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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:11:59 AM | Mia- I keep checking into this thread and keep seeing you repeatedly speaking of the power and sacredness of tantric sex being absent in peoples' lives as being the essence of the issue here. And I think you might be missing one of the main points the Captain and many here are saying - it's not the lack of sacredness or quality of sex, primarily, that they feel is putting them off joining forces with women in relationships - it's everything else outside of the sex that is so unappealing.
And I can see their point. Way too many women in this country have really cleaned out not only the pockets of their spouses, but have also poured water on their fire of emotional love (as many women also find they became disillusioned with love and relationships after the breakdown of their most significant one....obviously I'm talking specifically about those millions of relationships where child support, alimony, and these issues apply).
In some ways, I feel the women who have shown such disrespect for their ex's (and continue to) have really made it hard for the rest of us who have no intention of being such users of men, but so many mens' hearts have closed to us all and don't seem to trust our love any more.
So, in order to find and enter into a relationship that can lead to 'soul union', one must be willing to be open to that possibility - which seems really quite far away from where so many are at here (and out there). Yes, maybe in order to really go forward, many more need to be in that mind and heart and spiritual and physical 'state' of openness and love. And I see it rarely on this site, so I'm not sure your repeated push that tantra will 'heal all hurts' in the world and ourselves will really be heard in the proper light and with the proper respect here. But, perhaps, like some seeds, planting them in sometimes the least likely spot for them to grow actually creates growth that far exceeds 'expectations'. And miracles do really happen.
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:39:12 AM | Miashakti
No offense hun, but this isn't a chat room, chatting is against the rules, you DID read them right? As is "Hijacking" a thread, which you have done here by continuing to post about the Tantric BS. A comment to point out your beliefs is one thing ... if it pertains to the Original Posters question. You seem to be trying a "hard sell" for your belief that Tantric would cure all single Men of their desire to be single. It won't. Sex isn't the problem, great sex isn't the problem. Dating and relationships with modern expectations are the problem.
Maybe start a thread of your own about Tantric?
OT: I believe this has been going on forever but as the world shrinks and information is
more readily available, we are just more aware of it happening
EDIT: Tsk,tsk | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:41:05 AM | | I regularly take time off the dating scene. I have gone over a year from time to time. It gives me a clearer picture of what I want out of life and who I am willing to let into it. It also gives me opportunity to focus my efforts on improving my life situation more rapidly and effectively. I am young so I still enjoy sex, but sex isn't dating if it's just sex without the trimmings of dating (dinner, movies, ect.) and if it gets further than that it happens all on it's own, naturally. I usually don't have a "drive" to find a mate I feel perfectly whole without one, I usually don't get "attached" right away with the women I do meet anymore either. It almost appears as if it is easier to be friends with the ones of the opposite sex and once that happens the flaws seem to come out in conversation and it's like wow she's a friend but I really dodged a bullet on that one. I suppose I took the longer way around than your friends did and I haven't completely given up sex relations, but I have pretty much completely given up dating, finding a mate, ect. does that count? As for what I have noticed trend wise, I do believe you have something there, more guys appear to be looking to develop their lives rather than chaseing skirts. I do enjoy the forums and try to put out interesting topics myself, great question. thanks | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:00:27 AM | A few months ago I was heading in that direction. I was completely content to be "alone", and I made it clear on the profile. I'm still leaning that way, but the optimist in me is telling me that one day it might happen that I might find someone I can be with, but really, it'd be under my terms. My priority is friendship first of all, a date *if* there is mutual interest, and long term if the right woman passes by. I have no interest per se in random "dating" unless the friendship happens to be there to begin with, and if I never went on another date in my life, I probably wouldn't care. If I never found that companion, I have plenty of things that keep me busy.
As it is though, I have been more interested in the older crowd 40-45 (plus or minus several years). While I may have desired raising a family, in the past, I'm either looking for a companion, or to stay on my own.
I definitely have noticed over the past 20 odd years that as I've gotten older, I've been happier. My teen years were disappointing, my twenties were somewhat better, but not great, and I've kicked off my thirties better than I have ever been. I can only imagine what the next 20-30 years will bring. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:41:53 AM | In reflection of this core topic - this is a typical process men and women go through and have always gone through - it is nothing new -after having gone through the phase of pursuing someone looking for happiness. When this fails, then they have been 'forced' to actually build a life or regime for themselves and find themselves and find happiness without having to depend on another source for it. Basically what has happened is they have let go of their co dependent crutch or of having to depend on somebody to be happy.
If people realize this and accept and STOP BLAMING it on the way men are today or the way women are today (let go of the resentment or bitterness of still not having found a companion) then they can celebrate their new found happiness in being independent (are they truly so happy if they feel compelled to carry on about it? This is what I see when reading between the lines).
More and more people are in this boat, because it has become so socially acceptable to get divorces and be in multiple short term relationships rather than feeling compelled to stick it out and work on things to make them better. I would attribute the popularity of it to this rather than mindsets. I think the mindset has been there since the beginning of time lol after having reached that point in your process.
Good news is, if you have found complete happiness , well being and acceptance and love and appreciate your time on your own, this is when you are most likely to find someone who has reached that same level and you've got a strong shot of something really great happening.
That's my take!!! | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:50:06 AM |
What if the stress and upset is what causes you to grow?
I couldn't agree with you more on that.
I don't see my past pains as reasons not to date or commit, but more as reasons now to make it such a high priority in my life UNLESS the right woman came along.
It taught me to value myself and my life, to not see myself as a "loser" because I have no one. That's what more men and women need to learn. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:32:54 PM | | Well for young guys I know many dont date; they just like friends with benefits. A college survey showed they enjoyed less drama, no responsibility, no ties, and most of all it was inexpensive for them. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:59:55 PM |
I suppose there is no place that it is not "acceptable" to go alone. Couples Bridge, couples dances, parties where everyone else is with their spouse or significant other are just a few of the places that a single person would be a third wheel however acceptable their presence might be.
When a person has been married for a long time, their friends and associates have a tendency to be those who are also married. Consequently, there are numerous social events that being the onlysingle person is not really much fun.
That speaks more to your feelings about being single than it does to my reality. I go to lots of events designed for couples and I go as a single. I always have a great time and never feel the least bit out of place nor has anyone tried to make me feel out of place.
And the guys at my dinner party are really quite well adjusted (or they wouldn't be my friends), they have relationships with women of both the work and friendship kind. These men don't avoid women, they simply dont date them. I have watched one of these guys gracefully dodge the dating question "why don't we go out sometime" at least 20 times. He just has no desire to walk down a path that brings him no joy or detracts from his current level of happiness.
"The cause of most of the unhappiness on earth is that man and woman have actually forgotten how to make physical love.
No. That is absolutely wrong.
The cause of most of the unhappiness on earth has nothing to do with making love but has everything to do with the change in the dynamics of relationships.
This email came to me as a side comment on this thread and I share this snippet with the permission of the author:
May I suggest that you do a web search of this article by Barbara Sumner Burstyn titled: Restoring Testosterone. She was a radical gender feminist up to about the late 90's, then she changed her view realizing that who she had become, drove every man out of her life. Her article is an essay and lament for what radical feminism brought upon her -- lonliness. I truly believe that you will enjoy the article, and please book mark and share with other men, women too for that matter.
Generally, the social effect of gender feminism spelled the end of any requirement that a woman should have "male friendly" behavior or skills. Now, in lonliness, many women are trying to relearn those skills so she might have a good man in her life. I am acutely aware of the social effect and consequences, and must stifle laughter with some dates as I watch them stumbling and stammering to try and treat me with male friendly behavior. Those women are allowed one dinner date -- then poof! Dan hits the road faster than a bat out of hell. An old cliche, "You made your bed, now sleep in it." comes to mind at times, although some call it karma.
And I think that email snippet has more to do with our topic than most anything else. I say this because I have been dating an Australian woman for over a month now and the difference in how she approaches a relationship versus how ANY American woman does is the difference between night and day. As she says, "American women think that bringing a man a beer demeans them while women from other countries realize that giving takes nothing from who they are but enhances what they get in return."
Cheers!
Pete ~ aPrincelyFrog | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:10:57 AM | Well, Don't know if this has been said, but this is a well documented trend, were men are deciding to stay single longer or not get married what so ever. Actually another story like this was posted recently on yahoo news.
here are some reasons why men are staying single:
1. I think its partly because men by nature don't really need women other then sex, and if you have agood family and friends men don't really need a womans companionship.
2. Also the legal system is setup to screw men who get in relationships or marriages with women.
3. Women are more picky these days, will date countless guys and reject them for silly things (don't like his teeth, his laugh is annoying ya sex in the city stuff), many guys decide not to deal with this and just take themselves off the market.
4. Finally men enjoy the freedom of pursuing their interest without a woman bogging them down.
Oh and course more men are deciding to become gay. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:41:02 AM |
But is it more beautiful to find someone to share your life with than it is to find and maintain your own inner peace and happiness?
You can't FIND someone to share your life with (I'm talking a really amazing relationship) until you find and can maintain your own inner peace and happiness. It isn't a black or white, one or the other situation.
There was another post with some guy complaining about how women don't want to make the sacrifices to be with someone.. but his idea was that it would be the woman who moved, relocated or made such concessions.. I wonder why? If he really wants that then I suggest he also be willing to make those concession.. and this is what it comes down to.. it's a new paradigm, and the old rules don't work anymore.. time to get creative with relationships.. or if one doesn't want one.. cool, accept it and be proud of your decision.. don't try to blame it on women in a backhanded sort of way.
Or as Seven of Nine says, we will adapt. Resistance is futile.
Peace | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:11:23 PM |
here are some reasons why men are staying single:
1. I think its partly because men by nature don't really need women other then sex, and if you have agood family and friends men don't really need a womans companionship.
2. Also the legal system is setup to screw men who get in relationships or marriages with women.
3. Women are more picky these days, will date countless guys and reject them for silly things (don't like his teeth, his laugh is annoying ya sex in the city stuff), many guys decide not to deal with this and just take themselves off the market.
4. Finally men enjoy the freedom of pursuing their interest without a woman bogging them down.
Oh and course more men are deciding to become gay.
1. Not sure I agree with that, there are many things about women (and my ex's) that I valued other than sex (not that the sex wasn't nice too  ), and I certainly want more than "just sex" - there are many things about men/women that compliment each other, that I've enjoyed in relationships. I think the biggest roadblock to success for most relationships is lack of communication & compromise - some people seem to communicate far better with friends/family than they do in a relationship, perhaps because 'expectations' are lower?
2. Agreed here, for many men, especially divorced one or more times (or even watching the "ugly" divorces around them), and the bias of the legal system in many cases, many men wonder 'is it worth it?' That might weigh against marriage, but I've seen a lot of women on here post "been there, done that, don't care about it" that I'm not sure marriage is a 'given' just because you are in a relationship these days.
3. I dunno, I think both sexes are guilty of this, probably more of a 'societal' thing, we're constantly bombarded with male/female models as 'images of perfection'. But, I'm not sure its really that big a deal, if they aren't interested because of their perceived "flaws" in you, one might presume you are better off without them? Choosing, however, to generalize "all women" into this category, however, seems to say more about the guy than the women - nobody ever said life/love was easy.
4. I'd guess that if all you see a woman as doing is "bogging you down", you probably are better off single .
Oh, and the "deciding to become gay thing" -- I'm thinking if thats actually an option you'd actually consider - it, uh, might be a reason why women don't interest you anymore?  | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:34:09 PM |
1. I think its partly because men by nature don't really need women other then sex, and if you have agood family and friends men don't really need a womans companionship.
2. Also the legal system is setup to screw men who get in relationships or marriages with women.
3. Women are more picky these days, will date countless guys and reject them for silly things (don't like his teeth, his laugh is annoying ya sex in the city stuff), many guys decide not to deal with this and just take themselves off the market.
4. Finally men enjoy the freedom of pursuing their interest without a woman bogging them down.
Oh and course more men are deciding to become gay.
1. Except for strict adherents to Freudian theory, my love and past dependency (and in certain ways present need) for my mother cannot be seen based on sex. I dine with my secretary at least twice a week solely because she is a wonderful individual and great coworker. And I would whither and die without all the influence from the women in my life with whom I have not slept.
2. I have no comment. I have had decent experience with ending relationships
3. Seinfeld’s “Man Hands” episode. Both genders do it.
4. Freedom? Bogging them down? Some of my most liberated moments are founded in the relationships I have built with women in my life of both the sexual and non-sexual kind.
And if it were a decision, I would have made it long ago. Guys rock…just cant see myself kissing them even if I “decided to.”
Orientation is not a choice.
javascript:smilie(' ')
(Sorry, thought that it was pleasently random) | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:40:17 PM | at Msg. 281
Pete, are we cronies? Cause I agree with you ... so we must be I guess.
Hey, we could start a club! Oh darn, I think there is one already. The " I am right and you are wrong, cause I follow the teachings of some, Guru" club. Should we join ya think?
Nah, I don't need any twit telling me how to live my life. Do you? Do most normal people?
I'd guess not
OT: I agree with the original poster Pete. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:07:08 PM | I'm 29 and pretty much agree with the OP. I'm not shy, I'm just a very "hardcore" introvert. Dating is very, very difficult for me, mainly because I don't enjoy talking. If the subject of a conversation is one that interests and I feel I can absorb and contribute relevant information, that's one thing, but being put in a situation that requires small talk is absolute torture. Plus, when dating, both people (usually) are trying to get to know the "real" other person, however, both people put up fronts to try to impress the other person making it that much harder to actually get to know them.
I would love to have a meaningful relationship with a woman, but I don't know how to get there without playing the dating game and I find that game extremely boring and tiresome. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:15:41 AM | "a lot of guys are just saying "No thanks! I want more than an occasional dinner and night in the sack so if I can't have it all then I choose to spend my time doing my own thing without you!"
Its just the same with women you know! | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:03:59 AM |
Wow, that was pretty absolute. Makes me wonder if you read the whole piece, or just jumped to your own conclusion based on the information in your own closed circuit mind?
Just like closed circuit TV....it can only show within its own limits.
Excuse me Mia, but you're the religious true believer here.
I have to admit, I will never delve into the writings of Barry Long because in reading just a few snippets I found his message to be silly at best, crackpot at worst. I don't have the time or desire to investigate further.
I suppose as a way to enhance sexual experience, Tantra may have value. There's certainly nothing wrong with it. But to suggest that all the world's problems are a result of people forgetting how to make 'physical love' is naive to the point of dementia. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:12:11 AM | | In my opinion, the need for long-term relationships and marriage does not have the same value or need to many. We do not need a partner to make a living, raise kids, buy a house or have a social life. Sex seems to be the only real need for a partner and when it is agreed that no strings are attached you have no reason to date to find a life-time partner. Notice I say life-time not long-term. When we can have all our needs meet without a commitment we will have this new social phenomenon of which this thread speaks. I don't believe a word of it! Why are we all here. LOL | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:29:52 AM | Let's break this down:
1. I think its partly because men by nature don't really need women other then sex, and if you have agood family and friends men don't really need a womans companionship.
That's exactly the same as a lot of women are discovering. Outside of sex what do we need men for? And women have WAY bigger social networks than a lot of men, so they can get companionship covered way quicker (and probably better).
2. Also the legal system is setup to screw men who get in relationships or marriages with women.
Relationships? How so? And in marriages it may have been in women's favor in the past, but that's changing. My freinds all made as much as or more than their husbands and had to pay their husbands off to file and divorce, so I know it's not an across the board thing.
3. Women are more picky these days, will date countless guys and reject them for silly things (don't like his teeth, his laugh is annoying ya sex in the city stuff), many guys decide not to deal with this and just take themselves off the market.
We learned that from the masters...when men had a lot to choose from, they did the same - and a lot of em still do. Actually women always did, they are just now in a better position to actually choose better than they used to...because they no longer have to worry about financial support and being ostracized for not marrying and having children by 30.
4. Finally men enjoy the freedom of pursuing their interest without a woman bogging them down.
Women can do the same, and a lot of them are...it's easier to see a guy twice a week for an hour or two and spend the rest of the week working, hanging out with freinds, and doing things you enjoy than it is to be around a guy more often and put up with the drama that comes with it. Some women don't mind the whole package...but a lot of us are discovering that a once in a while thing is just as satisfying and way more convenient.
This is not a new social phenomenon for anyone, just more widely accepted and more commonly practiced. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:36:44 PM | | Mia ... I know whereof you speak.I had a very spiritual tantric connection with my ex.She and I tried to deleve deeper into the Shiva/shakti union... we did so without any real training or guidance other than reading .. she is a Siddha yoga follower/practioner. Im sure others here may not understand what is meant by spiritual union sexuality.As to the original posting .. I can relate.. after experiencing a deep union I find myself not wanting to bother with superficial connections.Living in a rural area its difficult to find a woman who understands tantra and sexual spirituality.Just mentioning Im a Buddhist twists some of them up.So I find myself just not trying to "get out there and meet people" .i do the things I love and try to trust that the god/godess power will bring things into alignment for me.By the way yes I know the Dalai Lama is a tanric master but celibate.He was just here (nearby Colgate U) and I saw him speak for the 3 rd time... | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:41:47 PM |
Irish,
Just because you are up against your wall, does not mean that you should retreat.
We are all born with strengths and weaknesses, and none of it is etched in concrete..
If you label yourself 'hardcore' anything, you sentence yourself to a prison of your own making.
Look for a safe place to begin to 'come out'.
Begin with just an intention that you will draw one to you.
Maybe it's therapy,..maybe a men's group, maybe a class of some sort that interests you.
I suspect you CAN have it all.
You just have to muster the courage to confront your perceived limitations
J.
Check out post 277
I don't view being a hardcore introvert as being a prison. I was merely using the word to emphasize my somewhat unique situation. Some people are introverts but they still enjoy social gatherings to some extent. Some people are pretty much right in the middle between extroversion and introversion. I happen to be very far on the introvert side. I don't consider myself shy or afraid to meet people, far from it. I just don't enjoy it. Like the guy said in the original post, I fill my life with things and activities that I really enjoy. It just happens that none of them are conducive to meeting women and I'm fine with that. I don't feel sorry for myself or expect other people to. I just don't see the point in doing things or participating in activities I don't like or that don't appeal to me for the purpose of meeting people. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/6/2008 7:38:51 AM | Sex seems to be the only real need for a partner and when it is agreed that no strings are attached you have no reason to date to find a life-time partner. Notice I say life-time not long-term. When we can have all our needs meet without a commitment we will have this new social phenomenon of which this thread speaks.
When I split with my gf a friend of mine gave me a book by Deepak Chopra and in it there were some profound words that then allowed me to get back together with my gf, but also to get a better understanding of many things that I didn't even know I wanted. First of all, I was and I am still are in general a commitmentphove. I am with there guys in preferring to be single, but my reasoning was that I was having a great time, sleeping with plenty of women and then changing them after 4 months. Live cannot get any better. Then here comes this girl that after the 4 months, when I usually sabotage the relationship, and I can't do it. Everything feels too good to be true. My usual mix of psychological excuses didn't work, and I call them psychological because you do stupid things non-intentionally but realize later on in retrospect what you were doing. Now, mind you, sex with my gf was simply mind blowing. But could I say that was all that was there? No. She also has children, so I could say that I was falling for the children only. No. There was something more, but I didn't know it and I didn't realize it until reading Deepak.
The problem I see, and I see it with a lot of these guys and particularly with a lot of very beautiful women that have no need to compromise because they have gone out with rich, very good looking guys that are leaders and what not, is that we all start to create an illusion of what our ideal mate is and unfortunately that ideal is not based on the reality of the people that have touched our lives but the mix of mental fiction and the what ifs of each individual. So we then see relationships as nothing more than areas where you have to compromise in order to get something. Most of the time that something is sex, or as is the case with a lot of women a sense of emotional stability.
But Deepak said that most of the things that we reprimand of our significant other, or that person we are starting to connect or build a relationship with are mirror reflections of ourselves, of our own bias and attitudes, so what we don't like in them, are really things that we do not like in our selves. That was very profound to me because I could close my eyes and see the splits we had, and the fights we had and determine her projections and also my projections. Alas. By trying to be so right, we were both so wrong.
Then I read something that even Deepak does not take credit for but that is so profound that defines why so many people are so alone and not willing to try or even understand the power that relationships have. And what he said was "to love, first you must become lovable."
Now, that sort of sounds absurd, particularly to those of us that are hardcore meat heads that never allow our emotions to show and have this veneer that screams I am a tough mother fvcker and if you come one inch close with your womanly tenderness I'll bite your head off. But the thing is this. Even when we want to be alone, we want to love. We want to have some intense emotions for someone, we need them to exist and to survive. We can project then into the fantasy of the perfect person, thus we find some gorgeous woman, fvck her brains out, discover that she is human, dump her. Move on, but we are still in pursue of that, which we want to love. But by wanting to love is a me take something. It works the same with a woman. You think you are giving, but you are not. That is where the meaning of making your self lovable comes in. You need to find what is it inside of you that you are willing to open and make it accessible to the other person. That is so dangerous to do for a man, because we are not emotional creatures, but we have feelings. But it's also so hard to do for women, because they too have to protect their inner core. So we are both lost, wanting to love, wanting to have, wanting this, but it is all want, so in the end is seeking that dream, that unattainable perfection. Thus we fail at the relationship, we auto destroy and go back to our cocoon.
But to make ourselves lovable is so difficult because it requires to open up your vulnerabilities, take down the veneer of your toughness and show the raw spots. It even hurts to do that, but then instead of seeing your love come out, suddenly you get inundated by an incredible emotion that is even more powerful than the best sex you will ever have in the world, and that is the eyes of your partner looking at you with the pure essence of spirit, pure truth poring out of every pore filled for a love for you. "Being loved". The moment you see that, you see walls crumble, windows open, and light fill those empty places. And you understand then that You Alone can be okay and whole, but you with that someone become "wholesome", and more than the summation of the parts, an energy that transcends the self. You become a new person and realize that there's so much more than just sex, even when the sex is awesome. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/6/2008 11:25:40 AM | a) to all the women posting about how they, as women, feel the same way. welcome to the last 30 or so years. It's considered normal for a woman to be independant. its taught in schools for crying out loud. its in the media and television. its everywhere. being that "independant woman who doesnt need a man" is the newish fad for women.
b) its not so for men. at least its not taught that way or shown like that in any way shape or form. Everywhere around you , you see men being changed or "saved" by the woman in their life. you hear men wont be happy until they have a woman to share with. I call BS to these statements
Note: what I am going to say does not encompass ALL marriages or relationships, just my outward experiences on the few hundred married men I've worked with or been friends with
The guys I see as sad are the ones who get into relationships with women just because they think they need to. The guys who get changed by their SO. I work with guys who get the evil eye from their wife for playing one 9 hole round of golf a month. You may think this is an isolated incident or just a few, but it's been nearly every single married guy I've met at every place I've worked. Women seem to think guys need this savior in their life to turn them around.
One guy I work with explained to me that being married is the best thing that has ever happened to him, but told me straight up........Never get married. As a matter of fact thats a pretty common theme I've heard. my favorite quote that he uses is "being married means this: You give up everything you enjoy doing in life to get the big piece of chicken from KFC and sex about once every 3 weeks" Oh yeah rosey picture of what it's like dating a modern woman. I have had one friend who at least outwardly seemed genuinely happy with his marriage, and she didnt try to change anything about him and he was "allowed" to do the things he actually wanted to.
While a lot of what I hear from guys in marriages and LTR may just be venting of frustrations, it is defintly worrysome. If i wanted to change who I was you know what I would do? Change who I was. This doesnt seem to be what women think a relationship is supposed to be about. I'll use an example from TV: Everybody loves Raymond. What mental image goes through your mind thinking about Ray without his wife? I'll tell you what I think they are trying to portray, he would be like his brother.....kind of wandering aimlesly in an attempt to "get his life together". This is just how the media portrays guys. lost without a woman. Guys on television, magazines, books, etc who who live life on their own terms are seen as juvinile......openly mocked. Some of the women here have even proven my point for me considering a guy who doesnt want a woman in his life as sad
While I agree that being standoffish about being with someone is bad in general, the more middle road of not giving a flying **** about being with a woman or not is the best. That's where I am. If i meet someone i enjoy being around, great grand super! If I don't, oh well I'm still having fun. Specifically I won't change my life wround to be with someone. Guys who do are just supplicating to get (little) sex and allowing women to rule their lives. THose are the sad individuals, not the ones who don't want a relationship at all. | |
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vosche
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Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 248 | |
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:06:40 PM | omg...the poster above me is off his ghord!
i doubt women think so highly of themselves as the poster above says. how about a mutual meeting in the middle somewhere.
keep in mind the poster is referencing a tv show which naturally takes one side of anything to the extreme end of the spectrum. no one in their right mind is looking for a "project" as is implied above, however, anything worthwhile is worth real effort and work. this is what i've tried so many times in the past to explain and yet no one seems to get it when i say it in the simplest terms possible, yet here it is again in a long windbag of a post by someone else, so at least i know i'm not the only person feeling it. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:55:44 PM | ^^^Michael, were you offering all this as a first date to women who you haven't met yet? To be honest, that's a lot going on for a woman you just met. Perhaps they were overwhelmed by the offer?
Honestly, if you sent me an e-mail offering me all that for a first date, I'd either think it was a joke, worry about where I'd end up if I agreed to it, or thought you were WAY too generous to women who may not deserve it before you got to know them.
I think it's great you have all that to offer for a woman you're dating, but it seems like you are using it to sell yourself. Your ambition is awesome, but what about who you are minus all that you've aquired? Don't you want someone who will want to date you regardless of it?
Just a thought.
If you weren't offering all that to women before you know them well, then my apologies, it just came across that way from your post. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:42:10 PM | | that is the ? i have been asking myself for weeks now!!!- why are these georgous women on here for years at a time?i've been on this site for a while and i noticed that some have been on here forever and have so many on their friends list that i wonder if they're just here for the hell of it- not really looking for someone.what happened to old fashioned long term companionship? there seems to be a trend toward instant gratification without long term commitments today, granted i think people can be content with single life, but the ideal situation is long term commitment towards a life with someone.why not? is there something wrong with feeling like that?time was we looked out for each other and knew you would not be alone as you got older, or am i missing something?in my case, i've been on my own since my divorce 20+ years ago, but not by my choice.okay,granted , i'm probably sounding too preachy.any comments? | |
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