| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:59:53 PM | | Ehh...that's fine if all these guys really ARE happier not dating. To me it sounds a lot like taking your ball and going home. Or cutting off your nose to spite your face....so yeah, as long as you're happy, but if that's the case I wouldn't be crowing about it. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:02:55 PM |
What I have noticed OP is even more disturbing in my eyes. I see many women today very content with the friends with benefits thing and have no desire for a committed relationship. I see a lot more men not just content, but actually seeking this. They want the convenience of a regular lover with nothing approaching emotional intimacy or responsibility to a partner. I do not see as many women looking for this, and I do know more women than men.
Not my cup of tea. I decided to take an extended vacation from dating, because it was just irritating the hell out of me. I just keep myself busy doing my own thing and if it happens, great, if not. Oh well, I am happy anyhow. I don't get lonely, because I have wonderful friends. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:07:58 PM | So true! We all grow by sharing our most passionate beliefs with one another...and by being open minded enough to adjust our beliefs when warranted.
The Posts are entertaining...I am new to them...not sure about the
- | |
|
| |
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:41:09 PM |
The cause of most of the unhappiness on earth is that man and woman have actually forgotten how to make physical love.
I don't know whether this is sad or laughable. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:25:06 PM | Sexually I've 'fulfilled my reproductive purpose' - I've got 4 children, all grown up, and I don't want to have any more of my own. I find pursuing women just for sex disgusting and to those ladies who say 'what do they do for sex?' I would say 'they learn to go without' as it's better than the alternative.
Believe it or not some men do have self-respect and aren't those easily-led-by-their-trouser-compass creatures we're all trained to think they are. In fact I'd suggest that going without sex is actually a very liberating thing to do. I practice 'detachment' because being attached might be in my nature but learning not to be impulsive is one of the most mature things a man can learn to do. Sex as an addiction leads to a deep unhappiness and I know men who have gone that route and lost their purpose in life.
A person can learn to build 'doors of appropriacy' in the mind that open and shut at the appropriate time. If I come across a woman worth opening the door for, I'll open it. That's why I'm on here and why I still go dating.
Being impulsive, which I was as a younger man, makes you easily manipulated. Manipulators tend not to like it when they're prevented from playing you.
I have had a few dates off here and I go speed dating regularly - but I've not met anyone I thought would comfortably fit with me yet. I've adopted the attitudes I see women adopting and I'm cautious and selective - and some women don't like that. Others are attracted by it. A lot of women find it confusing and they think I've got a problem. This doesn't bother me - I don't want those women anyway.
Here's my problem, if that's what it is: I want a balanced relationship. This means finding a partner who is willing to match you effort for effort in a a relationship and I find it's a rarity to come across people who are that concerned about what they offer rather than what they can get - usually when they are it's not appropriate - for example they're usually too young for me or they're still in a relationship or just leaving one and I don't want to be the 'rebound' guy.
I've read a few books, written by women, who say men had better accept women are in charge when it comes to this kind of thing. I've been on other, nationally advertised dating sites where you could tell the process was geared to suit the women on the sites. On this thread we've got all kinds of accusations and judgements being made by the ladies who, I'd suggest, don't like the idea of a shift in power. What men who have a commitment to celibacy do is 'take their power' back. No woman commands me.
I work with a lot of women (a couple of thousand, in fact) and with a group of Beauty lecturers. Would you believe they actually flutter their eyelashes at me when they're trying to get me to do something for them? One actually pointed it out to me and said 'you're not affected by it, are you? No matter how much I flutter you're not going to do it, are you?'. Nah, I'm not. A lot of the men around me have their lives turned upside down by women - not this chap.
Generally I'd say that when you get to my age (47) most marriagable people are married. I made the mistake of 'going for it' before I'd really gotten to know women well enough to decide if my wife-to-be had another game going on (she told me she just wanted to have children at the end of the marriage and didn't ever love me). Pity she hadn't told me that at the start.
I don't suffer with loneliness or anything like that because I have such a busy social life at work (I work with thousands of students and hundreds of colleagues) I actually like time alone at the weekends.
I agree with the comments it's all a lot of over-thinking and there's an implication of not taking the risk but actually not jumping in with both feet and walking away is taking a risk and I've got a reputation at work for dealing with things others don't have the guts to deal with. I'm quite a big risk taker. My problem is I have such a specific view of what kind of a relationship I want to be in and I'm no longer willing to compromise.
Hopefully I'll get someone just before I retire. Someone to take me for walks and put my biscuits in a bowl. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:37:07 PM | Message #9 is the most stupid homophobic thing is have seen in a while. That is like saying that all WOMEN who aren't married are no good or are whores! Pull your head out girlfriend. Not all folks need to agree with your lifestyle choices to have their own lifestyle be valid.
And no I am not gay nor do I hold anything against the gay folks here. To each their own.  | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 5:45:56 PM | | That is true, but what about those Guy's out there that are in Long, Loving Relationships, and still want friends with Benefits??? Where's the logic in that? | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:09:25 PM |
You get guys, who are NOT at that point, who hasn't had a date in a year....and women ask him, "Are you gay?"
OR
you can't handle a real woman or you have a small penis or your not a real man. These types of insults and shaming are getting a little tiring and predictable at that , just ignore women that spout shit like this off. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:12:30 PM | I work with a lot of women (a couple of thousand, in fact) and with a group of Beauty lecturers. Would you believe they actually flutter their eyelashes at me when they're trying to get me to do something for them? One actually pointed it out to me and said 'you're not affected by it, are you? No matter how much I flutter you're not going to do it, are you?'.
She tried to make you do something by fluttering her lashes? How very, "I dream of Jeanie!"
Seriously though, I think I'm begining to see things from your point of view after you divulged where you work. I was going to suggest after your first post that it sounded like you either were really harsh or you were around particularly superficial women, but now it's all clear. I'm not saying there can't be one beauty lecturer in the thousand that you know who is a deep and beautiful person but... seriously... why do you work there again? | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:33:29 PM | I know what your talking about OP and Im doing this. I was insecure to a extent in my earlier years and I had trouble trusting women. I've been beaten down and rejected A LOT by women in my age range but I've managed to pick myself up every time and took another shot because I truly believe you should have someone in your life , it's healthy and beautiful and natural and worthwhile. But my skin is getting a little to thick and I'm starting to hate woman as a gender I dunno , I feel like I'm heading down the road of misogyny and that's why I'm taking a break from dating.
It feels like the last 10 years of my love life have been a war that's scarred me head to toe and I don't want to become bitter hateful and jaded , I think a lot of men take a break or stop dating all together because they don't want to end up like this , some comeback , others donèt. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:40:32 PM |
"At first it was all so confusing, you open the door or hold a chair for one woman and she takes your head off because she's "independent" while failure to do so for another would result in your being labeled as "rude" so I took time off to figure out and adjust my expectations."
I find this quote very hard to believe. If men are dating less it's NOT by their choice... | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:41:36 PM | | This is what happens when people take a couple of bad experiences and then project them on others. It's called stereotyping, and it's dangerous - very dangerous. People should take all people as they are for themselves. Everyone is different. Don't let some bad experiences jade you. It's hard finding one who is perfect for you, but it's the hard is what makes it good, and the prize at the end is worth it, because it's your 'happily ever after'. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:12:02 PM | But many people are wonderful,
and a wonderful man is really Divine.
>>>>I just threw up a little in my mouth | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:03:36 AM |
I am meeting wonderful people on these sites all of the time..
it is highly dependent on a woman's willingness that a date occurs, not the man's.
the average woman can have 3 dates set up per day with different men but a man wouldn't be able to do the same unless he was a rockstar and the women wouldn't even mind knowing other women are involved with him (funny how that exception occurs). if the woman was hot, she'd be able to get 10 dates per day...she'd be busy but knowing the cleverness of women, she'd be able to pull it off and no guy would know what was going on.
a woman just says "yes" and the world is at her knees. this is part of the inequality that corrupts dating. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:20:26 AM | Snakewhisperer said:
I think this is the healthiest basis from which to get close to someone. I am very much like this and I like to develop friendships, rather than date. That's one of the reasons a dating site is so strange for me. So many people want instant relationships. Whatever happened to just getting to know someone without all the expectations?
I couldn't agree more. People, especially on here more than real life, tend to be in a giant hurry to find an instant relationship, instant spark, instant chemistry or they are waisting their time. So what's the hurry?
Hell most people can't stop putting their "best foot forward" and start being their real selves for 3 or so months anyway, so you are really getting to know the ideal version they want to be anyway rather than the real person unless you get a rare one that wants to bypass all of that.
Now to answer the OP's post, I think all of these guys might be successful and educated but they are missing something in common, strong personal boundaries and being who they are for themselves not to please other people.
If a woman gets irritated with me for opening a door for them stating "I can do it myself, I am an independent woman" I just say, oh really why do you keep on having to tell me that? A real independent woman would say thank you and maybe open the door for me next time. Independence is actions not words to try to convince me.
I am who I am and if a woman doesn't like it, then it won't work out and it is time to move on. Yes I get frustrated with the process of dating sometimes but to give up just shows a bit of jaded attitude and that will not get you anywhere. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:26:40 AM | RE:
relationship with one too many cuckoos
Yeah - I will give you that one. Unfortunately, it is kind of like a banana that doesn't get brown spots - you can never tell until you start peeling back the outer protective layers.
As for the old adage....
Its not about the journey....
Well, I am really tired of 'traveling' (and all the bs that goes with it). Guess that pretty much sums up my feelings in general. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:48:46 AM | | I agree, I agree, I agree!! A one month moratorium on men not contacting women starting June 1 and that means everybody, but you know some little shit is going to think 'here's my chance...' | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:52:40 AM | | This phenomena is all about the numbers. In my age range (late 30s-early 40s), there are more than 100,000 extra men in the dating population. So each individual man is already outnumbered. Then you ad in the players and the married men who don't stop dating and so it's no wonder that men don't have the same dating options as women do. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:23:37 AM | I am meeting wonderful people on these sites all of the time..
ALL the time, eh? I could say I don't buy that....but.....it mght not have happened yet..... Don't worry, you're time will come when that one "not-so-wonderful" guy will rear its ugly head. 
It is inevitible.
I have to go with actualized on the, it's the women's side that benefits them on online dating. lol......I had a female friend very recently put up an ad, and she said she had, within a few days, recieved 150 emails. lol.
I wish those 150 g ood luck! | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:53:57 AM |
there are more than 100,000 extra men in the dating population
Where did you get that figure - or do you mean online? I think in real life there will be slightly more single women than men.
It's been said many times - online is a lousy venue for men. Lousy for humans, but worse for men. I'm sure women get far more inquiries than men - but if they get so many, why are so many of them on here for years at a time? It's because lots of the inquiries are just boilerplate cut-and-paste jobs looking for sex, or young guys looking for older women (for sex). There are a lot of women you'll never meet online because the get too weirded out by the experience.
I'm an advocate of PoF v. ripoff pay sites, but I also think PoF's freeness leads to excessive man shopping (like you're at the pet store and you want a dog with pointy ears, and you're just not going to settle). People paying $25 a month might be more proactive about getting dates. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:59:09 AM |
People paying $25 a month might be more proactive about getting dates.
You have a good point, 4 Duty...however, I've done the paid sites....and they aren't all that as well. Majority of the women on there have "inactive" profiles, meaning, if YOU are a paying subscriber, you email them....but if they aren't an active member, they'll never get to read your email....they'll get a message from the site saying, "Hey, you got an email!"
But that would require them to pay money to subscribe JUST to read your email.
Another thing is, and some sites have been accused of this....once YOU (the man) aren't a member anymore, you'll get emails from women that are fake...yes....fake.
This is what acutally got me to sign up for a month on the site....I got an email from a woman, looked her profile.....I signed up....later....her profile vanished, was deleted.
This has happened to other men as well. And apparently, there's been class action suits brought against paid sites for this action. Baiting people with fake women to sign-up for a site. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:21:16 AM |
I have to go with actualized on the, it's the women's side that benefits them on online dating.
I suppose if you think of receiving email as the end-all, yes -- women do receive more.
But finding a relationship? I don't think so... If that were so the women would be matched up with a man, yes? So both genders would benefit equally.
I think what the OP is talking about is acceptance, not decision.
Once you've realized finding a mate isn't happening for you, you can proclaim control of the situation by stating "I decide to be single".
Overweight people do this, too. "I like being my size" they say. Of course you know they would rather be a healthier weight, but have decided to not try to win the battle because they have not been successful and are tired of being failures. | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:31:48 AM |
Once you've realized finding a mate isn't happening for you, you can proclaim control of the situation by stating "I decide to be single".
I see what you're getting at there too, Janet. To draw a similar comparision.... That's like when I come cross people and they say, "I am single by choice." | |
|
| Is this a new social phenomenon???
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:49:46 AM | I am not sure that this is a new social phenomenon, as much as it is fewer and fewer people (men and women) are refusing to settle and are holding out for something that is truly extraordinary when it comes to a relationship.
Life is so short and when you take into consideration all of the wonderful experiences that one can take advantage of in life, travel, volunteering, professional opportunities, experiences that can make you a better person why would you give any of that up to go out on a mediocre date? If more men are adopting this lifestyle, I would say good for them. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with these gentlemen, it simply means they appreciate quality of quantity. | |
|
Home
login 
