| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:27:40 PM | Here's an update. I've managed to get him completely out of my life and I just hope he doesn't find a way to contact me.
I'm pleading temporary insanity about that whole weird incident, and I'm taking a hard look at myself, and getting some help. Don't EVER ignore your gut feelings.
I did some reading on the web, including an FBI document, and there is a big difference between actual pedophiles (meaning they are primarily attracted to a certain age of child) and child molesters, who are primarily attracted to adults but offend for different reasons). It's on a continuum.
I quickly decided that I don't care which he is - it's all just dead scary and creepy.
So now I have a different dilemma. I met him at a single's function - it's a yearly paid membership to belong. I have figured out he's probably a sex addict, and he really knows how to play vulnerable women. I'm sure he was trying to charm the pants off someone else now that I've forced him to move on. I'm very very concerned for other women who might get really hurt by him. I consider him a dangerous man for women who can't pick up the signs. I've left a message for the owner of the single's club and will tell him I'm not coming back (no fair - because I'd love to go to the events)- and I'll tell him why, without mentioning any names. I don't know what their policy is, but they sure don't screen people at all.
And, by the way - this is Canada - the actual fact - and this is disgraceful - here we have a national sex abuse registry, but the government in all its wisdom has decided to make it unavailable to the public. This is something that MUST be changed. Maybe I'l become an activist. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:32:52 PM | | Good for you OP. As a sexual abuse counselor I can tell you the road you are ready to go down is not easy. Being a Child advocate can come with a price. But if you ever need to chat as you go down your journey feel free to contact me. After you originally posted this thread I did some serious investigating on your laws, and I must say they suck........... Go get em...... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:55:04 PM |
I'm pleading temporary insanity about that whole weird incident, and I'm taking a hard look at myself, and getting some help. OP -  Don't be so hard on yourself - some of these guys are exceptionally good at "game". Learn from the experience. Help is a good idea.
I'm very very concerned for other women who might get really hurt by him. I consider him a dangerous man for women who can't pick up the signs. Redirect your concern to be part of the "solution" in educating others on the "red flags", being mindful that "red flags" are indicators to get more information and ask more questions.
I've left a message for the owner of the single's club and will tell him I'm not coming back (no fair - because I'd love to go to the events)- and I'll tell him why, without mentioning any names.
Why let him have so much control over events you enjoy? Why should this experience cause you to stop going to events you enjoy? However, I do believe you have a duty of care to discuss with the owner in private what you were made aware of in your encounter with this man. Only my opinion. What the owner does in response is not your ownership.
Maybe I'l become an activist. An empowering thought. It has it's price, but the rewards are immeasurable.
I can't imagine what benefit a national sex offender registry could offer if the public has no access. It defeats the purpose a bit, don't you agree? Thankfully, at least in the US if an offender is convicted, we have access to the registry. The sheriff's office in my county (FL/US) even notifies via automated telephone calls when a registered sex offender moves into the area.
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:46:36 PM | Imagine a close friend telling you this story and explaining this mystery man they are dating. Form your response accordingly.
- lost his license due to 'inappropriate' touching of children
-DUI
-restraining order from his ex-wife
-no contact with his children. | |
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| Pedophile or not? an update
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:30:13 PM | | In Canada, we do have a law that makes it mandatory for the police to let the public know when a sex offender is being released from jail. BUT - we can't access the sex offenders registry like you can in the U.S. Which is why the owner of the singles' club can't even look up his record to verify what his history is. It makes me sick to know that he's out there prowling for needy women, and now he says it was probably a mistake to tell me the truth (his AA program insists on honesty) - his sponsor's advice was "too much information". But thank goodness that he did tell me. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:15:51 AM | Logic and reason are also there for a reason, following raw intuition will only hurt.
It is very possible that the girls were friends and very vindictive. The allegations could be completely false.
Around 12% of registered sex offenders were merely placed there for suspicion. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:24:59 AM |
It is very possible that the girls were friends and very vindictive. The allegations could be completely false.
Right - and just for grins, this idiot who was in a position of authority over the self-confessed victims was perfectly justified in abusing that authority...is that what you are suggesting?
Around 12% of registered sex offenders were merely placed there for suspicion.
And the source of your information came from where? Does that 12 % take into account the numbers of sex offenders that plea to a lessor charge that in no way reflects the true nature of the original offense?
I didn't think so.
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:30:10 AM | Oh dont get me started again. It's 96 and humid and I am NOT in A GOOD mood.
Please do NOT throw statistic around. As a sexual abuse counselor that counseled women years after the abuse that was NEVER reported when they were the children being abused, could I say 40% 50% were never even reported. I could but I wont..statistic wont take away their years of pain. Compassion and understanding will. And I have zero compassion for any type of offender................... | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:18:08 PM |
"inappropriately touched", alcoholism, been to jail, restraining order
Have you considered running to the hills, do you you dinf bad guys "sexy"?
He has a lot of good qualities and he's fun to be with
and they are?.... WHAT exactly????
...next.... | |
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| Pedophile or not? An Update
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:26:53 PM | | Thanks for the advice which is now redundant. If you at least read the last couple pages of the thread, you'll be up to speed. I already broke off all ties with him and now I'm shaking my head at the privacy laws in Canada which sometimes protect the wrong people - like child molesters. | |
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| Pedophile or not? An Update
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:58:15 PM |
now I'm shaking my head at the privacy laws in Canada which sometimes protect the wrong people - like child molesters.
Sounds like an advocate is about to rise up out of this experience.  | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:12:28 PM | | Go to sexoffenders.com. Pay the $10 to find all the convicted predators in your area. Do a background check for other secrets he is holding from you. This will be a good test run for you to use these services in the future, for your dating ventures. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:35:54 AM | Great for you, OP, I'm glad you have him out of your life. You are right, it's dead scary and creepy.
I don't think you should drop out of the club, I think you should tell the owner of the club WHY you want to drop out. They need to remove HIM, to reduce their OWN liability.
Canada has some messed up laws that I've been reading about in this forum, and this is about the most messed up of them all. What's the point of a registry if no one can see it?? | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:45:03 PM | Are you willing to forgo having other nurturing relationships with young females? Do you have grand daughters? You do realize they could be at risk if they are in your care and he is nearby? Are you willing to risk them to keep this relationship? Will you give their parents warning that their children are being exposed to a pedophile? OK, he admitted to alcohol abuse. It does not change that he was inappropriate with a child left in his care. The issue of character is, he did not fess up ... he was caught. Multiple incidents. Alcohol is only an excuse. He was not dead drunk while he was assaulting them during the course of a school day.
Just who would you be willing to risk just to keep him in your life? Has he now clearly illustrated a penchant for ling to you and gives you measured spoonfuls of information with only limited clarification. He clearly protects what himself. Knowing all this what exactly makes him such an attractive such a "partner"? This hidden information was kept from you, why? Could it be because he did not trust you... then why are you trusting him? Little girls, not women- children entrusted to his care. Just too sick and evil to be ignored. Have you researched the recidivism rates for pedophiles? Will he have to register as a sex offender?Have you spoken with his kids...that they won't speak to him shrieks you still don't have the full story. Have you seen the legal documents, read the police reports and statements? Many times these charges have been negotiated down... What will you do if you suspect he is re offending? Sorry for the bluntness but you may want to really think out the potential cost of this perilous relationship and protect your heart and loved ones before you dive into the deep end. It could save you  | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:40:22 AM | | I think you finally caught your fish! go write a testomonial | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:55:34 AM | Once a paedophile....always a paedophile. There is no cure.....period. These people are manipulators, liars, monsters and cowards. Paedophiles use people and children for their own gain or pleasure. Do not ever be fooled by them. They are the bottom feeders of the world and are not worth the air they breathe.
Always ask questions and if you can, do background checks on the people you date. That is how I found out that a man in my life was not only a paedophile but was living with another woman while dating me. He tried to cover it up by changing his name not once but twice. Turns out he fooled around with his own little girls. A total evil monster. If you aren't getting the answers you want, then look into it. Bottom line, "when it doubt, check it out." | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:00:44 AM | Enough of the whole "he has a drinking problem" thing. The man has been clean for 3 years. That's a long time. Maybe not in the broad sense of a lifetime, but still. Jesus Christ, you people act as if he's a current alcoholic. He's held it together for 3 years, give the man a break. I drink beer 1-2 times a week, and I am in no way an alcoholic. This guy has been clean for 3 years and he IS one? Please!
As for giving this guy a chance, well, that's not my decision. If you have to make a decision (especially an important one like this) based on the opinion of a bunch of people from a forum, then perhaps you have some major red flags yourself. I, for one, would never date a woman who made a decision about us based on advice she got from forum posters. Wouldn't matter if all of them praised me, if you don't have the ability to think for yourself, then you have no business pursuing a relationship, much less being in one. | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:21:32 AM | UNPHUKINREAL.....ALCOHOLIC PEDOPHILES HAVE A RELATIONSHIP....AND I'M STILL HERE FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITHOUT EVEN ONE MESSAGE FROM A WOMAN ON THIS SITE....MORE PROOF THAT NICE GUYS FINISH LAST....AMAZING  | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:39:20 AM | That awsom league you offering your help .
and he is totaly right ...
none of us here can tell you anything .....
the allergations may be true they may not be . try to get with somebody that can get you realy help and infos ....
on a normal basic I would say run like hell .
but latly I have seen to much of them child obuse allergations and a lot of them turned out to be not true ....
till you got the facts... watch it ... when you got the facts run like hell .....unless of course it turns out they not true ....
here in the south they will dismiss teachers just on the fact if the school girls say something . true or not . convicted or not . its easier for the school to get rid of that teacher then having the school under investigation......
oh yes I did not read every post here . lol | |
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| Pedophile or not?
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:00:53 AM | | Go to nationalalertregistry dot com.... that's national alert registry.com... it's a $10 fee. You will be happy. | |
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