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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/2/2008 11:02:03 PM | | Well the nice thing about hammers is anyone who is interested in buying a hammer knows where they are to be found. I have noticed that ladies can be found anywhere so I was always alert for one that gave me a second look. My point was that just like the hammer that fit, it is important to overlook the superficial and obvious things that are not as important and pay attention to the not so obvious things that are crucial. So I find myself growing an enchanting relationship with a lady I might have passed over had I been more concerned with superficial similarities and differences. | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/3/2008 9:07:19 PM | >>>>Imagine explaining this to the 'new generation' of teens~
Gals didn't even ask for a date....She waited until she was asked. Guys sometimes had to meet our Dads.<<<<<
I have 2 daughters (17, 16) who are into guys and the older one is dating a some what older man then her.(for risk of thread drift... i will not go there). Any way..., my perception is they have a handle on it... not sure if my girls are the aggressors or not....But I can say I have become less of the aggressor as far as going after a woman. I tend to let them take the lead. Because all the times I have attempted to talk to a woman that i was interested in..., the response's are not something that makes it easier to continue sometimes. I don't think I'm ugly,,, nor do I think I'm scary looking, although I have been told that I'm intimidating(which comes in handy with the daughters dating prospects). I am nothing short of respectful. if I sense a woman is uneasy... I back off..... But sometimes woman are nasty.., and just because i found them attractive and was interested in finding out if there was any possibilities of something coming from it. I have walked away and never pursued many a possibility out of respect, not to put a woman in that position because i wasn't sure she was available. I know its hard on a woman these days, I hear the stories, I have many woman friends that confide in me and tell me there stories.
I think "we" (meaning this generation/older/ mature) what ever way I have to describe myself, have it different then the younger generation. There are preconceptions, bruised hearts and ego's, hurt feelings, and a host of other issues us mature people have to deal with. I can watch a young man go up to a young woman, and talk to her, and she's playing with her hair, and smiling, and laughing, and she's all into this "interaction " taking place in front of her. She has none of those "preconceptions, bruised heart, or ego" things yet. pure open heart.
Being on this site is taking on a new meaning for me.... and it 's coming from interacting on this forum with other members, discussing things such as this. and I thank every one for they're feedback, allowing me to read there thoughts, and allowing me to voice mine.
I leave with this thought. (This post.., not the forum....lol) I once contacted a woman I thought was attractive..., asked her a question relating to something she said in her profile regarding her beliefs on love at first sight. ..., along with other things such as how i thought she sounded interesting and would love to hear more about her.
the letter was read/ and deleted. .., no response. Of course I have no idea why....and can't even say I blame her. Its tuff to be a woman on a site like this, or just walking around in the world because you can't trust.
Michael | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:18:13 PM | I agree with you SC. I was married once before..he left me for someone else. I am looking for that certain someone to grow old together with. To be that couple people see walking hand in hand and pointing saying "I want to be like that couple". No, I'm not looking for a status, I'm looking for a forever relationship. And of course, no BS!  javascript:smilie('') | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:56:17 PM | | My goal as well would be to find someone to share the rest of my life with. Seems to be harder then it looks. | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:30:08 AM | I would think the dating goal for most people is to find a monogamous, long term partner.
How we get there is the hard part, and everyone seems to have their own path. I think most people needlessly complicate that path by their own behavior, and I'm sure that includes me.
Either our checklists are too long, or too short, or we're attracted to the wrong types, or twenty other complications we're not even aware of doing.
Other things we have no control over can sabotage the pursuit, too, like friction with a partner's kids/family/friends, employment outlook, health, and any number of other traumas that could be forced upon us out of the blue.
Dating is NOT easy. If it were we'd all have found our soul mate by now and be done with it. | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 10:40:47 AM | I am including a sample of the series of letters I have gotten,...
You be the judge,...is this appropriate when you are making contact with a complete stranger to you,....?
Wanna go for a drink? Kokomos.. at 8.. be spontaneous.. I've wanted to meet you forever.
my reply
I didn't get this letter until over an hour after the appointment time,...and informed the writer that spontaneity's is better with someone you actually know since I could have been in the middle of anything or as in this case not get the letter on time,.
I also asked how do I know I wasn't just an after though,..I didn't even get a rose,...
***(I mention this only because acording to some men some women get miffed if they see that the guy has only 1 or worse no roses left to be sent,....for the above mentioned reason,...Personally I don't care much about cyber flora,....I was trying to sweetly point out some are odd that way)***
I admit.. I wasted my first rose...
want to try again? what night is good for you?
My Reply
I told him any night would be fine as long as I had some notice,...I also asked him if he read my entire profile as I do not enjoy spending an evening apologizing for something I was very forthcoming with,...
***(that being I smoke and I have Fibromyalgia, I also included a website of the latter so he could read what that is first) in his file he claimed to be very athletic and fit and that it was very important his partner should be also,...
yes, that doesn't bother me... i actually have one once in a long while... so how about Tuesday evening?
Kokomos... what time is good for you? 8? 8:30?
I'm Richard.
My Reply
I chose 8 PM
Hi Marita.. I do look forward to meeting you.
Tuesday is for sure... but there is a chance that the time might change... stay tuned! :)
My Reply
I thanked him for the heads up and said I would watch for further info,...
That's when for me this thing went sideways,...and he got very personal and inappropriate before we even met
you seem very sexy.. are you? :) nice body?
My Reply
but I responded that it would depend on whom I am with,...
the next 2 messages came in together,....at this point my hairs were standing up on my arms but not in a good way,....
look forward to having a drink with you.... are you a good kisser??? very important.. :)
soooooooooooooo.. what about your 'sex drive'???? :)
My Reply
I am paraphrasing now some but basically as follows;..... I told him that if all he was looking for was to get laid then there were any number of nice ladies walking around the city at all hours ready to service his need,....
I went on to say that this conversation might be a moot point since I didn't even know if I would like him never mind feel the chemistry I would have to feel to be responsive,...
I went on to say that his intense focus on these issued before we even met were basically inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable,...
I concluded that the veracity of my sex drive at this point was,...none of his business
after this message,.....HE BLOCKED ME,....
now you tell me men,.... is this a right approach?
and ladies ,......how would you have responded,....
I no longer answer to instant messages except from people i already know,...because I am tired of coming ,....face to not face,....with stranger's,...
I am more than the sum of my body parts and expect to be treated with respect,...... anything less isn't worth leaving the house for,... | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:12:42 PM | Motownmaniax,
You just are on to many favorites 
Just kidding sugar!!!!!!
I agree with everything you said, especially having our own paths and we want someone to come on our path and make THEIR live with US...in our comfort zone vs starting a new path with them.
I also agree that dating isnt easy, people have limited time, resources, etc but the bottom line is when you see someone you REALLY like then you should go for it vs sitting back and just letting life happen and hoping one day something good will happen.
I find it interesting that people always list what was wrong with someone vs what was right...we have a tendency to do that in our quest for someone to walk life's path with. I personally believe when it fits it fits, there isnt a need to MAKE it work. | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:24:02 PM | marita b, that was totally inappropriate and rude. For the most part this doesn't happen to men. Then again a coward is going to try and take this where he wants. If a woman puts up with that garbage he wins, if she is smart like you, she blocks him.
I have never had a first contact on IM, either way, I send a 4 or 5 sentence email, referring to things in her profile, things in mine and ask if they would like to chat(email) to get started. Now from there you go to IM or phone then meet hopefully quickly enough that I don't lose 6 months endlessly chatting. If a coffee meet, I'm fine with it. Though when I feel there is a real connection, I would rather dinner, more time to get to know her. Always arrive early, check out the menu, make your date feel at ease. Simple really.
OK marita, if they are all rude up there, cmon down to Atlanta, and I'll show you a good time and proper date. Bob | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:26:49 PM | Marita,
In less than one year of online dating I have learned one thing...YOU CANT LOSE WHAT YOU DONT HAVE. Women buy into thinking what a man says has meaning vs watching his actions. They offer things they know you will like...a date with dinner at Kokomos.
He never planned to take you to dinner at Kokomos....that is why he sent the message after the time to met had past. He was just offering it as bait, when you responded to him he jumped on that opportunity ..you gave him the in.
It is like the guys who mention marriage or love etc on the initial contact...they think you are lonely and would welcome any advances your way...so when you respond they think ...wow ok got one!
They go thru alot of motions to set up a date...but then they turn the talk sexual...one of two things will happen...the one thing that definately never happen will be a date at Kokomos. They will either piss you off and you will bail or they will string you in and it will be omg you are so hot I just want to meet you so bad and they decide they cant wait to meet you.... He wasnt looking to date you..just to screw you.
You didnt loose anything, just let it go and move on and dont block other men cause one was a lemon. Just learn that when you see someone offering something that seem a bit over the top...it is to get you to bite...
************NOT ALL MEN DO THIS, MY COMMENTS AREN'T BASHING ALL MEN BUT THERE ARE A LOT ON DATING SITES WHO DO OPERATE LIKE THIS! | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 4:13:31 PM | (just to clear something up,...the initial invitation was sent on time but I did not open the mail in time,.....and Kokomo's isn't the be all and end all it's just a nice simple place with descent food,...)
I am a little long in the tooth to ever believe anything anyone says at face value,....
everyone here wants something and it's up to us to determine what that is before we find ourselves in a bad situation,...I posted the above as a sample of how to draw out someone's true intentions,...this sort of thing does happen more than one might think but not all the time it's true,....the his blocking you is a dead give away,...wich is something you would never have suspected from reading his profile,....
I trust the little hairs on my arms. Most of us have very good instincts and we should listen to them.....
That is why I never hand out any information I can be traced by,...no telephone number no add and I never allow anyone to pick me up nor would I accept a long drive as a date,...
Far to many of us grown ups do that and that is how we invite trouble,...I taught my children how to deal with strangers and I practice what I preach.
I also never find myself in a situation or place I can not get myself out of so no his fixing me dinner at his place either,...
These are all simple rules so many of us seem to ignore,...
Just recently I was going to meet someone and I was stood up also something that happens to many of us,...He later apologized and asked if I would forgive him,...
My response was simple and true,...I told him I didn't know him well enough for anything he did, or not didn't do,... to bother me,....and I never gave it a second thought,...
I enjoy the company of men my age,...but am very comfortable in my own skin and am anything but desperate to date,....that's why I take my time and consider everything with caution,....it's a simple rule but a firm one,... | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 5:20:10 PM | | I had meet someone on a dating site we broke up we were with eack other awhile.So I am looking to find someone to be a couple with. | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 5:53:38 PM | I have thought long and hard about this, re-visited the issue and have found the following?
I would like someone to take out the garbage, fix my car, not chat with me whilst watching t.v. unless it's commercial time, earn a good living, let me go out with my g/f's at least one nite a week, massage my achy muscles at least 3 times per week, pass me over "his" paycheck, make me tea, oh, yeah, make dinner, do the dishes after and when "I" want it, be able to make mad passionate love to me at the drop of a hat, or my skirt lol...There! I think I have it all downpat. Isn't "imagination" wonnnerful"???? | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:25:06 PM | | I'm a BBW, big beautiful woman, but most men aren't interested, nor will they even give us a chance. Men are visual and won't take the time to even try to find out what we are like inside. Not all men are like this, but it seems the one's that will give us time of day are already taken, maybe because they think we are desparate and will accept a married man in their life. I do have morals and pride. I'm watching the movie Shallow Hal, I know it is a dream, but it would be nice if all men saw women how Hal see's all women, for what's inside and not their appearance. My real goal for dating is to find a man who will accept me for me and not how I appear. A companion, a partner in life, someone to share life's ups and downs. I have been divorced for 10 years, was in a new relationship after that for 3 years. I gained weight after that relationship and have only dated one man in the last 5 years, he had never dated a BBW, but he was just looked to get laid, so that relationship went no where. I have accepted me for me and I like who I am. I am a good and honest person, with a good personality, but no one would know it because no one gives me the chance to show it. I went to the first POF party for Champaign IL, not one man talked to me, they looked (I watched) I got the eyeball up and down and then the "turn away". I've been thin and I've been fat, and I was respected when I was thinner. It's like fat is a "here's your sign" "I'm fat and desparate come and get me". Ok, I guess I'm done venting now LOL | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:53:35 PM | | awww Works2much1955 I am not finding that as a problem. I think at times men can pick up on who is happy with themselves and who might be a tad bitter or angry. Men want someone who is fun, upbeat and positive to be around....maybe by standing around watching vs going up and meeting them and speaking to them you had this barrier that you have constructed around yourself. IE you said not one man talked to me...how many did you try to talk to? When they were *eyeballing you up and down did you smile at them or did you wait to see what they would do? Look at how you described yourself, the first thing you listed on here? What did you do at that party to show your good personality? Yes there is a slight disadvantage but you would be surprised what a smile on your face and an approachable attitude will help you overcome. When you stop seeing yourself as a BBW and see yourself as a person then others will see you as a person to. I think most men will either raise or fall to the levels we set for them, if we say they are all pigs then we will be so intent on finding pigs to prove our point we miss the decent guys who are saying..hey give me a chance! | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:52:34 AM | Well, whole threads have been devoted to weight and dating so I guess this one's no exception…lol.
Statistics say most Americans are overweight, if you go by what everyone's "ideal" weight should be. Certain studies I've read say just 30 pounds over our ideal weight constitutes obesity? If that's the case I'd probably be considered borderline obese!...lol
Initial attraction is usually physical, it just "is", and I base mine not so much on extra weight, but how much it is and how one "carries" it. I've seen some extremely attractive, sexy women carrying significant weight but look fantastic. I've seen others where 30-40 extra pounds are definitely NOT flattering, and they need to lose -- no getting around it. For the morbidly obese, losing weight is a no brainer. A person's direct health is at stake, for crissakes?
Yes, a lot depends on personality, but we should never underestimate or minimize that too much extra weight is just not that attractive to many in our society. That's not bad or good, just reality. If you're lucky enough to look good carrying significantly extra pounds and still attract the types of partners you want, no problem or complaints, right?
If not, and are unhappy with your situation, don't blame society for not finding you attractive enough, do something about it by losing a few pounds.
This does NOT mean slaving to turn ourselves into runway models, obviously, so don't gang up if you didn't like something I just wrote…lol | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:18:06 AM | Marita,
Your answers to this man are good from my point of view, but those answers don't mean anything to guys like that. He no doubt thinks you are just stupid and no fun and will injure women's spirits all down the line to satisfy his immature needs.
Real pleasure in a relationship comes from knowing your partner and having a commitment. All things in life need to be done correctly - building a bridge, a house, a machine, cooking food. When done correctly - the outcome will be a sturdy, long lasting bridge, house or machine, or divinely delicious food. This holds true with business relationships, finances and love. God has certain laws in effect and line by line precepts, that when followed gives you the results you desire.
Judy | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:19:08 AM | That's very sad, works2much1955. As a heavy woman myself, I find the term BBW to be a silly label. Fat is not beautiful. It can pretty pretty gross, actually.However, the way you carry yourself and present youself can be attractive.
Did you talk to any of the men at that POF party? Do you stand there and look sad? Did you try to make any friends?
I've been skinny, I've been obese, normal--the whole spectrum. I have dated no matter what size I am, and not with men who thought I was desperate.(At least...I don't think they thought that...hmm...) I think you get what you put out there. You don't look that fat to me. I think if you dressed in a younger style(just basing it on the pic you have posted) and a new hair cut, maybe a little vibrant color streaks to it, I think you would feel so much better about yourself and men would pick up that vibe from you.
As corny as that cliche sounds, it really does have a lot to do with how YOU think of yourself.
Good luck ! | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:40:41 AM | | I think the eventual goal for dating is to become a couple. Someone who you are comfortable with and can have fun with. Be there for both the ups and downs. Someone who curls your toes. | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/11/2008 1:36:33 PM | I feel the need for honesty here. While I truly hope to find a woman that becomes my friend, lover, wife eventually. I must admit that I also enjoy just sitting down in a causal situation with a charming stranger and talking about stuff that is on our mind. The casual first (or second) date. I must admit I also like doing this so I guess that is a goal as well. Enjoy meeting new people and learning new ideas on the way to a long term relationship. Some folks might find that to be using women without any intention of commitment. it is not my intention and if i have/or ever do that all i can do is say sorry.  | |
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| What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:00:48 PM | Well...being new to this a second time around...I am a bit less disallusioned.
I left the last time because like others on here I was constantly being bombarded by men and (boys under 30 years old) who are too cheap to pay for a good quality hooker or dial an 1-800 number and figured that this site is full of desperate females...(not saying all men on here...but just going from my own past experience on here...so please for those of you who are truly real gentlemen do not take offense...this comment is not made for you and it is just my opinion from experience).
I have found the opposite of the women on the forums that I read...this site seems to have many wonderful single females who are fine with just being alone but would like to have some companionship...which is what I am looking for and we are not desperate...LOL..which seems to piss some people off. I also see some women who are looking for that pot of gold in a mans wallet and some men who are willing to pay by any means possible to have such eye candy.
Then I get men who ask me...how come you don't like sex..ROFLMAO... I don't know about others but I am a true Scorpio and I truly enjoy good sex with someone who I feel I know enough and is considerate enough to take my thoughts, feelings and pleasures into account and not just their own. If all I wanted was just the big bang then I have two hands that work great...LOL
My real goal for this site is to hopefully find the diamond in the rough, like I myself am, and to maybe have some adult companionship, romance and mutually enjoy one anothers company.
I know I will probably take a lot of heat from some of the barracudas in the water but I must say...I am a straight shooter...and calls them the way I sees them and besides I am old enough to know better and still to young to care....LOL | |
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