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| I need help finding out why
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:43:37 PM | Maggie makes a very valid point (she's not only gorgeous but SMART!!)
First date idea...that's what it says. Having reviewed, thousands, probably well into 6 figures now) first date isn't often actually an idea of what to do on a first date. More often, a first date "essay"...a good profile, even a great one will break down (like a Silver Ferrari that ran over a nail) if there's enough interest to get that far.
It's such a pattern, I've seen awesome profiles...well potentially...not doing the writer any good. Start off...BLEK...good content in the middle which noone reads because they've clicked off. Username..headline...that's the initial hook...you have to wrap it all up, and still keep the interest, and the way it's structured that fall to first date idea.
IDEA being the operative word. Tht'as the last thing they read, before they decide to click on....or click "Contact".
If you can't wrap it all up...like the mantra of the entertainers....that don't do 4 encores..or 38 farewell tours. Leave them wanting more....know when to. | |
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| I need help finding out why
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:36:06 PM | Hey wez, this is a very big improvement, good job. But we still have some work to do.
Your WHO you are section is very good! Do you feel as if it describes you well?
Your what you like to do, paragraph, is a little short, but that one is rather easy to fix. Let's save that one for last. Let's get the WHO you are looking for section up to snuff first.
I'm looking for a sensitive, considerate fun~loving woman that can appreciate my sense of humor and maybe shares the ability to make me laugh as well. I'd like someone that accepts me for myself, as I will her.
Okay, this what we have: SENSITIVE, this word is better than many, and not as good as some others, it is fine to use it, but we are going to shoot for three descriptive words, rather than two because it is a little on the weak side of the spectrum. CONSIDERATE, this word is what some of us call an assumed given, and does not count as a descriptive word, although you may keep if you like. FUN LOVING, this is so vauge that it is literally worthless as it is. Because it is such a common word in a profile, it's effects tend to have the opposite effect as desired in many cases. My eyes glaze over when I see this word, and I suspect some others are the same way. I strongly suggest you DELETE this word from your description of WHO you are looking for.
The rest of what you have goes without saying, and should be DELETED.
Now, we need two more words that describe her. I am going to ask you some questions that may help you think of something.
Do you have a preference for a woman that is the "dress up" type?
Or would you tend to like the type that is not afraid to get her hands dirty?
If you have a strong preference one way or the other, and your preference is the first one, then add HIGH MAINTAINANCE, as a decriptor, and exlpain what your idea of that is. This is important, because there are several types, of high maintainence.
If you prefer the second one, then add LOW MAINTAINENCE as a descriptive word.
Do you lean toward the "tomboy side" or the "feminen" side?
First DateThe first date is a time to get to know each other not be a time to see how much one decides to spend on a new person.
Maggie was correct, this is negative and needs to go. DELETE
What is left is good, keep that part.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| I need help finding out why
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:07:14 PM | Thanks to all who have helped and patience is a good thing.........Thanx again all | |
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| I need help finding out why
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:38:02 PM | Your very welcome weze.
Best wishes
OFCB
ps Let one of us know how it goes for you. | |
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