| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:23:25 PM | I repeat my old post.
I hope he dumps you before
you kill the guy with your clinginess...
Poor guy was being honest and look
at all the BS you're putting him thru..
next time, when you find a "hit & disappear" guy,
you'll probably understand better....pffft...
Good things take time, but you want it all,
and you want it NOW...
again, I hope he dumps ya ....
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:37:52 PM | Okay, I see what's going on here. Two things. First of all, regarding boundaries and limits: You always need to set a clear boundary and let him know that you will not put up with him stepping over it. For instance, if he says he will be there at 7:00 then he needs to be there at 7:00. Granted, sometimes there are emergencies. I think a man would respond better to hearing this than to a whole talk about "the relationship." Tell him that behavior is unacceptable, and if it happens again, you will not give him another chance. Then follow through. It saves a lot of heartache.
Second, OP, please read a book called "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. The part you need to pay attention to is the chapter for singles. He talks about the 12 stages of bonding. Sex is the 12th stage. When you have sex before the other stages of bonding have occurred you sabotage the relationship. Women produce a hormone that bonds them to the man after having sex. Men don't have that hormone. So they don't necessarily bond with you. It's really really hard when you're not on the same page.
If you really like this guy, back off. Be clear what your limits are and set them without getting too emotional or talking about the relationship. Then give him space and let him miss you. Be the fun, confident person he was attracted to in the first place. Be a little mysterious. And pull back from the sex. If you can't do that, then you will have to chalk it up to a loss because you will probably drive him away.
BTW, I'm not saying I'm perfect. I've made all the same mistakes, including very recently. I'm teaching what I'm trying to learn. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:01:52 PM | OP, I know how you feel. I went through the same thing not too long ago. It's amazing how girls tend to get attached after sex but guys don't. I went through the wishy washy feelings of why isn't he calling... Am I getting too needy... Should I end the relationship now so I don't get hurt more... The more he withdrew, the more I wanted him. It's all a game... Even if you don't want to play it, it's all at a subconscious level.
I definitely agree with the last post... I think in order to make a relationship more long-term, you have to hold out on the sex until after the click and the "talk". We women decide if we're going to sleep with the guy or not based on intuition. I think we're trying to immitate a love story where we knew he was "the one" story. In all honesty, it's our hormones. We sleep with them because we find them hot! Control the hormones and get to know the guy first before involving sex. Sex should be the symbolic ring saying that you two are willing to try to make a relationship. The last step is to see if you two connect on a physical level. Sex is probably the easiest one to find compatibility (compared to goals, personality, family values, etc...). Very few people have said that they've broke-up a relationship because they're werent compatibile in the sex department... Sex is always great when it's new...But later... well... that's another posting...
I always tell myself that it's better to be single and available when a great guy comes along than to be in a not so great relationship and pass up a great opportunity.
Good Luck OP! | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:23:22 PM | ummm, sounds like this guy is pretty cool, and doing everything right. If I was him I'd probably be upset that you never reciprocate by calling him.
Also most guys hate talking on the phone, be glad he makes the effort. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:29:36 AM | | Everything takes time. Big key is trying to communicate and unfortunately that's a tough one. Men and women just don't do it the same, we are more emotional men are more logical and it's hard. Why wait for him to call/txt. (I personally would use my voice, makes it much more personal. Hard to get any feeling out of letters w/no sound). Maybe he is worrying about all the same things as you. Take a breath relax and enjoy the journey for now. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:38:55 PM | | My experience with this OP, he's married!!! He wants to come to your house what about his house? And the text messaging, not calling?/ classic sign of being married, just my opnion! | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:12:58 PM | | I hate the phone. I'll only give it out if someone asks for it. I wish there was a way for someone to call before they called to ask if it was a good time to call. I don't mind email when I'm watching tv 'cause I can type without looking at the screen and I can still watch and listen to my CSI. If someone calls I can't follow the show and miss key clues. Worse is when someone calls while you're watching a game and you miss the winning play. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:04:17 PM |
According to him his mom did say don't bring a girl home unless you wanna marry her.
To be fair, this is how it is in my family too. I once made the mistake of dragging someone home too early and got a truly mortifying speech after he left about how I shouldn't have even bothered.
It's early. If you don't like the way things are going, bring it up. If you think it's too early to bring it up...you have your answer. Some men just hate the phone. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:09:55 PM | good lord girl what more do you want? he sounds like a great guy and you sound borderline emotionally needy also are you making up things to complain about? just thank your lucky stars and appreciate this guy!  | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:17:24 PM | I think you are being very naive; of course he's leading up to sex; if you think you are the only one he's talking and hanging out with you are mistaken. Name someone your age that doesnt email or chat. Give me a break. He tells everyone that to keep it easy so he has to put little or no effort into it.
Why weren't girls this naive when I was in school. Man. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:41:10 AM | | I think u might be over analysing the situation...enjoy what you've got...and go with the flow...sounds like you're putting doubts into it...enjoy it and chill x | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:03:58 AM | StarreGazer on 5/23/2008 12 09 AM And you would find yourself blocked - how rude.
There are a lot of married men and women on this site, a lot who are looking for s*x. and nothing else.
So your reply would definitely come up as 'Married' 'Problems' 'Baggage' Tagged.
Men who find it hard to say they are single ARE HIDING SOMETHING. And being rude to the opposite sex doesn't help matter much, because a lot of us women are here using this as a singles site, to meet single people, because if a man is rude about being single, what is he going to be like in real life.................. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:12:38 AM | Sounds likes a FWB situation for him. He keeps contact to a minimum to keep you on your toes, then when date night rolls around he gets to sleep with you.
My advice? Walk way. If you are looking for more, sorry to say but it does not sound like he is offering it and he actually told you that already:
He mentioned that he could see where the time issue was coming from but the him not being that into me part kinda caught him off guard because he's never really thought about it. Then he dropped a line that I wasn't prepared for... "I guess I haven't felt the click". PFFT! Oh you don't say! What do you say to that?! So the thing is he doesn't really want to end things but he hasn't felt the click?! Kinda spells convenience doesn't it? He then goes on to explain that the issue is time and that's the main issue on how he's a little tight and work is priority over everything else atm and it could possibly be like that for 6 months to a year even. The next thing he mentions of course is the clicking issue about how he probably hasn't felt the click yet cos these 2 things sorta come hand in hand... you need time to establish that click and cos he doesn't has that it's kinda becoming an issue regarding affections. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:26:33 AM | | If you refrain from calling him or basically getting ahold of him, how are you showing him that you want him? He's been giving you alot of chances here, you need to take on and try making something out of it. LTRs are work. Just remember that. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:18:38 PM | | I agree---as a man, I would be thinking if she's that into me. I'm very cautious about smothering a woman and scaring hew away. Sometimes I love when a woman takes the time to call me. That shows me they're interested. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:29:59 AM | | Yeah, from a guy's perspective, we want to feel pursued as well. If a woman doesn't call and I'm constantly initiating the contact, I will begin to wonder if she's interested and I might even pull back. Sounds like you're always expecting the worst to happen. Just think positive and enjoy the ride/ | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:00:43 PM | | You go on dates and spend face to face time together, why not talk to eachother then? Are you afraid to talk to him about stuff then or do you prefer the phone? And if you still have your profile online stating single, I'm sure he is more confused than you are. Alot of guys don't like talking on the phone so they don't think about it. If that is what you need, call him and let him know. Maybe he is afraid of contacting you too much and blowing what he is hoping will be something special. Too many people ask questions on here but won't TALK to the one who can actually answer it, the one they are involved with. He's the only one who knows the real truth. | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:06:09 PM | He's just not that into me?
Well, if you spread em just a bit wider.....then mebbe he could really get a bit further into you????
Rollover onto all fours and stick it up into the air!
He shouldn't have any problems getting that into you then!!! | |
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| He's just not that into me?
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:21:23 PM | I agree with msg 67: talk to him, instead of asking us, a bunch of strangers who have different life/love experiences from you or the guy you're talking about.
Furthermore, I'm a firm believer of actions, not words. Actions always give the words away if the person's lying. Time and actions tell the truth. He's stuck around this long, so that means he's interested to see you/spend time with you again and again.
This may not apply in this thread, but your relationship is still in its infancy, and couples don't know each other very well, as with any other type of relationship (e.g. friendship), so maybe that factor plays havoc on your mind a little?
Take it this way: it is a time to get to know each other better, and this can be a great time as long as you don't bog your mind down with what-if situations. There will be a time when you know each other so well that you may think your relationship isn't exciting 
Humans: can't live without them; can't live with them  | |
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