| Just a question
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:23:23 AM | Actually..like one other person on here mentioned...one person in my life that I really believe "sees me" or gets me...is not a boyfriend, but a male very close/best friend. He's seen me through good and bad, through my vulnerabilities etc. (btw...any NE PA girls..looking for a great guy...he's actually on here...hehehe)
I think other times in the past..."seeing" someone...in some ways...sadly enough...can be used against us...if it is by people that are more callous than we originally realized..or more narcissistic. If we happen to be the type that are very forgiving, or have a big heart...etc...I think this can be used against us..if they "see" and know this...and...we let them. (that being the key as well). | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 7:39:25 AM | I still say we never ever really know what - is on the minds of others. No matter how well we think we know them. We only “think” we know them.
Parents don’t really know what is on the mind of their 14 year old kid. They just think they do.
We assume we know someone by their outward demeanor. We know nothing about what is really going on.
How many times has the long time spouse been ........ totally shocked. It happens all the time. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:30:04 AM | No, no one has ever seen me. Why? Because I've never been close enough to anyone, felt accepted enough, to let someone see all of me, the real me, the vulnerable me.
And it's not enough to be seen. What you are asking for is to be SEEN and ACCEPTED, not seen and rejected.
I can show my guy the real me. I can let down that guard entirely and if he chooses to look, he'd SEE me. But see then he might reject me. I can't risk that. Can you?
Look up the song "Somebody" by Depeche Mode. that's what it's all about...and that's what I want with someone someday. Shall I post it?
Kaylie | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:32:10 AM | "Somebody" by Depeche Mode. If you've never heard it, listen on YouTube... Very pretty... One version has a heartbeat in the background. But my fav version is their recorded live version of it. I think this is what OPie is talking about...and most def what I want!
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
Shell get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
Shell hear me out
And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I dont want to be tied
To anyones strings
Im carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when Im asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
Ill get away with it
Aaaahhhhh.... | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:38:18 AM | | Yes, I have. You can find that too. It is extremely rare, but I think that if you find that person and you get them like they get you. Then you should cherish that forever. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:43:39 AM | Many times others can see you better than you can see yourself.....but most times we do not let others see us for who we really are, because we are not totally truthful with ourselves.........
And just because another might really see you and really get you, it does not mean that they agree or accept what the real you is.
The search to find another that understands who and what you are, why, and is willing to accept it, embrace it, and even more, realize that they might be close to the same, is almost, if not always, impossible.
The true walk in life is "self realization", and if one can understand themselves totally, then they just might be able to understand another.......
Life is but a journey to be understood and enjoyed, and not a destination that has no content in between...........
Just my opinion.........   | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:45:10 AM |
I still say we never ever really know what - is on the minds of others. No matter how well we think we know them. We only “think” we know them.
Parents don’t really know what is on the mind of their 14 year old kid. They just think they do.
We assume we know someone by their outward demeanor. We know nothing about what is really going on.
How many times has the long time spouse been ........ totally shocked. It happens all the time.
True enough Ron... in a similar vein, do we ever really know ourselves?
When the long time spouse is totally shocked, many of them can look back and, with hindsight being 20/20, see the now obvious signs. So I'd argue if they were seeing what was in front of them all along, rather than sleepwalking through life, they wouldn't have been shocked at all. Of course, I say that as a former sleepwalker who was woken up, lol. Those rude life awakenings can be life altering. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 9:49:17 AM | Well I have been here a little over 3 weeks and no one has seen me as yet.. Somehow I can't see it happening.. Ya get me?
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Posted: 5/23/2008 10:08:57 AM | To the OP, I take it when you say "sees you", you mean "gets you." ??
Assuming so, I think it's a true gift to find someone who gets you.........but more than that, someone who cares enough, and takes enough interest in you to "get you." In order to get someone, you need to be genuinely interested in them; who they are, where they've been, where they're going, what matters to them, what makes them tick, learn their dreams, fears, joys, idiosyncrasies, what made them who they are today. Sure, in the beginning they can come across as wanted to know all these things but is it genuine and something that will continue and stand the test of time? I was in a relationship with someone who I'm sure would have proclaimed he "got me" but he knew very little about me. He took no real interest in my life, my career, my family, where I came from, how my day at work was, what my dreams were, what my fears were, what mattered to me, why I felt the way I did about things, why I had the opinions and convictions I had. I always listened intently (and genuinely) to him and I took a great interest in his life but it simply wasn't reciprocated...therefore he didn't 'get me.' To find someone who truly gets you, it's a wonderful thing but I believe it's rare. | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 12:29:51 PM | | op yeah i know what u mean. i've spent my life looking for somone who 'see's' me as i am. i never even met somone on the same wavelength yet. my kingdom for somone who gets me! lol | |
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Posted: 5/23/2008 5:08:50 PM | Wow, I didn't realize there would be so many perceptions on this. I guess it really can mean different things for different people.
As far as seeing me, I want someone who can look through me. I think we all have certain barriers we put up........some more than others. Trust is something earned and I think the more you get to know someone the more you decide to let them in.
I'm talking about someone who can see through all that.
You know when they look at you, they really see you....you don't have to explain....knowing that even when they love you, know you.......they still like you.
When you see how they look at you.......it's a silent contentment......nothing can feel safer.....they know you......there is an intimacy that can melt your heart........a look can touch you more than any hand can......... | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 10:11:53 PM |
I still say we never ever really know what - is on the minds of others. No matter how well we think we know them. We only “think” we know them.
Parents don’t really know what is on the mind of their 14 year old kid. They just think they do.
What a good point Ron. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 11:20:20 PM | | I found someone who knew me better than me. She understand me so well it was as if she was me sometimes. Strangest part, i was the same way with her. Sadly though she passed away and i have looked for a long time to find that again. I don't know if i will ever find someone who can read me like that or someone i can read like i could her. | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 5:34:49 PM | | Unless you are John Cena and then you cant see him | |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 6:40:23 AM | I have been fortunate throughout my life to have several friends that get me. We finish each other's sentences. Don't have to explain things, they just know. Sometimes we are lucky to have these people always and sometimes they change or otherwise go out of our lives.
From a romantic interest, sometimes we put up with things that we shouldn't because someone does see us. I was with someone who saw me, who I could explain things to in a sentence rather than a paragraph because he knew the other stuff that wasn't said.
The problem wasn't him caring about and accepting me, it was his ability to ultimately care about anyone else, period. Just like anything else, things need balance. Someone's ability to see us may be overshadowed by a selfish individual's behavior.
While finding someone that "gets us" is something that I think most people desire, it can, like anything else, blind someone to another person's faults. Getting you is not the be all and end all and should only be one consideration about whether an individual wants to keep someone in his life. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 8:12:19 AM | | I know what you mean. Many years ago I was blessed to meet someone like this. He was a bit older and we got to know each other so well. He eventually had cancer, specifically leukemia, and ultimately died. Life went on, I went on to law school which was very hard after this and had a lot of great experiences in the process and met some great people. But you know what, I've never met someone like that again and since I am already close to 50, I don't hold my breath thinking this will happen again. I can go out and have a nice time but I discovered over the years that most people are so into themselves, all you have to do is pull yourself back during a conversation and you'll notice it's all about them - so they don't make the space internally to really get to know and understand you. So if you meet someone who "gets you," that's a gift. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 8:32:10 AM | Ok, edited as per actually reading page two, GREAT ANSWERS, thanks everyone, esp the Depeche Mode lyrics.
Intimacy = In to me, see
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I love this topic, and I'm a guy, woo hoo! But have only read two or three replies above with any notion of "what this means".
OH maybe its just "a feeling", such as "I love spaghettie with lots of garlic" by which I mean, there is nothing "good" or "bad" about spaghettie with garlic per se....
Or maybe, the person is really smart, loving, and aware of others (not just you, ohoh). So they are better at "clicking" than the average joe.
Or maybe they have an excellent memory about what you have said or done in the time you two knew each other.
I hate to sound like a vocabulary checker..but what do you (mostly ladies) mean "he gets me". I think we all know it feels good, but what does it mean?
Sooo, after reading all the posts, I think I know what most of you are getting at...and that I haven't felt it often, if that. I think for us "weirdos", that makes it hard for anyone capable of "seeing" to solve the puzzle, there is just so much crazy stuff, baggage, quirks, etc in the way...It could be too much work for them unless we allow ourselves to be seen. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 8:46:17 AM | My family and a few really good friends - yes, I've been blessed with that. They love me for who I am, with all the causes I take up that are close to my heart, my infinite love for family and friends, my wacky sense of humour, even warts and all, and say they wouldn't change a thing about me.
But romantically? I thought so a couple of times, but then those same fundamental things they 'saw' and 'got' about me and fell in love with me for, eventually became the very things they tried to change about me. Go figure.
Still optimistic though....if I can find it in a friend, it should be out there somewhere in a mate, right?
HnH  | |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 9:00:23 AM | | In order to experience loneliness... well, let's see. If I am lonely, I get buzy doing something fun where I can meet new people. Support groups, bars (where I drink only coffee) and shoot pool by myself... geee, wonder if I'm by myself for very long! I read and write. Disappointment... well, let's see if a guy starts to disappoint me, then he is not respecting me, and he is testing the waters to see how far I will allow him to abuse me. When I start to feel disappointed, then I put a STOP to it. I do not call him. I make him wonder where I am. I have a buzy schedule, and can only see him twice a week, with a few day light hours between my studies. I find something else, and forget it. I emerse myself in my own pleasure. Happiness... well, if a guy could give me happiness. I might have a Hollywood version of the White Prince comin to rescue me from life, and attach myself to some sort of "unreal myth" about this guy, as if he walks on water, and if I do this... make him into a God-like figure.... well, then I would be unhappy if he didn't pay attention to my every need. I would depend on him for happiness. As if I needed a partner to go out to eat, or see a movie, or shop. Why? Some of these activities are more fun to do alone. If I need someone to raise children with... it is better with two functional parents. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2008 9:02:25 AM | | Approval-seeking behavior will get you into trouble. Be your own boss. Do not care about what other people think. Always follow the law. | |
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