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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 3:58:40 AM | The fact that the divorce rate is at 50% couldn't have anything to do with it at all.
Honestly, I'd like to get married someday, but I don't see this as a huge problem yet. Mostly because very few people address the most important question I have in the whole "OMG! SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED ANYMORE!!12!" debate.
That is simply: (and I'm going to break this down so that it makes sense)
Is marriage still necessary?
If yes, what is it necessary for?
If yes, is it currently meeting the goals of its necessity?
Is this something that cannot be met by general cohabitation?
Maybe I'm alone in this, but I get the indication from some people that this is a conflict of some people in my generation. I feel like I w ant to get married, but if you asked me, point blank, what marriage would do for me that cohabitation would not... I would hesitate. I would certainly think, "Well, that's what you're SUPPOSED to do when you want to spend your life with someone, isn't it? I'm supposed to do it, aren't I?" Which doesn't seem like a good reason. I certainly want to "belong to someone" and to have someone "belong to me"... but I would be hesitant to say that because of the general, "You don't own me!" responses that you get to such statements.
I certainly don't think that it's the sex. There have always, throughout history, been outlets for sex. What you aren't addressing is the fact that the entire institution of marriage has changed in the last 70- 100 years. Marriage used to be used to bring families together, to bind finances, or to make love legitimate. That last one indicated the necessity of living together to protect the household: someone provides and someone cares for things. We don't really NEED each other in a traditional sense anymore. (Meaning that we can get along well if one party leaves, not that we don't NEED our partners in other ways.... though many of us refuse to admit that we "need" anyone in that way because it makes us seem weak, which I think is horse shit. ) Men can cook, and women can support themselves, so the modern marriage is based on love.
Sex is there, but it isn't one of the core reasons, and I'm not sure it ever has been. (A News Week [I think it was Newsweek, i could be wrong] article in the last year or two did a study on premarital sex.... the rates, according to however they examined it, haven't increased since my grandparent's years. Though I certainly wouldn't ask gram how accurate that is, that'd be cruising for a bruising.... | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:07:34 AM | | I would think that if married just for sex that would be dam shallow of you and me, marriage is alot more than sex. You say men want sex so thier has to a reason that you want marriage what is you want the sex if so than you are using the men or is it you want him to take care of you and be your sugar daddy. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:08:07 AM | op, if all you are interested in is that title of "wife" you are apt to be sorely disappointed with marriage. Marriage can be a lot of things both good and bad but the committment, ring or not, is way more important than the title of "wife".
Who needs to get married anyway? | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:09:45 AM | > Only problem is that so many women are spreading their legs so fast these days
> that a man would just move on to the next lady if a woman denied him sex.
Considering how hard they worked to remove the stigma of women having sex outside of marriage, I'm guessing that statement will earn you a visit from your local N.O.W. representative shortly.
They'll be getting around to the rest of you who are likening women to cows right after that.
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:14:26 AM | I find most men have no problem getting married to the person they actually want to be married to. While some will rush into, others will take there time and some will do it out of some warped sense of obligation. Just like women! Shock, gasp, awe.. I know.
It's not that your bloke doesn't want to get married. It may just be that he doesn't want to marry you. Really won't know unless you ask him.
Gross generalizations are just that - gross. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:47:14 AM | | If we women want respect and to be treated equally, why the don't give him sex threads.As if sex is something we bestow, on men grudgingly.Like we can take it or leave it.I don't think so.Lets be honest for once and admit we like it as much if not more, than men and that it is a mutual pleasure.If a man/woman does not want to marry thats their choice, sex should not be used as a weapon or manipulative tool, no pun intended.Promiscuity is a health hazard and denotes a lack of self respect and self control.I am not promoting that. Sex within a relationship creates intimacy and comfort and its the way a lot of men show love and express their emotions.A man marries a woman -if both want that-who is direct,fair, open and honest with him, faithful and both a friend and lover.Not someone who withdraws or withholds sex to coerce or control him.Just my tuppence worth. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:17:42 AM | OP your subtle attempt at emotional blackmail ( ) will change no thinking mans views.
Perhaps if people were just more humane towards each other without all of the foolish control politics that women seem to crave -- well then marriage would have some appeal. But to view marriage as an expression of singular devotion or love is a foolish ideal that women cling to. That is not why men get married. We are dumb enough to do it because we expect the person we marry to stay the same rational, happy, loving, and sensual creature we fell in love with. To bad women rarely look at it the same way. Imagine how much more content the world would be if the ideal were reality. Yet when we show we are not dumb, you dont like it. It is a no win situation for a man, which is why I honestly think those who trive on drama and chaos are so attracted to marriage. Like a cat with a wounded bird, there are women who feel that marriage means the man is trapped and now they can cruelly play with it all they want before they kill it.
In these modern times women are prone to abuse their influence over men whenever men are foolish enough to grant such level of trust. Just by granting that level of trust some men are perceived as weak and no longer worthy. It is a stupid paradox created by female culture. Smart men have learned this and as such no longer want what experience has proven to be a dangerous place to go. We are rational creatures after all. Can you say the same?
Men in general are tired of being burned and discarded. It is a reality of our modern culture. Marriage is just a vehicle by with women fulfill that equation, and often the vehicle by which this happens at its most extreme. The female poster above this one has an intelligent and sensible view. OP maybe you should reread it a couple times.
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:24:46 AM |
The reason why less men ask their lady to get married to them is because they are too damn spoiled by women. Women give them sex and everything they would be getting in the marriage. To make a man want to get married to you marriage must have something to offer.
Lets say e.g. me and my boyfriend had been together for 2 years and still not a word about marriage, then I could almost assure you that he would ask quite fast to get married if I didn´t give him sex. Only problem is that so many women are spreading their legs so fast these days that a man would just move on to the next lady if a woman denied him sex.
I am hesitant to marry because I don't want to enter it only to lose everything I've ever worked for through divorce. I can do without the sex if I have to, thanks. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:51:03 AM | I'm with Prurire (message 57) on this one.
Personally I don't think that it's just men who don't seem to want marriage these days. If you've already been married, had the kids, don't plan on having more, why get married?
Every relationship does not end up in marriage (thank God). but when it's right and both parties want to, they do it.
Just because some aren't having luck getting hitched does not mean all men don't want to get committed. They just want to get committed to someone they want. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:58:23 AM | | OP, at twenty-four years old, unless I wanted to have kids immediately, I would be reluctant to get married. What is the point either for the man or the woman? | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:59:16 AM | I think the OP's question/statement was taken out of context by many.
I think in my opinion she's longing for the days where women were revered. Like in the fairytales. The old black and white movies type of thing. I often wonder maybe I was born in the wrong era at times.
Isn't it strange how we go around and at the slightest sign of disrespect "get rid of them", and move on. Yet we disrespect our own morals, in that we're willing to sleep with people on the first date, before even knowing their home phone number or address etc.
We've turned into a society where it's okay for us to disprect ourselves and we do it often, yet if someone else dares to we run like our hair is on fire.
How can we expect someone else to love and respect us when we so frequent disrespect ourselves?
We seem to build love and relationships on the basis of material goods rather than how we treat each other. For example, "do they have a car, a house, a career?" If yes to all of the above , nothing else seems to matter, you find a way to make excuses for bad behaviour.
As for the OP. I think she should do what's best for her. I don't think she's trying to control anyone by holding out. I think she's trying to find someone to love her or HER . For her personality etc. Maybe she is a virgin? If so, I think she should "hold out" until she finds the right guy who won't love her and leave her. I don't think it's a matter of trying to control the guy. I think it's a matter of being afraid of losing her virginity and regetting it later.
My Mom lost her virginity to my Dad and my Grandma to my Grandpa. I think the OP is going by what her parents and grandparents have taught her by holding out for someone you love type of thing. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:02:49 AM | | Yep, we are spoiled, so just spread your legs and enjoy it. The trend is not going to end because women are trending in that direction too. Like it or not, we are entering the beginnings of an enormous social change where marriage is is on the decline and will continue to decline. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:11:41 AM | imho, archetypes of women (the feminine) are revered. women are multi-dimensional (as are men).
"Most cultures around the world and throughout history recognize four clearly identifiable physical changes in a woman's life. These four events are: adolescence, marriage, childbirth and menopause. Most cultures associate these with initiations or ceremonies of one kind or another.
Connecting the four archetypal images with the four physical changes, and the four levels of reality mentioned above, I see a clear correspondence:
maiden - physical - adolescence
queen - spiritual - marriage
mother - emotional - childbirth
crone - intellectual - menopause
In most cultures, the four events (adolescence, marriage, childbirth and menopause) are observed with ceremonies or initiations of one kind or another. Unlike the boy, the girl is not brought out of the community of women and children when she becomes mature — she is already a part of the community of mature women. She has access to all the archetypes through the role models of other women around her — however she gains a special personal connection with the queen, mother and crone archetypes through her own personal marriage, childbirth and menopause respectively. This is quite distinct from the man's experience, who experiences only one personal physical change.
The Maiden
The first archetype a woman gains deep access to complements the masculine Warrior archetype. The Warrior embodies physical challenge. A man becomes a Warrior and is initated into the circle of men when he reaches adolescence. For the woman, this event comes at a similar age, when she is first able to conceive a child.
There are several physical challenges that arise at this time. First is the change in her body itself — a significant and perhaps unanticipated or even frightening physical change. She also has additional physical challenges, in warding off the physical advances of men, and in new adult tasks and roles that she will be asked to take on. She's grown up now.
Associated with this change, there is often a ritual celebration of fertility. Fertility in all its forms (people, the animals, crops and land on which they depend) is very important in ancient human culture. The newly adolescent young women often serve as the symbol of the spring, and of all that is new, beautiful, growing, reborn. The new woman is now manifesting the Maiden archetype. (Note that "maiden" is distinct from "maid", and represents all revered aspects of young women — in mythology the purest forms of this archetype are much like the Virgin Mary before the Immaculate Conception.)
Concommittent with her new physical challenges is a newfound physical power — she now gains the interest of the men, which is highly valued — by commanding the interest of men she can solicit their physical help and support. It allows her to begin evaluating men for her most important choice, and the next initiation of her life.
The Queen
In traditional societies the second archetype for the woman is the one complementing the King, which is course is the Queen. This name was identified by Moore and Gillette.
How does a woman become a Queen? By marrying the King, of course. The event beinging the woman into the archetype of the Queen is of course her wedding day — the initation of the marriage.
This is the day that she recieves the commitment of the man of her choice, and the blessing and support of her father and of the community. The commitment of a man is a very valuable thing, because it gives her the security she needs to leave her father's house, and to leave her mother and become queen of her own ner house.
It is because of the involvement of her community that this day bears the closest analogy to the masculine initiation — it gives her the greatest experience of gaining new connection with all the other, older women in her community. But unlike men, who are brought out of the mother's house into the community of men — the woman on her wedding day is brought out of the house of her father into the house of her husband. This is a big physical change for her — even though there is no body change involved.
The Mother
The third archetype the woman enters into, complements the masculine Lover archetype. The epitome of empathetic, compassionate and nurturing feminine character is the Mother. Her entering into this archetype comes of course from her first childbirth.
The woman's experience is actually something men have a taste of, if they are a father. If you are a father: consider the day you first learned she was pregnant, and the day your first child was born. The experience affected you in a way that you will never forget. Your priorities changed. In all likelihood the effect that this had on you was unanticipated and very powerful. It can be described as a new awakening of emotional aspects of character, the masculine Lover archetype. Of course, it is only a taste of what the woman experiences.
Unlike the man, the woman has probably been preparing for this since she started playing with dolls as a little girl. And the effect of new motherhood is much more powerful, for 3 reasons: She knows it's her child — unlike the father who might have some doubt; her body is involved — she's the one giving birth; and in all likelihood, for a time at least, she will be the one providing most of the nurturing to the new child.
The Crone
The fourth and final archetype the woman enters into, complements the Magician. The Magician embodies knowledge and wisdom. For women, the knowledge and wisdom to guide other women comes from personal experience, and this experience gains a new level when she has undergone the fourth and final physical change in her life — the change so big that women refer to it simply as "the change".
Along with the maiden and mother, the Crone is the third aspect of the Celtic pagan Triple Goddess. A reviewer of Donna Henes' book states:
The Crone is the ancient one, the wise one, the all-knowing, all-giving one who dispenses her knowledge with patience and largesse.2
The older woman or crone is, "The wise old woman, the woman who knows from experience what life is about, the woman whose closeness to her own death gives distance and perspective on the problems of life."1
At a time when her daughter is now old enough to be a mother, she is no longer able to have new children. She hands over to her daughter and the other younger women, the role of bringing new children into the community. She becomes a part of the third generation — the generation of Crones — women with the wisdom that comes from having been through all of life's changes. She has had time to evaluate and assess all the decisions she made during her life, compared to the other women around her, and she can help pass on her insight from right or wrong decisions to younger women.
The Crone is looked to by all in the community, men and women alike, as a source of wisdom regarding relationships, family, community, and of course the personal affairs of women.
Men in the Woman's Life Joureny
As the woman acquires her personal connection with the four feminine archetypes, the men in her lives play the roles of the complementary masculine archetypes. For this reason, it is possible for a man to view his own life journey (or at least that part of his life that relates to the women in his life) as going through the same four transitions. In chronological order, the masculine archetypes he manifests are Warrior (courting the maiden), King (marrying the queen), Lover (and father, the husband of the mother) and Magician (providing wisdom to complement that of the crone).
Shadow Archetypes
The shadows are immature or negative aspects, they exemplify ways in which people fail to manifest maturity in a particular archetypical dimension.
Maiden: ar31 uses her beauty to excess. A stereotypical example is a young woman in American culture who aspires to the less inhibited pop stars as role models; she cannot say no to the boys. ar27 does not acknowledge her beauty. All women are beautiful regardless of what the advertising industry tries to make us think. Without acknowledging her beauty she is inhibited in self expression (for example, she would find it more difficult to love others).
The feminine shadow archetypes do not seem to fit the "passive/active" dichotomy that Moore and Gillette apply so effectively to the masculine shadows. I suggest instead the dichotomy of isolated and co-dependent. Notice that ar27 describes a woman who has isolated herself, both by rejecting the admiration of others and by not radiating or expressing her beauty to others. By contrast ar31 depends on the adoration of others and attracts those who depend on her adoration.
The Maiden also embodies the physical aspects of a woman's contribution to the community, for example physical caretaking. In this aspect the shadow archetypes of the maiden ar27 and ar31 end up being active and passive respectively, mainly out of compensation for the relationship dichotomy of isolated and co-dependent.
An example can be seen in the beginning of the story of Cinderella. The step-sisters embody ar31, relationship-obsessed and passive caretakers — expecting even demanding that they be taken care of. One would imagine them in our present day as out-of-control, party oriented teens in danger of becoming pregnant before marriage.
By contrast, Cinderella herself, relationship-isolated, can compensate only by doing all the caretaking. She embodies ar27, convinced by those around her either that she is not beautiful, or does not deserve to express her beauty (depending on the version of Cinderella you have heard) — and doing all the physical work, perhaps partly out of a futile attempt to satisfy the ar31s or a misguided desire to compensate for her perceived lack of beauty."
The above taken from the published data of Robert Monafo.
imho, it's not these types of women that are missing, it is the feeling of having loving connections and people who are willing to help others. we are all missing the innocence of our childhood and looking to find it again. so called womanly characteristics of nurturing, caring for, working alongside a partner, etc., these are the things today's culture calls old fashioned, when really the world is missing old fashioned love.
what masquerades today as relationships and love, is very shallow and hollow indeed. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:14:11 AM | I think the OP's question/statement was taken out of context by many. I think in my opinion she's longing for the days where women were revered. Like in the fairytales. The old black and white movies type of thing. I often wonder maybe I was born in the wrong era at times.
Fair enough, but that is a fantasy. Wanting to be treated like a princess is what started a lot of this mess. Don't blame men for the death of that ideal. The disposable mentality did not originate with men, we are merely the main victims of it. Is it therefore a surpise that men would be the most wary of being trapped in marriage?
We've turned into a society where it's okay for us to disprect ourselves and we do it often, yet if someone else dares to we run like our hair is on fire. How can we expect someone else to love and respect us when we so frequent disrespect ourselves?
Yeap. Welcome to being one of the walking wounded of modern society. Rare is the one that comes to another's aid anymore. Its all a matter of survivor heal thyself. Our generation really is lost. You have to be pretty strong to walk out of the ruins and still be willing to love someone. But then you can chose to be sad about the situation, or you can be proud to survive it. Most men like myself prefer the latter choice. Can't speak for women on that, but I really hope more of them see the light before we all get too old to appreciate the act of living.
imho, it's not these types of women that are missing, it is the feeling of having loving connections and people who are willing to help others. we are all missing the innocence of our childhood and looking to find it again. so called womanly characteristics of nurturing, caring for, working alongside a partner, etc., these are the things today's culture calls old fashioned, when really the world is missing old fashioned love.
what masquerades today as relationships and love, is very shallow and hollow indeed.
The only way rolling back the clock to this practice can ever be achieved is by clearly identifying and rejecting the people who practice the shallow and hollow behavior you speak of. There is nothing wrong with a social ideal of respect and trust. Most people crave it, including males. But it seems we are no longer allowed to have it. It has become the realm of women and earth mothers, and men are now just accessories -- like a gucci bag or a material item that can be easily replaced when the whim strikes. Well guess what? We are not going to be there as "accessories" to your ideal. That is the princess mindset. So how can you seriously idolize this as some standard for women when the only reward you get from it are drama and misery?
Then you get the ones that want to live the life of "wild and free" do not want to change their ways. They think because they have money, looks, social position, etc that they have the privilege to practice behaviors in that way. If they cannot see the wrong in their negative ways how will embracing them as a part of a functional society help anyone? The same is true of women who cling to a false romantic ideal and all the associated lifestyle unrealities that is it suppose to bring.
It is interesting to see the female profiles on here where they go on for paragraphs about how they reject shallowness, yet then you see the same people at socials and they flock to the abusive, lying, materistic male like moths to a flame. I say this not to point a finger of blame, but to point out that women are more likely then men to engage in the same patterns of negative choice and behavior over and over again.
Men have learned to avoid marriage. Men have learned that being nice or chivalrous to women only results in grief. Men have learned that society is focused on women's need, and that men are only "men" if they are the scumbags that women crave in their fantasies. So you really have to ask why genuine men have become so reserved and withdrawn?? Of course we avoid marriage or enter it with extreme reluctance. Experience has taught us that we are the ones who get burned. So where did this situation come from? Who are the ones that perpetuate this idea? Ladies you want answers but you are asking the wrong questions.
We men are not the ones that need to change. We never really have changed. Are you getting the point yet?
WE MEN DID NOT CREATE THIS MESS!.
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:38:30 AM | Hey if "all" men have a smorgasbord of women......someone give me that ticket........please....I need to be a part of that. Because not "all" men have this. To answer your question I think that marriage is a 50/50 relationship I would do things to help out my wife to be (whomever that will be) and she would help me out as equally. Its a give and take relationship.
Funny......how the guys that think the right way are also the guys that are always single because no one will let them have the chance. i.e. the "friend's zone" Oh well here's a  for all us guys.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:17:11 AM |
To make a man want to get married to you marriage must have something to offer.
Well duh, the words that come to mind are commitment and family.
I do agree with part of your argument that marriage has become somewhat devalued over time but that has as much to do with women as it does men. To say men don't get married because they can get all the benefits of a marriage, like sex, is pretty naive.
I'm sorry you're having bad luck finding a guy that tie the knot with you but that doesn't mean all men in general are just looking for a 2 year pump and dump. Maybe it's different over here in America but I think a lot of guys would love to find someone to marry and start a family with no matter how much or how little sex they're getting before proposing. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:23:51 AM | Funny thing is that people in this thread make their own assumptions that I want to get married. How funny, people that does not even know me make an assumption that I want to get married. Never have I written "I want to get married" or even getting engaged.
I hope one day that you people that made these assumptions will get a bit more mature and realize that it is wrong to do this. Best of luck to you all!!
Sorry for misunderstanding you but from your original post it seems you're either upset by your bf not asking to marry you yet or you're upset that he's having sex with you.
So which is it? Either can be fixed if thats the case since as you say you have guys right around the corner waiting to get married and well I'm sure you know how to solve the sex issue.
Edit: Sorry another misunderstanding, obviously you're no longer with the guy and I guess if sex was the problem that is now solved. So now I'm back at the beginning wondering what the hell the issue is here. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:35:36 AM | Ladies, first step - decide what a committed partnership/relationship looks like TO YOU. Let your mind entertain a wide variety of possibilities, in the end, you will know what is right for you. If that's a traditional marriage, great - now you're looking for a partner with the same mind-set. Decide on a time frame - personally, if I have been in a committed (we only date/sleep with each other while we explore the possibility that this could be a forever thing) relationship for a year or more, I've had enough time to make my decision, and ultimately, I can only make up my own mind. I either want to marry this guy and develop the committed partnership I have in mind, or I don't, and I move on. There's no reason to waste years with some man who doesn't share your views on a life together. As the OP pointed out, both sexes have plenty of options, and he's not likely to be without sex for too long, if that's his main objective.
Now I'm waiting for the men to start posting about "ultimatums." Save your breath. I have a right to the future I design for myself. If you don't want to share it, no problem! Have a nice life! | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:38:17 AM | I think there's too many people who confuse a lack of marriage with a lack of commitment. I know plenty of men who are willing and even looking forward to committing to a woman. I know very few who are excited about a marriage.
You ladies have pretty well gotten your way when it comes to marriage law. What man with serious brains would engage in a legally binding contract which may be terminated at anytime without his consent and whose repercussions could cost him half of everything he owns?
Do us a favor: imagine a couple who are dating exclusively. Now weigh out all the benefits of getting married over the risks. The benefits of marriage compared with long term courtship are slim: legal rights, tax exemptions, getting those pesky religious idiots off your back. The risks (particularly for men) are tremendous.
The better question for me is this: why are so many women so obsessed with marriage? Have you been convinced that it will magically fix your relationships? It won't. Are you scared that if you don't lock the man up in a legally binding contract that he'll eventually leave you? If you're that bad, he'll leave anyway.
Marriage, once removed from the silliness of religion, makes little sense for many people. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:47:10 AM |
If we women want respect and to be treated equally, why the don't give him sex threads.As if sex is something we bestow, on men grudgingly.Like we can take it or leave it.I don't think so.Lets be honest for once and admit we like it as much if not more, than men and that it is a mutual pleasure.If a man/woman does not want to marry thats their choice, sex should not be used as a weapon or manipulative tool, no pun intended.
I have nothing to add...just wanted to point out what a cogent uncommon perspective this is. As a guy, it's encouraging to read. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:47:16 AM | | FeminineMuse - lovely post! I was particularly interested in the give/take analysis, ie: in order for women to feel secure enough to offer the warmth, love and nurturing that men want, she needs his commitment. That may or may not resemble the traditional marriage, but if you suspect that he will be exiting the relationship in the next year or so, a woman is probably not likely to be too fully invested in the giving end of that cycle? | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:17:00 PM | | OP, if you don't want to get married why are you complaining about men not wanting to make committment because some women enjoy sex and don't buy into a moral double standard? Are you just complaining about "loose" women? Men and women both have valid reasons for wanting or not wanting a committment, but sex is always available one way or the other and shouldn't be used as a tool to coerce someone into a commitment they wouldn't otherwise make. Maintain the standards you feel comfortable with and can be happy about and just enjoy life. | |
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:44:29 PM | re the Opost'
Marriage and commitment are traits of centuries past. Not of the 21st.
Plus commitment is "an experience good", ie it is neither demanded or promised.
A man and a woman these days are committed to mutual fun and pleasure, at last!
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| Why men don´t want to get committed these days
Posted: 5/22/2008 4:49:45 PM |
The reason why less men ask their lady to get married to them is because they are too damn spoiled by women. Women give them sex and everything they would be getting in the marriage. To make a man want to get married to you marriage must have something to offer.
The reason men don't ask women to marry them regardless of the sex they're getting is that it's not worth losing everything they own to take that step. And don't be so sure men would be getting laid in a marriage. I have a lot of married male friends that would argue that point (and some women).
Single men hear the stories from their married peers. Most men don't want to put themselves in a position where they'll lose money, but it's doubly stupid to add "not getting laid after the honeymoon" to the list.
P. S. - women don't give men sex. Both people usually engage in it equally.
Lets say e.g. me and my boyfriend had been together for 2 years and still not a word about marriage, then I could almost assure you that he would ask quite fast to get married if I didn´t give him sex.
Doubtful.
Only problem is that so many women are spreading their legs so fast these days that a man would just move on to the next lady if a woman denied him sex.
Same as a woman who married a guy and took all his money would just meet a new one and start over if she were to be divorced or stripped of her options in her current relationship. The laws of supply and demand apply everywhere.
Men are just spoiled with the smorgasbord these days. Too bad for women that want to get married.
A LOT of women don't want to get married either. I mean we can go to college, get a degree, work and live alone and pay our own bills...so what would WE be getting out of a marriage?
It's down to a time where people should be taking care of themselves and offering to take care of each other in a relationship. Nothing should be an entitlement...not sex, not money, nothing. If people can be alone easily but want to be with each other, then a relationshp is totally free and without obligations, expectations and no one's under anyone's thumb. Unfortunately, peopel still think along the lines of what someone's getting (or not getting) when talking about relationships. Too bad. | |
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