|
|
|
|
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:47:47 PM | Please OP, do her a favor and let her go. After reading about your profile and how you talk and refer to her. Give her a break and let her go.
She needs someone better. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:52:46 AM | Okay, considering I am only 20, let me shed some light on insecure girls... Considering at your age this is probably what she is as well...
First off, YES we can become "LESS" insecure, but that insecurity rarely diminishes completely out of sight and out of mind. I never had confidence until I started losing weight and began noticing that yes, I was actually not that bad looking. I grew up believing I was disgusting and a horrible person. (Being the daughter of a woman who suffered from borderline personality disorder, doesn't help self-esteem) It took me a very long time, and trials of rough relationships and rocky roads. Now that I have lost 150 pounds in the last two years on my own, I finally am living for myself and making MYSELF happy. I've found that I barely have any insecurities... Sure they peek around the corner on rare occasions. However, they certainly have become less. So the answer the that question is yes.
Second of all, there are quite a few women out there who do SNOOP through wallets, computers, duffel bags, or anything you might carry or hide something within. I will tell you now, that arguing about it and getting mad at them, will only spite yourself. Because, if you argue, many of those women feel you are being defensive. This tells them that you really do have something to hide, which may cause more snooping and more fighting. So, honestly keep it to yourself after you have said "Please, do not do this again. This is my personal space and I admonish you not to intrude." Plain and simple.
Now, as for dumping her because she is so insecure. You need to decide if you can help her in any way, shape, form, or manner of such to improve her self-esteem. Compliment her in ways she normally isn't complimented. If she disputes the compliment, simply don't reply. Honestly, women who discard good comments towards themselves, well something is wrong that even the word beautiful can not mend.
If you can not help her in any way improve the way she views herself in general and in her relationship with you, I would recommend yes breaking the relationship off. Because in the end your efforts will not be seen nor taken to heart. Your compliments merely mean nothing, because they are rejected. Also, coming from what my male friends have said to me; it does hurt when you think someone is the most amazing person in the world and they think they are lower than an amoeba on a piece of dirt on a flea.
There is a saying, you can not love someone else until you can love yourself. This statement is honestly true. You can love a family member or a friend even if you do not love yourself. But to love someone has a partner and as an equal; it's treachery to beat yourself up, when all they seek to do is provide you a solid foundation which to build upon. Yet, if you are constantly moving the supports and getting things out of whack because you don't "feel" like they should be supporting you. Well, there is nothing further they can do.
To me it sounds like she needs to work on herself. If you break up with her, don't be rude. But rather gentle about it. She really sounds to me like she needs to be single for a while, and be herself. Truly learn that she is an amazing person. That she DOES have something to offer someone, and if you can be her friend during all of this; more power to you.
Well, good luck! Happy Fishing!
 | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:58:48 PM | Whats funny is I can almost tell the age of the posters without looking them up.
One thing I look at is why did she choose the guys she did? Its a huge cop out to say, I was treated like crap by many boyfriends; well she chose them.
Insecurity is not a trump card for bad behavior. She can't use that anymore.
You need to have a heart to heart. Its not wussy to love someone. You show more maturity than many your age with your post.
I have a cousin that we talked about this very thing earlier in the year. He was in the same situation.
Make yourself accountable. Include her in family things and in with your friends. Dont' have little female relationships with friends without her knowing them. Dont be flirty.
Tell her that you really care about her and that your really happy you met her. Compliment her good qualities and if she laughs them off, tell you are being serious and make her say thank you. Tell her you will be there for her no questions asked and that you are for her; always.
Tell her the only way you guys can succeed, is with love, trust, communication, understanding, and loyalty. Tell her to not let you pay for the future because she has made mistakes in the past. Make her be responsible too. Its easy for her to claim the victim card. She needs to know she picked a good guy and to let the past go.
In time my cousins very insecure girlfriend came around and now they are talking marriage in a year. They are a year older than you. They are very excited and their relationship is very laid back and fun.
Relationships are hard work; but dont let herself cut her down or wallow in self pity or insecurity. Reassure her and be consistent. I think with a good guy like you, things will be fine. Always be a safe place to land for her and she will come around. Good luck! | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:18:37 PM | | mthomjmark, what you said is excellant but why is his profile screaming come and get me? Flip the scrip, if she was doing that what advice would you give him? And maybe it isn't all about her past relationships. If the relationship is worth working on then he should not have a visible profile inviting women to contact him. If I were in a relationship then I would definitely NOT have a profile on this site, even if I were only here for forums, or I would atleast make it invisible. When your in a relationship and you truly care for someone you tend to try to ease the insecurities/to build the trust, and it's our actions not our words that have the biggest impact. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:31:37 PM | canadian,
please give her a chance!! She probably went through some major crap with an X that made her feel that way!! trust me, I am insecure and a lot of guys do not know why!! It's hard and a struggle every day to regain your self esteem back!!
My X called me fat, i am 5'5 89 lbs, ugly etc etc, why didn't I leave?/ Well, when you are so tore down you truely belive they are the only one for you, hence I eventually left.
the trust issue well she probably was cheated on.
give her time, talk to her | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:25:39 AM |
mthomjmark, what you said is excellant but why is his profile screaming come and get me? Flip the scrip, if she was doing that what advice would you give him? And maybe it isn't all about her past relationships. If the relationship is worth working on then he should not have a visible profile inviting women to contact him. If I were in a relationship then I would definitely NOT have a profile on this site, even if I were only here for forums, or I would atleast make it invisible. When your in a relationship and you truly care for someone you tend to try to ease the insecurities/to build the trust, and it's our actions not our words that have the biggest impact.
I was on the ask a girl section and most that were in relationships still had themselves as available. I dont think its bad to have your profile still up. He's young and he's not married or talking about being married.
People look at every time thing; especially women when it comes to men; to make them look like they are in the wrong. I think you are looking way too much into things. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:40:55 PM | | Maybe your doing things you dont realise that put her on edge, take a look at things and comunicate with her. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:01:39 PM | Geez,
Youth is definitely wasted on the young....
Look grashopper, just run naked through the snow until you both feel really, really cold, go snuggle by a roaring fire, and forget all this crap. Neither of you are even old enough to worry about insecurities, computers, or even house hunting.
No snow? BS, I played hockey in Canada for years, it doesn't even begin to melt until July.
Now scoot, and don't bother us until you have something worthwhile to **** about...
 | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:18:48 PM | | cant believe your asking the question 'should i dump her'. Does she mean so little to you? I only say this after reading your post and it state that 'im attached to her' and 'you could say I love her' yeah right! If you did you wouldnt be asking the question........creep......I think you should at least she'd be better off without you...god you guys get a nice girl then moan about the smallest detail....wouldnt it be great to be perfect wonder what your inadequacies are? oh yeah, a moaner.......lol | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:29:22 PM | | Op, stop being an ass. You sound insecure yourself. Why do you care if she is checking up on you? If I were you I would tell her that it is ok to do it. If she needs to feel secure, then you are not helping by being insecure yourself. If she starts thinking that you are shutting her out, or are mad at her, then she may end up leaving you, because she is not getting the security that she needs. Do you tell her that you love her? You should. That is both by actions and words. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:32:18 PM | Hehe OP, you've changed your profile as per everyone's suggestion to reflect the fact that you are unavailable, but did it in the least conspicious, and I'd say most timid way possible, in the last line. Hmm, wonder WHY would the girl feel a bit insecure with you?  Come on OP, be a man, put it on the FIRST line, prominently, or take it away. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:49:47 PM | OP I know exactly what your talking about. I am like you, I feel that if I am with someone that doesn't trust me then there is no relationship. I can't stand someone going behind my back and checking up on me. I have never lied or cheated on a woman and it makes me really mad if they sneak around checking on me. Unfortunately I have found many people that don't trust the other person are usually not trust worthy themselves. They are usually doing something wrong and then they get paranoid that your doing it. Not saying this is the case with her but you might look out for that.
If you feel you can trust her then I would let her know how you feel and that you want a relationship with her. But tell her if she doesn't trust you then she needs to take a walk and if you ever find her checking up on you again then you will dump her. Re assure her that she has nothing to worry about. | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:56:24 PM | ok Canadian Loser, i think i understand what you are saying:
1. your a great guy
2. your a great guy who has trust issues w ur girl.\
3. your a great guy who wants to break up w your girl b cuz of these issues.
4. your a great guy who basically treats all women like princesses, and has all the mannerisms that we as women would be looking for.
5. your a great guy whos only fault in this whole issue is basically your experiance or lack there of b/c of your age.
Did i miss any pertinant information?
Can you say Flaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I read your profile very carefully before i posted this, if your g/f has trust issues i would not tend to wonder why. heres what i would have her do, have her read your profile, have her read ALL your comments about her, and stand real still, .........................cuz you know the beotch slap is coming!
I say she should dump your ass! Never once did you try to communicate with HER about said actions, seems like all you wanted was verification 2 dump her and make yourself more appealing to the young ladies here!
 | |
|
DazzyB
|
Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 87 | |
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:07:03 PM | Sorry, but you can't 'tell' her to trust you - you've got to 'show' her that she can trust you. And that will take time!! Lots of it!! You say that you shouldn't suffer for her' past bf's mistakes - but can I ask you if she is worth it? If so, let it go over your head and just show her tlc - she will come around at some stage. I certainly wouldn't go to the point of dumping her, especially if it's the first time this has happened! Do you 'click' together? Does it work for you? Then get in there and fight for her!! It'll be hard but it will be worth it.
Just my penny's worth... | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:19:28 PM | Oh hey I know....how's about U get UR Azz off the dating sites and give her a reason to trust you? Geesh...how hard is that?
(Yeah I know, you don't get it) | |
|
| Insecure Girls
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:32:30 PM | OK , If she is insecure, it will take her time to trust. She sounds like she has been either, cheated on or she has low self esteem about herself. On line dating can also cause a problem. She might have it in her mind, you'll date her till someone else comes along that might be better. If you can sit her down and let her know, how you feel and reassure her, gain her trust. I know it should be natural but with some people it's not that easy.
I myself have trust issue in men and people in general. I am what you call a skeptic. She might be like me. I don't believe half the crap that comes out of someones mouth. I have only dated one guy, I trust my entire life with and I screwed that up. I don't feel like I will ever meet someone I can trust like I did him. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
