my needs and he was over and done within 10 mins and back to watching tv.
There are demanding jerks among both genders. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:00:10 PM |
The inevitable whining starts sooner or later. Whether it is you squeezed the toothpate from the wrong end or you hung the toilet paper roll backwards. It alway starts. A control freak, an opinionated person without an open mind, often classifies somebody's dissenting comments and opinions as "whining". It's a rationalization; they're right and if you question their opinion your "whining". | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:11:21 PM |
A control freak, an opinionated person without an open mind, often classifies somebody's dissenting comments and opinions as "whining". It's a rationalization; they're right and if you question their opinion your "whining
And sometimes a complainer is just a complainer. In the grand scheme of things really how important is which way you hang the toilet paper roll. to people who just want to whine, i guess it has the utmost importance. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:19:37 PM | ^^^ And how is your virginity and / or marriage working out for you? If you're keeping your legs closed, and men are going to appreciate it so much (and marry you) where is your husband?
I mean, you're thumping on the good book here and talking down to people whom you assume are spreading it for every Tom****and Harry, but yet, you are single. How could that possibly be? With such virtues, you should by all accounts *(your own accounts) be married.
I hate to piss in your coffee, but ideas like yours died a LONG time ago. Thank God!
Sex is not a bargaining tool! It isn't a game, it isn't a thing to withold like a spoiled child wanting their way. Sex is ideally something two people have to express their love. When someone is reduced to using sex as a bargaining chip, it belittles them. Nothing says "I'm only good for a lay" like using sex as an ultimatum to get one's way.
As we can see from your OWN post, marriage and virtue do not nesessarily go hand in hand.
I don't need a man and i'm not a prize to be won (like some trophy to sit and dust on a shelf). If a man wants to be with me, he'll do it through respect. And YES a man can make love to you and respect you later. If I wanted to be Elizabeth Taylor, I'd marry every guy I slept with. <<< and only then.
See you in church on Sunday. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:38:18 PM | Men and women consider so few things when they make a decision to marry. When my daughter and son-in-law wanted to get married........I asked them, on what basis did they arrive at that decision, and they said they were in love and they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. You know, the type of stuff that fairly tales are spun from. I explained to them that love was not enough, if they were planning to add a couple of children to their equation of love...........they had better come up with some very serious strategic planning, enhanced communication skills and learn some skills for conflict resolution. Do men and women ask enough questions of each other before marriage.............I say NOT?
Here is a condensed list, and I am sure other posters on this forum can add more.
1. Do you want a marriage with "traditional roles" or "interchangable roles?"
2. What skills do each of you bring to the table such as the ability to earn money for the "family bounty", cooking, cleaning, budgeting, caring for the other when they are sick or emotionally distressed, house and vehicle repairs, social events planning for family and friends?
3. What will be the division of labor for household chores, financial planning for current and future expenses?
4. If she is a stay-at-home mother and wife during the early child rearing years.......will he still recongnize and honor his wife as an equal contributor to the "family bounty".
5. What do each of you know about raising children and child development, and are you both willing to share the responsibility?
6. Do each of you know when to give the other some space and alone time?
7. When your sex life becomes eratic due to demanding responsibilites and fatigue....how far will you go to ensure the flaming lust for each other remains in tact.
8. How will you handle it if an outsider male or female tries to draw you away from your lifetime partner.......will you become weak or stand your ground in favor of your lifetime partner?
9. How will you handle it if members of your "family origin" start bad-mouthing, belittling or demeaning your partner?
10. What is your partners sense of fairness, family values, morals and level of commitment and conviction to their beliefs.
11. What if your spouse becomes disabled or suffers from a lengthy illness?
12. And for an even dozen elements to consider before marriage.........what interests do you jointly share, cause the family that plays together, STAYS TOGETHER.  | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:28:33 PM | Fred, some friendly advice, Big Fish is Canadian. 
Part of your statement shoes the quick fix and easy exit mentality that exist today.
Yeah? And which part would that be? I'm waiting for your rebuttal.
Sex isn't a bargaining chip. The women who treat it as such, in my eyes, are wrong. I don't condone those who act like it's a simple matter of where and when either. When a woman (loosely termed) acts like the only way a man will marry you is if you hold out on him, it's quite sad.
Sleep with whom you wish. Marry whom you wish. The idea that one can only have one with the other is outdated and makes a mockery of both. Marriage isn't based on sex, or shouldn't be. Sex isn't based on marriage, and shouldn't be. Can you have sex in marriage? Sure, but just ask the guys who were married long term, if marriage was a good fix to their lack of sex beforehand. LOL.
Okay, that was a bit off topic. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:35:49 PM | Please point to the post where the OP claimed to be a virgin. With those breasts about leaping out of her "shirt" I have my doubts.
The OP is clearly speaking of sex as a weapon, bargaining chip, tool. I'm being very on topic.
Lets say e.g. me and my boyfriend had been together for 2 years and still not a word about marriage, then I could almost assure you that he would ask quite fast to get married if I didn´t give him sex. Only problem is that so many women are spreading their legs so fast these days that a man would just move on to the next lady if a woman denied him sex.
Men are just spoiled with the smorgasbord these days. Too bad for women that want to get married.
Ahhh the OP has changed her pictures on this profile to match her other profile. Too late OP others already noticed your "duplicity." Some have even gone so far as to report your erring ways in the other thread.
Oopsie.
\/\/\/\/ People commonly refer to "Admin" as Big Fish, and yes I did love the movie.
Still waiting for the rebuttal.
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:53:07 PM | i disagree totally. there just as many women out there who just jump from guy to guy. i am a man who wants to get married, but every woman i talk to says why its no good. using sex or anything for a weapon is very unhealthy. maybe you show him behavior that makes him reluctant to spend the rest of his life with you. and any woman who thinks its ok to withold sex for punishment or a barganing tool is shallow. and should revise her priorities. its all about equallity and give and take. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:53:02 PM | | Thats a load of bunck I wanted to be married I spent 10 years as a live in and got dumped I was loyal loving and decent she even told me herself all she has met since see started dating againg is a**holes and that I wasn't one . | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:12:23 PM | | Dam but people are wierd if sex is the most important reason not to get married you are all screwed up, sex is great and i enjoy sex but its not a deal breaker to me hell if it was i would not have stuck by my wife for the last 6 years, funny thier was alot more to her than thier is with the women these days. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:27:12 PM |
Can we get back on topic (Opost)?
Why men don´t want to get committed these days?
Because they value Freedom. And many women do as well. People have died fighting for freedom!
Something guys should notice is what most women do when confronted with something unpleasant.
It's simply drowning out the things you don't want to hear by jumping into tangents, baiting people to make ad hominem attacks and general long range diarrhea of the keyboard. And you guys fall for it every single time without fail.
Most women don't want to sleep with 99 percent of men they come in contact with. The 1 percent they wouldn't mind in their beds and giving them a ring are the ones they really care about. Any rejection from these men to most women is intolerable.
It's easier to say "He doesn't want to marry me because there is something wrong with him" instead of saying "He doesn't want to marry me because he wants someone else or he thinks I'm just not good enough to marry"
Most women don't like rejection. It's why they will take on any subject and run with it to avoid the point of this thread.
Most men don't have a problem with commitment, marriage or otherwise, to the RIGHT PERSON TO THEM, but sometimes they just don't want to marry or be with you. As a medical professional, I can tell you no one in the history of the world has ever dropped dead on site from simple romantic rejection. Seriously ladies, get over it. Us guys get rejected all the time. Outside of these POF forums, I'd say 95 percent don't do half as much whining and weeping over it that most women I've seen do. Yes, in life, someone might decide you aren't good enough for them and that's ok. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:44:23 PM | For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Seriously .... 
Same old bull crapolie ... | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:16:16 PM | Last time I checked, girls were enjoying sex at least as much as men were. Holding out on your BF to get him to marry you is not the way to happiness. Maybe its not meant to be?
Its also wrong to assume that men naturally are opposed to marriage or commitment. This is simply not true. But men get married and stay committed for many reasons, they aren't just looking for consistent sex, something which they are definitely not going to get in marriage anyway. To reduce men to that level is ignorant. There is a lot more to us than that.
However, since you brought it up, yes, in recent years a general marriage strike is happening. And can you really blame men for that? Actually you should respect your man even more for being careful about this decision for who to marry and respect him less if he were to jump right into it. Its a rather poor financial decision to jump into marriage too quickly, if you are a man. The laws are all stacked completely against men in the case of a no fault divorce. A woman does not even have to have a reason. She can feel bored, unfulfilled, or simply that he's not treating her enough like a princess. Whatever she wants and whenever she wants, she can file for a no fault divorce. In such a case, she will get the kids and most of the money. A woman can hold that power over the head of her man for the entire man. In effect, she has him enslaved because if he stops making her ecstatically happy every day, then she can dump his ass and ruin his life on a whim, at her own discretion. So having that unequal position of power over him renders the man a slave to the marriage. A man must cave into the woman's bidding or risk financial ruin and perhaps losing a relationship with his children.
Statistically, 70% of divorces are filed by women. The divorce rate is very high. If you're man you have better odds by taking your entire life savings, going to vegas and betting on red at the roulette table in one shot. Maybe for the right girl, it might be worth the risk, but she better be one hell of a perfect girl.
Given that scenario, more and more men are waking up to realize that currently, with the laws and societal trends the way they are...its a very bad idea to get married to anyone. Hey, if you can make the relationship last indefinitely, then great. But there is no reason under the sun motivating a man to marry a girl now. And since the contracts can be nullified at the whim of either party, and only to the benefit of women, the contract actually holds ZERO benefit to men with many benefits to women. So do the math. Until the laws are fixed, the marriage strike will continue to get worse. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:37:06 PM | OP...
I don't think it has anything to do with sex. Maybe the man doesn't believe the woman is ready for marriage, maybe he's been there, done that, and doesn't want to do it again.
I think you can commit to a relationship without the piece of paper. In my case, I was married a long time, at my age, won't be having children, so don't see the need to get married again. Now that said, I do want to find the man I'll spend my life with. But in a day and age when divorce is effecting more than half of all marriages and nearly 70% of all second marriages, it's maybe a very good idea to wait. People are not as devoted to one another as they used to be. Back in the day, couples worked through the ebbs and tides of a relationship. Now, we're a throwaway society.... if there are problems, toss out the old and find the new. Very sad statement, but that appears to be the reality evidenced by the very high percentage of people who are cheat.
Trust is a huge issue, and at least for me, I'd want to be very sure I've connected to someone who has the same feelings of fidelity, loyalty, honesty that I have. That means I'd take my time venturing into marriage again. I'm sure men feel the same way.
Sharzi | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:38:53 PM | I don't think there are a lot of women holding their breath for a man to propose marriage anymore......and a lot more are realizing they can be happy without a 24/7 initimate relationship. They are busy getting an education, advancing their careers and building their pensions for a comfortable retirement. I would be hard pressed to find a man capable of supporting me in the lifestyle that I currently enjoy, not to mention the fear of him robbing me of my current assets.
There are even less women who are willing to devote 50 years of their life as a homemaker, only to be left living in poverty at the end of their lives and told that their contribution to the "family bounty" mean't nothing and was worth nothing. | |
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