|
|
|
|
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:26:00 AM | It's stories like these where I simply shake my head... You were cycling for 8 miles and you're self-conscious because you broke a SWEAT? If I were the man that found you and you HADN'T broken a sweat, I would be laughing internally at yet another lady that "tries to work out" but isn't burning a lick's worth of calories... 
I know women can sometimes be unrealistically-expected to be fit without displaying signs of exertion, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather see a lady sweating than sitting on a couch packing on the pounds any day of the week... 
When trying to pick someone up, one must be aware of the situation in which we're trying to engage the person. If I try to pick up a girl at a gym, I expect her to be a little sweaty and ruffled, she's working out for crying out loud. If I try to pick up a girl at the pool, I expect her to be wet and her hair likely soaked and pulled back. I don't think to myself "ewww, she's unkempt", I think "damn if that girl looks THIS good while shagged out, imagine what she looks like during her day-to-day!" 
I hope next time that you find the self-confidence to be a tad more direct instead of playing the embarrassed schoolgirl routine; you're a little advanced in years not to be able to go after what you want, and it's not like it's the first time you've been embarrassed in your life, now is it? We've all been there, and we'll all be there again, so you need to be able to laugh at yourself and just roll with it. Best of luck next time!   | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:40:41 AM | | Wow. Are you 17? So because you're a female that means you get to be flaky, and indecisive. At the same time we men are supposed to be claravoyant, and somehow weave our way through your bullshit mixed signal minefield, and miraculously decipher what you really mean, as opposed to what you're saying. Let me get this striaght; A guy that YOU like came to YOU. He was, in your estimation, interested in YOU. YOU gave him wishy -washy, mixed signals. YOU pull away from him. HE sees YOU do it, and like a gentleman bids you good day, and it's HIS fault. Are you serious? I know why he left, but I think the info would be wasted on you. I mean you're damn near 40 years old, and you're still doing that high school shit hat you should have grown out of at least 10 years ago. Games are for kids...grow up, and quit playin'. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:45:42 AM | OK, I went cycling... barely made it up a long, steep hill and sat down on the ridge to catch some breath. There comes a gorgeous looking guy biking fast up that hill, effortlessly... I am sitting there, panting, thinking that, in an ideal world, he'll strike a conversation. Sure enough, he stops, asks me if I am OK, I say yes, compliment him for his biking skills, and we chat for a while. Problem is, I've just biked 8 miles and I am all sweaty, so I am giving him mixed signals. He is sensitive to the signals like a barometer, I can see he is dying to get my phone number, but eventually I get totally embarrassed by the whole situation, touch the bike's handle bar to pull away, and immediately he wishes me a good day and disappears, and I can see he does so with regret. Within seconds, I turn around and chase him downhill so fast that I don't know how I did not break my neck, and he is nowhere to be found. So now I am going to bike this trail every day like an idiot I am.
Question... why? I've been to countries where you can't get rid of a guy for the life of yours; OF COURSE I am giving mixed signals, I am a woman for heaven's sake... why did he go away?
God most women are hilarious. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:04:20 AM |
And a lot of men just LOVE a woman that is dressed down and sweaty.
IME, this is true. Weird that when I am totally disgusted by myself during a workout, men seem to pick that exact moment to talk to me - I guess it's the smell of accomplishment coming off me...maybe my sweat reeks of it, I don't know. Either that or phermones - but ironically (sweaty or not actually) I've always gotten at least the same amount of attention dressed down as decked out. Must be the indifference they detect...men seem fascinated by that...lol
You were cycling for 8 miles and you're self-conscious because you broke a SWEAT? If I were the man that found you and you HADN'T broken a sweat, I would be laughing internally at yet another lady that "tries to work out" but isn't burning a lick's worth of calories...
That's true - breaking a sweat is sort of necessary to be working out doing any type of cardio...and I know when I see a nice athletic man with a six pack sweating - it's FAR from unattractive. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:09:26 AM | | I'm surprised nobody mentioned one other possibility. Maybe the guy is "taken". He might have a girlfriend or a wife. If a guy is biking by himself, that doesn't mean he's single and available. Also, if you were a 90 year old woman or a man, he might have done the same thing-he's sees a person who might be in distress and asks if they're OK. I think there's too much being read into this short encounter. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:56:43 AM | Lots of the guys who scold me here must have never set their foot outside of their culture, and it shows. In my home country, a smile is a very strong signal of interest.. so strong in fact that, whenever I came for a visit, friends and family kept reminding me not to smile at strangers. But then, lots of people here are pissed off and will scold anyone.. what else is new.
Actually, every book on antropology of dating that I've read speaks of mixed signals as being a turn-on. "Come close-go away". But then, those books might be a bit outdated, maybe it's all different now.
How did I know he was dying to make a next step? Come on, ladies (and gents), don't you know it when someone is interested? The body language, the combination of insecurity/uncertainty and showing off, circling around me clearly undecided which direction to go, turning his body towards me, the inquiring, searching look, hyper attentiveness, mirroring my reactions: a smile and a slightest change in my intonation, and he'd come closer/say something warm, a bit of cool-off in my side and he becomes more aloof... you know when it's not a usual casual chat. Besides, cyclists just don't stop to chat all that much do they? Not after the initial "are you OK?". | |
|
| |
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:13:51 AM |
Actually, every book on antropology of dating that I've read speaks of mixed signals as being a turn-on. "Come close-go away". But then, those books might be a bit outdated, maybe it's all different now.
Mixed signals = not girlfriend material.
Come on, ladies (and gents), don't you know it when someone is interested?
Yep, and a smile does not indicate interest. A smile is a smile. I don't go around sneering at or ignoring everyone I'm not interested in - only bitçhy self absorbed women do that. | |
|
| |
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:28:01 AM |
Lots of the guys who scold me here must have never set their foot outside of their culture, and it shows. In my home country, a smile is a very strong signal of interest.. so strong in fact that, whenever I came for a visit, friends and family kept reminding me not to smile at strangers. But then, lots of people here are pissed off and will scold anyone.. what else is new.
Scold you? You think you're being scolded after you ask why guys aren't mind readers after a (by your admission) respectful guy you were interested in took your hints and gave you the space you seemed to be asking for, and you don't like the almost universal opinion that it might have been *your* behaviour instead of his? I think perhaps that might be your background speaking, and not us... Perhaps it shows that you're trying to impose the mores of your old culture on your new one. America is quite different from most other countries, my travels there for work and to see family remind me of this every time.
Let's look at it from his perspective:
Pretty/attractive girl (might be relevant, might not be...) stopped at the side of the trail - let's see if she needs help.
After offers of help, she seems interested...
I'll express interest...
Oops, now she's pulling away - my mistake, I'll go now...
Drat, that's too bad, she was kinda nice...oh well...
Actually, every book on antropology of dating that I've read speaks of mixed signals as being a turn-on. "Come close-go away". But then, those books might be a bit outdated, maybe it's all different now.
I'll suggest that you might need to read some books on modern America, after all that's the culture you're in... However, I think you might be better off to get out and hit the trails, after all their aren't many guys in the books...  Mixed signals is *never* a turn on. Playing *hard to get* is *not* mixed signals, but a playful way of letting a guy know that he'll have to work a bit, but that you *are* interested and worth the pursuit. It's like saying, "Yes I'm interested, but you're not trying hard enough. "
How did I know he was dying to make a next step? Come on, ladies (and gents), don't you know it when someone is interested? The body language, the combination of insecurity/uncertainty and showing off, circling around me clearly undecided which direction to go, turning his body towards me, the inquiring, searching look, hyper attentiveness, mirroring my reactions: a smile and a slightest change in my intonation, and he'd come closer/say something warm, a bit of cool-off in my side and he becomes more aloof... you know when it's not a usual casual chat. Besides, cyclists just don't stop to chat all that much do they? Not after the initial "are you OK?".
So he did all *that* and you *still* think it's on him for riding away when you pulled away? Sheesh, what's a guy got to do?
He obviously (according to your description) sent as many signals as he could that he was interested, without making himself look like a fool, and you pulled away. How do you expect a guy to react? Seriously, what do you expect, because you seem to think that the vast majority of us have it wrong...? | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:47:14 AM | Stay away from cyclist. We tend to be bad news. While you were thinking, this guy is hot, he was thinking what kind of bike is she riding? Is it all carbon? Does it have a good gruppo? Can she climb this hill or am I going to have to drop her? Are those panty lines under the spandex? Got to go.
Hehehe.
Being a cyclist myself, it's weird, I remember chics by they bikes they ride. There's Biachi girl, all poshed in celeste. Cervelo girl (well all tri chics are Cervelo chics and are quite boring). There's Pinarello chic, she was hot and with well defined curves, yum, yum and a rapacious attack, attack attitude. . Now the girls with a Trek, well I would not even want to talk to them. Boring.
Now remember when you smile on your bike that is an expression used as well when you are out of air and are about to bonk, and toss your cookies.
Now, what do you ride? What do you wear under your spandex? | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:50:27 AM | Homeonthecoast, you just can't get yourself off that combative mood, can you? And you don't even realize that... Who said I thnk the majority of you have it wrong? Who said there IS right vs. wrong when it comes to cultures? Why don't you lighten up a bit..
And people who can't see the difference between embarrassed and playing games have my sympathy. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:51:23 AM | agree with homecoast guy here.
this is the sort of thread that i thought was a joke. I am not making fun of the OP, however it just seems to be the same thing as all those other threads but with the roles reversed.
Where is hesrhey when we need him?
SHe is essentially complaining that she didn't succeed with the guy when she went to all that work of acting not interested in him.
She is saying that it's somehow the guy's fault.
And like every guy who has complained about their failures with women, she is refusing to admit that she may have gone about it completely wrong.
Acting coy or giving mixed signals is rarely a turn on- I don't care what anthropological books she has read. ( I am sure that some guy will post that she's correct - that across many cultures this mixed signals /coy is a good thing- that will be a good read thank.. )
This "come towards, pull away" gimmick is foolish. it may work in movies and it does make a good harlequin romance book. Keep reading them.. They are much better than experiencing things in the real world.
This is the same as some women who want their man to " fight for them". Wha?
She seems too smart by half. as the saying goes around here.
MOst guys don't want women who say that they want something to happen yet always try to get the man to make the decision so that she can say :
1. "It wasn't my idea!" if it goes wrong.
2. " i had a great idea didn't I?" when it goes right.
THis sort of thing gets old quick- many guys have had a relationship with a woman who thinks like this. One woman ( not my gf) told me that she routinely gets her bf to do something that she actually wants to do yet won't because she thinks it is too slutty or difficult for her to do. or she doesn't want to seem too forward....
I am thinking " wtf"...
You have to try to find the answer as to why you didn't get what you want.
hint: it isn't the man's fault.
Concluding that we have never stepped out of our culture - or that we are all a bunch of hicks who can't put our banjoes & fiddles down - is a bit much... .
I know you didn't write that we are slack jawed dueling banjos sort of people yet you gave the impression that you were so more worldly than the rest of us. and that we don't know anything since we haven't experienced much.
Well, we have read a few anthropological books and most of us get our information from these sort of things. you should try it..
many people have traveled the world, and to most people, in most places, a smile is just a smile.
you seem a bit full of yourself ....
maybe you are not all that...
it seems to me that he did himself a favor by driving away.
mm | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:58:56 AM | I'm surprised nobody mentioned one other possibility. Maybe the guy is "taken".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Excellent detective work; It was mentioned about 15 times.
(((stay away from cyclist. We tend to be bad news. While you were thinking, this guy is hot, he was thinking what kind of bike is she riding? Is it all carbon? Does it have a good gruppo? Can she climb this hill or am I going to have to drop her? Are those panty lines under the spandex? Got to go.)))
I think that guy makes a lot more sense in this case than Homecoast. STOP being so frikin serious some of you. She didn't come in here whining about loosers, and abusers, and drinkers, and cheaters...did she? She wasn't even coming in here complaining about aholes and guys with an angry attitude problem, was she?
When she wrote the word "mixed signals", that's what I do all day long with the opposite sex..just in case I need to cover my tracks. Mixed signals is more like "hey, I really liked hanging out with you you are cute and have a cool car, I loved the blues music band" and then guy says "can we go out next weekend" and she says "Oh no, I think of you as a friend" those are mixed signals...
And I thought I was a grumpy guss. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:00:14 AM | OutMind, I am just a Cephas girl, do I qualify? :-)
OK, going to ignore some pissed off people here. "Men Are From Mars" might be right after all where it says men tend to see judgement or accusation where none is intended.
| |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:14:03 AM | I don't get it....you seem to be 100% sure HE was interested....and you did nothing?
I sure wish i met a cute girl and i knew she was 100% interestred...lol. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:34:35 AM | I see where you edited the portion where you complained that all the men had been ruined by feminists.. that is why i couldn't post...
OutMind, I am just a Cephas girl, do I qualify? :-)
OK, going to ignore some pissed off people here. "Men Are From Mars" might be right after all where it says men tend to see judgement or accusation where none is intended.
you won't admit that you may have contributed to this.
you are judgemental about people right away.
you seeem to read into people things that you have read from your innumerable collection of books.
you have implied that the people posting have not travelled much and that due to this, they must not know much.
you have said a smile is something more than a smile.
you have admitted to giving mixed signals .
you are something... too funny really..
if you think that the responses are being harsh on you.. you will soon have your eyes opened...lol
lol.... the entertainment factor just increased tenfold.
nah.. most of us are inbred drooling idiots who do nothing but oogle at women and make inappropriate comments or start idiotic threads about how much of a loser we are, how the women are vain and wouldn't know a good man or what to do with him if SHE EVER MET ONE.
And here you come along to point out how you met an apparently good guy and you two hit it off OH SO WELL DONCHA KNOW, what with all your hidden sly looks and innuendo and YOU STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO REEL HIM IN!!.
that it too funny..
emphasis only - not yelling.
ruined by a bunch of feminists?
nah...
you're fun... kind of cute too... fit and active...
I can't wait until you get a read/delete/ non-respond. or the dreaded unread/delete.
I wonder what kind of thread you'll start about that. That is going to be something...
welcome aboard..
anyway, we all make mistakes. some people admit it rather than blame culture, feminism or the other person for not reading our mind or whatever else.
pull up a chair & enjoy the show.
DAncing starts at 11 in the back room. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:53:53 AM | Did not I say in my OP that I was an idiot for being too embarrassed to act? Why do you take it upon yourself to rub it in? And yes, I do think most men here have been ruined by feminists. Men who are too scared to act like ones, and scolding a woman for "not having balls". That's right, I don't have balls. Doh!
| |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:12:45 PM | Since several posters have already done an excellent job of shredding ABC6587's recent posts, I'll only address a minor portion of it: 
Lots of the guys who scold me here must have never set their foot outside of their culture, and it shows. In my home country, a smile is a very strong signal of interest.. so strong in fact that, whenever I came for a visit, friends and family kept reminding me not to smile at strangers. But then, lots of people here are pissed off and will scold anyone.. what else is new.
I gave your profile a quick scan, where you mention your "migration" from Russia to Israel to Seattle, so I'm going to that by "your culture" you are either referring to being Caucasian, Russian, Jewish, or being an American.
I also scanned through the thread noticing the faces of the various posters with profile photos, and of them all, a grand total of 4 visible minorities have responded, myself included (three of us being black men, one being a mixed race lady). The rest of the posters, who have for the most part, also derided your OP are (pardon me for classifying), Caucasian or close enough to it. So I can't help but ask: who is your little quip assuming we've never "stepped outside of our culture" directed to?
(1) Just the three of us non-whites
(2) non-Jews
(3) non-Americans
or (4) non-Russians?
I'd just like to properly categorize your stubbornness/intolerance here, though the thinly-veiled statement behind each alternative is "if you don't agree with me or belong to group Y, please keep your mouth shut"...
If you did indeed mean the former, you can't be further from the truth in my case, as I've done nothing BUT step outside of my culture as far as dating is concerned. I've dated Jewish women, I've dated American women, AND I've dated a Russian woman. So when I tell you that your behavior was hardly conducive to getting the desired result (i.e. a date), I'm not just blowing smoke out of my rear. 
A smile without context cannot be interpreted as to intent. Perhaps in your younger days a smile was indeed an indication of romantic interest, but in today's fast-paced dating world it's a polite cue at best that you aren't planning to stab the person you're smiling at if they come any closer. From what I've experienced, all that usually happens with a smile is that you'll evoke the same and perhaps a pleasantry from the other person (e.g. a nod, wave, etc.). If you're expecting a profession of undying love you may want to reel the clock back about five centuries and try dropping a monogrammed kerchief in the path of a knight...
I don't wish you any particular ill... In fact I'm saddened that you missed your possible chance at a connection. You are not alone, we've all had random encounters we wish we could have played out differently. The advice being offered to you here is the same thing we tell ourselves: next time, go for it! At least then you can have a clear conscience and no regrets regardless of the outcome, because at least then you did everything in your power, rather than sit there and hope the other person makes the desired move...
Best of luck in the future, to you and to all! | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:13:02 PM | lol...
this is too funny.
is this you hershey? are you just coming back for fun with this?
men are too scared to act like one? one what? a man?
there's 1000's of threads to that very point.
or did you mean 'scarred"
I am sure you know taht " grow a set" or " have some balls " is a generic colloquialism meant to imply to muster up the courage.
if you had travelled anywhere , you would have discovered this.. or perhaps you haven't ventured out of your own culture.
I am surprised that the phrase hadn't turned up in any of the books you are so fond of reading..
welcome aboard.
mm | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:13:47 PM | I love it when guys ask for my phone number. Now it depends on what they are asking when they ask for it. Like if they ask can I have your phone # so I can ask you over to my place for a f--k. Then heck no!!!! But if they ask for my phone number and say, Hey why don't we get coffee sometime or lunch or whatever and they have a nice smile and I find them attractive of course then Heck Yeah! Please ask for it!  | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:31:51 PM |
And yes, I do think most men here have been ruined by feminists. Men who are too scared to act like ones, and scolding a woman for "not having balls". That's right, I don't have balls. Doh!
OP, you seem quite determined to make your situation the man's fault. You got a lot of good advice on this thread and some very insightful comments, and yet you're bristling at just about every remark that indicates perhaps your actions played a part in the situation not working out the way you would have preferred. What's the goal here? To be confirmed as right, or to learn something that helps you do better next time?
--Ms. Flis | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:38:14 PM | Tiger, I think you are confusing race with culture. This is no reflection on you, I am sure you are a great guy, but had you dated outside of your hemisphere (as opposed to immigrants cooking in your own melting pot), you would not have made this mistake. If you've read my post carefully, you would have noticed that I sad a smile is a strong come on sign in my home culture, as it is in many others; I have not made a statement that it so in North America have I? And yes, I know the expression "grow a set of balls", but I do find it highly ironic when a bunch of MEN advise a WOMAN to grow one. I don't suppose you see any irony in this, do you? First, it might be a little hard for me to do. Second, if I do, I won't need men in the first place, will I? JUST KIDDING.
All right, guys, if you are here to date, you've really got to get out of this pised off mood. It's not sexy.
OP, you seem quite determined to make your situation the man's fault. You got a lot of good advice on this thread and some very insightful comments, and yet you're bristling at just about every remark that indicates perhaps your actions played a part in the situation not working out the way you would have preferred. What's the goal here? To be confirmed as right, or to learn something that helps you do better next time?
All right, I am going to shout. WHICH PART OF ME CALLING MYSELF AN IDIOT FOR NOT CEASING THE MOMENT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? Where is the disagreement here? Do I need to keep acknowledging that I made an idiot out of myself in EVERY post of mine to avoid scolding? OK, I am done shouting.
| |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:47:46 PM |
OutMind, I am just a Cephas girl, do I qualify? :-)
Maybe. Campy or Shimano gruppo?
Boy is everybody so uptight here.
I think half the population here have sat in front of a computer for too long. Go out. Ride a bike. Get that delicious endorphin flowing through your body. | |
|
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:54:36 PM | hmmmm......weird post, but interesting, nonetheless.
Let's see, why did he go away?
A woman that is sweaty and panting....ummm..no, usually that's a good thing.
you've kind of got that Babe thing goin on a little bit...so that's not it
Mixed Signals...there ya go. That'll do it every time.
I think it's still a surprise to some women, and I can't speak for all men, but when it gets all caught up in that weird mixed signal area..sometimes it just feels so damn tedious......especially with a stranger on a bike path, then, I'm just gonna push off on my bike and go.
Ok...better luck tomorrow evening
`````````` "kimbo~ | |
|
|
| Page 3 of 7
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
Home
login 
