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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:56:54 AM | I feel the important thing in life is to be satisfied and happy...It is a good thing your friends have the sense to recognise they are happy as they are...I as you can see am a woman. I have learned to do things alone and I have learned to ENJOY myself without the company of a man.
I find men in this zone particularily attractive......being comfortable and happy in ones own skin is a huge turn-on.........
I agree with these comments and those like them. These men are actually more attractive to the opposite sex because they're already happy - they don't expect someone else to make them happy.
It may not be new for women, but it's about time men caught on. Nothing worse than a man who doesn't like you enjoying life on your own because he feels threatened you may not want to entertain him. Men who learn to entertain themselves are much sexier in my opinion.
It wouldn't surprise me that all these men don't end up on the market long, because they will be drawn to and meet/socialize with people of that same mindset - and in that context, a relationship is a healthy and desirable thing. It's when you learn that dating isn't a requirement to be societally normal or make you happy and accept it that dating will start to work for you.
It's ironic, but it's usually the way it is. I believe that people who say "it'll happen when you're not looking" mean exactly this. They decided to stop looking and start living, and in doing so bumped into someone they matched with and just let things happen naturally, because they weren't obsessed with the rules, the outcome, what's owed to them. They had less (or no) issues or qualities that would sabotage a relationship for them.
Once you're happy single, you don't dread it anymore - and because of that, your mindset and strategy changes - you may take more risks when you see someone you like because if they don't like you back, the outcome no longer matters. You will wait patiently for who you really want, because you're content to wait as long as it takes, you like your life regardless of who's in it. Attitude is everything. JMO | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:13:22 PM | Just about all the more mature women who take an interest in me use the direct sexual approach as the 'route into a relationship' with me and it actually turns me straight off. It usually signals to me they're currently a bit unbalanced and are a risky investment.
For example one lady who I started to work with was chatting to me at work and we were discussing I had a weight training kit at home - she asked me to take her home and sh*g her on the bench - I'd known her a week. I resisted the offer and after a few weeks of further talking she revealed she had several men on the go and wanted me to join the list. She explained she wanted to choose a husband from the list and wouldn't I like to have a chance? Er, nope. Well, she chose her guy and a couple of years later we're talking and she tells me she wouldn't have added me to the list anyways and it was all just a fiction.
Strange how people can change history like that.
Another lady I'd worked with for a couple of months asked me if I'd ever sh*gged up against a tree in public and pointed to a tree outside our office window and said she'd once sh*gged a chap against that one and would I like to give it a go? Again I said no. This lady had left her children with her ex husband to move in with a doorman and from that point on started to try and follow me home (I didn't realise she was doing until she'd start talking to me when she was behind me and I realised she was appearing closer and closer to home!). So I changed my route for a bit.
The remark made earlier about the increase in the number of women wanting FWBs is matched in my experience - and I've also noticed many more women who want more than one partner. I talk to a lot of women and those in their 30's will tell me they've always had a partner because, although they've had many of them they've never had a gap in between.
About 6 months ago I asked a single-parent colleague out (we got on really well and seemed to have really good rapport) and she said yes - then promptly disappeared for a week - then returned and told me she'd been away with a g/f but I'd already guessed she'd been with a fella and it turned out later he was her long term b/f - yet she still thought I was going to date her.
When I was married I lived under the illusion that a woman would not have sex or children with a man she did not feel 'something' for, but I learned I was wrong. My ex had 4 children with me and she was still wanting to have sex even after I'd told her I was leaving.
To me sex is secondary - if it isn't under the 'umbrella' of a caring, loving relationship then it isn't fulfilling and it's a poor sham of what the man-woman relationship is meant to be. I have a very high sex drive - but it doesn't run my life. What I have found is I get a lot of satisfaction from my work - I make the difference in the future lives of a lot of people and get constant positive feedback from it.
I never got that from my marriage or from any other potential sexual relationship. I guess people just end up living the life that works for them.
Happiness isn't dependent on finding 'the one'. Or on getting a quick-fix ego boost from a sh*g up against a tree or on a weight-training bench. I deserve a bit more than that. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:33:00 PM | imagine a woman being a nympho- she can have her wildest desires met at any given time.
Ummmm....NOPE....think again! Sometimes it's hard to find good sex at all. So many think they're good...and guess again: they're not. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 2:55:48 PM | Anyone who has gone through a divorce will tell you it seriously is not a nice experience.
So why set yourself up for another one?
I now spend my money on me, which I have loads of coz my house is now paid for.
So just like many men I am happy for some female company but certainly not a live in relationship. I simply couldnt afford one emotionally or financially.
I really dont think I could trust a woman again after my last divorce. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:15:39 PM | 80% of my male friends are exactly like you described. I even have a Catholic Priest as well. My friends will not settle and have filled up any free time with great hobbies and solid friendships. Finding love is not a top priority or even a mention. Its like that part of them is dead....Some do pay for the occassional womans touch.
My other 20% of male friends are a mix of bitter love hurt guys, bikers, looking for soulmates, drunks, mamas boys, CHRISTIANS and REPUBLICANS! | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:48:51 PM | I saw a TV programme a couple of years ago about a woman getting married and she was bawling her eyes out because of the wonderful single life she was giving up to get married to the guy who she loved even more than her wonderful single life.
When I saw that I remembered as a young chap I found being single a miserable experience and couldn't wait to get married - but when watching that programme I thought 'that's the way I want to be - if I get together with someone again I want to have a happy single life that I'm really reluctant to give up. They've got to be so good that I'm dragged into the relationship kicking and screaming'.
And here I am. I am that woman. Oh no. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/24/2008 5:55:22 PM | Interesting topic. I have brothers - plural - one never married but in a long term non cohabitating relationship, one widower, one just divorced. They have numerous stories and tales about their friends and themselves - what an eye opener. They see the value of a relationship as lower than the effort, time and potential compromises that would need to be made. They have very full and good lives - Are they truely happy? are they damaged? have they given up? is part of them dead? Well, I don't know but it does ensure that they don't meet women.
When talking with friends going through divorces in my 30's - I used to tell them to expect their ex's to move on - sex and food are very strong urges. Well, food is now a no no and the older a guy gets the less testoserone they have in their bodies - you do the math.
Having said that, I applaud anyone who makes a good fulfilling life for themself. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:23:18 AM | one never married but in a long term non cohabitating relationship, one widower, one just divorced. They have numerous stories and tales about their friends and themselves - what an eye opener. They see the value of a relationship as lower than the effort, time and potential compromises that would need to be made.
You know, this is the part that mystifies me. I hear men complaining that women won't accept their "role" on the one hand (both here and on the treadmill at the gym), and men who prefer a long term, non co-habiting relationship (which sounds pretty good to me), on the other.
At my age, I kinda value my space. I could potentially see myself cohabiting with the right man, but that would be a long, slow journey of mutual accommodation (if that's what we both wanted).
.....and there was a gal on here just the other day that got roasted alive for asking why the men she dates don't want to do the traditional manly things for her.
How come everybody keeps meeting the wrong people? lol
Hey Eveningride......send those brothers my way. I promise not to bite, well, not hard anyway. LOL | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:19:40 AM | I know nothing about trends and I perfer the company of women 70 % of the time.
Some women anyway ~ surly not all ~ many I have difficulty staying in hearing range.
I find myself stuggleing for distance, trying to get away from them and stay "nice"
Dating to me is like going steady ~ something you did when you were very young and all your friends did it as well. It was common and accepted behavior.
Many use the term "hookup" now ~ and it seems to work quite well.
Ladies enjoy more independance then ever before and like men ~ enjoy working from a position of power or "comfort zone" You will experience better luck, affording them their comfort zone. They like their car and their home, you are invited into their world.
You work to that end ~ the "invitation". ~
I've never met two women that were alike so the only set rules is "be a pleasant person to spend so time with" but this works well with everyone ~ not just women. You will find it works with dogs , cats, horses, pigs and other men.
Be non- assuming, and grown woman will let you know what she wants ~ and if she's not grown yet ~ she will give you clues with gestures and body language. ~ Understand that just like men ~ not all women are bright and will offer you conflicting gestures and information ~ It's uncertainty that bring this out in each of us, ~ you must wade through all of this ~ you have two choses, stay engage or withdraw ~ I do not hesitate to withdraw ~ a calculated with-drawal ~ will often serve you best ~ let her think about it. ~ it's not a rejection ` just put on hold.
Some women maybe be a lot of eye candy ~ but not for "you" ~ and will only leave a bitter taste in your mouth ~ don't take it personal ~ they usally leave a bitter taste everywhere they go ~ some guys just put up with it ~~ I'm not that kind of guy, if it's not sweet ~ I don't want none and neither should you. dance | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:16:04 AM | | i can see guys having this kinda attitude.. but i cant see why they are on a dating site!.. if all they say is true, why spend time in a site like this? all there is here for them are women. they dont want. why ? why be here when its just a game to them? they have given up why pretend they are here to find someone when they are not goin to have the drive to pursue anything that comes thier way? if what they say is actually true.. i do believe there are many other sites where people communicate but about what actually interest these men and dont have anything to do with what they professs to have no interest in..i.e. women. can any of you answer this for me? | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:49:04 AM | I can answer it! My point of view is they are full of crap ` emotionally constipated and wondering why they are not a hit with the chicks.
Women got enough problems of their own without dealing with a loose wrapped man.
It's like a dear lady-friend , I think very highly of said to me once, " You can't fix em ` so just f`ck'em and send them down the road. That way ~ they are sure to not return.
I really don't know which gender is screwed up the worse? Women , even the best of them, want you close "always"!! and when man get what the wants ~ they don't want it anymore.
Co dependency is a trap and a trick ~ when you pair up ~ it's a fine line to walk
dance | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:56:55 AM | What I have loved in reading all the responses is how the vast majority of the women respondents say that men choosing this lifestyle are:
1) Gay
2) Emotionally incapable
3) Selfish
4) Bitter
5) Have never experienced the true love of a woman
Because a man finds himself happier and his life more fulfilling without dating, without an intimate bond with a woman, there must be something wrong with him?
Does it occur to anyone other than me just how insane, self-centered, and unhealthy these views are? Not to mention just how ignorant a woman appears when she makes those kinds of remarks about men? | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:52:52 PM |
What I have loved in reading all the responses is how the vast majority of the women respondents say that men choosing this lifestyle are:
1) Gay
2) Emotionally incapable
3) Selfish
4) Bitter
5) Have never experienced the true love of a womanBecause a man finds himself happier and his life more fulfilling without dating, without an intimate bond with a woman, there must be something wrong with him?
Does it occur to anyone other than me just how insane, self-centered, and unhealthy these views are? Not to mention just how ignorant a woman appears when she makes those kinds of remarks about men?
I actually did not say any of these things. I pointed out that the men were happier in their new life because they were leading a more well rounded lifestyle. I did suggest that even if well rounded and happy, I didn't think I could give up on love.
BUT I am appalled by your attack on the other people!!! You asked for the opinion of others about your friends and you did not specify that you only wanted to hear opinions that agreed with your own. Sheer probability would dictate that at least a percentage of folks would have a different opinion. I would say it is you who are ignorant if you failed to expect some opposing views. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:57:39 PM | BUT I am appalled by your attack on the other people!!! You asked for the opinion of others about your friends and you did not specify that you only wanted to hear opinions that agreed with your own. Sheer probability would dictate that at least a percentage of folks would have a different opinion.
Well, if you didn't want to hear it from the OP, you would have wound up hearing the same thing from other posters. 
But men who have been deeply, sensually loved, cherished and sexed to the marrow of their bones, intoxicated with the fragrance of their woman's hair, beguiled by her smile, her caress, her kiss, don't give it all up so easy.
That'd be all great if one could find a willing participant. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:03:51 PM |
BUT I am appalled by your attack on the other people!!!
I, on the other hand, find your attacks entertaining... as is much of the forums in general.
If everyone agrees, it is a done-deal, boring. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:07:53 PM | | I think it is a new phenomenon; not the fact that men "take a break" from dating, but all of the activities that you mentioned instead, volunteer work, learning a foreign language, etc. Many other posters noted that the relationship between men and women have changed, the we don't "need" each other financially, or whatever, so need doesn't draw couples together. But also, when you think of how lame and expensive and time consuming serial dating is, and when you consider that as compared to 40 or 50 years ago, people between the ages of 19-89 have the world at their feet like never before, to find out anything they want, travel around the entire world for just a few thousand dollars, take a class on just about anything for a few hundred bucks and a few hours a week at the local university, volunteer for well organized, local groups that really make a difference, well, why bang your head against the dating wall? The world is too damn fascinating to spend all your time worry about who has more petty power to be "desirable" "establish first eye contact"...I mean, what horseshit. Sorry. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:10:24 PM | Mr. Frog Prince, mahalo for this interesting post.
I think that Miashakti has made some wonderful points about the changes that occurred when the evolution of social structure evolved from a matriarchal to a patriarchal consciousness. And now perhaps we are undergoing another change, one that is causing a lot of angst and uncertainty about gender roles.
Sexuality, seen from one vantage point of its essential spirituality, is a seeking of the polarities - male and female - to merge and to know Self through this merging. There's an urgency there - through sexual relationship we are essentially desiring to merge the two parts of Self and experience wholeness. And Miashakti also speaks of the powerful exchanges of energy that take place as a result . . .
But where I differ from her point of view, and that of a few others here, is that there doesn't need to be any judgment about any of this. Whether we choose to pursue our self-evolution through participation in physical merging and union, or whether we choose to do so through pursuits that don't involve sex, both paths are valid ones.
And whatever path we take, we can also recognize all of life as our lover - the sun's male essence, the Earth's femininity, the male spewing volcano, the feminine ocean - the birds and the bees . . .
Men and women who choose to opt out of the physicality of sexual union - and all that goes along with that - may be passing up one powerful opportunity for experiencing the union of the polarities - but our world abounds with male and female energies, there for us to interact with.
It's all good . . . | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:20:00 PM |
Your comment only testifies that you have never had a blow-your-mind coupling with a sublime erotic counterpart.
If coupling can blow my mind to the extent that I spout New Age drivel and make breathtakingly judgmental comments, I'll take a pass. Only people with little purpose in life with put sex at life's apex. Sex is part of life, as are literature, art, music, work and politics and pain and suffering, and all of them require our attention.
Nature badly wants creatures to reproduce, so it overloads certain areas with nerves to provide a reward for trying. As an enhancement to bonding between people it has emotional value, otherwise it may be great fun but it's hardly supernatural, nor is lack of great sex the main cause of the world's unhappiness. In fact, the obsessive pursuit of sex probably causes more pain than doing without. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:20:01 PM | There is absolutely nothing new about this, as it's been present since the birth of the human race. Some men choose to be celebate... many end up priests. Some choose to just date; they're called professional bachelors and bachelorettes.
Look, relationships take work and being willing to take the chance to be committed to one party. Some choose to find out all one can about the party, and choose to accept the fact that we are all different .
Some women want to be treated independently. Some choose to be treated special and accept doors being opened for them, readily. That's what makes each of us unique.
Just like men are different in nature, whereas some cheat and some don't, some will sleep with everything on two legs and tell tall tales, some will be faithful as the day they were born, and are very choosey about who they sleep with, and don't tell tall tales. So, it's just the difference between the parties, not the genders. Men have been volunteering, helping others, working harder, joining activities for years. Why on earth would women join these things if the men weren't there? hehe
So, it's nothing new, in my opinion. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:43:28 PM | If coupling can blow my mind to the extent that I spout New Age drivel and make breathtakingly judgmental comments, I'll take a pass. Only people with little purpose in life with put sex at life's apex. Sex is part of life, as are literature, art, music, work and politics and pain and suffering, and all of them require our attention.
Amen, 4dutyandhumanity. But I'm not surprised by your response, since you're an Aquarius, and very level headed. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:00:04 PM |
The fact is that many women have become more masculine in their energy in order to protect themselves, their lives and the lives of their young ones, in ways that were not conducive to the amplification of their feminine shakti (Sorry for the Sanskrit reference, but I just trust you will figure it out).
What are we suddenly de-evolving to the point that modern society cannot maintain itself, and women have to go kill or be killed???
So, when women have to live more from the masculine side of their nature in order to survive, the natural polarity between man and women is seriously compromised.
The 'new age' enlightenment crap aside... Yeah, I think you may have another source for this. They call it feminism.... The whole competition thing... women can do everything a man can do... Came about in the 60's and 70's.....
So, many men who have retreated into contented neuterdom, have never even really known what deep loving, feminine shakti energy actually is...
LOL.... or they are tired of being told to stop acting like a man. So we give you enough rope to hang yourselves... imagine that...
But men who have been deeply, sensually loved, cherished and sexed to the marrow of their bones, intoxicated with the fragrance of their woman's hair, beguiled by her smile, her caress, her kiss, don't give it all up so easy.
I guess ya'll know which one of those you are....
ROFL..... (rolling on floor laughing)
Yeah, they are the ones who are whipped... married to some screatching banshee.. takign out the trash, cutting the lawn, and watching as life passes by...
"An indoor cat....... "
Where do you find this kind of stuff? In some ancient text written in a language no one remembers?? | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:28:30 PM | A lot of the men posting just seem to have an inaccurate view of what it is like for the women.
I spent a bit of time chatting with a guy who I had some things in common with and was excited to meet- gave him my number and he then disappeared. This has happened more than once- it seems almost impossible to get a guy all the way to a coffee meet.
I am very attractive, no kids, never married, college educated with a decent job, friends and various interests, and I can barely get a man to email me back.
No, I don't want to date someone with whom I have nothing in common or am not remotely attracted to. But those I do express an interest in usually evaporate before meeting in spite of a series of nice emails.
So I imagine this process is difficult for most of us, regardless of gender. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:34:29 PM |
I personally have experienced sexuality that goes way beyond 'great fun' into the supernatural realm, and
I guess what you don't know you don't know...is just that!!!!
Yeah, and some people get visits from Mother Mary, and some people can put both ankles behind their ears, and then they think they've got it all figured out, and none of them do. Some feel their experience is so transcendent it places them on a plane above others. It's just narcissism.
I Googled Barry Long - that was like something Woody Allen would have come up with. | |
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| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:37:49 PM | I agree about the SECONDARY value of "male [or female]sexual power", however to fully experience the depth of love...or even infatuation, the sex/love making kind of ties it all together.
I am sure that the referenced teacher had wonderful female friends that loved him dearly, but those that would "exit" from being an actual mate of his, were probably nearly all. That is just human nature. He is a truly blessed man to have one by his side who is fulfilled with being there [his side] in life. .. just as any of us would be blessed.
What happens to true love "after" an accident or situation leaving a partner unable to perform sexually? If it is real...
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To me, sexual expression of love is being able to "read" and learn...thus growing sexually in a relationship. | |
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