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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Molesworth
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 26
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act? Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If you've got to think about something like this, the best course of action is to do whatever you'd do without thinking.

I answer quickly if a message is short. I might take a few days if it's a very long message. It has nothing to do with how interesting a person is, or how much I enjoyed the message; it's an attention-span/time thing. The same is probably true of most people.

If--God forbid--I wanted to seem too cool to immediately respond, I'd lay off on even reading the message for a few days. That way, it would seem like I'm out getting tons of action with way hotter chicks, you know?

I love the idea that a man responding to a woman during the day indicates he's jobless. I believe this is true people don't have computers where they work, and even if they did have them, they'd certainly never take a break from staring at spreadsheets or html code to check their email.
 nocatchyname
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 27
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:04:10 PM

I love the idea that a man responding to a woman during the day indicates he's jobless. I believe this is true people don't have computers where they work, and even if they did have them, they'd certainly never take a break from staring at spreadsheets or html code to check their email.


I like your thinking, considering the fact that the majority of people I know who do have a cushy office job, spend most of their day playing on the internet anyway. Or the guys who work 10 hrs a week, and make more than I do if I worked 40. Or the ones who have no life...like possibly people who spend their nights on the internet making new friends/enemies, instead of going out and spending money in various forms of entertainment.
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 28
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Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:05:30 PM

the best course of action is to do whatever you'd do without thinking.
I think too many people do things without thinking...

If he does not respond within a reasonable amount of time, I will likely completely forget about him.

I think quick response indicates a level of enthusiasm, as opposed to desperation. But then again, I am not 16 and in high school.
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 29
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:48:23 PM
I've adjusted by assuming what I call a "pickup truck" attitude. This refers to how people view their cars when they're new. Well, somebody with a Jaguar or any brand new car is just way too concerned about every last detail.(much like the whining newbies on the forums) But with a pickup truck, even new, it wasn't overly expensive, and , after all it's just a pickup truck, not a Rolls Royce. So a casual attitude forms, and you're not worried about every little ding and scratch.(or like when somebody unread deletes or favorites you without contacting you) This way you can relax, enjoy it more, pressure people less,and as a result, they'll respond to you better. I try to keep in mind that others have a busy life before POF, and it may not be reasonable for them to play timing games or answer right away,and so therefore try not to read too much into the POF response "timing".
 red_hed2toe
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 30
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:49:48 AM
9035768 rotflmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo too freakin' funny
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 31
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:13:35 AM
Sarcasm sucks!! I'm looking for sensible replies!!

This is not aimed at all of you just 'Just Em' I'm new here as some of you have noticed so i'm not sure how this replying on the Forums works properly... i'll see when this reply is posted!
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 32
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:21:45 AM

It would be nice to have a CLUE what type of conversation went on.

Was her reply too polite a refusal and that's why she didn't respond?
I've sent messages such as, "Sorry but[cite reason such as not moving or "I'm not meeting you in the next fifteen minutes"]. Have fun fishing!" And the guy replied with either a rebuttle, an angry message, a whine. Normally, they just leave it be.

Don't play games, just do what you want and what you think is right. There are times I don't repond to a guy in the same session because I read the note right before logging off.

Maybe they replied because they're tired of guys complaining in the forums about girls ignoring their first contact?

You know what is a BIG deal to some people? If they asked you two important questions and you completely ignored it! I've played that game with a few guys. I ask them the same question four messages in a row before I say, "I keep answering your questions and you NEVER answer the one I keep asking you. It was fun while it lasted. Good luck fishing."


Hi! Ok, this is my first message to the unamed recipient :

'Hi, is there any chance i could see those legs of yours? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeze' She is 6' tall, very attractive but only has a pic of her face!

She replied with :

'Sorry, i deleted your message when i meant to hit the reply button.... as to your question... we'll have to see... lol... x'

I replied with :

'When i saw the subject of 'legs' in your reply i thought yesssss! But then there was no picture : (

What does 'we'll see' mean exactly?'

And then she read that one and deleted it without continuing the converse which was another kind of chat up with my question of 'What does 'we'll see' mean exactly?'
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 33
THREE DAYS?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:23:39 AM

Dude, is this your first account here or have you re-vamped it froma previous account? Three days and you're wigging out?

Three days is no where near enough time to start judging someone on response time!


This is my first account on this site but i have bought experience with me from others!!
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 34
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:25:33 AM

I get bored with the back and forth one liners. I don't feel that a man is really trying to share or get to know me if he tosses 5 words back and forth. Those emails are just enough to make a connection, but definitely not enough to keep it. I get the feeling that the guy is sending out tons of those one liners, just trying to hook something....anything. I get bored and move on after the second one liner.

Hi how are you?

what do you like to do?

my name is Bill.

here's my number....call sometime if you'd like.

Oh yes, with all this intrigue...I just have to call. Please stop the ride, I want off.

I personally don't know the content of your e-mails, but if they're the infamous one liners, ---->


No! If i was going to say this i would put all that in one message only!!
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 35
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:30:09 AM

Hey at least he's not complaining about not getting a first response...just a second response. I think they maybe are being polite with their first email and then giving your the brush off with the second. Is their first email short? or is it in depth and long. If i'm not interested I'm going to be courteous but short...i'm hoping they'll get the message. If I am interested I'll take the time to write out a thoughtful email. AND if I like the guy I am going to want him to respond right away and not leave me hanging...when he does that I'll assume he's not interested...or not online.


They were short messages... check out my conversation in my reply a couple of boxes above this one!
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 36
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:31:39 AM

Replying right away does NOT indicate desperation! If I am interested in a guy, I'll reply ASAP. Just as if a guy doesn't reply to my messages right away (or whenever he's next online), then I simply assume he's not interested and move on.

I think that maybe the girls you were conversing briefly with simply lost interest and NOT because they thought you seemed desperate.

:-)


But why show interest one minute and then turn your head the next?
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 37
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:32:44 AM

I think too many people do things without thinking...

If he does not respond within a reasonable amount of time, I will likely completely forget about him.

I think quick response indicates a level of enthusiasm, as opposed to desperation. But then again, I am not 16 and in high school.


I'm not 16 and in high school either!!
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 38
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:34:33 AM

If you're going to wonder about every first and second contact you have, then you might want to rethink your approach here. Obsessing over these contacts you are sending is...obsessing, and over people you have hardly even spoken with.

Getting a first response, and then no second response, suggests you may want to examine these emails for all sexual comeons/references to how nice of a guy you are/how much you want a woman/your entire life story. And with your username, my money is on the references to how "'nice' of a guy you are".


You shall have to message me to find out ; )
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 39
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:36:23 AM
Thanks for all your replies and advice!!
 pbaby21
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 40
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:40:19 AM

The ignorance of pbaby has turned me off. Apparently failure to comprehend what the OP was asking, and generalizations (or assuming) are her thing. To each their own, good luck in your search pbaby21.


I obviously do not need luck in my search for obvious reasons slick. Now go respond real quick like to someone & turn THEM off. Oh wait a tick, you wouldn't have any emails to respond to. hehehehe. Im such a B.
 jimtash71
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 41
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:56:34 AM
I obviously do not need luck in my search for obvious reasons slick. Now go respond real quick like to someone & turn THEM off. Oh wait a tick, you wouldn't have any emails to respond to. hehehehe. Im such a B.


Hey Catchy,

I think we should put her in the catagory of thinks her shit doesn't stink.

Agree?

*pinching my nose*

 pbaby21
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 42
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:00:28 AM

I think we should put her in the catagory of thinks her shit doesn't stink.

Agree?


I am mearly getting a rise out of you lads. Relax, it's Friday & a 3 day weekend is upon us.

Have a super terrific day boys! LOL
 jimtash71
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 43
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:03:22 AM
Shoooo. What's that smell?
 myopinion
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 44
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:16:44 AM
I don't think it is a matter of the timing of the messages. More likely it is a matter of the content of the message or lack there of.
 UnstoppableLoveMachine
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 45
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:58:25 AM

Hi btw... i'm asking this question as i seem to have problems when mailing someone... it's like i send a message... it gets read... they reply... i log in again later... read what they wrote and then i reply straight away... then they usually read it and either delete it without replying or they read it and just leave it... i'm beginning to think that maybe because i reply straight away that they may think i am desperate or something!! What do you think? Should i perhaps wait a day or two before replying? Or does this mean you are not interested? In which case, why reply to my first message with a little teaser?



I don't think it matters really.

Here's something I learned about women. If they are interested in you, they will always default in error on the side of the positive. If they are not interested in you, they will think you are a loser no matter what who isn't good enough to sleep with but might be useful enough to change her oil or move her couch. (In this case, "change her oil" does not mean the Dirty Sanchez and "move her couch" does not mean cunnilingus. )

For example, my best friend has a little sister Lucy who gave me a stuffed Rhino a while back. If you press a button it roars and walks a few inches and keeps doing it. ( I named him "Needles" because he "gets the point" Get it? The point? OK I digress here) I leave it on my work desk because I adore my best friend's little sister and I so rarely get gifts from people. If I have a hard day, I look at the Rhino Friend and it makes me feel better about work. No different than people putting up photos of themselves and their family camping.

If a woman at work thinks I'm hot then she will think it's cute and interesting and funny and I am showing my vulnerable side. If a woman at work thinks I'm dog meat then she will think I am an immature loser with a stuffed animal and since I'm not a mechanic and work too much to move her couch then I'm pretty much useless to her.

If a woman likes you, and that can turn on a dime at any given point, then she will see a fast response as a positive. If shes doesn't like you then nothing you do will really matter. If she's on the fence then she probably will weigh out how much she likes you ( most women don't like every man they like to the same degree) based on what you have going for you versus what you don't. If you are handsome, she will probably cut you more slack. If you are rich, she will probably cut you more slack. If you have some kind of focus in whatever lifestyle she thinks is important ( could be art or music or movies or science or whatever), she will probably cut you more slack. She's not going to cut you slack because she's a super great benevolent person. She's going to cut you slack because if you have a lot going for you, other women are going to be interested in you and she will know that and the competition will probably drive her to bend instead of break with you.

Your profile isn't helping you. You don't list a career. Your pictures are vague. (Granted my pictures on my profile are vague but there's a tactical purpose for that, but let's just call it do as I say and not as I do to be fair) Most women will just eliminate you outright. The few that won't will probably scrutinize your profile more closely. The less you have there to impress them, the more you have there to turn them off. And your emails probably aren't helping you. You have to think about this all logically. If a girl on this site is going to date you, it's because you are the BEST OPTION she has in her online life and her real face to face life. You don't need the best guy ever in the history of the world, you just need to be better than every guy trying to get in her pants right now in the time and place. Having a weak profile and sending emails without a goal is a way of showing yourself as being NOT the best option possible.

Women are all different, that's for damn sure, but human behavior is disturbingly the same in most cases. Work on being a more impressive and successful person for yourself and your self esteem, if you do that the women will come to you without you having to worry about it.
 lostgirl1971
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 46
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:11:52 AM
Personally I would have deleted it too. Your initial contact with someone is based on superficial/sexual intentions such as seeing their legs, her response could very well have been more an uncomfortable "well see" then an honest flirtation. Women on occasion will respond out of discomfort with a positive "thank you" to avoid the backlash if they state what they truly mean. She may just have been polite by not ignoring the initial message.

But seriously, you reach out to her and turn her into an object to gawk at and your surprised by her action? I have to say that is discouraging that you don't see how it is the content that caused her to delete it.

but to answer the question of time to respond - I agree with Molesworth it all depends on the message and attention span and time. Using crap like the 3 day rule is a game. If I wanted to play juvenile games I would go to Chuckie Cheese
 Kay9876
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 47
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:23:44 AM
Hi! Ok, this is my first message to the unamed recipient : 'Hi, is there any chance i could see those legs of yours? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeze' She is 6' tall, very attractive but only has a pic of her face!

She replied with : 'Sorry, i deleted your message when i meant to hit the reply button.... as to your question... we'll have to see... lol... x'

I replied with : 'When i saw the subject of 'legs' in your reply i thought yesssss! But then there was no picture : ( What does 'we'll see' mean exactly?'

And then she read that one and deleted it without continuing the converse which is another kind of chat up with my question of 'What does 'we'll see' mean exactly?'

Unless you wrote more than is indicated above, it's likely that she lost interest in you because of your sole focus on her legs. I get that you are playfully complimenting her beauty; there is nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, you haven't addressed anything about her other than her beauty ... her body. It seems that you entirely overlooked her personality and interests ... her humanity.

You seem to be addressing what you want from her without any mention or concern for what she might want from you. With the first e-mail, your style might have been viewed as a humorous flirt. By the second e-mail, it became apparent that you are offering little or nothing toward building the conversation or relationship.

Next time, try to think of how your e-mail partner will think and feel based on what you are saying. Flirty compliments are fun, but make sure there is more to your message. Help her become interested in you by becoming interested in her ... all of her.

By the way, "We'll see," in this case probably means "We'll see whether there is more to you than what I've seen so far." Unfortunately, the answer you (inadvertently) gave her was no.
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 48
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:31:57 AM

Personally I would have deleted it too. Your initial contact with someone is based on superficial/sexual intentions such as seeing their legs, her response could very well have been more an uncomfortable "well see" then an honest flirtation. Women on occasion will respond out of discomfort with a positive "thank you" to avoid the backlash if they state what they truly mean. She may just have been polite by not ignoring the initial message.

But seriously, you reach out to her and turn her into an object to gawk at and your surprised by her action? I have to say that is discouraging that you don't see how it is the content that caused her to delete it.

but to answer the question of time to respond - I agree with Molesworth it all depends on the message and attention span and time. Using crap like the 3 day rule is a game. If I wanted to play juvenile games I would go to Chuckie Cheese


I'm sorry but i don't agree with your reply!! Take a closer look at her reply :

[B] I'm sorry but i accidently deleted your message when i mean to hit reply... as for your question... we'll see... lol.... x [/B] BTW my initial msg was meant to give her a laugh which it did...
 The_Real_Mr_Nice_Guy
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 49
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:02:00 AM

Unless you wrote more than is indicated above, it's likely that she lost interest in you because of your sole focus on her legs. I get that you are playfully complimenting her beauty; there is nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, you haven't addressed anything about her other than her beauty ... her body. It seems that you entirely overlooked her personality and interests ... her humanity.

You seem to be addressing what you want from her without any mention or concern for what she might want from you. With the first e-mail, your style might have been viewed as a humorous flirt. By the second e-mail, it became apparent that you are offering little or nothing toward building the conversation or relationship.

Next time, try to think of how your e-mail partner will think and feel based on what you are saying. Flirty compliments are fun, but make sure there is more to your message. Help her become interested in you by becoming interested in her ... all of her.

By the way, "We'll see," in this case probably means "We'll see whether there is more to you than what I've seen so far." Unfortunately, the answer you (inadvertently) gave her was no.


Hi, i have to admit that this reply is probably spot on apart from where you say 'i seem to be only interested in her body' well... i can see how you have come to this conclusion but i can honestly say that this is not all i am interested in... i would have become more serious probably on the next message or the one after that... i suppose my initial message was to break the ice with some flirty humour, which did have the desired effect! Would you recommend i send a message of apology or should i leave it?
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 50
Is replying to messages straight away a desperate act?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:13:29 AM
would have become more serious probably on the next message or the one after that


So, you've broken the ice with humor and flirts....you continue beating the living crap out of the ice with flirts and ignoring her opening...You PLAN to whack away at the ice for at least one more email before telling her ANYTHING?
The ice is water now, you're beating a bowl of water, not breaking the ice. Serve the damn drink already!

If you're going to whine about her not giving you what you want at least add ONE sentence that doesn't sound like you're stroking your penis waiting for her to cyber pleasure you!!!!!!!!!!

As one poster mentioned you refused to say anything about ANYTHING but her body. And you didn't even attack it as a whole. Just the legs. Not complimenting anything else.

A poster mentioned your profile, but I didn't glance at it because I don't care all that much....If her profile is filled out and yours is not you ought to say SOMETHING. She's giving you the chance to tell her something beyond the four traits she already knows: You are attracted to her, you are attracted to her legs, you are male, and your screenname.

You've given her nothing more than a construction worker yelling cat calls. How many stories do you hear about women taking them up on it?
"How did you know daddy was the one?"
"When he tilted his hat and told me my legs go well together but they'd be better apart with him between them."

^^^Is that the common tale? You know WHY it isn't the common tale?
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