| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:55:38 PM | Lol...OP, there's a ton of reasons why this guy would think he had not shot (assuming he was interested).
Maybe you have a bf
Maybe you're not interested
Maybe you're gay
He took th efirst step and actually stopped to talk to you....have some "balls" and show some interest ;) | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:08:01 PM | | I'm going to say that... giving mixed signals will cause some people to want to play it safe and leave. It shouldn't be any surprise that the guy just left like that, there are people who play it safe when mixed signals are involved. It's confusing and always best to just go with the safe one which is 'don't bother'. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:09:51 PM | | Damn, guys just can't win these days! If they are persistent, they're idiots, perverts, jerks or stalkers. Now if they aren't persistent enough they are "too respectful"! He took the first step, was polite about it, and when you showed mixed signals OP, he moved on, exactly what I and most of the guys I know would have done. Women sure don't make it easy on guys these days. I always try, once and only once, with a stranger I meet that I might be interested in; if she doesn't reciprocate, I'm gone. We're all adults, so speak up, or else you'll be stuck here on the forums posting about missed opportunities. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:46:48 PM | | Well, dating in America has its quirks it seems... men are not expected to be the pursuers, women are. Men assume you are not interested even if they get MIXED signals... how is it possible to assume that? So if I am not sure I want to be approached, but am obviously considering the possibility and checking him out, then it's not a signal enough to make a tiny step in my direction? Umm, how do you guys procreate at all? | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:55:55 PM | I'd be willing to bet everyone reading this has had it happen to them at one time or another. I know I've missed out a lot of times for the same reason as you. Not necessarily because I was sweaty, but just because I didn't know what to say at the time. There's a book called "Fell The Fear, But Do It Anyway". The title of the book says it all. You're there, taliking and somehow you can't seem to hold the conversation because you don't know if they feel the same and don' want to look like a fool.
Just compose yourself, think, then say something like...I know I don't look that great now...kind of sweaty...but I do clean up good and was just wondering if we could get a cup of coffee sometime. Chances are he will agree to the coffe, even if he wasn't at first thinking you might be interested.
If both the woman and man responded to immediate feelings and acted on impulse, that gives the opportunity twice the chance. Keeps from wondering for days about the "what if's".
As for men being respectful...if they are then maybe you should take the opportunity right then and there, before he gets away and you can't catch up with him.
Feel the fear and do it anyway...you will more than likely be glad you did...at least you won't be wondering as you are now... | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:37:53 PM |
Well, dating in America has its quirks it seems... men are not expected to be the pursuers, women are.
That's the opposite of everything I've been experiencing. I've seen more than enough women saying how they'd like to talk to a guy but they'll wait for him to come to them or whatever. The problem is when certain people are 'expected' to be anything. It should be a personal thing and if you want something, go for it.
And like I said already, some people will play it safe and not get into the mixed signals business. How many times does that lead to anything good? I've never heard anyone say they got mixed signals and it turned out well, it's always been clear signals work out and mixed signals end with one person being disappointed because of it. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:55:46 PM | Ha... Women in America make moves on a guy ?? LOL Thats a whole nother subject...... Anyways I can def see where this guy was come'n from. You sent mixed signals so if I'm get'n a mixed signal I'm thinkt'n to myself. Hmmm maybe she finds me attractive but..
She has a B/F
She not looking for someone for whatever reason EX. middle of divorce, about to move out of town ....
She gay
The dating world would be so much easier if women would just keep it REAL. They expect us to pick up signs and read in between lines so much. I feel llike I'm Indiana Jones try'n to read hyroglifics to find a lost treasure. Oh well maybe next time OP.. maybe next time you'll bump into Mr. Lance Armstong again.. Good luck | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:13:22 PM | > Well, dating in America has its quirks it seems... men are not expected to be the pursuers, women are.
That's not exactly true.
Men are still expected by 99.5% of women to be the pursuers, but feminists effectively criminalized this previously normal male pursuing behavior with sexual harassment and stalking laws and all sorts of shame about men being testosterone poisoned beasts only wanting one thing (well, several things, if you include all the controlling and abusing, too), etc, etc.
So you have the "quirky" situation where a behavior is both required and prohibited.
I assume that's what you meant by "mixed signals". It's the sort of respect one gives a rattlesnake when one comes across one, because you never know which woman is going to go off like a crazy bomb on you, having life-changing consequences.
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:15:17 PM | Don't you hate it when that happens ?
He's on another site asking for advice about the stalker bike girl with the wild eyes and flaring nostrils he has to hide from when he goes for rides.
that's a very funny mr internet 
This was a cute and refreshing story, nice change from the usual,
thanks for sharing abc6587.
Keep going back ,I do hope you find him again.
Good Luck ! | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:37:04 PM | Very Mills and Boon OP. Very Mills and Boon.
'She touched the hot rubber handle of his Mountain Bike and wondered if she could keep up with his 21-gear frenzy'. He wasn't being respectful - he went to find a bush to hide behind until you'd gone.
That's why he's so fit - escaping all you lust-mad lady cyclists who are into mind-reading and can't resist his hot pulsing thigh muscles.
Poor guy. Probably got a woman waiting on every cycle trail. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:49:09 PM | Pay attention, ladies. Men DO NOT understand subtlety. If you want to insure that a man understands your feeling, emotions, thoughts, whatever...follow this simple plan.
1)write a note
2)string it to a brick
3)throw it at his head
thank you for the laugh....
well I think op... just had a moment of self conciousness........ being all sweaty and all.... and knowing she dosent normally look like that ....nor normally meet people in
less than a confident state......perfectly normal...
he might be thinking wowe shes hot.... but if op is thinking 'omg '.... what must i look like?....... hey thats human nature...
op.... I wouldnt be so hard on yourself...or him.... and maybe you will get a groundhog day with the guy... if your both riding locally/path...
Id take it as a lesson.... when interacting with someone.... regardless of circumstances.. just be your personality.. not focus on the outside...
besides..... some guy's here .....also may of learnt..........
a woman might feel self concious.. if not in usual attire/grooming..........
so if you did ask for a ph #.....
you might score points... for liking her.... at what she considers herself..... at her worst.(grooming/confidence etc).....lol...
edit to above quote/post... i actually find hiding the note near really well prepared food ..hes enjoying is much kinder and effective than a brick...lol.. but im a pacifist..
smiles/peace | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:25:41 AM |
Question... why? I've been to countries where you can't get rid of a guy for the life of yours; OF COURSE I am giving mixed signals, I am a woman for heaven's sake... why did he go away?
Probably for the same reason you didn't ask him for his phone number. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:23:34 AM |
True, if we're not attracted, it can be seen as creepy or annoying. If we are attracted, it's an opportunity. I suspect that it's the same for men when it comes to women they are or aren't attracted to.
First off... I really like you uglybetty... oops, I mean djchicki401, but this just smacks of condescending elitism.
In terms of the OP, I don't know... I don't get into situations like that, as I'm a social leper. However, I will say that you should have just said something to him, because in those situations, you have little chance to reconnect. You either take a chance or you potentially lose out forever. It's the way of things.
the giggleparts - Creepy and annoying... two for the price of one. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:30:12 AM | Relax. You'll find him. Maybe he's thinking the same thing about biking the same route. I'm all for stalking in the good sense of the word.
You're going to have to play it even more cool next time or he might think you're a psycho. Go for it. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:41:41 AM | | Maybe he had a live in girl friend who is was trying to remain faithful too??? could have been lots of reasons, maybe he had an STD and didn't want to start explaining, maybe, maybe, maybe, there was a reason I am sure...he prolly wanted to but something kept him from it and I really doubt if it was shyness... | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 2:28:09 AM | Keep biking the same route at roughly the same time and see if you catch him again, and get his number.
This quote from betty holds soem weight here.
"True, if we're not attracted, it can be seen as creepy or annoying. If we are attracted, it's an opportunity. I suspect that it's the same for men when it comes to women they are or aren't attracted to."
If he wasnt sure then he would have waited for you to say something and as you didnt he was off before something awkward happens, there's not a worse feeling than showing interest in a woman that gets offended because at that moment she turns into an nasty cretin. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:10:38 AM |
Men assume you are not interested even if they get MIXED signals... how is it possible to assume that?
I assume that if a woman gives off mixed signals it's because she's not really interested or is not available. Men are not mind readers, so women need to give CLEAR signals if they are interested.
So if I am not sure I want to be approached, but am obviously considering the possibility and checking him out, then it's not a signal enough to make a tiny step in my direction? Umm, how do you guys procreate at all?
If you are just considering the possibility and want to talk some more you need to tell him that. You should say "I've enjoyed chatting with you, perhaps we can get together again for a bike ride together".
Many of the problems we read about on these forums are due to poor communication. This is a prime example of that. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:26:09 AM |
I'd be willing to bet everyone reading this has had it happen to them at one time or another. I know I've missed out a lot of times for the same reason as you.
I think two guys walked away from me in my life that I regretted not talking to. If you're not totally socially inept, that should be enough kicking yourself not to let it happen again. That is, unless you feel the opposite sex should always make the first move - in which case a lot of em will be walking away....but I digress.
First off... I really like you uglybetty... oops, I mean djchicki401, but this just smacks of condescending elitism.
Doesn't it? But both genders are guilty of this, and to declare it with bitterness or think you discovered it as a new thing is just naive. A lot of men and women are either bothered or pleasantly surprised based on their level of attraction to the stranger at hand.
Men are usually more in tune to the opposite sex in the course of everyday activities, whereas women tend to get into a zone that it takes a while to emerge from should they be approached by someone they really like, but IME, people's reactions (outside the usual social pleasantries such as smiles and waves as people go about their day) to being flat out approached in public tend to hinge on the interest factor. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:44:57 AM | Soulmate, your welcome. I make that statement often here. It seems so appropriate.
And a lot of men just LOVE a woman that is dressed down and sweaty.
Have you ever spent the afternoon working around the house? You're in sweatpants, an old tee, hair is amess, sweaty, dirty... and your man walks up behind you for a nibble on the back of the neck and a hug and a grope?
Being dressed down is NOT a problem for guys. Well, at least not for guys like me. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:48:48 AM |
Well, dating in America has its quirks it seems... men are not expected to be the pursuers, women are. Men assume you are not interested even if they get MIXED signals... how is it possible to assume that? So if I am not sure I want to be approached, but am obviously considering the possibility and checking him out, then it's not a signal enough to make a tiny step in my direction? Umm, how do you guys procreate at all?
This is so wrong on so many unseen levels.
I think some ladies should get over themselves and realize that guys are tired of being kicked in the proverbial nutts every time we approach a woman. You beat a dog long enough he either becomes submissive, resentful or skittish.
Please allow me this bit of advice.... If you are interested in the man you are talking with and want to see him again without making it seem your throwing yourself at him... respond to him by saying the following words... "Maybe I'll see you here again". You will see him again if he is interested or isn't gay.
Missed opertunities, I have missed plenty... to many i'd say.
This reminds me of my first missed opertunity when I was in grade school. I don't really remember how old I was young and just begining to discover girls. It was the end of the year and of course everyone was signing everyones year book.
The prettiest, smartest girl in my class signed my book with something to the effect of that she thought I was the cutest guy in the class and she was going to miss me. I remember her to this day even... She was exretemly quiet, shy, had beatiul long brown hair and was prettier than anyone else I knew back then.
I was awe struck'n because I would have never imagined a girl like her would be interested in me, even though I was one hell of a cute kid 
She never paid me any attention, never smailed at me or sent me a note like most kids do... she never even asked me a question of any sort just to get my attention.
I guess what I am saying is I could read women's minds then and I still can't read them now... Like it was posted earlier, sometimes you just have to open the door and invite us in or we will just walk on by.  | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:53:53 AM |
.... If you are interested in the man you are talking with and want to see him again without making it seem your throwing yourself at him... respond to him by saying the following words... "Maybe I'll see you here again". You will see him again if he is interested or isn't gay.
I agree with this advice. It's easy for a woman to show interest without being too pushy. If you are kicking yourself over missed opportunities, then you were not direct enough. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:11:04 AM | " Well, dating in America has its quirks it seems... men are not expected to be the pursuers, women are. "
What America do you live in?
"So if I am not sure I want to be approached, but am obviously considering the possibility and checking him out, then it's not a signal enough to make a tiny step in my direction? "
Yeah, that's clear . . . amazing how he didn't pick up on that. Basically your asking how come he wasn't a mind reader. Sometime guy's are in the mood to play guessing games, sometimes there not.
Having said all this, I do hope you run into him again . . . good luck | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:21:37 AM |
I am a woman for heaven's sake... why did he go away?
Because you were playing little games, hoping HE would make the first move.
If you're interested in someone speak up, period. Maybe he was giving mixed signals to you, but in the process of playing your game, you obviously sent HIM a VERY CLEAR message that you were not interested, so he left. And if you do happen to run into him again, it's not going to do any good, because now he's had plenty of time to think about that. | |
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