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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:08:13 PM | There's pretending there is no problem, there is giving up and saying the problem is beyond our control, and there is dealing with the problem as best you can.
You don't need me to try to tell you that 95% of the male and female human population are superficial jerks because they avoid those with disabilities. If we weren't disabled we'd probably be in that 95%. (My problems didn't set in until I was past 50, so in my case I know that for a fact.)
It is human nature driven, not by logic, by by a hundreds of millions of years of evolution. The animal in the herd or pack that moves slowest is the one the predators kill and eat. The animals we evolved from didn't differentiate disabilities from injuries, communicable diseases, and genetic problems. So they evolved instincts to avoid mates who had any "defects".
While emotions are instincts modified by logic, when it comes to things like fear of fire and sexual attraction, it takes effort and education to override those ancient instincts.
So how do we present ourselves in the best way possible?
Take a look at your profile and do what completely healthy people are supposed to do. Find one of the FAQs on improving your profile and follow through with what it suggests. There is a lot of negativity in your profile. If Angelina Jolie's spinster identical twin sister showed up here with a profile like that I'd run.
When you are getting to know someone, you're going to have to give them some education at the same time you tell them you have CP:
* How it affects your daily living.
* What your prognosis is for the future.
* How it affects sex and having children.
* Whether the tendency for it is inherited.
Prepare for this in advance. Maybe 2 minutes on each point. And present it in a positive way. Would you be attracted to someone who had to live with discrimination, unjust hurdles and hostile reactions? No. So don't go into that. Give them the objective facts of your illness, and save the secondary effects caused by discrimination for later. Find people to rehearse your explanation with.
There are a lot of diseases that are progressively degenerative. While you may know all about which ones are and which ones aren't, an ordinary layperson is going to confuse them. They may just assume you're life expectancy is drastically reduced.
That they will make these assumptions, and probably not even realize they are assumptions, is why you have to give the explanation.
Don't blame new people for what others have done to you in the past. That sort of transference is what people are afraid of when they date people who've been emotionally abused. You have to recognize that while new people might hurt you, but they haven't yet. You can't legitimately blame them for what other people did.
Remember, the dating process is horrible for almost everyone. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:17:19 PM | Well OP the basic answer is NO not all men, just like hmmmmmmmmmm say 90%. that's my guestimate from all the threads I've read.
To SUMMARIZE:
Men are AFRAID of:
Women who cry
Women who have an opinion
Women who have a backbone or women with no backbone
Women who make more money
Women who have no money
Women who want to get married
Women who still have PMS and their periods
Women who are too fat or too skinny
Women with short hair (must all be lesbians)
Women who already have children or women with no children
Women who are too slutty and women who are inexperienced at sex aka Virgins
Women with too many favorites in this site
Women with baggage even if they didn't CREATE the BAGGAGE
and so on and so forth........................................................... | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:45:27 PM |
To SUMMARIZE:
Men are AFRAID of:
Women who cry
Women who have an opinion
Women who have a backbone or women with no backbone
Women who make more money
Women who have no money
Women who want to get married
Women who still have PMS and their periods
Women who are too fat or too skinny
Women with short hair (must all be lesbians)
Women who already have children or women with no children
Women who are too slutty and women who are inexperienced at sex aka Virgins
Women with too many favorites in this site
Women with baggage even if they didn't CREATE the BAGGAGE
Yeah, generalizations sure are great, huh? Especially when they're based upon minimal knowledge from a biased viewpoint... Hey let me tell you, thanks for throwing me in with your 'lump-sum' generalization. Especially considering that I don't mind women who cry, find women with a backbone particularly sexy (especially when they stubbornly stick to their opinions), I don't give a crap about how much money they make/have, I'm not afraid of commitment or marriage, like long and short hairstyles equally well on women, get along great with kids, and prefer girls with with some carnal knowledge as opposed to the pure innocent that don't even know they can climax.
Now, since we seem hell-bent on making short-sighted generalizations:
Only extremely arrogant fools will stereotype a group of people based upon their religious beliefs, gender, hair color, country of origin, or even something as insignificant as skin pigment. | |
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isoU
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 54 | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:00:29 AM | I PREFER women that are different.
I can't stand supermodels, porn stars or people that like them. Those women are pushed to some pseudo-perfection and end up looking bland, fake and identical.
I like women with character, both in body and mind. Flawed to perfection is a term I'd use to describe attractive women. Curves, unique features, sharp looks.
I say hold on tight. There are guys out there for you, just don't dwell on the dry times. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:17:28 AM | I understand where you're coming from better than I wish. When I was 17, I was in a car wreck, had three hemorrhages in my brain. They had to put in drains. Now, I have no residuals except difficulty changing altitude and scars that my hair covers - nobody knows they are there. What I have experienced for the last 22 years since the wreck, men are fine with me and what I am - AS LONG AS THEY DON'T KNOW.
Now, when I tell a man or my family tells the man that I had brain surgery, LOOK OUT! They start treating me like I am retarded....instantly forgot I have many degrees in college, have a job, not on disability, no visible issues...BUT NOW I AM STUPID???? Even on this site, this one man was great until I told him about the brain surgery and I told him flat out I would rather have somone KNOW me instead of me HIDING behind a past that is basically irrelevent. The MINUTE he read this morning's email where I told him about myself, his IMs were instantly, "I don't understand....I don't understand that" - What is it he didn't understand? The word cum, sex in the bedroom, what LOL means on Yahoo IM, etc. It was his online way of talking down to me offensively and unforgiveably.
Honestly, I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. It's not just a physical or visible thing men run from - I have not issues, nothing visible and they run. I think their issue runs down the line of a man only wanting a PERFECT person of some sort. Sometimes I think I will be alone forever and I know I would rather be alone than have some man speak down to me and/or treat me like a retard while I don't deserve that disrespect. Do I think there's a decent man out there somewhere that can get past superficialities and look at woman for the real person she is? I honestly don't know and your post was outstanding - Hope you find the answer!!
Just one word of advice - Don't let it get you down - Their loss, not yours. Trust me, it's better being alone than having someone perpetuate negativity day in and day out. Your world is safer and better off without an insecure, hateful man as the partner you felt like you had to settle for. I settled once - and when my husband found out I had had surgery, he kicked me in the head where I had surgery and was trying to kill me. Just believe me when I say, sometimes no company is better than just any ol' company. And if a man cannot know you and love you all the same, then it's not real. Good relationships cannot be built on only knowing a little of this or a little of that. I want to grow old with someone I can trust my life with in the palm of his hands. I simply have not found that....but I know better through my own experience what happens if you just settle. Have I lost hope in finding someone? Sometimes yes - sometimes no. I know that when a man knows me, he will hate me and try to purposely hurt me like the man on IM today. But what kind of life is that when you can date someone as long as they don't know your or understand you? That's empty, nothing real, nothing special. No matter what - don't give up, don't lose hope, but above all - LOVE YOURSELF REGARDLESS OF WHAT OTHER'S SAY OR DO! YOU ARE ALL YOU HAVE AND YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE PERSON - DON'T BUY INTO MEN'S NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:13:40 PM | Men AND women freak at anything they aren't used to, and haven't been taught to deal with. Men who have problems like that also get shunned. Even if they don't mind, they are afraid that other people will point at them and laugh.
I'd also suggest that you look at the guys who aren't afraid to be humiliated in public. They don't care what people think. So they don't care about things like that. They're just interested in YOU. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:15:08 PM | Hey Hawk I was summarizing what MEN wrote themselves on forums. Who said I was reffering to you anyways? I am sure there's always a diamond in the rough.
Well OP just remember ACTIONs speak louder then words. Good Luck  | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:01:02 AM |
Hey Hawk I was summarizing what MEN wrote themselves on forums. Who said I was reffering to you anyways? I am sure there's always a diamond in the rough.
And I was pointing out the fact that you were making a very stupid generalization from what appeared to be a very biased viewpoint. I personally took offense to that. A few random posts by a few random members of the male gender is nothing to base such a sweeping list of accusations on. Heck if I wanted to stoop to such a pathetically low level, I'm sure I could write a frakkin book about generalizations based upon a handful of personal preferences and viewpoints. But the point is people are all different, contrary to your prior post, and generalizations fail because of this. Some guys are afraid of overly emotional women. Some guys are intimidated by women that make more money, or are more financially secure. Others don't care about such trivial nonsense. And some are even turned on by it.
Ever see a raw diamond? Good luck finding one with such a narrow viewpoint. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:22:30 AM |
Well OP the basic answer is NO not all men, just like hmmmmmmmmmm say 90%. that's my guestimate from all the threads I've read.
To SUMMARIZE:
Men are AFRAID of:
Women who cry
Women who have an opinion
Women who have a backbone or women with no backbone
Women who make more money
Women who have no money
Women who want to get married
Women who still have PMS and their periods
Women who are too fat or too skinny
Women with short hair (must all be lesbians)
Women who already have children or women with no children
Women who are too slutty and women who are inexperienced at sex aka Virgins
Women with too many favorites in this site
Women with baggage even if they didn't CREATE the BAGGAGE
and so on and so forth...............................
You forgot.....
Women with self centered mindsets who always make everything about THEM!!! | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/27/2008 6:35:34 AM |
I'm diffenrent yes but normal is boring.
That is the answer to your question. Most people are boring. If someone are different, then that person will make so-called normal people uncomfortable (it doesn't matter what that difference is.) At your age, you probably just want to ``fit in'' and as you imply, have people look past your cane. Don't think of it that way.
You aren't ``doomed'' to be alone, at least not moreso than anyone else. Look around you. How many people do you see with at least one failed relationship that was supposed to be a live happily forever after thing? They got the people who couldn't ``look past'' something that they only noticed after getting married. If there is a difference between them and you, it's that you may weed out losers on the front end, while they are ``alone,'' older and have baggage. If you're missing anything, it's the easy opportunity to make a mistake and short circuit your life with responsibilities. Just make sure you get a life for yourself and the rest will follow. And don't apologize for your cane, even indirectly. Hit them with it. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:24:39 AM | I'll hit a few high points:
Women who have an opinion
You know what they say about opinions, so unless there is a self-consistent, logical argument behind it, I don't have to pay any more attention to a woman's opinion than a man's opinion. I'm an equal opportunity arguer.
Women who have a backbone or women with no backbone
Just because a woman claims to have backbone doesn't mean she isn't just an irrational b*tch with an opinion and just because a woman agrees with me instead of another woman doesn't mean she doesn't have a backbone. Women with backbones don't need to convince anyone of that fact.
Women who make more money
I beg to differ. Right now, I could use a 200k investment in my business, so I would be very happy to find a woman who makes a WHOLE LOT more money than I do, so long as I don't have to give up anything else I want in a woman for it. In other words, I'm not looking, since it's usually the women who worry about how much money men earn.
Women who have no money
On the contrary. I really don't care unless they exprect me to remedy that problem. See above.
Women who want to get married
Then, I guess they should have jumped at the opportunity when I was willing to trade off more for marriage than I am now that I realize being single has a lot going for it.
Women who still have PMS and their periods
If PMS means, ``Permanent Menstrual Syndrome,'' then yes, count me out.
Women who are too fat or too skinny
Mostly, fat women who wonder why Brad Pitt is too shallow to date them, say that. But, whatever. I'll admit to being shallow, since I put some effort into staying in shape so I can be appealing to equally shallow women.
Women with short hair (must all be lesbians)
Do you have an issue with lesbians?
Women who are too slutty and women who are inexperienced at sex aka Virgins
Since I've had two girlfriends who were virgins and I've also dated escorts, you obviously aren't talking about me, unless I missed something.
Women with baggage even if they didn't CREATE the BAGGAGE
If you have baggage, you played a part in creating it. I do wonder about people who can't see their own role in their unhappiness, though. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:59:35 AM | Hey Sweetie,
So, I just read every post on your question and was wondering if you'd noticed every person who wrote to you has either a straight out disability or a quirk or a real disadvantage? Even in fiction perfection does not exist, nature doesn't even try.
Your disadvantage is your perception that your number one quirk/disability is your cane where I saw other people's quirks or disabilities laid out in their profiles or point of view.....just like other's saw your disadvantages more in your profile than in your cane. Everyone's bringing their reality to the table. That's life.
Dave's great but his disability, for me, is that type A personality ;o)....mine's about a type K so I know he'd be ready to open a vein if he was trapped with me in a confined space. Crazytimes is just....gee, he's young and inexperienced though he may never change life may throw some crap at him that will move him along the food chain...life can be harsh that way. Some people were sitting at a computer and instead of looking CP up and finding out what that particular condition fired from the hip. Nightwing66, for one, is hot....no profile to confirm that, but just further proof it's your brain that tells you what's hot, not your eyes.
You may want to look at it this way, your cane is an advantage in some ways as it helps you quickly separate the wheat from the chaff. People aren't kidding when they tell you that anyone who feels the cane is an issue are no loss...they are telling you one of the bare facts of real life. The world would be a much MUCH happier place if everyone's disabilities were worn out there where we could see them...even if it was just a note they required to hand you. You know, one of your posters could do with an insensitive, self absorbed, ignorant twit warning button....that would be helpful, right ;o)
In North America, unfortunately, people who are facing challenges are frequently kept out of the public eye. I noticed a huge difference when we moved to Germany in the early 60's....so huge that even as a kid the difference registered with me. There were children and people with any number of disabilities everywhere I went, people with no arms diving off the high board at the pool, one of my dearest friends was a dwarf just living a life with no tv show needed to confirm he was a regular person ;o), one of my neighbours had CP far worse than you and a raft of other problems. Unfortunately, inexperience with anything, leaves some people at a disadvantage which makes for challenges all around.
On the flip side of dealing with your cane and CP are you aware that there are men that will give you extra points for it on the hot and sexy charts? For every yin there is a yang. Human sexuality rings all kinds of bells and without being too indelicate there are men who would crawl across broken glass for, say, a woman with an amputation.
There is also a dating site for people who have different physical challenges in their life if you don't have any issues with peoples 'disabilities' ? Call me pragmatic but you may well have your own issues in this area to deal with that can colour your attitude to your own condition, you'd not be the first or the last.
But all of that aside, even if others choose to define you by your cane and CP, the important thing is that YOU DON'T. Your cane is part of the hand you were dealt, those who go through life ignorant are making a choice though are often too thick to know it, ouch. Therein lies the difference!
You are a bright young woman with a small challenge, rise above it, on your own or with a support group or therapist, get the education you want, do the things you enjoy, laugh at yourself and the world...both deserve it so don't be shy....help others, travel, read, live your life and make it as special as you can. You'll be amazed at how many men will find the woman living that life wonderful.
And the irony of the whole situation, once you've got that life, you won't really care if they do unless YOU think they're wonderful too. | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:12:28 AM | sometimes it's all about taking those stumbling blocks and turning them in to stepping stones...
me? i don't worry about all the times i fall down...i just hope to keep the desire and need to get back up.
peace,
dave | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/28/2008 10:45:26 AM | I checked out your profile and you already put your finger on the problem.
You have a physical affliction and a lot of young men your age will reject you for that reason. It may not be kind, but it's how it is. You COULD be in a chair, blind, deaf, autism etc. but your cross to bare was a cane from a mild case of CP.
This will turn off lots of young men who go dancing, play sports and are just otherwise active and are looking for a partner who they can share this with...yes. However, to doom yourself to think no man will want you is wrong. You already know you're attractive and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Those two things alone with attrack men and perhaps a really great man that has his own cross to bare that you will over look because you understand when other women didn't.
Good luck | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:24:16 PM | WOW some of you guys take everything way too personally. Then you get all defensive about what your own gender wrote.
The basic message we women get form reading these forums, is there is no way in hell women can please men, we are damned if we blink the wrong way. But of course instead of ABSORBING what the hell women are saying on these forums, it's always the same old argument, women are to blame for everything, even before we post our "shocking" opinions on here, oh but don't bother listening since you don't anyways, and it's us women who like usual who have to do all the work.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Back on topic, OP
Since men can't even handle chics with PMS as one here as one stated, good luck.....................I know I should be giving you all the sympathetic heartfelt textbook answers so you can stay HAPPY PAPPY, but the truth is women with hidden disabilities and women with no disabilites are not having much better luck either.
But of course it must be all our fault, since men are perfect and unflawed.
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:38:25 PM | I think there will ultimately be two types of men on this (although at yur age, you likely arent meeting a lot of honest to god men men). The first will be the ones you don't want anyways because they won't want what they perceive as a hassle in dating you. Don't even try to change their minds because it's not worthwhile
The second is a little more complicated. they will attempt to skirt the issue by placating you on the subject, even if they have that nugget in their head that something is "different". I fall into this catagory and it has burned me in the past. What ends up happening is the guy ends up being too nice to the point of being nauseating and at times wont treat you like a normal woman because he will be extra cautious about absolutely everything.
I've actually dated a woman with a similar condition to yours and acting the way I did to her is the single biggest regret in my life. I know I let it slip away when it could have been something long term because I just tried to be too nice | |
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Coco66
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Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 69 | |
| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/29/2008 9:47:45 PM | | Hey Erinnev1985...I know its now July 2008 and your posting was 5/22/08 ,however, I have just stumbled upon it and wanted to comment on your question"Are all men afraid of women that are different?" As a female...I have not walked in your shoes so I will never judge you ...unless a male has walked in your shoes...he too should never judge you....It really stinks that our society(not directed to 1 direct group) loves to "put down" others when their main problem is that they cannot put themselves down....What you as an individual need to focus on is that you are alive, that no one is perfect out there...ITs really sad that everyone fails to realize that we always judge a book by its cover and do not allow ourselves to get to know the true quality of an individual for the beauty of Any Individual rests inside of them.....Coco66 | |
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| Are all men afraid of women that are different?
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:15:05 PM | Hey Op I just wanted to add, keep your spirits up and like another poster said join clubs, then you can see how compassionate and honest men are right away.
Anyways of course there is no hope for me either lol cause I got endo and since that involves bad hormonal hell aka PMS, I will automatically be labelled as being a manipulator (according to another brilliant thread on here) if I cry for no reason at all, or if I laugh, or if I breathe or if I blink, or if I fart.......................whatever jinx we have in our lives can make us stronger, but ahem not according to more then some men, alot (NOT ALL please don't get all defensive now); no to them it makes us appear weak.
So just remember to those hypocritical people to say who wants the heartless anyways?
Nobody's perfect. | |
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