| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:41:55 AM | but this is impossible....there is no one over 45 that has completed everything. Someone who says he or she has no baggage is a lyer or was in gail for many years.. ..for
example....you have children with your ex wife....they are not dead....you are alway in a way responsable and they might need your help....someone who does not have a baggage is dangerous and did not live....if you achieve a new relationship you have to accept the baggage of the partner or you better stay alone. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:52:44 AM | | I agree....but I experienced it a lot.....many women in that age we are talking about don´t want to get involved with children, men might have living with them...I find that very sad...the ex husband from my girlfriend has even problems to take his children on weekends, because his girlfriend doens´t want that.... he should get rid of her... | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:05:41 AM | I agree with the posts that admit that we all have baggage (even those of us who are in denial!) AND I agree with the posts that say people with baggage are not ready to move on!
a light carryon bag is a good analogy and should be expected.
but most people are in too much of a hurry to find their 'soulmate' etc etc ... - what they're really rushing to find is there next ex!
be patient, give yourself time, look at yourself and your needs, it really is okay to be single - for a while | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:37:26 AM | children are not baggage / an ex is not baggage / a past is not baggage - we all have at least some of those things!
'baggage' is when it still affects your daily life and fills your conversation with a new person. When you meet someone new it should be a fun, postive, exciting time of getting to know each other. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:42:49 AM | We can't help them...
I know...it was somebody's most beautiful years of life...that they wasted...but they were in charge on their life...actions...and they are now...
When is a time to see...they are going nowhere with they baggage?
Perhaps never... let them cry... | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:35:16 PM | To me, baggage is when it still affects your daily life.... as in the analogy of when you keep doing the same thing and each time expecting a different result. Many times when someone doesn't resolve past issues and take responsibility for their own actions in a failed relationship, they simply repeat the same mistakes, communicate/or not communicate in the same manner and when they don't get a different result, they either walk or are told they are going to be left.
The idea of no baggage to me is seeing where you went wrong in your last relationship and changing how it goes in the new one.
In my eyes, if you are still blaming your ex, then you are not ready for the next. And that goes for the greiving process around the loss of a partner. My friend lost her husband just over a year ago, she met a man on here prior to the year being up and when the anniversary came up, all kinds of things (emotionally) came up for her, including anger at her past partner for dying. The man that she met was able to be there for her and help her through it by empathizing with her. Sure, she brought that along with her, but it was accepted and tolerated and gently received. It was a small portion of their relationship and has not affected how they feel about one another.
We are always carrying something with us, it takes two people that care enough to put the effort forward to walk through that something to the other side.
Life is just a bowl of cherries! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:55:14 PM | Just because you have something doesn't mean every body else does as well. Baggage is no different. Not all of us have been through a messy divorce. Not all of us have children so the ex's or late spouses name comes up. Not all of us have allowed others to abuse them.
Some of us just won't allow the baggage build up in the first place. Just because some ended up with baggage, I sure wish they would realize that not all people are the same. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:09:18 PM | | I would like to meet one person anywhere in this world that's our ages that have none. But...I'm just here for the forums now, because I'm not suppose to be with anyone else-( according to some I have talked to) - due to the circumstances in my situation. So..enstead of being stomped on when they hear about it- it's just easier and safer for me to be alone the rest of my life than put up with someone else's insecurities of a deceased person, and doing what I feel is the right thing to do. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:23:03 PM | I'm so impressed by the wisdom of the young poster who wrote:
I think someone's requirement for "No Baggage" means they aren't prepared to assume the burden for things the potential partner can't carry alone. True. Much of the spiritual aspects of life is sharing each other's burdens. And fair weather friends aren't all that friendly when you bear their burdens and they flake out on yours.
When it starts to hobble having a healthy relationship is
...when they've said the same words and sentences of woe and wrath every time you see them for 6 months and cannot allow you to talk about anything else, even fun stuff, let alone any of your own problems--even if you're solving them.
...when they start to incorporate you as part of the problem they've been (not) dealing with (see item 1).
...when they shut down at the mention of making plans, or you notice a trend that plans are consistently squashed by...a nap, an unreturned phone call, a timely spat. Not once, not twice, but consistently.
That's baggage. And the quote at the top of my post is baggage. Having a woefully annoying parent/sibling/child--many times you can't control your relatives, but you can hopefully express a willingness to create a separation from them. Things like substance abuse (or those gung ho recovering substance abusers)...who can't DIALOG about anything BUT their favorite failed crusade..that's baggage. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:14:49 AM | | Everyone has a different definition of baggage. I have been told by many men that I do not have baggage so they cannot date me since I cannot relate to them at all. I do not have ex hubands or childern, have not lived with anyone (not for me, seems to work for many), have not had a problem with drugs or alcohol, never filed bankruptcy, have had the same profession for over 20 years, and guess that I am basically too stable and boring to date. (not my words, since I am not perfect and rarely boring, and the person who said that to me could be the poster man for dysfunctionality). To me baggage is the ability to leave the past behing, try to learn from mistakes and to avoid people who are not emotionally healthy...i.e. people with lots of baggage seem to have the same chapter in their lives over and over again. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 12:43:20 PM | I think someone's requirement for "No Baggage" means they aren't prepared to assume the burden for things the potential partner can't carry alone.
Isn't that what love is,? Accepting someone for who they are? Accepting them, and their "Baggage". (Illnesses, unresolved issues, family, emergencies and emotional crisis) I think the no baggage remark is selfish, and they want a superficial relationship, without commitments, conflicts, or compassion. I say up front, that if you won't be there for me in a crisis MOVE ON!. To me that is the very definition of Love.
I know we aren't suppose to mention previous relationships. But, I was married for 33 yrs, if I never mention my ex, children, or anything that happened, I leave out from 19-52yrs of my life. I think that is stupid, as long as I don't burden my date with the details of my divorce, or rag on my ex for hours. He was a big part of my life, and mentioning him in passing, as we went somewhere, or an art piece is like his drawing shouldn't diminish the time on my current date. I fully expect widowers I date to mention their ex's. If not, I wouldn't want them for a partner. lol
To me, being there in the bad times, means you are worthy to be there during the good ones.
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:11:55 PM |
I would choose to have someone in my life that harbors good memories of his past but is willing to make more good memories with me. Can't argue with this...
We all have pasts, it's how we let them define our present and future that is a true testament to the people we've become... | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:12:24 PM | I have no baggage. Baggage, to me, means something carried over from past experiences that would interfere with a new relationship. I have none of that and no past hurts that I haven't gotten over. The man for me will be one who, likewise, has no baggage. Children, family, past life experiences that are now only memories, etc. These things are not baggage
A man who is trying to get over a past relationship? Depends on how he's handling it.  | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:11:58 PM | ...Ok, I've posted something about baggage in a similiar thread not long ago and this is what I said....
Yes, I've got baggage...lets see a couple of midsize bags, a smaller one for carrying around all my "accessories" and one carry on....now the carry on is full of all the "essentials." which make up a great part of who I am. Lots of good stuff in that bag if one cares to peek inside.
We all come with baggage, some is mismatched, some has been damaged from the journey, some is still in very good shape and ready for a new one...its all about whats inside and how neatly its' been packed. Thats my opinion.
...maeflowers  | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:29:25 PM | | hi jim,i'm sorry you've been hurt so badly, i don't understand this baggage thing, i thought that because i have a disabled son, that was classed as baggage, as i'm restricted with my free time, i must of got it wrong, trust me, lol i class my memories off my past, good or bad, as just part of life, what happened happened, end of story, i like to talk about my past, but i would never dream of going on and on,anyway seem's i got it wrong again. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:14:24 PM | The definition of baggage means different things to different people as referenced in above posts. All of us have past experiences, good and bad, of course. But it all comes down to, in the end, how we have dealt with those experiences.
These experiences will always be a part of us both the negative and the positive and you learn from that. Or at least we are supposed to.
In any event, IMHO, we all have baggage, it's all in how you pack it away, carry it and learn from it, but don't live IN it. Mine's all neatly packed and stored away and collecting dust. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:19:17 PM | Of course we all have issues, be it ex's, our jobs, the economy, our president (uh huh), raising our children, etc. What absolutely kills me is that women actually request no "baggage", or no "drama". Ok, fine, request what you want or don't want, but do these girls really think that guys on the other side are going to go, "Oh damn, I have Baggage, I have Drama in my life, and she is just soooo attractive. What am I to do?"
Give me a frackin break.
To me it says, "Don't touch me. I have my own frackin drama to deal with already." | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:40:09 PM | | To My freshstart: I love your message about people being in a hurry and rushing to find their next ex. Good observation. I agree. It applies to existing relationships as well in that if people could be more patient with each other in working out their differences they might find that love and security they really seek. I am amazed at how many people turn their backs on the ones they married. I was kicked out. It was a second marriage for both. She has two children, we have one together. Infidelity was never an issue. Raising step-children was. I could not believe the impatience and distrust she battered me with. It was simply unfair. I will always carry this with me. My daughter stays with me most weekends, and my step-daughter stays too, at times, and calls me "daddy". Baggage? You bet your ass. But is it bad? No. To request "No baggage" is cowardly and insulting. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:14:18 PM | I think it depends on how we carry the baggage makes a difference.
If we let it consume our time it will only detract from any ongoing relationship and cause unnecesary negative energy. We have to be in control of our baggage and not let it dictate how we live our lives.
Those of us who have children may have occasions where it's required to face our past head on, it's just better to be mature about it, enjoy it, and be gracious.
Baggage may be in other forms as well, bad habits , debt, gambling, anything excessive that can cause friction or hardship with those that are near and dear.
I think that most of us want a life that just has the normal ups & downs of everyday living without the the often self inflicted burdens that others place themselves under.
In our age group there is a mix of those with younger children and those whose children are grown. I can certainly understand those who have graduated from rearing children and really want no part of raising anybody else's. It's not easy.
I guess baggage is just the stuff that will interfere with the way we envision
" Happy Ever After." | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:00:45 AM | | i don't class my childern and past as baggage, and i dont live in t he past, as in my life, i can't, everday is different, but i know a lot of men would run a mile from my life, but i think it my life is stable happy and there's load's of love, is that not eough. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:39:06 AM | Something you have not laid to rest about your past = Baggage
Something that is going on in your current life = Just Life.
If you get to chatting about the past = The past life experiences.
If you are banging on and on and on about an ex, whatever way they got to be an ex, then that is baggage.
Chatting about your ex is not baggage, that is just chattering, but talking about what they were like in bed, or what they did for you = BAGGAGE!!!!
Well thats how I look at it anyways and it works for me.
And - anyone who thinks children are baggage >>>>> mental hospital this way please>>> | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:12:35 AM | The last two relationships I had were....well, lets say the bed was realllly crowded!...sometimes it was the living room...alot of times the kitchen....and there were only two of us physically there.
Yes we have a past. I certainly haven't been living in a vaccum.
Its when, as others have said, everytime you say or try to do something "She" comes up. "She used to this"...or that...or "I remember the time she...."
Heck, I have memories. I like to share the good ones. You have to pry the bad ones out of me because, for one, who wants to hear that crap and, for another, who wants to hear that crap!
After knowing one of my ex's for over ten years now, its really a mind blower when I STILL here him say those little things that show me he still has not resolved the issues he carries from over thirty years ago. Now thats a vaccum! And he's all alone now.
I HOPE "you" have been partnered at least once...maybe even successfully.
I HOPE "you" have children and grandchildren...I adore children and only had one of my own.
I HOPE "you" will share memories with me. Pull out that photo album!
None of that is baggage. Life and Baggage are not the same thing! | |
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