| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:42:13 PM | 1. Sex offender
2. Had own children at home. What happened with them?
3. Restraining order by a very supportive wife?
4. DUIs
5. You are what is called a volunteer I think. You are thinking of joining the train wreck.
If you are sane at all, run, do not walk away. Leave no forwarding address or phone number.
RUN LIKE MAD. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:42:36 PM | Yes, I'd say that a few people have mentioned that he's bad news.
These responses are helping to fortify me to cut off all contact and block his phone number. I must admit, I'm a bit nervous about doing this. He's already leaving ten messages a day, saying he loves me, he misses me, etc. etc. I know that's a red flag too, but his voice is a trigger for me. When I met him a week ago, I thought I'd met my dream man. I've been lonely and alone for a long time. After a few days of euphoria, the nightmare began to emerge.
I do live alone, my children are grown, and there are no children in my block.
But I know, in the long term there will be grandchildren.
I believe too much in the innate goodness of people, and my heart does go out to him because he really needs someone to believe in him. But, that won't be me.
Thanks for helping me dodge this bullet. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:48:56 PM | | RUN DON'T WALK RUN!!! EVERYBODY HAS BAGGAGE. BUT THIS GUY IS WAY OVER LOADED WITH IT. HE PROBABLY HAS AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY AND ONCE HE QUITS DOING ONE ADDICTION THEN HE MOVES ON TO THE NEXT. HAVE A NICE WALK. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:56:32 PM | Are you blind? The answer is right there for you to see, he is trouble and deep down you know this. This really pisses me of because its people like you that pretend they didn't know what he is about. He told you a little, probably kept the even worse things hidden. Not that what he told he is not bad. Kids were affected by him, no matter how brief the touching was. He obviously is into kids, and yes this age group is still kids when we are talking about a grown man. What is the world coming to when we question if this pig is ok or not. Is it desperation for a man? Would you want to have him touch you when you know what he is capable off. I mean there are many things I can get by or try to work through but a man that has touched kids or wants to touch kids well to me should be shot. He will not be rehabilitated, he will reoffend and probably does on a regular basis. He probably messed around with his kids. Forget the fact that your kids are grown, what about the ones that aren't? Once again are you that desperate or do you just really not care that much about kids? This makes me sick that people like you that want to discuss and pick apart if he is a pig or not. HE TOLD YOU HE TOUCHED YOUNG GIRLS....................what more do you need? Maybe you are not that against it, than that explains it all................Get a real guy or stay alone,,simple as that......it's NOT that complicated.
FOR EVERYONE ELSE...PLEASE ALWAYS SPEAK UP AND RUN QUICKLY AWAY FROM ANYONE (MALE OR FEMALE )THAT HARMS INNOCENT KIDS FOR THIER OWN PLEASURE....
Signed:
pissed off at desperate women | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:59:58 PM | 10 calls a day, that is over the top... Had someone calling me ten times a day, and that is just to much for anyone, even the lonely...
To him you are a perfect target, because you are lonely, and people like him thrive on the idea of ANYONE that will accept them, then they will go out of their way to try and suck them deep into there webbed den...
There is nothing wrong with believing in the innate goodness of another person, and it is NICE you'd like to believe in him... However it is time to think logic, and the logic is this, he violated a young person in one of the worst ways... He was a teacher for pete sake, and took his position to the point of violating these children for his own sexual gratification. He took the community on with his total lack of care, by driving drunk...
I am a former X ray tech, and let me tell you as someone that worked with people dying, or loved ones that were MURDERED, yes strong word I know, but it IS murder when you take a vehicle that can kill another person, and NOT have the control to keep from killing another...
My very favorite X ray professor was MURDERED in that way, she was headed to a long distance teaching job, and some freaking idiot intoxicated, and strung on drugs slammed head on into her... Him not a screatch, HER instant death...
Sorry for the lecture of what I think of drunk drivers and child molestors, but as someone that has seen to many others victimized by people who don't care who they hurt... I get a tad bit PISSED...
The best thing you can do instead of just blocking him, is tell him you and he have to many things that are incompatible...Write it in an e, simply because that avoids the confrontation... Tell him you don't want contact with him any longer at all...THEN be done with that short but learning chapter in your life...
Good luck shug... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:15:05 PM | | I would run fast. Years ago I lived with a guy for nearly a year. One day I was cleaning the closet and found some old papers of his. They were psychiatric reports stating that he had gone through 4 years of counseling after "inappropriately touching" 2 young girls when he was 19 years old (he was 31 at the time I was living with him). I was shocked and confronted him. He said it was his strict Jehovah's witness upbringing and all the sexual repression that caused him to do it. He said he has never done it again. But I never completely trusted him after that. I moved out but stayed in contact as a friend. A year or 2 later he moved out of state. I found out that he had fondled a 10-year old girl after he moved! He got caught and ended up serving time in prison. Many years later, just out of idle curiosity, I plugged his name into a google search. Up came his sex offender report, stating that between a period of 5 years (including the year we lived together), he had admitted to sexually molesting 25 children!!!!!!!!! 25 children!!!! I still wonder how he found the time, with 2 jobs and a relationship. I never knew. He also had alcohol issues and addiction to pain meds, but I was naive about all of it. I honestly don't know if a sex offender can every be rehabilitated. I would not trust any grown man who has ever inappropriately touched a child. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:32:24 PM | | My advice would be to walk away. I see in your profile that you have children over the age of 18. What happens when you have grandchildren? Would you really be able to trust this guy alone with them? This man might have changed, but if you stay with him you are potentially putting other people at risk. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:52:37 PM | Hi op.....
It sounds like youve made up your mind to not continue a romantic/sexual relo with this guy.....but i feel im hearing you maybe feeling out of your depth in how to cut the contact....?
<div class="quote">These responses are helping to fortify me to cut off all contact and block his phone number. I must admit, I'm a bit nervous about doing this. He's already leaving ten messages a day, saying he loves me, he misses me, etc. etc. I know that's a red flag too, but his voice is a trigger for me. When I met him a week ago, I thought I'd met my dream man. I've been lonely and alone for a long time. After a few days of euphoria, the nightmare began to emerge
sexual offenders do whats called grooming....... they gain trust... can play a victim..... etc.. they pull down or ignore boundaries........... my point is if its a way of thinking/manipulation/interaction, hes used too... then lets see.
read what you wrote..... within !1 WEEK> hes telling you he loves you..... (playing on your need /loneliness)..... leaving 10 messages a day...... his voice is a trigger......hmmmmm
This is just a suggestion.. if your afraid to offend him/reject him ..... which im seeing in your words.......
may i suggest.... you think about this and if it seems truth for you... say (in your own feelings/words..)
1.. (im assuming youve told him youve been alone/lonely etc.... so..
I thought i was ready for a relationship.... but im not....... meeting you/a male and getting close so quick ... has shown me.. im just not ready...
2...Im not comfortable with being told by a man he loves me after 1 week..... its way too fast... im not comfortable...
you get the gist?........ nowhere is it about him....... when you talk to him.. use all ''''I'''
statements...... every argument he puts to you and he will...... to try and change your mind to what he wants......... just keep using 1 feel.. im not ready... i need space..etc...
in no way are you rejecting him.. threatening his self image etc.....
nooone can (although some try)..... dispute how you feel... etc...
if he keeps trying to change... your mind etc... simply say.... im telling you how i feel..
what i want.. i feel your not respecting nor caring about what i need/want...
anyhoo. im just trying to give you some eg.. on how to disengage from it... without inducing fear for yourself.....(ie not feel threatened in your safety etc by him by rejecting him)....
the biggest concern i have... is you saying your nervous.... thats your instincts i feel telling you.. you dont want to confront him or tell him no..
please get some support from friends...... you sound like your abit out of your depth hun...
good luck
smiles/peace | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:44:36 PM | I'd run fast and very fast as far away from him as possible  | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:19:07 PM |
He's already leaving ten messages a day, saying he loves me, he misses me, etc. etc. I know that's a red flag too, but his voice is a trigger for me. When I met him a week ago, I thought I'd met my dream man. I've been lonely and alone for a long time. After a few days of euphoria, the nightmare began to emerge.
.
I believe too much in the innate goodness of people, and my heart does go out to him because he really needs someone to believe in him. But, that won't be me.
Ok you say it won't be you but I am not convinced...and he's probably not either. You must, and I mean MUST, be very clear with him. Tell him that you just do not wish to pursue this any further, that 10 phone calls a day and telling you he loves you are making you uncomfortable and that you need to part ways. And mean it.
He is going to try to prey on your belief in the 'innate goodness of people', and he sees that your heart goes out to him. And he will try very hard to keep you around, because he will feel he can manipulate you if you do not tell him in no uncertain terms that you are moving on. I'm not kidding, this is a little scary now. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:31:48 PM |
You obviously connect with this person and there must be something there, so give it a shot. What if a great guy judged you on getting a divorce, what would you say to him? ROLL THE DICE...
Oh for Pete's sake......
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:30:25 PM |
I do live alone, my children are grown, and there are no children in my block.
But I know, in the long term there will be grandchildren.
What about the next block? --are you going to tell him he can't go more than a block away from your house?? So many excuses...
I believe too much in the innate goodness of people, and my heart does go out to him because he really needs someone to believe in him.
You want to spend your heart on someone?? You want someone that needs someone to believe in them?--how about a child dying of cancer?? There are people in this world that deserve your caring heart--HE AIN'T ONE OF THEM.
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:16:28 PM | Pedophiles do not change. It is rare, and I mean rare for a pedophile to not reoffend. Even in the rare event that they do not reoffend, they still look at kiddie porn and have urges. You cannot reform a pedophile. Even with therapy and meds, they are going to reoffend.
Touching the breasts of many young girls is being a sexual predator and if he had young girls at home, I would fear he was going worse to them. Sexual predators usually molest their own kids first.
I would stay far away from someone who was a pedophiles.
~Carrie | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:23:34 PM |
So many excuses...
Yep, that there are. Speaking from the perspective of a woman who didn't have the advantage of disclosure prior to marrying one over 20 years ago - leave this guy in a cloud of dust and cease all contact. Some risks are simply not worth taking and this is one of them. In my referenced situation, "founded" on both of my daughters. Oh, it was a very short marriage. To even consider dating anyone who openly has crossed the line feigning he's been rehabilitated is comparable to huge denial.
OP - it's NOT worth it. Kids or no kids, NOT worth it. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:08:58 AM | | Get out now, there are plenty of men in the world who have NEVER touched a child. And I'm willing to bet they arent alcoholics either. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:36:06 AM | | I can see your point. I have helped people who have been in this guys position and hers. It is hard for me or you to undertsand the circumstances in which this occured. Should anyone be condemmed for life for something they did in thier past but have corrected? I have also seen innocent people get thier lives ruined by false accusations and have had to assume new identities to get jobs. I trust until shown differently. I have dated women who were repeatedly molested as children and it is a lot different than a guy who innaproriately touched a girl (which may have been by accident). Psychologicaly it is a whole different person. Granted most people do not change and it is a warning sign that she is getting involved with a person with one and maybe two strikes against him. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:12:17 AM | I don't think people should be condemned for life for something they did in the past but have corrected, but let's look at the red flags here.
She's known this guy like ONE WEEK.
He's already told her he's been sober three years after TWENTY years of abusing alcohol.
He's already told her that he is no longer a teacher because he inappropriately touched not one, but FIVE girls.
He's already told her that his adult children do not speak to him.
He's already telling her he loves her and trying to reach her TEN TIMES PER DAY.
All this in the span of one week.
Come on...if this does not spell disaster to anyone, you need your heads examined. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:24:31 AM | Your right...no one should be condemned for life for something they have corrected. Unfortunately that is not a pedophile. There is no "cure" or correction.
Most pedeophiles offend 70 times before they are caught and convicted. When they get out they are twice as careful and it can be many many years before they are caught again. But they will....................................
If they could be rehabilitated there would be no need for an offenders list, or having to register with local police for life. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:42:45 AM | I'd stop talking to him ASAP. The things you mentioned are not good signs at all. If it was just the alcoholism, that is one thing, because a lot of people struggle with alcohol and are able to overcome it. The other thing, his pedophilia (which is what it is, not matter how long ago it was), is something that should be negociated. You need to think about if you end up with him long term. Are you going to get married and have children of your own? If you don't have children, he may be in contact with your, or his, younger female family members.
There are plenty of guys out there who do not come with these types of issues.
Good luck | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:46:25 AM | | Trust your intuition and RUN... RUN FAST & FAR!! | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:54:52 PM | Since no one seems to mentioned this yet I will. It appears to me that the true indicator of the character of a person is how well they get along with their family.
You said that his kids would have nothing to do with him, correct?
There is a reason for this and I have seen it too many times for it not to be a red flag.
Whether it be their Ex, Parents, Kids, Brothers, Sisters, etc., as a whole I generally do not trust someone who had continual issues with their family.
I can see where a person would get into a mini debate for a short period of time but years and years?
I know a young lady who hasn't spoken to her father in 5 years... The reason?
He asked her sister to engage in sex with him. Her mother forgave him and it was a hush-hush conversation for them.
So, trust your gut.. Do not feel sorry for this man, you sound like you have the capacity to become an enabler. Good Luck... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:48:21 PM | The two RED FLAGS that pop out at me are:
1: His adult children (3 of them!) do not speak to him. This says whole volumes right there. I mean, I can see one kid going off on a tangent and blocking out family, but if it's all 3, the fault lies with that man, not the kids. I'd say the odds of molestation and/or abuse of other sorts are so close to 100% that you can't tell the difference. Hell, most of the cases I know like that, ONE of the kids will still talk to the offender!!!!! This guy doesn't even rate THAT.
2: Ten voicemails a DAY?!?!?! WTF? I feel like I'm being a stalker if I leave a voicemail and then send a text before I get a call back, and there's always a damn good reason for the text, y'know?
Run away. Change your phone number. MOVE if you have to. This guy is no good. In fact, you might want to get a copy of the court transcript from the protection order hearing. It might be very illuminating... if nothing else, it will tell you whether he may be capable of violence. **shudder** | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:43:11 PM | I've had the misfortune to have met a pedophile or two in my lifetime.
The fact is, if he was feeling them up, he likely actually did quite a bit more. The worse part is that you know that's what he's attracted to, and that will never ever change. You don't have young daughters, do you? Sometimes they go after single mothers with daughters in that age group.
I'm not saying he'll definitely be bad for you, but most of the arrows are pointing down. People who are attracted to underaged children always are, but don't necessarily have to act on it. To them, it's like pretending you're gay when you're straight...but that's the deal.
I wouldn't be involved with this man. Whether you decide to is up to you. But I'd watch it, because it's usually bad news when you're own children refuse communication with you.
By the way, these men typically operate on the pity factor when they go to date adults. They get a woman to feel sorry for them, that surely there was just a misunderstanding...blah blah. Then they go down the dark path again and you become a part of their patterns. Of course he loves you...he's trying to get you to stick around no matter what. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:05:09 PM | Without knowing the whole picture, just the snap shot that you posted. . . I would like to take this moment to say - "RUN!", "It's not worth it!", and/or "Listen to the red flags!".
First off, you have to note a few key things. He's an alcoholic that sexually molested children as a teacher with an ex-wife that had to imprison him to get rid of him.
If your intuition is saying "walk away" then you need to listen. You can be sure that there is more details that will surface that you may not be so willing to accept.
Personally, the deal breaker for me would have been the fact that he's a pedophile in the first place.
Take a moment to ponder this little tidbit. The fact that you are questioning yourself and seeking advise in the forum regarding this guy, well that should speak volumes to you. You should really listen to those little voices on your shoulder telling you that a continued relationship with the guy will not end well.
Good luck | |
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