| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:59:28 PM | What a headline!! It certainly caught my attention. I was told by a prospective date that my profile on another site stated I had "too much baggage"! lol. We've become good friends and chat quite a bit. He was the one to convince me to try POF and I'm glad that I did. What I wrote on my profile was that, yes, I do indeed carry baggage amongst other things. lol I have to admit though, I think it has limited the responses I could have received if perhaps I hadn't broadcast it so fiercely. It's in my nature to be honest and my feelings remain the same. What was written will remain for all to see and just maybe, maybe someone will find I'm worth the trouble....  | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:01:16 PM | your are right on, all of what you mentioned is baggage, someone that says they have no baggage is in denial, HELLO, another red flag!!
I think it depends on how you handle it, the hurting is all in time, we all have to heal from the wounds, it should make us smarter and better able to handle another situation, but we all need the healing time and work through it, and not jump from on situation to another without resolving the last one or you end up carrying the hurt and anger to the next relationship, and things can escalate..
thats my story and I'm sticking to it.!! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:14:48 PM | "I for one do not like seeing profiles that say, " no baggage" To me it means that person is less compassionate, maybe less feeling and perhaps can get over past loves or lives with little emotion. Maybe they do not want to open up about their past. The past is what made us who and what we are. Is that baggage?
" postes by jim33903
Jim,
I'm one of the no-baggage people. What exactly do I mean by that?
No kids
No contact with ex-husband nor his family
No money problems
No substance abuse or history of same
No criminal record
No history of problems holding a job (I've had exactly 2 employers since I turned 21, lol.)
No strings or limitations as to where and when I could relocate
No health problems
My parents are self-suffient and have made their own plans for later assisted living
My biological family does not run my life for me. Everyone in my family can live freely. We are not a clan, lol.
Am I "less compassionate, maybe less feeling?" Unfortunately, yes. On purpose, in self-defense. And I had to train myself to be that way b/c this town is nothing but a trashy dead end. There are two kinds of men here: Marrieds and bums, with some occasional overlap. ;-) I've met tons of loser twice-divorced men in my locale; nobody with an education, decent career, or assets; nobody that I really have anything in common with; everybody wants something from me but has little or nothing to offer me except a litany of problems.
"perhaps can get over past loves or lives with little emotion?" No, I can't do that with little emotion. That's exactly why I locked up the emotions until I meet somebody on my own level whom I am compatible with. I have NEVER been in a locale with more unsexy men. This hole is more Appalachian than most of Appalachia.
"Maybe they do not want to open up about their past. The past is what made us who and what we are" Well, it's part of what made me what I am. The other part is how I've chosen to be. I don't have much "past" that I find noteworthy, but there's nothing I would not discuss. The executive summary: I obtained skills, I got a decent career, I've always made my own living, I got tired of carrying a mama's boy spouse who racked up $38,000 in credit card debt on playtoys and restaurant dinners and showed no signs of stopping, so I walked out, leaving the $38,000 debt behind with the man who incurred it.
As I've said, no baggage. I forsee relocation in my future, though.  | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:02:31 PM | | Men tell me that I am too stable, and coupled with the fact that I am not a beauty queen, have a graduate degree, have not been married and am a larger woman I am every man's nightmare. I have sure met some men who had so much "baggage" that they would make my life a nightmare if I hooked up with them. One person's trash is another man's treasure. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:07:41 PM | | well said jim... i am glad someone (you) posted... i am a widow... god how i hate that word... i do come with baggage... married 22 years, divorced, with my husband 6 1/2 years. (10) months married... he got killed... baggage... yes... my baggage is what made me who i am and i love me!!! i am my bestfriend :) | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:37:14 PM | Response to Message #36 - yoodle
...when they shut down at the mention of making plans, or you notice a trend that plans are consistently squashed by...a nap, an unreturned phone call, a timely spat. Not once, not twice, but consistently.
That's baggage. And the quote at the top of my post is baggage. Having a woefully annoying parent/sibling/child--many times you can't control your relatives, but you can hopefully express a willingness to create a separation from them. Things like substance abuse (or those gung ho recovering substance abusers)...who can't DIALOG about anything BUT their favorite failed crusade..that's baggage.
Perfect way of putting it. I don't think I'd last 6 months though waiting for them to get over it.... sometimes baggage is when a person can't get past *waiting* for someone to get over it. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:31:15 PM | I don't consider memories and experiences baggage. We can't just frontal lobotomy and have them removed. I think holding grudges and not forgiving in your past prevents someone from moving forward though. I'm 45 and still hope to be married someday, so the man who says I've been burned and I'll never get married again may be blowing it with me because of his baggage. Is it my fault he married badly? No and I can't let him string me along and the relationship can never go forward because I know it has no future.
I don't have "baggage" but I do need a very large moving truck. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:10:53 PM | | I didn't read this whole long thread but from what i have read there is only one conclusion to come to. We all have baggage of one kind or the other. From the guy who loved the wrong woman and gave all he had only to find out that she was playing him. To the man or woman who had a spouse die unexpectedly. To the woman that is raising a child alone at the age of 45 . And everything in between, What one views as baggage another one may not. We all have baggage of one kind or the other. It's all in what the baggage is and whether a potential mate is willing to work with you or not. It's like every thing else in life. It's a crap shoot. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:37:32 PM | | Baggage....something we carry, tote, pull or push around with us to help us get from here to there comfortably....perhaps something we keep our virtual journals, notebooks, photographs or sideshows in....various masks, costumes and background music....things we want to keep to help us remember ....happy times, sad times, accomplishments, foibles, regrets, passions ......they are simply reminders.....virtual memorandums of what we need to remember we did well, will never repeat, might like to try again someday....we poke and pick through that bag occasionally to remind us of where we came from....how we got here and where we are going....we all have baggage....we start accumulating it at about 15 when our hearts are broken for the first time....when we feel the first bites of betrayal or disappointment.....we store our trophies and ribbons in there.....and dried corsages.....when we fell in love for the first time.....Baggage is not a bad thing to have as long as its kept compact, organized and you peek in in from time to time to get what you need at the moment the quickly zip it up and store it back in the bottom of the closets of our lives.....I would not be the woman I am today if I did not have the baggage I have....I have lived, I have loved, I have lost, I have won, I have sacrificed, I have felt the greatest joy and the deepest sorrow....I like my baggage....toting it around has made me very strong....I think I will keep it and just keep adding to it.....and at the end of my journey I hope someone looks in this little bag and says "what a full, meaningful and interesting life this woman led !" | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:05:57 AM | | I actually worked with a man (over the age of 40) who considered anyone who's been married before to have baggage. In fact, if a woman had lived with a man before, she had "baggage". Now....he's in his 40's and has never been in a long term relationship, but thinks anyone who has.....has "baggage". Talk about BAGGAGE!! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:20:08 PM | | The thing that gets me are the ones who say they have no baggage. To the outside world looking in they look like they have no baggage, On the out side. But when you get around them and start spending time with them you find out that they have baggage but there in denial of it. The kind of work that i do i have to be around people, a lot of people everyday. Some of my co-workers, To be around them for a short period of time, You would think there life is perfect in every way. You would think they have it all. But when i hang out with them on weekends, That's when i find out that there life is full of some kind of baggage. Here i am with a X wife from he.l.l and two small kids and a few other problems that i will not go into here. But, I would take my baggage over theres any day. They have never been married or had any kids. Live in a nice fine home and a brand new car sitting in there drive way. But there life is so full of baggage that there is no room for anything else. So, I learned that just because someone says they have no baggage and to be on the outside looking in they seem to have no baggage that doesn't mean squat. Spend some time with that person. I guarantee you will find some kind of baggage that they just don't want to admit to themselves. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:31:14 PM | | Wow, this is a long thread with lots of different viewpoints! To me having baggage is simply allowing previous negative experiences to have a destructive impact on your current or future relationships. For example, if you've been cheated on by an ex and spend all of your time worrying about whether the person you're seeing now is cheating on you. Or if you constantly check up on them, trying to catch them cheating because that 's what happened the last time. That's the kind of baggage I want to avoid. I've worked hard on healing and getting over the past so that I can bring the best me possible to a relationship. I'd like the same in return! | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 145 | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:01:29 AM | Hey Jim, I know exactly what you mean. My dad lost my mum after 40yrs of marriage and it took me 3yrs to get him to go out again and meet new people. I just told him one day, that if the roles were reversed and it was my mum left behind, would he like to think of her sitting at home alone day in day out.
It worked and he's now enjoying life again and has even had a few dates. Yes he still misses her, but he has so much to offer and life is too short not to share it with someone else.
Everyone has baggage of some kind, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. But it's that baggage that has made us the people that we are today. while it makes some of us stronger, some people go the other way and it breaks them. But if you don't take the risk and get out there and meet new people, you will never know what you could be missing out on and what life has to offer. Life is what we make it Jim and only we can change it. Hope you all find what your looking for? I for one, aren't giving up just yet. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:34:53 AM | I'm in the same position as Not Native.
There are some of us out there with little to no baggage.
I think we protect ourselves a little more from those with huge issues as other people's problem can ruin a peaceful life that we worked so hard to build.
One example, I reject all the separated and new divorced as I just don't want to hold someone's hand being their therapist through a messy divorce, problems with ex, financial problems, and other associated drama. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:36:57 PM | Now all I have to do is find that one right woman for me to make a future.
IMHO, the future arrives with each moment. Don't waste those moments wating for the "right woman" to make your future for you.
No one "makes" our futures except ourselves. Sure, look for the "right woman" to share your future with, but Man - you make it yourself!
JMHO  | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:47:25 PM | someone that says they have no baggage is in denial, HELLO, another red flag!!
HELLO, have you considered that your inability to see something might mean that it is you that is in denial?
I know for a fact that it is possible to live a life devoid of what I consider to be "baggage". I know for a fact that I have come a long way down that pathway in the last few years after getting a rude awakening to the true nature of how my life was going. I'm hugely grateful for that journey even though it was a painful one.
Am I baggage free yet?? Not really, but the load is getting seriously lighter and logic, self-awareness and feelings assure me that "baggage free" is entirely attainable if I'm willing to challenge myself on that score.
You possibly have no concept about what I'm saying so it's likely better that you just label me as "in denial" and red flag me. That way you won't have to challenge your own "baggage" | |
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