| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:19:57 PM | | Don't forget to show as much cleavage as legally possible. I think even serious cyclists would slow down for a breather with you. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:28:00 PM | Guess I am a late comer to this thread... but here it goes...
Re: OP
In the USA there is a very thin line between appropriate behavior and being a creepy stalker. It is such that two men can do exactly the same thing, one will be cute, romantic, etc... the other will be creepy, stalkerish, etc. the line is how the woman sees the guy. That line is different with every woman for every guy she encounters and a guy has to guess where it is for her with him. His past experiences will guide his judgment.
In other countries it is still socially acceptable to pursue women, even do so persistently. In the USA it is not, unless she wants him to, and he has to figure out if she does without much to go on.
He didn't get a signal that said go ahead, so he rightly took it as 'go away'. It's the only thing he could do.
Me, I probably wouldn't have stopped at all or even slowed down. IME just stopping and asking a woman if she's ok is interpeted as stalkerish. Has something to do with looks I think ;) | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:51:26 PM | [ IME just stopping and asking a woman if she's ok is interpeted as stalkerish. Has something to do with looks I think ;) ]
What?? In who's world? If a guy were to stop and ask me if I'm ok, I'd be thinking he was a sweetheart. Goodlooking or not.
Guys seriously what have you got to lose. She either thinks you're a sweetie or she's a stuck up b*tch and thinks you're creepy. But who cares if she thinks you're creepy. She's not worth worrying about.
You could meet the girl of your dreams if you take the chance. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:25:59 PM | Me, I probably wouldn't have stopped at all or even slowed down. IME just stopping and asking a woman if she's ok is interpeted as stalkerish. Has something to do with looks I think ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This has nothing to do with looks, and it is in no way "stalking". Yes if some pervy old creep followed her around the bike path and was whacking his weenie like I do, that would be creepy or weird, but, the word "stalking" does not apply.
Now, possible, the OP could be accused of "stalking" if she rides her bike there the same time everyday looking for him. And that would be very mild.
Hey guys (and gals), if you find yourself making off the wall judgements about the opposite sex and relationships, please, go look in the mirror. or get a dictionary. Even Tennessee Women dig dudes who know what words mean. | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 132 | |
| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:23:53 AM | OK.....read your post and you asked for my opinion so giving it,
You're a very pretty woman and wanted him to ask you out but you played him like a hard tootsie so he left! I don't know all the details but would have just thanked you for the compliment and rode on too. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:23:08 AM | Those first-time encounters can be very awkward for both people. Nobody was assertive enough due to nerves or just appearing being polite,etc.
Next time, you should put out a quick joke such as "where are you going to be the next time it happens?." A quick witt like that can generate an interesting response. That way, you put the hint out there. He either runs with it or runs away. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:26:45 AM | Typical women; you are so into mind reading and assuming what someone is thinking and feeling that it gets ridiculous. Enough with the mind reading and games.
I had something like this happen and I went away because I was having a pleasant conversation but I really wasn't interested in her.
Women see things how they might be and try to figure things out. Mature men are direct, dont like games, and are not into assuming and mind reading. He left because he had better things to do than decipher your codes and thoughts. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:38:19 AM | Yeah, I can't see a single thing the guy did wrong except failing to read your mind. Silly of him.
I mean... women want men to hit on them... but only attractive men they're interested in. How are you supposed to know whether you are or not?
Mixed signals? Stop trying to give signals. We're too stupid. Unless the signals involve pointing at your breasts they're too subtle. What you think is a clear signal has him wondering if you're itchy need to go to the toilet or something. Here's a clue for the ladies. Use your words. We actually understand most of the english language! You may need to explain the bigger words, or possibly do some sort of charades.
Stop complaining that there's a "man drought" because none of the thousands of attractive single men out there happen to have the psychic gift that seems to be a requirement to make any sort of connection with a woman. Take the responsibility for yourselves and just make it clear (with actual words, not a subtle combination of body language and hand gestures) that you're interested. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:14:03 PM |
Don't forget to show as much cleavage as legally possible. I think even serious cyclists would slow down for a breather with you.
Not really. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:14:51 PM | Wow white Gold you are right on; if this was an overweight young guy she would have not given him the time of day, and might have thought he was stalking her.
Congrats women; you wanted equality and now you are equal. You are now as shallow and superficial as most men. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:24:46 PM | I gotta go with the last several posters here.
Ladies, if we could read your minds...trust me...not a single man would be on this site.
We wouldn't need to be.  | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:28:34 PM | Yeah, we're in kind of a no-win situation when it comes to asking a woman for her number. The only way we can decide what to do is if we know whether or not she finds us attractive. We could handle a "Sorry, my boyfriend would have a problem with that" or a "Sorry, I just don't have time to date" answer. Really, we can deal with rejection. We just don't like to feel insulted while being rejected. Not that most women go out of their way to insult men who ask them out but it's done defacto. If we have no idea why we're being shot down, we really have no choice but to assume that it's because we're not attractive in her eyes. And we also know that if a woman doesn't find us attractive, our efforts are infinitely more likely to be perceived as "creepy". See....can't really win.
Basically, if you're interested you've got to tell him in plain language. He doesn't want to wind up being Tiny's wife after lockdown and that's what happens to ugly guys who hit on women. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:04:00 PM |
Take the responsibility for yourselves and just make it clear (with actual words, not a subtle combination of body language and hand gestures) that you're interested.
This is excellent advice for any woman that is interested in meeting new men and dating. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:06:42 PM | He was probably attached and just had the chance to flirt and dream for a few moments with you as a convenient receiver.
If he was really interested and available he would have picked up on your signals and taken it further. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:05:40 PM |
What?? In who's world? If a guy were to stop and ask me if I'm ok, I'd be thinking he was a sweetheart. Goodlooking or not.
Guys seriously what have you got to lose. She either thinks you're a sweetie or she's a stuck up b*tch and thinks you're creepy. But who cares if she thinks you're creepy. She's not worth worrying about.
You could meet the girl of your dreams if you take the chance.
This has nothing to do with looks, and it is in no way "stalking". Yes if some pervy old creep followed her around the bike path and was whacking his weenie like I do, that would be creepy or weird, but, the word "stalking" does not apply.
As to what world, saturday night live made a sketch of it, so it can't be that out of the mainstream experience. Google up "sexual harassment and you" it should pop up.
If not quite stalkerish, it is considered creepy by many. Especially without a polished delivery.
But as to what to lose... well, it's not exactly a pleasant experience and some women well they aren't exactly friendly about it. It gets tiresome. Sometimes the odds are so low it's just not worth playing anymore. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:19:27 PM | If what the mens is saying is troo -- the human race would've died out before the last ice age. There has always been a lack of saber tooth tigers and woolly mammoths to tell ya'll what to do. So buck up fellas, and own up: you're perfectly capable of tracking/bagging that which you wish to track and bag.
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:27:19 PM | ^Yeah, and that was before the craziest %1 of women started getting us fired from our jobs, fined by the courts, and on the rare occasion, thrown in prison for looking sideways at the "wrong" woman.
Try this : YOU buck up and start getting with the program. THIS wasn't our idea after all. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:31:04 PM | | 85% of all communincation is non verbal. So by your hand gesture you told him " your sweet but no your not going any further." You set up the rejection I don't blame the guy for cutting his loses. Maybe next time you'll say "hey dude can I have your number" rather than playing the tango of making a guy, that you want to give your number to, ask for your number. A little bit of assertiveness goes along way. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:13:54 PM | | OP, I was there that day and saw the whole thing. Yeah, after he left you he stopped again to talk to a hot babe. They talked a little while and then she hugged him. Then they both rode off together both of them smiling and laughing. Seemed like they were enjoying each others company. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:40:00 PM |
If what the mens is saying is troo -- the human race would've died out before the last ice age. There has always been a lack of saber tooth tigers and woolly mammoths to tell ya'll what to do. So buck up fellas, and own up: you're perfectly capable of tracking/bagging that which you wish to track and bag.
What we are talking about is actually very recent (in evolutionary terms) and is really only a cultural thing in the USA as far as I can tell.
I think it's an outgrowth of fighting sexual harassment, etc. Anyway it teaches that unwanted advances are wrong. unwanted persistence is stalking. Trouble is the guy can never know for sure. The difference between 'wanted' and 'unwanted' is in the woman's head. That in turn causes respectful guys to stop when they get any negative signs, mixed signals, or just nothing positive.
Then there are the women that just want to toy with a guy... to give him just enough that remains persistent. Sure, it's mostly when younger, but the experience sticks. It's wasted energy. Lessons learned the hard way.
If you had to deal with it, eventually you wouldn't want to play any more either. Clear signs immediately or move on becomes the mode of operation.
Maybe it is feminist crapola, but it exists and has been widely taught none the less.
Then there is the fact that how much energy a guy will put in is proportional to how much he is interested as well... but that's probably another topic. | |
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| Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:35:20 PM |
OK, I went cycling... barely made it up a long, steep hill and sat down on the ridge to catch some breath. There comes a gorgeous looking guy biking fast up that hill, effortlessly... I am sitting there, panting, thinking that, in an ideal world, he'll strike a conversation. Sure enough, he stops, asks me if I am OK, I say yes, compliment him for his biking skills, and we chat for a while. Problem is, I've just biked 8 miles and I am all sweaty, so I am giving him mixed signals. He is sensitive to the signals like a barometer, I can see he is dying to get my phone number, but eventually I get totally embarrassed by the whole situation, touch the bike's handle bar to pull away, and immediately he wishes me a good day and disappears, and I can see he does so with regret.
Were the signals that he was so sensitive to your heavy panting and you sweating profuciously?  Maybe he just wasn't into you. | |
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