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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:33:55 AM | Finding a guy who actually wants a commited relationship and who intends sticking around for more than 5 minutes! Finding a guy who wants the love i have to give and who will also give it in return instead of just taking and who wants to share laughter and life,s adventures.Think that about sums it up. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:10:09 PM | Well, let's put this into numbers.
You're attracted to him, he's attracted to you - 25%
You're attracted to him, he's not attracted to you - 25%
You're not attracted to him, he's attracted to you - 25%
You're both not attracted to each other. - 25%
You take that 25%
You're compatible to him, he's compatible to you - 25%
You're compatible to him, he's not compatible to you - 25%
You're not compatible to him, he's compatible to you - 25%
You're both not compatible to each other. - 25%
6.125% - That people are compatible and attracted to each other - so the odds of people hooking up is very actually very little. (I know this is a little spurious math, but still) | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:46:47 PM | | The biggest road block for me is simply meeting people. I don't like small talk, I don't like irrelevant conversations, etc. The friends I do have, I made at various events centered around my interests. I enjoy fishing so I go to a fishing club and met people there. Unfortunately, there are no women. I enjoy strategy board games and we have a group that gets together once a month (at least) to play. Again, no women come to these. I love movies and go with my friends quite a bit. Unfortunately, it's hard to meet women AT a movie. There are also no available women in my martial arts class. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:55:54 PM | And when I find him, I'm not letting go of him!..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Huhuh...we will see about that. Are you going to tell us what YOUR character flaws are (maybe you already did, this is 7pages) that cause you to "flee" or be fleed? | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:56:48 PM | | I am somewhat shallow in that I find that when I am talking to someone who sounds unintelligent and seems like they never went to school I feel a little superior. And the thing is it has nothing to do with educational level, I just find that even if someone is nice, if they spend all their time talking in slang or don't make grammatical sense, I kind of want to barf. I feel bad because I don't want to feel superior but sometimes I do. So I guess in that regard I have high standards, and they are not being met. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:00:32 PM |
Are you going to tell us what YOUR character flaws are (maybe you already did, this is 7pages) that cause you to "flee" or be fleed?
Aw come on Olyman...I thought you were smarter than to say every time someone dumps you it is because there is something wrong with you? Sometimes, it isn't you at all...you must know that? I try to be the best I can humanly be..but , of course, I have flaws...I will never be perfect...and sometimes it isn't about me at all... | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:06:48 PM | | My last relationship ended because I guess my lack of commitment. I had love for her, but no commitment on my part, yet. Its hard to commit these days when half of all marriages end in divorce. I guess the person has to be just right for me to go the extra step. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:19:03 AM |
6.125% - That people are compatible and attracted to each other - so the odds of people hooking up is very actually very little. (I know this is a little spurious math, but still)
ahh, mm2k, no wonder!! thanks for your spurious math - it does indeed explain why i've also found it almost impossible to find that combination - yes, attraction seems to slow, but then when it's there, slowly but surely, compatibility reveals it does not exist (giggle).
and, in fact, olyman, i don't think the problem is we are not aware of our 'faults'....i actually am thinking part of the problem as we get older is we become all too aware of our faults and so does our partner.
i'd like to return to a state of 'innocence' or open minded and open-hearted again in that area, actually......to where those parts of me - the sabateur- can take a back seat again and not be so closed to seeing the compatibility or attraction......for i still do believe that when it's meant to be, the right person does come along to share the path and journey for however long that is meant to be. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:49:40 AM | | I think there's alot of fear, confusion, miscommunication. I have been reading through posts. Men vs Women views. Each saying they can't understand the other ect. But interesting enough on a basic level both sexes have the same fears, struggles, issues with the other. One post made the statement of just change the gender in the situation and your speaking from the man's point of view. So why is it so difficult to find common ground. Then toss in the baggage we often carry from past relationships. So even if we do meet someone we are attracted to and compatible with, there are obstacles we meet. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:12:26 AM | Are you going to tell us what YOUR character flaws are (maybe you already did, this is 7pages) that cause you to "flee" or be fleed? ******Aw come on Olyman...I thought you were smarter than to say every time someone dumps you it is because there is something wrong with you? Sometimes, it isn't you at all...you must know that? I try to be the best I can humanly be..but , of course, I have flaws...I will never be perfect...and sometimes it isn't about me at all...****
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Au contraire mon ceur:
I was asking OP what her character flaws were, that "makes her flee" or be fleed, since she started this thread.
I know no one is perfect (some less so than others...I'm about average). But my point is OTHER PEOPLE are not stopping us from having good relationships. Umm I guess thats the title of this thread too what a coincidence, do I get a star today? | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:27:05 AM |
Umm I guess thats the title of this thread too what a coincidence, do I get a star today?
Sure, I'll give you a star...good things should always be rewarded..
As per the thread title..I must admit that I think there is a difference between finding someone to have a realtionship with..and why the relationships you have been in have failed? Most posters seem to be talking about why they haven't found someone to have one with now...maybe I'm nitpicking, but, I read it as why isn't it happening now?
And I'm pretty sure, in my case..it isn't anything I'm necessarily doing wrong...I spent several years getting to a good place to be in one again..and I am always self reflective by nature..so, if the question is why am I not in one now? I would have to say it's either because I haven't met the right guy yet...or, because the men I'm interested in don't return the favor? I know I'm not sabotaging myself in that sense. I have found that to more often be on the other side? Obviously, there are things about me some or most men wouldn't like..but, they aren't things that I think keep me from meeting the right person..because the right person would find more to like, than not to.
Now, if we want to talk about why my past relationships failed..that's a different story..and I take some blame in all of those...though, hopefully, I've mostly learned from my mistakes... | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:51:31 AM |
I also have not found anyone to date just for the simple reason that all women are afraid of me. I don't know why but it has to be the reason.
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I am only guessing that since they all look but then pass me by.
They're wimps, and thus scare easily.
Make that wimpettes. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:05:13 AM | I've had some success in relationships-and failures too. I guess, while pondering this subject, it has occurred to me that I'm simply not in any hurry to be in a long standing relationship again for a multitude of reasons. I was raised with the mentality you go to school, find a good man, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. I really believed that is what my life would end up being-but it hasn't gone exactly as I had planned.
What I have learned about myself is that I'm a bit on the independant side. I can do for myself and I think there have been times that was a HUGE turn off to a person I was dating. I'm no damsel in distress by any means, and my guess would be that some, not all, men want someone who needs them far more than they need him. Being on my own for over six yrs has also hastened my desire to find the 'one' and settle down. I like my life as it is. I have a lot of responsibilities to my kids and myself which also makes it hard to bring another person into the mix.
While I do have a man in my life that I spend time with, we are by no means a conventional couple, but we get along well and he suits my lifestyle. He's got a busy life, as do I, and when we have the time we spend it together. I think that we can have successful relationships that work for us, but it's all in what you want and need at the moment. I do not need a man in my life but I certainly want the person whose in my life to continue being in it. He also knows I'm not ready to commit to him or anyone else, but if and when I'm ready to settle down again I want to be sure it's for all the right reasons.
I'm not willing to settle for anything again, so for now, things are as I feel they should be. I'm enjoying the time I have with my family and close friends. | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:55:19 PM |
So, what's stopping you? And then what's really stopping you?
Hmmm...time (work too much). Distance...many of the men I think are interesting or could be don't live close enough and LDRs are hard to do.
What's REALLY stopping me? Fear of success...not fear of failure. I've already failed at relationships (otherwise I wouldn't be still single and here right?) and so now it's the fear of what if it really does work?? Having never lived with a man before, my expectations are probably different...actually I don't have that many. My baggage, as it were, may be different than a guy who's been married and divorced or divorced for a long time. And for many men, they're not into chunky girls...which is their right. I see men here would I'd be compatible with and have even messaged...but either my color or my size doesn't work for them, so they don't answer. (shrugs)
Good question...I've read this one for awhile and didn't respond before...but you know what? It's a good, honest question that deserved a good, honest answer.
Thanks... | |
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| What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:17:02 PM | Me...I'm not open to one right now for different reasons (just finishing school, life in transition, etc.) including just not wanting to make myself emotionally available.
I've been turning them down for months....but at least they stick around!
I'm just burnt out right now.... | |
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