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Posted: 5/23/2008 12:39:51 PM | i mean this with all sincerety, your next step, now is to totally cut it off, no more contact. Start on you, be yourself, take time. Get busy, focus on things other than a relationship, lean on those who you can talk to.
More than "moving on", its time now for you. Anymore indulging him in any way, just feeds holding on. And if you continue any contact even spite or vengeful, its still holding on. So, like the blackboard in school, erase it all, dust the chalk off yourself, put yourself first, put your trust in those you know well, take your time to not only let go, but to identify those parts of yourself that fell into this, change, renew. And take pride in yourself. and absolutely, forgive yourself too or you'll end up in self blame or playing what ifs.
I think you're better than that. I'm no saint but i learned from experience, so now, its up to you where you're going.
Be strong, its going to be okay. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 1:36:38 PM | It is true that SOME people, guys who DON"T live with mummy, only have a cell...
He has the sexual hots for you, but that seems to be about it. After a year, he just might figure that no matter how he is, you will keep putting up with his shyt... After all he probably figures you have the best of both worlds as well... LIKE when he calls and asks if you are alone.
I was just being a smart a$$ when suggesting what I did, because what the other poster posted was on the funny side.
The truth is this, in the adult world you can do devious, or you can be strong and stop putting up with things that feel like bs. At the time it may feel good, but ultimately if feels really rotten to believe you have to stoop down to a lower level to try and get what you think you want.
IF you want to meet him at his house, that is ok, stick to that... This guy seems to have a heck of a lot of things he's hidding, and is willing to go with the "games" of show me your phone, just because he already knows it is a crappy immature thing he is doing...
JMHO of course... | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 3:01:05 PM | | ok...I can see his mom not liking him to bring home girls to spend the night or something....but speaking as a mom....I can't think of a mom on this planet who would be against simply meeting a girl her son is dating. Ummmm....I think this line ALONE screams liar. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 3:04:29 PM | It is true that SOME people, guys who DON"T live with mummy, only have a cell...
Exactly. I know guys that live on their own and only have a cell. But is he really trying to say dear old mom only uses a cell phone too??
Plus...just what does he do again that his cell phone harbors these top secrets that you can't see it? (that time you said you tried to look at it and he said there is secret work stuff on it)??
Did you ever try to simply look up his name on whitepages.com and GET his home phone number or see if it is listed? | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 3:47:20 PM | | he works for the government but in a top security section of it and he fixs there servers and stuff (hes a computer techinican) and supposedly hes always on call and such but apparently me and his parents are the only ones who know what section he really works in which i think is not true supposedly he tells his friends he works in a diff section then he actually does | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 3:54:35 PM | well i did a search for his number and i dont know the exact street he lives on i just know that he lives 15min from the airport and yeah but i think that i might have found it but im not sure cuz it just shows the first inital
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Posted: 5/23/2008 4:08:05 PM | | Shug you are a beautiful vibrant girl, don't ever let anyone get in the way of being the happy vibrant girl you are to be... This guy is giving you the run around, and knows he's had a good run for the past year. For the love of your OWN dignity ditch him, and move on, because there is NO GUY worth the frustration and torment you seem to be experiencing... | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 5:26:10 PM | I used to date a guy that did govt IT contract work...and his phone wasn't classified..heh. I think this is all part of his charade. Their servers and computer info would NOT be on his cell phone. And if he even had some top secret stuff for some ungodly reason for his work...I'm sure it would be a totally separate government issued phone. (which...I can't believe he would need for IT work...I mean....what....they are TEXTING him classified national secrets? c'mon now...I'm sure you know better than that). IT doesn't even involve phone use.
I suggest you stay away from this one sweetie. I think it's pretty clear he is playing you...which is a rotten thing. Just tell him you are tired of his lies and games...you want and deserve a real man. Keep in mind like the others have said....someone like this WILL try to sway you back with "all the right" words. Don't buy it. Stay strong. You deserve better...someone who is wanting to give you their real time and effort and heart. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 6:19:04 PM | | he says his work gave him phone.....its a very nice phone and top of the line technology wise....and i doubt that his work calls all hours of the night because last time we were hang ing out they called three times during that time and it was at like around 1 or 2ish then aagain at 3 am like man as if itd be that urgent to call some one then but of course he ignored it but still....and im deffinately letting him go | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:29:27 PM | | Sounds like he's got his cake and eating it too...sorry, but sounds like he's a major player and using you big time. I would be saying bye-bye to this guy. There are red flags every which way you turn, and no one deserves that. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 8:17:58 AM | OK, Random, I am "fixin" to give you some TUFF Love !! Stop it. Stop it this very minute. The behavior of this "Government Top Secret Agent" BS and your acceptance of it, has to STOP. This guy is a liar, a jerk , a loser and an abuser. Kick his ass to the curb. He will always hurt you and you will NEVER matter to him. Do you hear me ?? He does NOT love you, you do not mean anything to him. Do you hear me ? Stop it. He is using you with NO respect or regard of the person that you really are. He does NOT love or want to be with you. Stop it. You seem so sweet and trusting, I wish I could take you under my arm. You have got to take a LONG look in the mirror, I mean really look at yourself. Stand there for an hour, stand there all day if you need to. Tell yourself that you are the most important and beautiful thing in the world. Hell, scream it at yourself !!!! Get MAD at that lil MF and show him that you are not his w***e. That is ALL you mean to him and it seems that he is needing that from you less and less. Do you really want to only mean sex for him? Have some self respect and dignity, take up for yourself, stop this with this guy. You are so young and I hate to see anyone taken advantage of. You are just starting out on what I think is going to be a great life. I have children around your age and to think about someone so new to this grown up life is being hurt upsets me very much . So, stop it. Scream it outloud, cry, write it down, talk to your mom, hell , talk to me but please for your sake, take control of your life and emotions. Stop it , stop it, stop it !!!! Soft Hugs, Lil'
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Posted: 5/24/2008 9:04:59 AM | Op, it seems you were addicted to him, just like a drug - so "JUST SAY NO!"
And keep saying it over and over and you'll see he will leave your system....thankfully. He is not good for you and you know this....and it seems pretty unanimous everyone here can see he is using you, sweetheart, and you are using him too.....
So, stop the self deception and you can be the stronger one here and say No to him.....it's what he needs to learn also.
And next time someone comes along that just might be like him, pay attention - pay very close attention to all the signs - for truly, you have written just about every sign in each of your posts that indicate he almost 100% absolutely is in another relationship.
1. only sees you privately and alone
2. claims lives with his momma and she doesn't like him having girlfriends....hmmm - (yeah, his 'momma' is actually the momma of his children, perhaps!)
3. visits you at random times and sneaks out in the middle of the night to go home.
4. claims he can only sleep in his own bed (he's right about that one, only his own bed he shares with another)....
5. no home phone....not so unique, but combine it with
6. won't show you his phone - probably has family pics in it of him and his wife and kids
Be wise, girl - or rather wise up to the fact that even if he is not what everyone here thinks - he's being so secretive you're wasting your time, energy, feelings, and definitely body on him!
So, let him go for you are settling, my dear, and you are worth so so so much more than him. Don't waste any more of your precious life on him. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 9:49:49 AM | You are only 20 years old and yes he's messing with your head; you are his bed buddy; friends with benefits. You shouldn't have put out so easy with him. The first time you meet you have sex? come on.
You are into him; he's not into you other than a screw buddy. He chases you when you date someone else because he doesnt' want you, but he doesnt' want others to want you. You have a lot to learn. Sex isn't a toy you let everyone play with.
Somehow we end up in bed? lol; you are very immature. He will not commit to you; love is action, not words. He says just enough because he knows you will jump in the sack with him if you like what you hear.
Very dysfunctional. Again, move on or get used to the pain. You aren't a victim if you knowingly allow someone to hurt you. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 12:06:43 PM | | Hurt him more til he gets used to it. The fukin puss. Who hasn't been hurt........ Rack his nutts, he knows not pain. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 2:41:19 PM | | He is married or has a girlfriend. Your just his extra piece of ass. That is why you only hear from him once in a while. Dump the ***hole. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:08:42 PM | | sorry but it sounds like you are just a f*ck buddy to him. he only wants to see you when he's horny. move on and find someone who will treat you with respect and will want more from you than just sex. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:14:16 PM | | he works in Denmark? what kind of work does he do? that sounds suspicious too. maybe he's with someone else and using that as an excuse. sounds fishy to me. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:31:44 PM | nooo he works in ottawa he was just sent on a trip to denmark he came back last night wanted to hang out n i told im no its too late im going to bed it was midnight/1am and it takes him an hour to drive with me i also told him i was done being his thing on the side and blocked him before he answered
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:35:23 PM | | actually you should ask him to send you a *postcard* from Denmark. i dated this jerk once and he told me he was going to Missouri for *business* but i didn't believe him. my girlfriend told me to ask him for a postcard and guess what?? NEVER got one from him, gee, i wonder why? maybe because he was NEVER in Missouri? he kept making all sorts of excuses like he didn't have my address so i said, no problem, i will EMAIL it to you. still no postcard and i'm still waiting and it's 2 years later now, lol. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:36:58 PM | | well you did the RIGHT thing, believe me. you are VERY young but you will learn eventually that there are givers and takers out there. he obviously was a taker. just learn from this experience and move on. you do deserve MUCH better. good luck!! | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 3:44:59 PM | | "...I told him no..." good for you! Hunny, KEEP telling him "no"! Better yet, keep blocking him....he'll try real hard to string you along....be strong, stay busy, work on YOU... I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you WILL forget he ever existed. | |
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Posted: 5/24/2008 4:01:18 PM | I'm also in a very secret part of the government, the BIA (Bikini Inspection Agency) and live with my Mom who never wants to meet any women I'm having sex with. But I have this secret phone that I can only call or message you on so you know when we can hook up. I'll message you tonight, sweety.
Wait a minute, I think I've said too much......now I must kill you all through my super cyber skills. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 8:47:54 AM | | Good for you Random !! Stay strong and believe that you are above all of his disrespect. You deserve better than that. Babygirl, the fact of life is that you will encounter many people that may not respect the person that you are and that there may be many times in your life that you are hurt and disappointed BUT always believe in yourself and the spirit that you hold within. I hope that you learn that you and your heart are a "gift" and should not be taken for granted. Hugs, Lil' | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 9:13:21 AM | meh Well the entire suitation seems shady to begin with. Well you keep sleeping with them almost everytime you meet up so i don't think in terms of him its going to change because he seems to get what he wants and then says a few words to make sure it will be available again rofl. Maybe he does have some issues but it seems you like him enough that he should be able to talk to you about it.
That being said shame on him if he is jerk and messing around cause it seems like your a good girl and what not and you deserve good. Best of luck with the suitation but i think you should kinda figure it out sooner rather than later. But simply don't put out for awhile or make excuses that you arent alone and see if he bothers to come around and see how much he decides he wants to come around...should tell you something. | |
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