| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:59:18 AM | To the OP, when I'm done saying what I think is important in regards to your posting please read the official definition of a pedophile below. I think this guy who has been fairly honest to you about his past took alot of guts to tell you. I think that with all of the hype about people being immoral with young children these days that we'd all just say lock em up and throw the key away. Well I'm totally against any man or woman messing with kids like that, but you know, I think from what you've said this man has made changes for the better. I can't say what is right or what is wrong here, it's your heart and soul. I think most people deserve a 2nd chance and sometimes 3 or 4 but it really depends on each individual and what their goals and hopes are. If you have kids yourself you may not want a man who has a past like that. If you have no kids you may not want him still but if you 2 have alot in common and are friendly to each other and are attracted to each other I'd say see what happens. But personally for me if I ever met a woman who had molested, touched several children back in the day or been sexually deviant with a kid, I'd never go with her. I couldn't morally, so there you go. I hope you can figure this out!! Have a good day!
--------- Pedophilia or paedophilia is an attraction, and within the medical model - a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children or engages in child sexual abuse, also known as "pedophilic behavior". The term pedophile or paedophile refers to an adult who is sexually attracted to children. According to the DSM, pedophilia is a form of paraphilia in which a person either has acted on intense sexual urges towards children, or has sexual urges towards and fantasies about children that cause distress or interpersonal difficulty.
The term "pedophile" is also used to describe those accused or convicted of child sexual abuse under sociolegal definitions of child (including adolescents younger than the local age of consent in addition to prepubescent children). Some researchers have described this usage as improper and suggested it can confound two separate types of offenders, child molesters and rapists, thereby obscuring results of ongoing research. --------------- | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:07:29 AM | Ex Navy, it's not a big deal that it's being broadcast over the net. It's already all over the net, on the sex offenders registry in her area. Which is probably why he told her, because he knew she'd find out anyway, if she had sense enough to look.
"Being reformed?" So can we use your kids/future kids as the guinea pig while waiting to see if "being reformed" is working out for him?
It's too big a chance to take. And if he has a hard time finding a relationship now, it's something he should have thought of when he was touching little girls. As the mom of a middle school girl, I have zero sympathy. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:10:05 AM | | Sorry but this queastion makes me a little mad . OK" lets see this guy . 1 .admits to inappropriately touching young girls . 2 . was and alcoholic . 3. was in jail for drunk driving . 5 had a restraining order put against him by his ex wife . 6 his own kids want nothing to do with him . and your not sure if you should date him or not . I am sorry but are you friggin" kidding me ! | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:14:11 AM | OP, like I said, you are likely to have grandchildren at some point. You need to think about the future, not the Almighty Now.
My GUT reacted when he first made his disclosure - it was pure horror, shock, and disgust. I literally wanted to run away. I think any normal person would react that way.
Yes, you are right, a normal person would do just that. You have been told to do what your GUT told you to do by numerous people here. Now it seems like you are just wanting to be told what you want to hear, so you are starting to "justify" with all kinds of "back story."
There's nothing that would make me want a man who had touched LITTLE GIRLS putting those same hands on me. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:43:21 AM | Rollthe dice, glad you got out of that one.
Seems his intent pursuit maybe why he has a restraining order against him from his ex wife. or was it for something else?
A letter of apology may seem like a lovely thing to do, but this guy had a fiduciary responsibility to these girls safety and education, and he completely violated that. One out of all the others thanked him, another poor codependent in the making. These girls have a life time of messed up hurt to live with, guess he thinks I'm sorry fixes that...
As a pedaphile he is NOT allowed to have a computer, and depending on jurisdiction, there is a point that they are allowed to have one...WHICH leads to the question of how did you meet him again?
Oddly enough I would be very hard pressed to believe nothing happened after 1980, IF he doesn't have a computer now, because back then there weren't computer sources for such bad behavior and if he hasn't reoffended, his punishment would be from that time frame. New punishment isn't just added on to someone who hasn't RE- offended.
Oddly he also regrets telling you, why? That would be purely dishonest, and his lie certainly would have came out some how or another.
If you have had codependency issues in the past, it isn't surprising that you "clicked" with someone who would NEED a codependent person to accept his behavior and actions, as something from the past.
If I were you, I would focus on things that don't make sense, IE: no computer, even carpenters uses them. No relationship with his kids, a restraining order, and DUI
Shug work hard not to open yourself up to being the perfect siding victim as his wife had done. It is this niceness, and "he wouldn't hurt anyone especially a child", that gets people that are codependence in trouble.
He may have done his time, but something still smells fishy in rehab world...
Good luck... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:28:11 AM |
He told me he's not interested in porn of any kind.
Yeah, and I'm actually Mary, Queen of Scots.
On a serious note, I applaud your decision to cut him loose. However, I also question your stability, having ever even entertained the idea of continuing a relationship with him.
Pedophiles don't "reform", or "get cured". There is something wired different in their brains. The only proven method of ensuring they don't reoffend is castration, either chemical or physical. Take away the sexual gratification, and you lose the motivation to hurt children. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:26:54 PM | Yikes! Can a pedophile change? Everything that I've ever read or seen says NO. He didn't just touch "1" he touched a "FEW". Like that makes a whole lot of difference. He inappropriately touched a "CHILD" . The guy is scum in my book. He's a grown man and was a teacher. That mean his students trusted him and he abused that trust. His alcoholism did NOT make that decision. He did.
No way would I even consider it.
My question to you OP. Do you have children? Think of what the parents felt like, the rage they must have felt when they found out this MAN touched their CHILDREN. Junior high girls are just that.. children and off limits.
Why would you even consider this? Don't feel sorry for this guy. He made his bed.. he can die in it.
Strong words? You betcha. No second chances for schmucks like this. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:48:12 PM |
but it's all moot because I've already dumped him and I'm very relieved to have done so. I learned a lesson and if there is a next time I won't hesitate - I'll just run.
Hi,
I just read this. I'm glad you got out.
I run names through the sex offender database occassionally. I've got teen girls and I will protect them with any and every means available to me. 1 time it came up with a picture of someone that used to frequent a place that I worked and he lived very close by! I showed the pics to my girls. There are way too many messed up people (both men & women) that prey on our kids... we must protect ourselves & them (our kids).
Anyway, Good for you OP. Be safe out there! | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:15:35 PM | The OP has stated:
FYI, he didn't claim the touches were accidental.
He fully admitted what he'd done to the school board. He also wrote letters to each of the girls. Only one replied, and said he'd been a good teacher and that she forgave him, but she urged him to get help.
Anyway, now I'm getting nasty emails so please stop. I realize this is a highly charged topic, and brings up bad memories for some, but it's all moot because I've already dumped him and I'm very relieved to have done so. I learned a lesson and if there is a next time I won't hesitate - I'll just run.
Peace...
People - Please .. get off her back!! I'm sure anyone who Almost got caught up with that type would feel bad enough. Nastiness Never helped anyone and if "you" still have anger issues over something in your history there are better places to deal with them than to attack an innocent human being! I am really glad you made your decision rollthedice. I bet you are too.. and if not quite so yet - you will be.
The right thing is often the hardest thing to do.
A.S.is
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:38:49 PM | | Pedophile or not ??? ............Pedophile !!!!..... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:49:59 PM | Use your Master's Degree because this one doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out. I'm glad he has 3 yrs sober; that's wonderful. AND I'll give him kudos for letting out his secret. He must like you or fear that you may find his face on the sexual predator lists in your area.
A person who has ever "inappropriately touched" a child is a bit touched himself. It doesn't matter if it was 20 yrs ago, he still touched children who looked up to him as an authority figure. Uh, pedophile.
How do you know he went into counseling? Was that in prison or did he do this after his incarceration. (I hope he was incarcerated, but times were different then) And the big question, I guess, would be how do you know he has never re-offended? Because he told you that?
There is a reason his adult children will not speak to him. Personally, I would that that little tid bit and run as quick as I could. I don't know if you have grandchildren or not, but if you do ask yourself this. Could I trust this man to babysit my grandchildren for even an hour? You never know... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 1:58:38 AM | | See, this is the problem with not reading all of the posts. I am glad you ended it with him. I am concerned, though, that being "friends" with him is still an opening for him to crawl back into your life. No dates, no friends, no calls, nothing. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 2:24:51 AM | | Actually while giving him props for trying to change and be another and better person is sometimes admirable..... there are other things to consider.... do you have children??? or young children in your imediate family??? if so would you trust him alone around them??? if he got counseling how much counseling???? while dealing with such a sensetive issue as pedifilia you not only expose yourself but others to the people you choose to open your life to... the statistics on pedifiles re-offending is available , i would consult a professional expecially if you have children....just my opinion...... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:09:24 AM | NOW THAT IS BAGGAGE..
You dont need that kind of history - do you?
Edit: read a few of the views, yes would you take him where there were children, only to find out he is not a reformed peado? Bit of a risk me thinks | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:52:08 AM | | Off topic, thanks for all your messages, it will take me sometime to reply to most,so please be patient, so many curious minds, sorry op for jumping on here but this was the only way to let people know of the onslaught of messages in response to your post.. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:48:50 AM | | having a junior high school daughter i am highly disturbed by this forum. i could never go with someone who was a pedophile because even though they say they have turned their lives around i could not trust anyone who did this and having been with an alcoholic, the urges are always there. and what bothers me the most about this is the fact that his children do not want anything to do with him which brings me to the conclusion that he sexually abused his children when they were young. if i were you i would run not walk to the nearest exit. this man sounds like trouble with a capital t. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:18:45 AM |
what bothers me the most about this is the fact that his children do not want anything to do with him which brings me to the conclusion that he sexually abused his children when they were young.
Yeppers! | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:01:12 AM | This is a very sensitive topic and a decision that only you can make. Personally, he has way too many "skeletons" in his closet for my taste.
Everyone can overcome their past and issues. However, it is a chance one takes. If you feel that this is something you can overlook/deal with; while treading lightly....go for it! | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:39:38 AM | RUN!
People who are attracted to children, will always be attracted to children. You should listen to yourself. RUN.  | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:21:48 AM |
Everyone can overcome their past and issues.
Quantifying that: everyone has the ability to overcome their past issues IF they are so MOTIVATED and COMMITTED to doing so. Pedophiles have no motivation to change as they are true predators and their victims in their minds are objects to satisfy their hunger. By the time he/she is actually caught (if ever), has so perfected the game of the proverbial kill, it's long ago become a hunger that is insatiable.
The only difference, IMO, between the pedophile and the serial killer is the consequence to the victim. They are cunning beyond comprehension, brilliant in their ability to very quickly identify their target's vulnerability, master illusionists. We who have conscience cannot grasp the concept that pedophiles have no conscience, or at a minimum it is lost in the recesses of their insatiable hunger. They can feign remorse very well with their charisma, take an element of truth and expertly define it to "fit" what the person listening wants to hear. That element of truth affords them that hint of credibility yet the aggression is so covert it slips beneath the radar. The person(s) they align with have no clue that they have been masterfully manipulated. The pedophile IS that good.
That's partly how the OP found herself so internally conflicted. What she saw and heard from him was not in line with how she perceived a pedophile to be.
It's not a judgment on her and shouldn't be.
Most of us only have awareness of what we hear about via the media which doesn't provide us the depth of education we need to avoid them. We picture them as horrible monsters that are obviously noticeable when in fact, they are not. There's a reason that children trust these perps so readily and it goes to the root of their ability to quickly engage trust at the child's level.
They have one objective and only one objective which is the conquest of their victims. To us, their victims are children or even teenagers. To the pedophile, his/her victims are the means to an end and nothing more. Appalling as it sounds. Yes, I do believe there are female pedophiles, although we hear more about the males.
The alignment of a pedophile to a partner is only to foster the illusion that he is just an average guy. It affords him the cloak of anonymity he needs to continue his feeding frenzy behind the scenes. The partner is merely a means to an end - again, an object. The partner, more often than not, is unaware - even in the most intimate aspects of the relationship - that anything is wrong sexually. The dynamics in play within the relationship are so subtle that unless one knows what to look for, they can't see it.
It truly behooves us all to learn about sociopaths and psychotics in general anyway.
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:33:38 AM | 68_Tor
""Why did Snakeplissken suddenly make this thread about her? Weird.... ""
Whats weird Tor, is that you suddenly learned how to spell...THATS weird!!!!!
Also...'Snakes' is a guy!! | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:43:10 AM | | Women who sexually touch an underage boy's eyes and mind by the way they dress and act in public, are also pedophiles. They just sexually assault a different part of the child is all. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:52:34 PM | You take the cake; its a fact that pedophilia never can be cured, just treated. I guess if he raped a woman 20 years ago, or committed another crime but had lots of good qualities it would be cool.
you have extremely poor decision making skills in my opinion. If you were my friend or sister, I would say run; dont walk run away from this guy. He's a recovering alcoholic pedophile. Nice. Bring that one home to the family. | |
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