| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:00:59 PM | It seems to me that he is into you, he's just not expressing it the way you're expecting him to, and maybe he's waiting for you to reciprocate before he escalates his level of affection. So why not initiate the kind of contact you want? Otherwise, how will he ever know? Wouldn't that be better than sitting at home trying to read his mind from a distance? Most guys like straightforward communication, they want to know what you want. What have you got to lose? Good luck!
Ms C. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:21:32 PM | a remark on the success stories online and he said well if we were successful, we could put our story on there. Oh and he actually took off his profile on the site after our third date.
The thing that bugs me the most is that he hardly calls. He only texts sometimes to ask me how my day was on most days in between dates. He does call ocassionally to ask me what I'm up to and stuff and to say hi but that's about it. I know he's busy with his career and he's always on the road meeting clients
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I don't think his actions are abnormal or contradictory...MAYBE ITS YOU! Grownups, usually tell people important things, like this: "Hey, I really had a good time on our date, will you let me call you again?" .."Yes, I'd love it..I work a lot, so I dont like people calling after 9, but for you, 915 is cool"...."Ok, I hope we can go out again...Me too. L A T E R.."Hi I got your text message today thanks, I've had a lot of fun on our 5 dates this week, can I tell you something though, I'd really like it if you called me on the phone more, that's how much I like you".."Oh Ok, just everybody texts nowadays" ..."Well, I think you've noticed, I'm not everybody, I can show you again....NEXT TIME YOU CALL ME ON THE PHONE; Goodnite, see you Friday.
And phone calls, emails, and texts I believe (I have never texted, I' cant wait to try text with a woman in her prime, I don't know if I have the right equipment in my handset) ARE TIT FOR TAT. You call, say you leave a message..then the normal expectation is he calls you back within the day, maybe two. you get one bonus message, if he doesn't call you back soon enough, you can call one more time, after that if he doesn't call...You can call him in a week or two.
But two people hot in early dating need to TELL EACH OTHER WHAT THE EXPECTATIONS ARE, in clear English, not texteese either. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:25:10 PM | | Some people just prefer text messaging - fast, easy, convenient, doesn't interrupt the other person, flexible (because you don't have to respond immediately like with the phone), you can keep the conversation going all day long and at your pace. Most importantly, texting is a guy thing more so than a girl thing. I have talked to so many guys and they all say they hate talking on the phone, while texting is the preffered communication method. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:14:37 PM | How can it be too soon for “the talk”, yet soon enough for sexual intimacy? IMO, “the talk” should come before sex in order to, (for health reasons, at the very least), establish exclusivity. How can you be so close to someone, yet so far away? I suggest that you quit ruminating over his every move and try opening the lines of communication. Start off by saying, “You know when you said that if we were successful we might be a POF success story? Well, that got me to wondering about the nature of our relationship; where we’re heading; if we’re on the same page…” This will open the topic for a much needed discussion.
If you’re both headed in the same direction (i.e., you’re on your way to “coupledom”), then utilize this opportunity to express your desire for more personal forms of daily interaction (i.e., you’d like more phone calls and less text messages, please). Be proactive, too. Don’t wait for him to always call you first; and if you want more affection, start telling him how much you miss him and how you can’t wait to see him. Treat him the way you’d like to be treated, and hopefully he will follow your lead and reciprocate your affections. Good luck! | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:17:49 AM | i don't agree with most of the answers so far, i think if a man leaves you in doubt about how he feels, then its not good news. Sometimes you can trundle on for months not knowing whats what, and then you find out they are just happy keeping it casual. In the relationships that i see working out, its almost as if they never needed to have 'the talk' they just started a relationship, because it was 'just right'. Hope im wrong hunny, but keep your eye on it. Your a great looking girl, so why should you wait and wonder? if it carries on you should think about what your getting in to. Good luck.
Manchestergirl UK | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:42:01 AM | | It kind of sounds like you two are both so concerned about playing it cool that it's confusing both of you. That line about asking if you were too busy dating other people meant that he was looking for some reassurance that you were into him, and he wasn't just one of a flock of guys buzzing around you, or that he was subtly trying to get an idea of the situation. See, I don't really do this stuff, and wind up just blurting out things to get the conversation going, so my advice isn't going to be so helpful for you subtle people. But generally, I would just go with the flow, and give it a bit of time. I would try calling him in between dates just to chat to see how it goes. If he is non-receptive though, he might not be a phone person (or he might not be that into you), but don't rush to conclusions, unless you have a talk about whether he likes to chat on the phone or not. Just give him a bit of time to warm up and feel secure. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:53:51 AM |
I haven't been to his house and in fact I don't think his parents even know we're seeing each other.
We've talked about this and his mom is apparently really conservative and everything. According to him his mom did say don't bring a girl home unless you wanna marry her. What can you say to that? And of course his folks don't have a clue about me I bet because he says they asks too many questions and he doesn't want to have to deal with that. So.... what am I to think?
This guy still lives with his parents and is afraid of their reactions?
He's not a man, he is a boy.
Don't sleep with boys.
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:58:25 AM | Okay. First this is not the only singles site out there. Plus he can have another ad under another name.
He can also hide his ad from others unless he emails them.
He does not contact you because he does not want to. Period.
Do you know his legal name? If so, I think its time to do a check on him. Use the whitepages.com, peoplefinders and ancestry.com. He could be married. He never told you where he lives? How about his land phone?
Married. I say married or living with someone.
Sorry. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 5/24/2008 10:03:42 AM | | It sounds like he's been reading a book that tells him, "Don't call too often, because it keeps the ladies on their toes." If you want him to call...tell him outright, "Look, I appreciate getting calls from someone who is interested, on a daily basis." Then ask him, "Are you that type?" If he isn't, better you find out now! If he's been reading the book, he won't do it, regardless, because he's setting up parameters where "He runs the show and is the boss in the relationship." Good luck, you will need it, and it is one heck of a sad little game that some men get sucked into, sadly losing the woman at the end, regardless of whether they realize it, before it happens, or not. The object of the book is to keep you guessing and on your toes, which "supposedly" causes you to want him more. Unfortunately, there will be lots more in store for you (which you aren't going to appreciate) as you get going in the relationship, but, personally, if a guy doesn't call on a regular basis, on his own, I'm out of there! I'm not into the games people play with each other, and many guys have these rules that if they call the lady too often, he will come off as 'needy'. Personally, I don't mind if a guy is a bit needy, because it tells me he's human and has feelings. Once I tell him what I'm interested in, if he doesn't do it, he's not interested in pleasing me as much as I 'will' please him...in which case...bye bye and Good luck! | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:31:43 AM | Hey guys thanks for the advices but I think I need more...
So we went on another date and sorta established exclusivity that we're both not seeing other people and don't plan to. The following date he was 4 hours late for our date cos he had a work function and almost cancelled on me but he still showed uo nonetheless cos I've been waiting all night! He mentioned the work function but sounded 100% positive that he would be able to get out of it by 9pm latest and as much as I understand that work commitments I was obviously pissed and when he finally arrived I kept my cool and had the wants and needs 'talk'.
Basically I raised the issue about how he hardly has time for anything and dating in particular. I guess in my mind I kinda wanted to put it out there that if he doesn't have time or can't make a little more time then it's probably better to end things. He mentioned that work was crazy atm. The conversation leaded to the lack of affection and I suggested that perhaps the problem is that he's just not that into me.
He mentioned that he could see where the time issue was coming from but the him not being that into me part kinda caught him off guard because he's never really thought about it. Then he dropped a line that I wasn't prepared for... "I guess I haven't felt the click". PFFT! Oh you don't say! What do you say to that?! So the thing is he doesn't really want to end things but he hasn't felt the click?! Kinda spells convenience doesn't it? He then goes on to explain that the issue is time and that's the main issue on how he's a little tight and work is priority over everything else atm and it could possibly be like that for 6 months to a year even. The next thing he mentions of course is the clicking issue about how he probably hasn't felt the click yet cos these 2 things sorta come hand in hand... you need time to establish that click and cos he doesn't has that it's kinda becoming an issue regarding affections. According to mister he is a very affectionate person. Logical argument huh? But what do you guys think?
Oh and he did he thinks I'm expecting too much too soon. Maybe it's true but I dunno I guess it's just a natural thing for a woman to want after sex with someone you've been seeing. And somewhere in the conversation he dropped the "I don't want to lead you on" cos I don't have time line. He think's I'm awesome and hot but he doesn' want to hurt me cos he can't give me what I want at the moment. He doesn't want to stop seeing but he is letting me know firsthand that I won't be getting what I need for awhile.
It's kinda clear to me what I need to do but I feel like he's not emotionally invested and I am trying to stay on the same level but being female I can't help the festering emotions and resentments. I sorta worked out that I need to walk away since it probably looks like we're on different pages but I really like some insight as to what the hell is going on in that emotionless numskull of his.
After that night he texted me the next day to ask me how my day was and I haven't heard from him for 3 days now which hardly happens. Max a day or 2 usually but if he calls for another date do I still go with it. Hang around and wait for the click or walk away and cut my losses? | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:04:38 AM | He's playing you for a fool and if you continue seeing him, you are one.
Sleeping with you but doesn't feel the "click"?? Sorry, hun, he's a user and loser. Don't waste anymore time with him. I couldn't describe him better than you did, "emotionless numskull".
Good Luck!! | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:15:59 AM | | If he truly said these very things to you, then he has been very straight with you. I hate that expression F... buddies, but that almost sounds like it to me, at least on his end. Starting a relationship off the way you are describing does not sound very promising to me. You are both on different pages, and he is clearly putting other obligations before the relationship and may always do that until he meets someone that makes him feel that click. If you continue on, then you have accepted his terms. It does not sound like what you are looking for at all, so you probably know what you have to do already. Good luck with whatever you decide. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:43:43 AM | | OP, why did you like him in the first place? That is but just one of the problems with women, imho. You are attracted only to people with certain 'incomes/occupations' and guys who are indifferent about you. The lines about 'being too busy' with work and 'didn't click' could be true but it's also "code" for I only want you for the physical and it's working because you're asking about it. Your interest is illogical and if you keep thinking that way and are attracted to guys like that, you will only get to experience it again as a reward. Have fun with that. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:27:51 PM | | What do you want from this guy? Your insecurities are going to drive him away. Give him some time girl. I think you are waiting for some declaration of love. He sounds like a sensible guy who also has a life outside of you. There is nothing wrong with that. Talk to him about the texts if that bothers you but you seem to be looking for there to be something wrong. If he took his profile off, why haven't you? He sounds into you to me but won't stay that way with your pettiness. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:34:29 PM | This guy lives with his parents, "right"...You sound like a high pressure girl with an insecurity problem...Get to know the guy...Sounds like your suffocating the poor guy...
Wowee | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:39:44 PM | Indie, YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM
I admire your writing about this experience so completely and honestly despite some snide remarks from people.
I think that "not feeling a click" thing was the nail in the coffin...again, you deserve someone that puts time into you because there's a click!! Not someone going thru the motions for sex or whatever.
That 4 hrs late thing because of work sounded fake to me; it made me think he had another "engagement" or something, with someone else.
I think he texted you the last time out of guilt so that he could do the "fade away-disapearance" thing quietly and conveniently. <---------I HATE THAT...talk about lack of integrity when guys do that. GRRRRRRR | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:42:19 PM | If u hav the tiniest iggling of doubts, after ur next date, the following evening take the bull by the horns and try ringing him - totally off the cuff - see if he answers your unexpected call - u might be very surprised to hear how pleased he is to hear ur voice. "when" (as I hope he will) he picks up the fone - that will giv u the peace of mind and confidence ur after, and u can let ur guard down that little bit. Good luck!  | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:42:54 PM | | WTF??? Too soon for the ‘talk’ but not too soon for the sex??? That is contradictory. I think that you need to figure out yourself before you go trying to figure out someone else. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:43:40 PM | | i think you are worrying over nothing, its still early days but all the signs are there that he likes you, i honestly believe when things start slowly they have more chance of working. when romance moves fast it often just frizzles out. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:00:18 PM |
Does he want sex or does he want to start something that could possibly lead into a LTR? After a few more dates he eventually came over and offered to cook dinner for me and my housemates. (Again here I wonder if it is his attempt to invite himself into my home). We slept together that night and well we went on more dates
When will you girls learn? We DON'T respect you in the morning. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:15:22 PM |
Then he dropped a line that I wasn't prepared for... "I guess I haven't felt the click". PFFT! Oh you don't say! What do you say to that?! So the thing is he doesn't really want to end things but he hasn't felt the click?!
Like I said... We DO NOT "respect you in the morning" He played you like a fiddle and you deserve it for not keeping your legs shut. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:29:42 PM | | I don't think he is that into you and is quickly doing the fade. The whole only communicating by texting sounds suspicious, I dated a married guy for almost a year and he would normally communicate with me via text messages. | |
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| INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD GO MORE SLOWLY
Posted: 6/4/2008 3:03:08 PM | I think that dating sites are great for meeting people you otherwise never would have met; for the same reason, I think it takes much, much longer to get to know someone you meet this way, because your lives don't naturally intertwine.
So, when you start dating a guy you've met at school, for example, it may take a month or so of dating to decide, ok, great, we click. But realize you probably knew him for a while before you dated, or in the very least, you know what his life is like, his friends, his goals, because you share a community of some kind and a daily routine.
Also, because your lives don't naturally intertwine, I think we all have to be that much more respectful that whoever we meet on-line does have a whole life to keep going, even if we're not familiar with the details yet. That could be work, hobbies, vacations planned before meeting, family, etc.
...and we can all walk around paranoid that the guys we meet on here are married, but that's just another good reason to go much more slowly than usual, isn't it?
Think you need to back off a little and wait and see. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:12:13 PM | If a guy said he didn't feel the click with me, geez, he wouldn't have to tell me twice.
Unless you dig him for just a friend, I can't imagine why you would lower yourself to go out with him again. Find someone that feels more than just a click. | |
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