| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:37:01 PM | Hey OP
Can insecure girls change or should I just dump her ass. She's been a great girlfriend up until this point. She has most of the same interests as me, she looks good, and she isn't a whore, I just wish she wasn't so damn insecure. So should I forgive her, or am I better off dumping her. I'm willing to listen to some opinions of the older and wiser. I'm only in my early 20s so I'm pretty stupid.
You say she was snooping around your computer. Fact is, she is insecure and it is manifesting itself in her lack of trust towards you. Do you think she's worth the effort of trying to show her your trustworthy (which is damn near impossible, as I've learned) or not? Personally, I would not be able to be with someone who was constantly checking to see if I was cheating. If I'm with someone, it's because I wanna be with just them, and she would need to understand that.
Good luck bro. I know it can be tough, but I think you'll be alright. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:44:36 PM | if she is worth it than you might want to have an elder that she respects talk to the both of you about the finer points of a having a relationship.
and if you loved her then you would have never thought to dump her over something that can be corrected. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:15:55 PM | | I don't see the problem. Women "snoop", insecure or not. It is only an indication of how much she wants you. If you are not ready for "sharing", which is what couples do, then move on. You might find out that you are not so much the lady's man as you think you are. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:27:09 PM | You remain on a Singles Dating Site, yes it does say you are not looking, BUT.........
Us women can see a lot about a man, how many favorite lists men are on, how many roses they have sent, maybe she is not so insecure maybe she is just checking what her man is up to on a singles site.
Easy to delete a profile  | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:41:43 PM | | well i think she is right! all men are dawgggggs! and need reining in..get off the site look after your chick...x | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:49:33 PM | Sorry I got stuck at this point of the thread MSG 11.
I've never raised my hand to a woman, never cheated, and never called my gf or any previous gfs any derogatory names..Whenever she says I'm too good for her I always tell her the opposite and say she's too good for me. Or I'll just tell her she's being silly for saying that. I've checked out other girls and may lose patience with her sometimes for her insecurity but I'd say I'm better than at least 75% of the guys out there
As well as stated WHY SHOULD I pay for what other pr!ck heads have done to her.
This then is followed by the outlined stuff that smacks of someone that would make me constantly wonder what wall you were bouncing off of.
She has every reason in the world to think all men are cheats, simply because she doesn't see any different... You further add to her anx by telling her her feelings are silly, which is dimissing how she feels. As well you go onto state you have checked out other girls...
There's a guy that smell that being completely trustable.
If you truly honestly with out a doubt love another person, you DO work to gain that persons trust... Not by belittling her, because her insecurity has gotten the better of her. I see nothing wrong with telling her it isn't ok for her to go search like that, however if she respected you, and asked, you would have NO PROBLEM showing her there isn't a reason to worry.
That way You are taking the time to help build her trust and belief in you.
IN other postings on this thread you have been completely wishy washy, that you want to dump her A$$ as YOU stated, then you say you love her. With that kind of thought process, I would get insecure and wonder WHEN and WHY the dumping is coming.
If you aren't the type to treat women like shit, then instead of LACKING so much understanding for this girl, why not really love her, and help walk her through her mistrust instead of acting like she is a total unlovable freak.
Other wise do you and herself a favor and let her go, so someone who can really love her, warts and all, will be willing to help put the wart remove of this on, instead of making her feel worse for being so insecure... | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:19:03 AM | | Don't dump her, you said yourself that she is a good person. Insecurity can be frustrating but its a minor issue that can be solved if you communicate with each other. I had the same problem with a previous gf but I encouraged her to approach me every time she felt insecure and in time that feeling went away. Its only a destructive emotion if she starts to accuse you of cheating and wants to fight about it all the time. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:46:44 AM | You have a gf and have been in a relationship for 6 months yet your on a dating site cheating! You contribute to her insecurity and are the cause of it. Her feelings are justified, yours definitely arent! If you reall loved and cared for her you wouldn't be on here keeping your options open and cheating. Time to grow up little boy and be a man!   | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:48:29 AM | Here are my two cents in...
I do not think that ending the relationship simply over one insedent is right.
Yes, it may not have been right of here to snoop but hey..who hasn't before? Everyone has in one way or another. You just need to talk to her.
Also if you are simply planning to end the relationship because the girl in insecure. That is not right either. I have always been insecure and getting dumped would not help that issue. You just need to be there for your girlfriend and if you love her let her know. Be there for her and continue to help her get over her insecurities. It helps a lot knowing that you have some there for you. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:50:32 AM | Your on a dating site and not looking for other women...lol...yeah right tell me another  You've checked out other girls and you loose patience with her oh but you don't treat women like shit...oh whatever She should dump you! | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:00:24 AM | | I know what you are going through man - my X used to go thruogh mt cell phone all the time - yet she kept always stating "Your too good to be true". Eventually her insecurity was one of the factors that led to the demise of our relationship. I never had the desire to cheat on her and it was getting very annoying when she would get all uselessly mad and jealous over dumb things. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:20:07 AM | When I say checked out other girls, I mean checking them out on the street, as in looking at them, not trying to pick them up. Why are some people so judgemental.
Yeah I guess she should dump me eh, I'm just such a horrible prick. You treat a women decent and you're still a pig to some girls. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:23:10 AM | | SUVman, my gf is the same way. She never flies off the handle and accuses me of cheating but she seems to think I would just because she's not good enough. She always says that I'm too good for her. I'm willing to forgive this incident but I don't want this to be an indicator of things to come. I know I can't change her but is it possible for a girl to change her insecurity. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:50:25 AM | | I was dating a guy for 4 months. Met him on an online site. I had this feeling he wasn't being completely honest and even told him if he wanted to see others, just be truthful. He said he only wanted to see me. The signs were there, so I snooped too and guess what...he met one woman at a motel when I was out of town....hmm wasn't right that I invaded his privacy, but wasn't right that he lied especially when I told him I was ok with it if he was just honest about it! | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:04:01 AM | People can change but it has to come from them, there is nothing you can do to make her feel more secure. Possibly telling her what you said in the thread, that you had no clue about women until a couple of years ago when you figured out X about yourself, might help.
Sounds like she needs some counseling to deal with self-esteem issues, without that, she will likely always be insecure and her ability to control the bad behavior this produces is probably marginal. I also suspect this was not the first time she made a foray into your private life, just the first time you figured it out. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:08:03 AM | Canadian Loser
I'm not trying to be judgemental here or rude to you. I read your profile and as a guy I would begin to doubt you too so first off I delete my profile or at least delete everything, including those who have you listed as favourite's.... looks like you are keeping something in case of an emergency.
Next I'd change my own attiude about myself, ie Canadian Loser or "I'm just such a horrible prick" because if you have that type of attitude you will attract the same. Don't try to change her, but when she sees a change in you, she'll change her attitude herself or find someone else.
Hope this helps, good luck in what happens | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:12:04 AM | | You are what you tell yourself you are ...."Canadian Loser" " Stupid" She should dump you. Grow up. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:24:04 AM | OP, "checking out" woman on the street is far worse than looking at woman's profiles on here. If a man I was with disrespected me this way, I'd dump him on the spot.
That alone is more than enough reason not to trust you. And your profile says...not looking for hotties now....shows you plan on sometime in the future which indicates you are not serious with your current gf. If your gf doesn't know that you use POF for the forums, you have no business being here, simply because it is a dating site.
Trustworthy people have nothing to hide, except maybe a diary.
Trust is earned, never a given, and her not trusting you is not about insecurty, it is about you not proving to be trustworthy. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:27:04 AM | | Is it the end of the world because she looked at your computer lol If u think u love her then I think u can let something like that slide. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:43:34 AM | she should dump you cause you never took the time to update your profile on here before coming on the forums and if your getting mad at her cause she has a hard time trusting then find a woman who doesn't have trust issues....
i have trust issues and i'm gonna keep trying to meet someone but i'm even more picky so i know when i do get involved with someone again my jealousy won't be set of. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:07:50 AM | I may be wrong and I’m not trying to shift the blame here, but from what I’ve noticed insecurity is not a general trait people have, but something that develops in rapport with other people. For instance one can feel intimidated by some people and entirely at ease with others. And it’s not correlated to how “great” the other person is either; it’s just the vibe they send out. That being said by implying in any subliminal way that you're
good with women
a victim of my own success
better than at least 75% of the guys out there
not naive enough to assume she's the "one"
many good women who would like to date me
I have no clue how anybody could feel secure being with you.
It just puzzles me how people can claim to love somebody and then be so quick to "dump her ass". | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:18:17 AM | ^^^^^What people fail to read in the OP is that the GIRLFRIEND says he is too good for her. He clearly indicated that he believes it is impossible for anyone to be "better" than anyone else. He also said she had boyfriends that treated her poorly and that is where her trust and insecurity issues come from.
My X was a jealous idiot. I assumed initially that this was not totally illogical as his x-wife had cheated on him many, many times. I thought when he discovered that I was not remotely interested in other men or cheating, that he would chill out. Seventeen years, a raised stepson and three of our own children later, running a business, with absolutely no time whatsoever to have an affair let alone any behavior that would point that direction, he still would not trust me, period, because he has not dealt with his insecurity that has nothing to do with me or anyone but him.
Prior to this thread, the man has not posted since June of 2007. Is it possible that he hasn't really been onsite for quite some time or visits to keep in touch with folks he has gotten to know from the forums? I have seen many people that I know have not been on much for the last six months and they still have tons of favs because they don't bother to delete them. You either trust someone or you don't, period. Unless something has changed dramatically in the last 24 hours, he has a whopping 2 people on his favs list? What a stable he is keeping in case this one goes south. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:26:09 AM | | You either have to decide you love her enough to deal with it or get out. It won't change anytime soon. Trust me. I went through the same thing and was accused of flirting all the time when I wasn't. Insecurity is a bad thing with bad results. | |
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kel35
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Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:53:41 AM | as she learns to trust you, that should lessen....seems to me at least.
course if she doesnt trust you, she prob shouldnt be with you.
who knows. | |
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| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:05:46 AM | 1.) You claim you love her, yet come on here asking people whether you should "dump her ass"
2.) whenever she discusses her insecurities with you, you dismiss her feelings by saying "you should know I wouldn't do that," or something to that effect
Reality check, buddy: relationships take WORK. If you're not willing to sit down with her, have a serious heart-to-heart, and try to resolve the issues you BOTH have, then I would say yes, by all means, break up with her. Tell her some of the things you've posted on here. COMMUNICATE. | |
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