| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:18:35 PM | | I don't believe you are missing the meaning because the meaning is exclusive to the person. "Baggage "is a buzz word coined by some unforgotten jilted person trying to apply meaning to the death of a relationship.I believe it can be positive as well as negative, but usually comes with negative vibes or connotations......another word for baggage could be "experiences" or "wisdom"......when used in a negative context,one would say they are emotionally laden with "drama".........In a positive mode,they are "worldly" or "very wise"......(provided they learned from these experiences).How boring must the person be who has no baggage.................On the other hand beware of the person with trunks.............they may be a bit too much to handle..............Just match your baggage claim slip with your partners baggage slip and perhaps you have a match................. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:30:54 PM | I am. I live. I have lived. I have baggage! Is this a bad thing? Some say yes, some say no. Everyone's definition varies. I like to live life in the gray zone. In other words, the people who claim they have none, versus, the people who obviously have a lot! Don't mean a damn thing to me! I like people with an open mind, that can see the possibility of both sides. A.k.a., "the gray zone".
I have children. Some call this baggage. Obviously an ex goes along with it. How about I leave it to you? You know what you consider baggage. I do not. Personally, I like a little baggage, just as long it is not something one dwells on. We've learned from life and living. This is what makes us better people. Learning from our past. What can go wrong with sharing in past experiences. We may learn there's more to this person that we thought in first place. Or, we may discover more than we bargained for.
If we both board the plane with a little carry-on, we should be and do just fine. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:15:24 PM | | Then others pretend to have no baggage. They shop to fill the void instead of admitting it is painful to be cheated on or to be lonely, they run at attempts for real communication [afraid of any deeper real feelings?] They say they are always 'upbeat' even though they are definitely not always upbeat [who is?]. They get angry with attempts to talk about problems or differences. Does anyone spend a lot of time with a person and not have any differences? Hell no! Its how you communicate and respond that makes or breaks the deal .... so if you learn from your 'baggage/experience' ... then it is a good thing. To Pretend .... be in love one minute and gone the next.... that is a sad person not learning from his own baggage/past. You end up with a lot of ex's that way..... you can label them crazy but until you look within yourself it is unlikely you will find someone to be happy with long term. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:52:41 AM | Baggage is only a problem if it seriously impinges on the present and in particular the new/current relationship.
I would class as someone with baggage a partner who got angry at any attempt to talk about problems or differences, those type of people are usually very controlling and manipulative.
I think it's healthy to talk about a past relationship and why it failed but not incessantly because that's something else!
People we have shared part of our lives with help to make us what we are today, some of it good, some less good.
It's so important to be really honest at the start. Like how ofton you'll be able to meet up and what other commitments there are that might be a problem. If not honest about that at the beginning and then dates start getting cancelled on a regular basis because of family problems that were there "hidden" at the start...then to me that is baggage.
Baggage would be if someone entering into a new relationship was still secretly hankering after their ex who left them, this thinly disguised as "hate"for that person. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:56:40 AM | "I would class as someone with baggage a partner who got angry at any attempt to talk about problems or differences, those type of people are usually very controlling and manipulative."
Amen Kitty Witch ... I agree
Are you reading this TOMMY?!?!?! You can change this if you choose too!! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:35:03 PM | We ALL have 'baggage' or i call it experience in life.
The older we get, the more we learn and get burned.
So anyone that is in their 40's on up or even younger that say they are baggage free-RUN.
They are lying.
I can promise you that. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:12:29 AM | sure have dated [more than one] of those. reading other posts on this thread- i agree/the older we get/usually the more baggage we have-it's called a PAST.
our past makes us who we are- good or bad. take the good,make it better. learn from the bad & turn it around. you can never change the past,but you can learn to move on from it. forgiving doesn't mean forgetting-just remember what went wrong & learn from it.
myself-i've held onto the past-causing setbacks in the present i'm learning-even at my age-when you think you know someone-think again ! | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:53:44 AM | I'm being kind of lazy here and adding to this thread verbatim, via "cut & past" from my profile...
My thoughts on *baggage*...It is (i think) a form learning tools as neccessary as anything else we're here to confront, and (conquered & not) proof of how we deal with issues, a personal scape of things within our *life tests* & natural evolvement, and testimonial of who we each are at this moment,...and like jogging with weights on, it can slow you down or make you stronger...
~(B)~  | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:17:26 AM | It's interesting to read this thread.
The thing I find hard to figure out is why some of those people who believe that it's unavoidable to be weighed down with the past (aka "baggage") are also quite outspokenly judgmental and even hostile towards others who believe they can move on and leave that stuff behind.
It reminds me of the old crabs in a bucket analogy. If one tries to climb out the others will pull it back in before it gets to the top.
Live and rationalise your life how you want but why all the cynicism and hostility towards those who believe they see a different path than you do?
To those of you who do this - do you think you know everything? Do you think that your life experience is so vast that you can rule out the experiences of others as "false" and denegrate them for that ?
Seriously - what gives? | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:50:10 PM | hmmm...^^^wouldn't the crabs grab onto those crabs crawling out cuz they want out to GTFO too, and can ya blame em...tis' a cruel environment for too many we don't deem befitting our evolved selves...):...But now to point...
We tend to classify baggage as a negative thing...as much as it can affect in a negative way, maybe that's it's beauty, the silver lining, obstacles on a training course with purpose, but when the puzzle is solved (baggage, but now well packed) it can have positive effects as well, transformed, and who've we've become through the challenges of evolvement, and best not lost in it's transformed and accomplished state. If everything we encounter, things that groom and prune us, things well done, obstacles well maneuverd..were naturally to be forgotten and put aside, hence too, bags of wisdom earned/learned in the process, if that were to be a law of the universe,..that would make our earthly designed schooling far more productive than the divinely designed and unique for each lessons we're here to be constantly tested with on in this learning plain (I believe), so makes no sense to me. All of who we are is that, and relatively speaking, everything has value, so twer' it possible , though some may try to eliminate all our additives encountered to our blissful now, they truly are, or in the future will be the ingredients of self, so envelope pasts well dealt with, be humbly proud of these knowings when really known, and which when we're ready, allow us to now venture to levels of higher learning.
Just my thoughts... | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:39:07 AM | | Sure we all have baggage, but I seem to be seen as someone that men do not want to date because I don't have the right kind according to them(divorced, children, numerous jobs, appearance), just makes me know how closed minded they are and weeds them out from the others who like me for me. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:33:10 AM | One thought:
There's a saying widely used these days.."check your baggage at the door".
Thing is, there it sits waiting to be picked up again.
A few more thoughts:
In my opinion baggage isn't filled with "things that happened in life"...
if that were the case (pun not intended, ha) then we'd not have room to breathe because we'd be covered in suitcases by this age!!
"Baggage", (in my opinion), is filled with negative ways those things in life were handled.
Filled with regret, anger, pity, hate, discontent, hostility.
Negative emotions/reactions that were thrown into a 'suitcase'... and one keeps hauling it around.
(A lot of people who carry those suitcases, btw, don't even realize they are loaded down).
And then there are some who just can't 'understand' how anyone couldn't have some of those suitcases... because after all, they say, "by our age a lot of crap has happened somewhere along the line".
Luv 2 Ski, you said:
The thing I find hard to figure out is why some of those people who believe that it's unavoidable to be weighed down with the past (aka "baggage") are also quite outspokenly judgmental and even hostile towards others who believe they can move on and leave that stuff behind. Those type of people have hostility in one of their suitcases, that's all.
I don't believe there will ever be understanding between those who didn't pack up negative reactions/emotions in a suitcase and those who did.
The only answer for one who has let those reactions GO during the 'stuff that happens in life', and didn't pack them up..
is to find another who has the life skill in doing the same. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:22:07 PM | Lol I think those who post "no baggage" has plenty themselves... I kind of cringe when I see it in a profile too.... overstating the obvious is sort of like a double negative...
Yes, we all try and move past past hurts and learn and grow and just realize that it's life...
I also think for some they've spent too much of their energy being the sounding board of investment in a person only to have someone else sweep their object of affection off their feet... ie: the rebounder relationship....
Lastly the ones who never seem to sustain a relationship appears to have the largest set of luggage...
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I purr
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Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 193 | |
| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:54:49 PM | NO BAGGAGE. ........... we all need to clarify this. If we are over 20, and have "No BAGGAGE" I would say we had lived in a bubble. I prefer to view most things as a life experience. I hope we all just learn to deal with what is in the present relationship. I am not your EX and you are not mine. Take your experiences and learn from them. Take a little time to talk and do not pre-judge, as we have the option to respond to each other in a positive way. None of us are prefect. People treat you exactly how you allow them to treat you the majority of the time. This is where the communication comes in. Learn to talk to each other, laugh at each other and at ourselves. Sometimes we take things to seriously. We fall in love with what we see and guess what..... what we become is a combination of our upbringing and our experiences good or bad.
A rule should be if you get in a fight you must stop and take off all your clothes and stand face to face with out touching. Keep gazing into each other eyes and try as hard as you can not to look away, up or down. How long can you keep fighting? | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:10:46 PM | I don't see people as being weighed down by baggage.... wiser yes... but Luv_2_Ski, your interpretation of the posters about baggage is negative. Mine is that it makes people wiser and deeper ..... given they learn from their life lessons. That's not a negative thing and I've read many post on here saying pretty much the same thing. You sound like the crab trying to pull others down. [ I do admit I have posted on different subjects and I am not always totally uplifting and positive ... hell I'm human and I have baggage too!  ] | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:53:07 PM | | For me, "no baggage" means you're not holding on to negative feelings that you may then transfer to me if we were to become involved. It doesn't mean (again, *to me*) that you haven't been through trials, tribulations, and the various vicissitudes of life...of course we all have. To me it just means that you've been able to work through your past issues, at least well enough so that they don't affect your current or future relationships. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:23:38 PM | How about the flip side of the coin?
I'm 49 years old, and have never been married, and have no children. I'm not afriad of the commitment, and feel that marriage is something that I'd like for my life, it simply hasn't happened. As far as children, as it turns out, I can't have them, but I'm OK with that. I've never been the kind of woman who felt she wasn't a 'real' woman if she wasn't a mom. But that certainly doesn't mean that I don't like children...and sometimes that is the assumption.
The standard question on a first date is 'How is it a woman as attractive as yourself has never been married?' Beats me.
There have been varying reactions to the news that I don't have any ex-husbands lurking about and have no children--some men look as if they've just won the lottery, and one gentleman that I met on POF informed me that the fact that I've never married is a 'red flag' for men--'Is she too self absorbed? Is she difficult? Is she too controlling?'--Wow!! I don't think so...but I am very outspoken, and I stand up for myself and the things I believe in. And I wonder sometimes, if that isn't a little intimidating. But it won't be for the right man, and so I keep my fingers crossed that one of these days before long he'll show up. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:00:40 PM | | Many of us still have open hearts. We may be more wary than when we were younger. We are much more aware of the fact that, as much as we wish it were so, love doesn't conquer all. The majority of relationships don't last and we know this statistic to be factual. Do we really want to set ourselves up for the possible, if not probable, heartache that will ensue when the rose is off the bloom? Yes, by God! I would rather be in love for one year than spend the rest of my life without love. Even if it means going through the pain and sorrow of a failed relationship. I know that the next time I will do all I possibly can to prevent it from failing. And I think lost love hurts just as badly when we are older as when we were young. When we were young, it was as if our world was ending and we would never be happy again. The difference is that now we know we will survive the pain and come out the other side of the darkness | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:18:31 PM |
Many of us still have open hearts. We may be more wary than when we were younger. We are much more aware of the fact that, as much as we wish it were so, love doesn't conquer all. The majority of relationships don't last and we know this statistic to be factual. Do we really want to set ourselves up for the possible, if not probable, heartache that will ensue when the rose is off the bloom? Yes, by God! I would rather be in love for one year than spend the rest of my life without love. Even if it means going through the pain and sorrow of a failed relationship. I know that the next time I will do all I possibly can to prevent it from failing. And I think lost love hurts just as badly when we are older as when we were young. When we were young, it was as if our world was ending and we would never be happy again. The difference is that now we know we will survive the pain and come out the other side of the darkness
Hey livinglife,
Good post. Thank you. I agree with how you feel about falling in love again. My sentiments exactly. But I'm not sure the pain of a breakup is easier then when we were younger. In fact, for me it seems harder. Maybe because of the experiences I've had to make me value love and all it means more now then I did when younger. Also, the painful fact that I am not getting any younger makes me want to find that elusive love more now then when I was younger. | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:43:14 PM |
Yes, by God! I would rather be in love for one year than spend the rest of my life without love. Even if it means going through the pain and sorrow of a failed relationship. I know that the next time I will do all I possibly can to prevent it from failing. And I think lost love hurts just as badly when we are older as when we were young. When we were young, it was as if our world was ending and we would never be happy again. The difference is that now we know we will survive the pain and come out the other side of the darkness
.... I actually re-read this several times...very heartfelt....it's certainly worth remembering and sharing....great post. Thank -you
...maeflowers | |
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| We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:57:32 PM | AWE MS. Mae..I'd carry your baggage just for a smile from you!
So baggage is all in how you carry, pack it, unload it and stow it away..
I carried much for a longtime.Now I lessened the load, bought another Harley and left the baggage at the corner!
dusty | |
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