| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:49:23 AM | | I would be worried about being hit with the stick at some point, even if I deserved it, it would hurt. There would be the promise of endless pleasure on one hand, but then also that damn stick, poised to strike. Hey, now that I think about it, that goes for any relationship. I would not be afraid of you because you were different. I would be afraid of you because you were the same, only you had a stick. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:53:46 AM | This post has nothing to do with online dating, its about dating in general. Weather we want to admit it , life is about human interaction mainly from the opposite sex or same sex if thats what ur into. Anyway when we dont have that interaction life is pretty lonely. I am a pretty confident person honestly but if you get rejected enough it leaves a mark. And as hard as i try, sometimes its very hard to ignore. Weather it is realize the cane did/does play a role in who i am, for 2 reasons. Its not going away and I imagine if i didnt have this cane I would be a completely different person. For the most I do like myself but every once in a while my lack of a romantic relationship bothers and the past few days are one of those times. In a few days it wont bother me as much.
P.s. thank you for your responces. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:00:10 AM | | Dating is inherently not designed for fairness. Dating is a process which one weeds out unsuitable mates. CP means that the things you'll be able to go do and enjoy would be less. Would someone give up some activities just to be with you? | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:10:02 AM | Ok I dont consider myself gorgous but i know i am pretty, I am not 120 pounds but im not fat, I like to go out and have fun, im smart,funny nice ,honest, loyal, im not innocent but im not a freak this things along with alot of other things make me concider myself a normal 22 year old female. but along with all those things that make me normal there is also one thing that makes me not so normal. I have a mild case of cerbreal pulsy (brain damage) that affects my balance and so i walk with a cane. I have no mental issues or anything of that sort. So why is it most men my age and older run in the other direction? Dont get me wrong I have had boyfriends but none of them can get passed the cane. They say it doesnt bother them and that they dont treat me different, but they do. I'm diffenrent yes but normal is boring. Are all men afraid of different? Am I just looking at the wrong guys? Am I doomed to be alone and forever to be put in the different catagory ? What do u think?
Something to consider is how you perceive yourself and what you have to offer and how most men perceive you and what you have to offer might be very different.
Obviously it depends on the guy in question. Because you think certain traits are attractive to you and you think that's what men will or should find attractive, it has no bearing how most will actually behave or truly find attractive.
You seem like a nice young lady so I think the best thing to say is we all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to dating and attracting the opposite sex. I think if you want more success with dating, you will have to consider the things most men will find appealing and attractive and see if you can maximize your strengths in these areas.
Sometimes it's easy in life to focus on one thing and believe if that one thing was different, that our whole life would be different. In some cases, there's a lot of truth to that. But there are also a lot of girls out there without canes who have a hard time finding dates as well.
There are people who say if you wait long enough, the right guy is going to come along. Yeah, ok, it's a nice thought but it's probably not true. If you get one result now and do nothing then how can anyone expect those results to change? Things I think most women can do, cane or not, to help themselves is to smile more, try a new hair style, try some new clothes, go to the gym regularly, join some clubs or activity groups, get into more social circles in your community and try to maintain a positive attitude no matter what. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:12:18 PM |
Ok I dont consider myself gorgous but i know i am pretty, I am not 120 pounds but im not fat, I like to go out and have fun, im smart,funny nice ,honest, loyal, im not innocent but im not a freak this things along with alot of other things make me concider myself a normal 22 year old female. but along with all those things that make me normal there is also one thing that makes me not so normal. I have a mild case of cerbreal pulsy (brain damage) that affects my balance and so i walk with a cane. I have no mental issues or anything of that sort. So why is it most men my age and older run in the other direction? Dont get me wrong I have had boyfriends but none of them can get passed the cane. They say it doesnt bother them and that they dont treat me different, but they do. I'm diffenrent yes but normal is boring. Are all men afraid of different? Am I just looking at the wrong guys? Am I doomed to be alone and forever to be put in the different catagory ? What do u think?
What do I think?
You got the same problem that I've been harping about over and over again. Avoid the jack in the boxes who only go for the physical appearance. At the same time develop something about yourself that would help a guy see past the cane and see the real you. I'm sure you're a great person. I've got no reason to think otherwise. I find it disgusting if a man would just shoot you down without even ATTEMPTING to get to know you. So what if you have to walk with a cane? It's not like you chose it or something.
A lot of guys would say that they'd be ashamed in public with you. I don't want to sound cruel but I'm telling you that's what some would think. That's pathetic. I wouldn't give two craps what someone thought if I were with you and we were in public. I would treat you the same way I treated any woman. Unless you gave me a reason to dislike you I wouldn't dislike or avoid you because it wouldn't be fair.
I'm sorry you experienced this. I hope you find a person who can treat you just like every woman deserves to be treated. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:01:22 PM | Different or dependent.?
Fill me in on this Cerebal Palsy. Will you walk with a cane for life, the same way as Douglas (Tin Legs) Bader walked on prosthetics for life, or will you be a bed ridden invalid requiring constant nursing by the time you are 30?
Men are not afraid of women who are "different' They are afraid of being decieved. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:14:24 PM |
You unfortunately have a disability. That is not attractive to most people and you will always be treated differently. In terms of dating it is not that people are scared of it, it is just a really big negative.
1. One man's hamburger is another man's steak.
2. The only disability in life is a bad attitude. Got a placard yet? | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:17:39 AM | That has to be horrible. Really, really horrible - I know so many superficial guys that couldn't see past the most small of things, and I can actually think of very few that would do so for something such as CP.
On the bright side, it's a self-selecting process. Those that would see past the surface for who you are are the ones that are most worth dating. Hang in there. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/23/2008 3:29:11 AM | All animals are instinctively afraid of anything different... all humans instinctively follow the hurd and fashion...
So you just need to wait for a more special man who rises above the hurd and loves you at a deeper level...
beautiful women can very often be very sad in later life... | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:29:01 PM | Men are not afraid of you. They just find you less attractive than a perfectly healthy woman. Your cane sends a signal that you are not healthy. Men would rather choose a woman that is healthy--who is more likely to produce healthy children, and live a longer healthier life, that is more productive, and better able to care for children.
My suggestion is to look for an older man who can sees your youth as more important than the negative of your cane--one who sees you as a better mate than a woman past her child bearing years. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:07:49 PM | Gizmo983,
What a wonderful smile. She's right, OP, and keep a positive attitude, a guy's going to be more likely to be attracted to a girl he feel likes herself.
Find some things you enjoy doing, and participate. Develop skill or experience, or knowledge, and be outgoing. Maybe you'll find a guy with similar interests. He's out there, you'll find him. Think " happy, happen". Best of luck. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:56:11 PM | hey there
i came across your profile then i see what people where writting on the form!!
i just read what you where asking and i just read some peoples replys
i am in a wheelchair do to a car crash in 1996 so i am handycaped and i find the samething that you are going throw trying to find someone to love you for you and just give us the chance too meet and go from there . but i have talked to alot of woman and asked well would you date anyone in a wheelchair? i told them to be honest and tell the truth that it would not hurt my feelings! and alot of them said no i asked why they said will i want too be with a guy who can take care of me! that i dont have to take care of them and look after them! they also said well i want too have kids and someone in a "wheelchair" that would be hard to do is have kids with! said also i like doing alot of thingz where someone in a wheelchair would not be able to do. ect....ect.. it goes on what is sad is that the world is F#$ked and people so care about what they look like and who they standing with and how they look beside the person!! as in oh if i am with that hadycap person i dont want people looking at me because i am with this person!! witch is bull shit!! its sad that people with no handycaps cant see people with handys the stuff that we can do and that hey we do stuff but in diffrent ways!!
alot of man and woman really dont have a dam clue about handycaps like for me i am in a wheelchair and i drive my own ass around in my wheelchair but not just in my wheelchair i drive a truck!! i live by my self and look after my own ass i dont want too meet a lady too look after me and too wheel me around!! i want to meet someone to grow old with and do everything that we can do before we die!! for those people who think handy cap people cant have kids ect.. thats bull shit i am in a wheelchair and yes my 3rd leg works!! not everyone in wheelchairs it works but alot of people can have sex and have kids!
its just too bad that man and woman would just open there dam eyes up and just give someone who is handycap a chance and just see where it goes!! i bet that you people will learn alot out and see alot that goes on as in you will see how rude people are towards handycap people!
anyways i hope you all dont think that i am this mad man in a wheelchair or anything lol because i am not just saying my to centz worth! lol you guyz take it how you would like too!
peace out | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:50:47 PM | I have cp and use a walker, I've never been serious with a girl only flings and such, but one day I'll find the real deal, most people in our age group only want physical fun, and even in that instance some people look past disability....yes you will always be categorized but 99% of people who put you in column B will be dead wrong
I'll admit I've been on and off this site for 3 years and I do not think it works for me but by the same token I can't remember when I last met someone the good ole fashioned way (not since university ended)
just don't focus on finding a guy, build your life in ways you can control, career, friends, finance, hobbies..be a champ in those ways and the rest will come in time
The girls who won't date me because of my walker or not having a car are the same people who cheat and lie to their partners and ask their parents for gas $$, while I was paying my way through university and being honest
take care | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:58:49 PM | learn about what cp is before you open your mouth, how does it mean youre less productive, past her child bearing years?? the girl posting this forum is 22!, wtf you want her to go after 40 yr olds??
there is little connection between cp and having healthy children, its not genetic its brain damage you idiot, ive babysat my nephew since he was a newborn and my cp is more restrictive than this young lady's
do yourself a favour pal, go to wikipedia.org and type cerebral palsy | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:50:24 PM | | i think many are sadly but when you find the right one he wont care a bit about a cane. Many guys are concerned so much about whats others will think about who they are with and how it all looks. But not all are like that. Find the right guy and he wont care one bit becuase all that will be on his mind will be spending time with you. he wont notice or care for how other think he will just care for how you are as a couple and how he can make you feel. Maybe so far you just didnt meet Mr Wright. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:44:02 AM | You're 22. Stop worrying about it and date as many guys as you can. It will take a special guy to look past your CP. Not all men...heck not all people...are able to look past that. Not because of malice, but because of their own discomfort and not knowing how to behave with you.
I've seen several successful people with more serious disabilities get into wonderful relationships. They all shared the same traits..
They knew people would be afraid to say something insensitive..so they would say it first..make jokes about their own disability. Make it normal and then people forget about it. If you leave it as the 400 pound gorilla in the room, eventually it will freak everyone out. Just human nature. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:33:08 AM |
Are all men afraid of different?
Nope, many find different facinating.
Am I just looking at the wrong guys?
Yep, it sounds like it.
Am I doomed to be alone and forever to be put in the different catagory ?
Only if you are lucky and work very hard at it.
Maybe you are looking at guys that are to normal for you. Look outside the box, explore and most of all enjoy your self. A happy you is always more attactive than an unhappy you. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:52:17 AM | I had a car accident.. and have come across men..that tend to judge, someone by their
appearence, inwhitch I think is very self-centered. Most of them..only want one thing, and one thing only! Needless to say, that is very unlawful, and it just makes you think less...of the fella. I do believe... out of all the guys, I have meet, off this site....1 was definatly a keeper. Although almost all men on this site, and EVERYWHERE ELSE, are only out for one thing...but are saying that they are looking, for something totally different. I had a car accident...years ago..inwhitch has made me come to see, men don't bother with the inside..they are only wanting to stay in the media. (So to speak). Men....have you ever thought,and wondered..what a real relationship, could/would actually feel like...if you wasn't so worried..about going scuba diving? LOL But for real though! | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 10:09:25 AM | Sorry to hear about the cerebral palsy, but the cane will only be an issue if YOU LET IT be an issue. Some of the most impressive people that have graced the face of this Earth have walked, hobbled, crawled, stumbled, or rolled their way across its surface to happiness and glory. Others unfortunately have let their disabilities rule their hearts and minds, and have remained mired on the shores of despondency... How you choose to live is what it's all about.
A little commiseration:
For instance at age 21 I shattered my knees in a beach volleyball incident. I've crushed my cartilage beyond repair, and my surgeon's prediction is arthritis by age 30 (countdown T-minus 1 year), and I'll probably join the Cane Club somewhere thereafter (already picked myself up a nice little stick in Ireland). I'm no longer "allowed" to run, jump, or do anything that would send impact shock through my legs, so I had to give up track/running. However even when I was on crutches for weeks I didn't let it stop me - I was "speed-walking" on them, taking stairs, heck I was even jay-walking as usual, if not faster because they let me sway my way up to a good speed. 
One funny story for you that might give you some hope:
Just before my injury I had started seeing this girl I thought was really cool (I was 21), yet the second I was laid up in bed at home incapacitated, the promised visits no longer came and she dropped off the face of the Earth. A couple of weeks later, still on crutches, I was at an awesome house party with a live band, so despite being on crutches I hopped into the dance floor shaking my Groove Thang with my buds. Sure enough, guess what turncoat comes crawling out of the woodwork with a smile, and she even had the gall to ask me for a dance! 
I pivoted on my crutches, still strutting my crippled funky stuff, gave her the finger (a delicate balancing act given that I'm propped up dancing on two sticks ), proceeded to party on and wound up picking up the band's singer who was a cute girl I started dating thereafter. 
Moral of the story:
(1) Don't let your physical obstacles depress you, rather see them as challenges driving you to find ways around them, and in doing so, better yourself. I'm partially-arthritic now and can still run rings over the majority of my lazy able-bodied friends 
(2) Also don't take flack from people that treat you differently, the good ones will respect your limitations but not see them before they see YOU  | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:54:02 AM | I went and read your profile. I find this part of it disturbing. "I'm a magnet for those who love to use me". That smacks of negativity and self-pity. That turns a lot of people off. I've heard that type of negativity from people who don't walk with a cane. They use a different excuses. You go on about being cheated on and other negative aspects of relationships and then you say you're not really looking for a relationship yet on this thread you are complaining about it. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?
There's a lot of self-conflicting views there.
I don't want to sound cold and callous but you're asking the question so here's my answer.
Quit using your cane as a crutch. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 2:13:48 PM | I'm not afraid of women that are different. In fact, the differences make them stand out and can make them more attractive. You have a cane. Some women dye their hair bright pink. Some strap on fairy wings and horns when they go out clubbing.
If you can get your confidence up, and figure out how to use your cane to help you stand out, rather than desponding, then you'll get more dates. | |
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