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Posted: 5/25/2008 11:44:36 AM | Re: Msg 74... and when you do this, all this "interpretation", you sometimes get accused of "over thinking things too much" when more people than I realized do this all the time!! Who would've thought? So I'm not "crazy", "weird" or a "freak"... hmmm.
(feeling validated  ) | |
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| does this happen to others out there ?
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:50:16 PM | I've had a similar thing happen to me, and its also a mystery to me why he didn't reply to my text messages or phone calls.
I noticed he took himself off pof for a short time - but he's now back on waiting for the next lady to come along. Maybe sometimes the clue can be in the profile if you look carefully enough.
It's very frustrating - all you want is an explanation. But like me you have to forget about it and move on - hold your head up and put the experience behind you. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 2:21:11 PM | Easyoneverything, I TOTALLY agree with you! I have heard of this theory and have experienced it. You say "green" and the other party hears "blue." It does not matter how DIRECT you are with the other person, they hear what they want to hear.
People make the false assumption that EVERYONE thinks like them. People say they know people think differently, but they still make assumptions about how others think.
There is a lot of subtext going on in conversations and interactions. It can work the other way too. If you become a good listener, you can detect the patterns and save yourself some of the headache. Most people get caught up in what they are feeling and do not pay attention to what is being said.
Just recently this happened to me. I was trying to join a writing group and submitted my writing. The group leader did not get back to me. I assumed the group just did not like my writing and felt a bit bummed. I just ran into a member of the group and she told me there is a LONG waiting list. She said she loved my writing, but the group is wants to keep it at five people. See how I jumped to the WRONG conclusion based on a little knowledge? It would have been nice of the group leader to tell me this, but as I recall he did say the group was held at five. He did not tell me about the waiting list though. Maybe he ASSUMED I would understand there was a waiting list.
So go with the information you have, don't take it personally and move on. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 6:08:42 PM | I see I have been wrong thinking only men play the *Love ya and Leave ya*game.
Happened to me a few months ago...very similar circumstances too...IMing,long telephone calls ...a weekend at his place. Gifts, dinner and danceing...Last time I spoke to him was the day I left...one quick e mail afterwards saying he worked long hours that day and went to bed with the cold I supposidly gave him...hit him pretty quick I guess. Funny tho, when I tried to cancel the date because of it ..he said..No Way...He never gets colds.....once Sunday came around he was hitting the vitamins and cold meds.
Sadly there are a lot out there who like playing that game..just wish there was a way to weed em out....better then giving up on dateing altogether which I have done..for the time being anyway
Good luck!! | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 10:09:03 PM | yes, not overnight, but within a couple weeks, same issue. She seemed really into me, into me enough to...you know, do the deed. then a few days later she completely turns a 180.
My conclusion is the same as many others, just a woman who doesn't really know herself, not in touch with her own emotions, feelings, etc. | |
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Posted: 5/25/2008 10:33:33 PM | | Yes, I had a similar experience. All the right vibes, great time together, then nothing. Found out later she was mentally ill, Schizoid with PTSD. So there is an explanation but you may not find it. I have finally let it go, which took some hard work, but we must accept that people don't fit into the mould we want them to. Hope you have let go and moved on, cotact with her will cause more pain Cheers roger | |
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new08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 83 | |
| does this happen to others out there ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:34:50 AM | Yes I have not talked to her, Nor wrote to her since the time we were together, Although I have glanced at her other spam page and as it say's there she's in a relationship. However I would like to add that IM not sure if its been her or not, but others have tried to contact me and saying that they are interested in me and we talk and then we also talk over the phone and then nothing , as they don't write back or just don't call or don't even answer the phone as well. So I would assume that it would be someone that she put up to doing that for her , The games that people play here are , Lame if you ask me.............
IM so not interested in games!
Thanks for all of your responses, | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 7:05:40 AM |
She said would call, Well I texted her on Monday to say have a great day and to call me later,
This is a brush-off. After the pace of the relationship up until then it was bound to burn out and fizzle. | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 10:44:49 AM |
You can't be serious. Really - are you joking??
"For that long of a time???" Come on. 2 hours of IMing and 5 1/2 hours of phone time . . and then one overnight outing . . . That's not really "that long of a time."
As for why she didn't call after boinking you and leading you on with sweet nothings . . I have no idea.
I think he's more confused by her not getting back to him. Not saying that the Im/Phone/dinner/date/night together means they were planning a wedding. Just that he was under the impression that maybe she was interested in him, then she doesn't get back to him. | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 11:09:59 AM | Sounds to me that you got used, Ive heard many men say on here how women do this to them. I would say 75% of the women on here are like that, from what Ive heard. I hope you wore protection because you could have gotten a disease to say the lease. Their use to be a thing called ( free love ) will guess what its not free anymore, it comes with risk thats the price you pay...If a women does not take the time to get to know you online its a chance you take. 2 hrs online is nothing. 5 in a half hrs on the phone thats alot of taking but add it up....
you got 7in a half hrs you took to know this person live talk...It sounds to me that she used you for everything.....next time be more careful take the time it takes to get to know someone instead of jumping into it with both eyes closed....Remember one thing.....1 step at a time its takes time to learn about the person who they are. I take it slow because that way I learn more about the person and he learns more about me before we meet and so far its never done me wrong......I know its hard to figure out how a person could do that...but the world is full of people like that
they dont have no morals and no standards all their gain. Im sorry this happened to you.....Life can be unfair sounds to me that you were hoping for more. Im not saying hang out online for months nothing like that, just take the time so its not just lust in the end......I will leave it at that. | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 1:03:54 PM |
OP, I don't think you were played. I do think she got cold feet later for one reason or another. Happens all the time, to men and women it seems. See, people get lonely, and heartbroken, and it's too easy to fall for a fantasy of love instead of the real thing... and then it's hard to take a step back. She is probably gone.. but then, it could have happened any time in the relationship, right? I'd write to her a supportive letter where you show understanding and respect for her boundaries, where you show you are willing to let her go, but would just like to see her again and chat and maybe be friends. She is probably feeling very guilty, and is afraid of hurting you any further, so showing her you are happy and casual and understanding would make her feel better about herself and more secure. Good luck, keep us posted...
well.... almost ....she's kicking herself for this..feeling terrible..
gettting married??? that's something else... one last fling...
ah.. you shouldn't bother with putting up a name or contacting her.
the new hubbie may not be too happy if he finds out about that arrangement.
did you get an invite to the wedding.?
if you did, tell us how that goes .
ah.... dating.... ain't it rich! | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 1:36:26 PM | Yes I have not talked to her, Nor wrote to her since the time we were together, Although I have glanced at her other spam page and as it say's there she's in a relationship. However I would like to add that IM not sure if its been her or not, but others have tried to contact me and saying that they are interested in me and we talk and then we also talk over the phone and then nothing , as they don't write back or just don't call or don't even answer the phone as well. So I would assume that it would be someone that she put up to doing that for her , The games that people play here are , Lame if you ask me.............
IM so not interested in games!
Thanks for all of your responses,
sheeeet buddy,, give yourself a break.. Who's to say that these women are have anything to do with your runaway bride? maybe they are completely unrelated.
You aren't hideous and you do appear to be a nice guy from this thread. maybe the girls are contacting you after seeing your posts in this thread.
What makes you think that she is putting other people up to do this?
People do this all the time. Many people really just don't want to meet up. They enjoy the chats and the talks yet don't want to meet. many women and men here are very scared as well as scarred... probably due to being scarred..
NOw you say that her profile says that she is in a relationship.. So is she still getting married on one profile ? and in a relationship on another profile. Sorry for asking.. I am not doubting you- just trying to figure this out.
thanks, MM | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 4:57:06 PM | | I think you should IM and let her know all about this thread. People like that need to not get off so easily for their pitiful actions, I'm sorry. I had a similar situation happen to me. I met this guy, we had a wonderful weekend together, hit it off, clicked etc etc....then that Monday he acted like I didn't exist, wouldn't speak to me, message me back...NOTHING! I called him, texted and he had no decency in his soul to say one word to me and was just fine sleeping at night knowing how he left me in the dark. I needed to know "why", thats just me, and found out from a mutual acquaintance that he was living with a woman with two children. It totally sucked and I totally feel for you and what that woman did to you. She is a lousy person just like the guy I met, hey, they would make a perfect couple! LOL Good luck to the guy she "claims" to be marrying, right? All I can say is Karma, what comes around goes around. I wish you all the best! | |
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Posted: 5/26/2008 6:14:23 PM | Re: Msg 74... and when you do this, all this "interpretation", you sometimes get accused of "over thinking things too much" when more people than I realized do this all the time!! Who would've thought? So I'm not "crazy", "weird" or a "freak"... hmmm.
(feeling validated )
WC, well, don't get all warm and fuzzy. it is a form of information theory in which poor communication and things being left unsaid leaves two people hearing the same thing but expecting different outcomes.
it is still poor communication - it is always best to not assume, not send mixed messages , to ask for clarification and to say exactly what you mean and what you can expect from the other person - the receiver of the information in the first place.
This isn't often done -- for a number of reasons that are not important at this point. | |
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new08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 92 | |
| does this happen to others out there ?
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:40:56 AM | Hey Angelbb,
Well thanks for the nice reply as It was nice to read, well not nice knowing that someone did that to you too, As I know that it really does sux, when others out there can't act the age they are supposed to, as I would think if you are in your 30's that the games should be way out of your life, although I guess that there are people out there that get their kicks out of doing things like this to others.
As far as the text messages goes to let her she all these threads and replies given here, well, I actually thought about doing that and sorta did do that just to see if she would reply or even look here to see..... I couldn't tell you if she did look or didn't as you can make up a profile here with another name.
Anyway as I see it too, what comes around , goes around. But I would think that if she was getting married that the guilt would build up and then she would have to say something to someone, But who knows right!!!!!!!!! And yeah I bet that your ex friend and her would make a really good match..........
Anyway , now this will seem weird to you or others out there that are replying to my thread, We are all here looking for someone, and as I see it even if they are in different states, or as one guy told me here that IM a player and IM trying to hit on people that are replying to me here. However with that being said, IM still looking and yeah If I see someone that I might have an interest in, IM going to check out her profile and then go from there. As I read about you and you sound really nice as I see from what you had written to me,. So If you lived closer, I'd ask you to have a cup of coffee with me, or even ask ya to dinner.
Although you have a certain age that you are seeking so I couldn't leave you a message in your inbox, However if you would like to talk feel free to leave me a message ..
And for those that think IM just a player who's looking to play with others that leave me messages, well please think again as IM single and really looking, and at times anywhere in the US would be good enough for me...... As you really never know who it is that you might have lots in common with, and for a few dollars you can always fly to meet a person, As being self employed has its perks................
Anyway, thanks again ! | |
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Posted: 5/27/2008 2:20:30 PM | Newo8,
I have to say in all honesty, you come across as rather intense. NO OFFENSE, however for some people that can be a turn off. For some that can come across as strong and appealing...
I personally am not EXACTLY sure how I come across to people, but I know there have been people who have swooped in like a tornado of interest, and breezed out just as fast.
I have learned it is all part of dating, and that I am not for everyone, and every one is NOT for me. It is all good, because I have eternal hope that someone will be as interested in me as I am in them. In the mean time I try and have fun, and not worry about those that play a Hoodini...
Good luck, there is someone that will come along and appreciate you for the authentic you... | |
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Posted: 5/27/2008 2:52:50 PM | ahh ...the mystery of after sex in an early stage of dating and you dont know what will happen next is simply sux!
i dont know what to say. | |
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