| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:26:02 AM | | Dress up as a Japanese schoolgirl. If he looks at you funny and begins to sweat you may have a problem. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:29:45 AM | Excuse me league....I was a sexual abuse counselor for many years...........My opinions are not random..............
And she can contact me also..................... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:30:37 AM |
My children are grown and on their own; otherwise I would not consider giving this person a chance
And what if you stay together for a while and your children have children - how would you feel then, leaving your grandkids with their "Grandad"?
As a mother, I'd never even consider being with/staying with someone who had acted inappropriately with kids.
Listen to your intuition. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:34:30 AM | galonthemt
I applaud you for your professionalism and no doubt a job very well done, but you will agree this is no place for a concern such as this. This situation alone merritts profrofessional opinions and I don't take this subject very lightlyas I can tell you do not either.
You don't see people discussing murder on here and this is not the lesser of the crimes. Sorry if I offended anyone that was not my intent. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:35:53 AM | Are you kidding?? Alcoholic, pedophile, DUIs and who knows what else??? Are the pickings really that slim where you live? That is WAY beyond baggage - there has to be better choices that that.
Be objective about it - if your best friend came to you and described her new boyfriend like this, wouldn't you tell her to run away? | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:37:35 AM | leauge...tried to message you.....couldnt as ADMIN deleted my pic. lol
which means the OP cant message you either................... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:39:59 AM |
He has a lot of good qualities and he's fun to be with - but, my intuition is telling me I might be getting in over my head. Any random opinions would be appreciated.
You are already in over your head. His perceived "good qualities" are illusions he's creating for you. Pedophiles don't get rehabilitated with counseling. Rarely can they be rehabilitated at all. Doesn't matter the age of the girls. He says he never re-offended yet I would suspect that he never got caught re-offending to be the case.
Given his disclosures which appear to be honest, your most telling blatant truth is right here:
his three grown kids won't have any contact with him.
So many of these pedophiles go undetected and unreported for years. This reaction of his own children smacks of incest more than alcoholism.
You're relying on what he "says" and he's presenting an element of truth in what he says but coloring the version of truth to what you want to hear.
Best cut that one off fast and furious. He already has blatantly lied to you at the onset about the real reason he left teaching. Focus on the LIES - not his good qualities.
Best you taking off running in the opposite direction from this man. He's structuring the real truth to what he knows you want to hear.
JMHO and P.S. Been there and done that. Pedphiles are charming. Part of their modus operandi. And they are predators - no matter how pretty the illusions they create for their intended partners. They are predators.
Listen to your gut - you know it's all wrong so cut him off now. No more contact with him. Zero contact with him. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:45:44 AM | | He sounds like a train wreck. I would run & not look back. Too much drama, too many questions, too much work. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:58:27 AM | Too much work ? Hahahaha
Any and all relationship that are going to last require work dear. 
OP, Officer Barney is correct, why are you asking a bunch of complete strangers (some with even more baggage than this guy) about your future...?
One thing I am curious about and that is why you are even considering this loser ?
What is about his back ground that has you so intreged about him that you would even consider a relationship with him ?
Do you suffer from co dependaency, or maybe its the shady image that you find attractive and exciting... ?
Just curious  | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:47:56 AM |
and very surprised when he said that his wife had been "very supportive" of him (but finally divorced him because of the alcohlism).
Unlike you that doesn't surprise me--women stand by their men through horrible crimes everyday--I'm sure she was in shock considering she had 3 children with this man. A lot of women out there give a whole new meaning to that song "stand by your man".
He says he's now a different man, and sober for 3 years thanks to AA. However, his three grown kids won't have any contact with him.
His grown children probably have kids...are you listening??
Good for him--tell him to stay sober and have a good life--then say goodbye.
He has a lot of good qualities and he's fun to be with
Not enough to outweigh the bad ones.
I believe I read this man was in his fifties...I don't know how old you are or if you have children but if you do have young children I'd have to question why you would risk your children for this stranger...
And if you have grandchildren you MUST tell your children about this mans background...and let them decide if he can hang out with their children--you might have to give up your grandkids to see him....still thinking about supporting him?
Personally I wouldn't have to give it a second thought whether I had children-grandchildren-or no children. But it is your life and you can do as you wish however you have no right to put anyone else in danger.
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:00:06 AM |
My children are grown and on their own; otherwise I would not consider giving this person a chance.
I didn't read that part--well that is nice of you not to put YOUR OWN children at risk...but what about others--why wouldn't you date him if you had children??...don't your neighbours have children??
Contact me personally and I will help you out with this, you are asking people with absolutely no experience in this field. If you have children, please do contact me. Random based opions are not what you are looking for.
I think there is superb advice throughout these posts--and I believe there are people here who have more experience in this type of thing than a ...firefighter??? | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:14:31 AM | | Really^^^^^I have many occupations hence the title, that is just one out of five and a I am an expert in each field. Just to mention I have been a profiler for almost 28 yrs. And have worked privately with outside agencies for years. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:43:18 AM | Random or not...and with all due respect...to your numerous occupations....and your reasonable concern about a question of this nature posited on a public forum..and hey ..this IS POF..after all... .....
not Ladies Home Journal or Crime Prevention
anyways..the "random" concensus is obvious,overwhelming and astute
head.......... for the hills
what MORE could you add except possibly to expand wasted logic on the word RUN | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:55:44 AM |
I have many occupations hence the title, that is just one out of five and a I am an expert in each field. Just to mention I have been a profiler for almost 28 yrs. And have worked privately with outside agencies for years.
By observation of this poster's activity in the various forum threads, he absolutely DOES know what he's "talking" about. Best to heed what he posts. No question in my mind about his expertise. No question at all.
posited on a public forum..and hey ..this IS POF..after all... .....
not Ladies Home Journal or Crime Prevention
It is well known that the internet is well utilized by predators of all kinds. So regardless of the fact that this is a POF public forum, an element of Crime Prevention is most assuredly warranted and needed. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:05:44 AM | | I don't think you are on here looking for opinions or advice. I think you are looking for approval. I think you have made your decision and are already defending it. We all know why you're here looking for approval. It is because you know you won't find it among your family, friends, coworkers, etc. I seriously doubt you have even told any of them. That should be a red flag to you. I hope you( or the children around you)don't live to regret your decision. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:11:08 AM | "He says he's now a different man, and sober for 3 years thanks to AA. However, his three grown kids won't have any contact with him.
He has a lot of good qualities and he's fun to be with - but, my intuition is telling me I might be getting in over my head. Any random opinions would be appreciated."
If you don't trust your intuition - WHEN he offends one of your grandchildren, one of your friends children - You will do what my mother did. You Will take on HIS guilt and you will either Run then (after the deed is done), or you will do what my mother did - dive headlong into a bottle, pop a bunch of pills and walk in Shame.
IF you don't Trust Your Intuition.
My mom's (Last) charmer made her feel good .. at first. He made her laugh .. at first. He exhibited a lot of good qualities .. at first. He had a good job, though non of his co-workers ever spoke of his "elevator antics". He knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he chose a woman with young children.
I wish my mom had listened to her intuition. She died in 1986, at Christmas .. because she didn't Trust her own Intuition.
It is better to trust your gut and be wrong than to ignore it and carry the burden of guilt that comes from Providing victims.
btw - as for obtaining a "Professional Opinion" - I've had lots of personal experience, And I've also studied the "issue", in fact I could (legitimately) call myself a Trained Counsellor - esp in this field. BUT - I would suggest you treat me as any other poster in this pond - YOU DON'T KNOW ME, Any of us could be trying to suck you in because of your niaivitee(sp).. If you really want a professionals opinion - PLEASE seek it outside of this pond!!!
an element of Crime Prevention is most assuredly warranted and needed. yup .. that's right .. and I'm a brain surgeon, send 10thousand in advance and I promise not to botch your lobotomy! geez .. just because someone says they are blahblahblah doesn't make it so! Do you realize that there are judges who sexually molest? there are so called 'counsellors' who fondle their clients? Why the fawk would you/anyone trust something this serious to someone CLAIMING to be any kind of professional on the net???? WHY?
Better yet - TRUST YOUR INTUITION.
A.S.is
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:34:23 AM | Yes, I'm a little naive, but I'm not stupid. Since the consensus matches what my intuition was telling me (and what most of my friends have told me - yes I did tell my friends), I will bolt.
I think it's useful to discuss issues such as this on POF - there is a huge range of topics that are covered, and I do respect the opinions of many forum posters. Some of them are better than so-called professional counselors.
I guess the thing that I was wondering (and not having access to a specialist in this field) is whether it was just a stupid mistake he made when drinking heavily (which would affect his judgment), or whether it's possible that even after 20 years and counseling, he still has the urge to interact sexually with minors, and would act on that urge if given the opportunity.
When he told me about the fondling, that's when my gut said to run - because I was shocked to the core. Then I guess I tried to rationalize that away, by saying that people can and do change and shouldn't be condemned for past mistakes. I've heard that pedophiles never change, but I wasn't sure if I should classify him as one.
In retrospect, I think the one fact that bothers me the most is, as angelheart3 mentioned, is that he has little or no relationship with his children. There must be a reason for that, even assuming that their mother may have turned them against him. They are old enough to make up their own minds.
Thank you very much for your input. I guess I'll stick to the maxim that where there's smoke, there's fire. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:38:44 AM |
MSG#36,windsoront2 wrote:I think there is superb advice throughout these posts--and I believe there are people here who have more experience in this type of thing than a ...firefighter??? I agree 100%. An from what I understand people that go to AA meetings for 1 drinking an driving charge. The leaders of these class's have it in their head that if you was drinking and had a arguement with your wife your and alcoholic.If you went out and drank and happend to be 5 minutes late for work the next day then your an alcoholic. If you went out on new years eve and had a little bit of a head ache the next day then yes as you guessed your an alcoholic. AKA if your great great Grand Dad got drunk once then your an alcoholic.These people make a living out of making everyone think they are alcoholics.
It's almost as if they think if you ever looked at a bottle of beer your an alcoholic. So I certainly would not listen to Barny and this other gal that seems to think their advice is the only advice worth listening too. Them kind tend to think they are a lot smarter than they really are.lol Barny wants you to talk to him in privite so he can talk you into ditching your guy so he can get a shot at ya. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:42:57 AM | Hmmm.....if he had said he'd only raped 3 women, would you consider him a serial rapist? If he had successfully controlled the urge to rape again for a few years, would you "trust" that he would not in the future? THINK NOT!!
He took away children's innocence...abused his authoritative role...and you want to let him into your family's life? You should talk to counsellors, doctors, survivors of sexual assault.
"Inappropriately touched" makes it sound like he's still downplaying the seriousness of what he did. He SEXUALLY ASSAULTED those girls. Sex offenders are placed on a special list for a reason. The heinousness of their crime and because they have such a high rate of reoffending.
Run..run fast ....and then question why you're even contemplating this. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:55:01 AM | Look there are enough red flags in your post to enrage every bull in Spain.
There are issues here that you don't have the wisdom or knowledge to cope with. In fact, I suspect that this character is trying to get your sympathy with his sob story and hoping to suck you into his spider web of deceit and lies with his so-called reformation.
The facts are this. He was an alcoholic, he molested young girls who were under his supervision, he is a registered sex offender, his children don't have anything to do with him, and his wife divorced him.
You might remember he was an alcoholic and probably was verbally and physically abusive to his family. Invariably this behavior is accompanied by a manipulative controlling domineering personality. He may not be drinking, but I sense he his using all the tools in his emotional arsenal to suck you in.
Half the people in the world are men. Can't you do a little better than this?
The Eagle | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:59:30 AM | hmmmmm.
sometimes people are honest to cover their dishonesty... does that make sense?
it means con artists sometimes tell some truth to gain trust... only to be covering intention/..
Sweetheart this guy could really drag you down.
LOOK NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM!!!
Which means if he has porn photos OF CHILDREN he could take you down with him.
Because now "YOU" know the truth.
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!
IF HIS KIDS DON'T WANT HIM AROUND THIS MEANS TROUBLE. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:16:11 AM | AlienSecret - some of us are a bit more astute that you suggest via this element of your post:
just because someone says they are blahblahblah doesn't make it so!
And as you don't have a clue about my qualifications and their relevance to this topic, your statements referencing an element of my post and my implied ignorance is hardly within your qualifications to assess. Speak to your own naivite, but kindly refrain from projecting it out on me.
Thank you. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:54:52 AM | "Pedophilia is like drug addiction or alcoholism. It doesn't go away just because someone isn't acting on it. Pedophilia is a form of paraphilia that involves sexual attraction towards children. Not all pedophiles are child molesters because some are able to control their urges, but ANYONE who is sexually interested in children is a pedophile. So the answer to the "Pedophile of not" question is yes, pedophile. (Or to be more precise, Ephebophile, since it seems he is attracted to adolescents rather than prepubescent children.) Only you can decide whether you can deal with making a life with a child molester who is supposedly keeping his desires in check."
Hmmm finally someone who knows thier stuff. The above is very true. My mom married a guy just like the OP's interest and I can tell you as soon as he had an outlet with my sister and I he no longer tried to curb it.
There is no way in hell I would ever take that chance. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:38:24 AM | well honey ill tell you right now.
GET THE FUK AWAY FROM HIM
thats just my opinion a tiger never loses his stripes and a leopord never loses his spots. that man is totally a pedophile and i guarantee you hes probably not telling you everythin my moms ex boyfriend is stalking her right now and the stgory you give is remarkably the same ways as his. i just think personally myself knowi guys and the way guys are especially guys who touch little kids thats fukd up to the extremes right there | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:14:52 AM | | op personally i wouldn't have anything to do with this gut but i'm a biased person...about this anyway. go with your gut chuck that's the best guide there is in this world. | |
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