| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:36:24 PM | Moox2:
Wow, sounds like a repeat of my experience almost to the letter. Sounds like he was not telling you the truth about reconnnecting to his old girl friend. That opens up some trust issues. Unfortunately, he may have been using you to get his old girl friends attention....who knows.
Yes a lot of red flags I'd run for cover and not look back.
Toho | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:41:04 PM | abelian:
"Hey.....whats the deal?" Been there done that. Trying to be up front is the best way but many times it does not work most times they will not tell you the truth...."oh everything is ok...you are over reacting." You can try that approach but 9 out of 10 times it most likely won't work.
Pay attention to the red flags or your inner voice called common sense.
Toho | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:48:46 PM | Carrie Brashaw:
Put me in the catagory of "giving benefit of the doubt." I tend to do that a bit too much and it comes back to bite me in the you know what.
You are right about everything else.
Toho | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:24:52 PM | Hey Bob...
I agree....and I did move on...after he played me one more time....it was ok though, he was a very insecure individual......and should take some time out before he hurts someone... | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:29:20 PM | | I think anytime someones says "I recently broke up with....." it is THE red flag. Stay away from people that have only just ended a relationship. They have no idea what they want or need. They don't intend to hurt people but they usually do. | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:46:30 PM | I believe that putting your trust in somebody you love is the right thing to do. You had very strong feelings for this woman and were willing to be there as her friend and lover.
If she was honest, you might have met your soulmate BUT that was not the case. She is a liar and a manipulator who loved the attention of 2 men or MORE (You do NOT know what else she has going on~trust me with these types of people). It boosted her BIG FATT OVER INFLATED EGO, in which she already had, and played both of you in a game of tennis table. And hey!!!!! She was getting laid by all these different****!!!!! MMMMM Gotta LUV that HOE that you were with
Doesn't make you think the same about her now does it?
She stamped your forehead sucker and stupid.
But what difference does it make froma slut like her.
It should be easy to forget her NOW | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:40:28 PM | IMHO, staying away from people "on the rebound", no matter how attracted you are to that individual, usually pays rich dividends
Also, someone who indicates, on the very first date, how he/she dated so and so and how mean he/she was to her etc ..."ho hum, I'm sorry you got treated that way but uhh...goombye please and good luck."
:) | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:43:09 PM | | I think she would have stayed with you instead. She didn't think you were really that into her, in fact, you made it clear that YOU AND HER WERE NOT EXCLUSIVE. So, this gave her the idea that you were only interested in "being friends". She probably would have dropped the other guy... for sure. I don't think she really even wants to be with him. Abusive men sometimes are hard to get rid of. They beg and plead and tell you it will never happen again. It is sometimes hard to break up. You have to get a restraining order, and change the locks on your doors. Then, you have to change your phone number. Sometimes you have to move! So, I think she liked you more and saw you were a better person, but couldn't find a way out of this aggressive man's possession. | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:20:53 PM | Your comment "With all due respect, I figured I'd get at least one reply that would cast doubts on my manhood ("he knew how to make her feel like a woman more than you did") and that is ok. I agree, she obviously couldn't get enough of him. Some people like drama." was right on the money.
It wasn't about you not being man enough, it was about her not feeling like she deserved to be treated with dignity and respect. Some people (men & women) look for drama outside themselves so they won't have to look inside themselves to see how pained they really are. I hope you will continue to be her friend. | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:38:09 PM | Without trust you have nothing....
alot of time people put on there "shades" and don't take red flag for what they are.
Sometimes you want something so bad your blind to what your really getting..... | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:40:55 PM | | Ummm, be friends with her? That's ridiculous, and sorry to be so direct. She dropped the guy without a second thought as soon as the other guy wanted back in. I'm sorry, but that shows a total lack of respect for the gentleman in question, so I hope, mate, that you delete her phone number, any email etc. and don't even give her the time of day unless she pays you for doing so! | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:02:41 PM | maybe we should stay in touch with "our flags"...i'm not making judgement i'm just saying.....did you ever see "Casino"...same thing...she was in love with a loser...but when fame and fortune came her way she wanted it and took it...but in the end...the old flame won...we all know when someone still wants someone else...might as well end it before it starts... | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:30:30 PM |
Paying attention to red flags is important, but the trick is to not become so paranoid that you are seeing red flags that aren't there
Exactly. There definitely seems to be people out there who see flags on every little thing. Worse is when the only color they can see is red.
I had someone stop talking with me, due to a small comment that got misunderstood.
An old boy/girlfriend isn't anymore of a red flag than having friends of the opposite sex can be. There is a difference between common sense and being paranoid. If simply having old bf/gf's were such a red flag, a large majority of us would have several to many of them waving above our heads.
In this disposable society, the concept of red flags make it easy for someone to toss away something with no reason or explanation. Sort of like No-fault divorce.
OP, your problem was getting involved with someone who had according to your words, "recently broken up with an old boyfriend". She was obviously not ready for a relationship, and still had some emotional attachment to him. It's not a red flag by any means as you had the option of not being involved with a "recently broken up" person. Take it as a learning experience. No involvement with recently single women.
Take off those rose colored glasses. There is one thing that I agree with though. We create our own problems, and rather than blaming ourselves for introducing those problems in our lives, look to others and plant a red flag on them.
Although I don't have a relationship resume that runs over multiple pages, I have not been involved with anyone that I'd classify as having a red flag.
I had a jealous and untrusting gf once. She was paranoid that someone would try to steal me away. Some would call that red flag, I just call it personality traits I'm not compatible with. | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:12:04 PM | If this woman was happy to be in a relationship with a violent man then she obviously has some serious issues.
Your are better off without her.
Move on, you can do much better than this. | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:36:37 PM |
and that's why he's back in there...he knew how to make her feel like a woman more than you did.
Wow. That's quite a leap in this case. He was still "in"! She never got rid of him, much less got over him, so anything he does, no matter what it is...he's still in! This has zero to do with the OP not knowing how to make her feel like a woman! He could've aroused her in every way and, while she may have responded, it wouldn't have made a damn; enough of her heart was still with the other fella.
About these red flags...it's easy to go with what serves us at the moment. When we want to, we can make ourselves believe anything. These flags are always there in the very beginning, no matter how "brilliantly disguised".
And then there's those that see red flags in every freakin thing---this pond is full of people that do--and that's cause those fishies don't really want a relationship like they say they do. They've chosen to see all the flaws, (many see one flaw as the end of the whole dang world---they can't possibly be a good person capable of a good relationship...oh, my!) baggage---umm....who the hell doesn't have some?-- wrong shoe/hair color, wrong car, wrong house, wrong dance moves, wrong situation with the ex, wrong height, wrong music, wrong TV shows and books, wrong education level, "they're too nice"-- all as things that prevent them from having a relationship. BS! They are what's preventing them from having a relationship.
When they get out of their own way, part with their angry attitudes and bitterness and clean up their own drama, they'll have one.
Way too much anger, entitlement and judgment. | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:03:07 PM | | Those red flags really do mean a lot. I think we tend to ignore them because we want to give the person we're interested in the benefit of the doubt...and we don't want to believe that they would "do us wrong"...wishful thinking, been there, done that. The thing is, Soho, things won't last with her ex bf and when that day comes, she will try to come back to you and it will be up to you if she is worth giving a second chance? | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:47:56 PM | | I met a gal a while ago, she was wavin' a green flag, so i started to go really fast. Then we hit a wall...an' she started wavin' a yellow flag.... but I said screw it , and went even faster....now she's wavin' a black flag..... I guess the checkered's out of the question....lol | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:04:12 AM | Angelbb:
Update! You were soooooo right. She got dumped by the old boy friend again and she contacted me.
I have not spoken or communicate with her in any way.
I have no plans to answer her or have anything else to do with her.
She is definately not worth the time or effort.
Thanks for the thoughts.
Toho | |
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| Old Boy Friend Can Be Big Red Flag
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:56:59 PM | Hi Toho,
I knew she would be back! After things didn't go so well with the boyfriend, she remembered you (not that she ever really forgot you) and how nice you treated her, and I'm sure, regretted ever breaking it off with you to be with him. Too bad for her! She missed out on a good guy that would've been there for her and treated her like gold! Whats that saying, "don't know what you got til its gone, so true, so true! I'm sure she is kicking herself and will continue to try to contact you to see if you eventually give in and pick up or call her back. I'm so proud of you for not answering her and giving her anymore of your precious time, she doesn't deserve you to talk to her ANYTHING. She had her chance and she blew it, BIG TIME!!!
I had a guy do something similar to me in January and he has been trying to contact me since May...when I see his number on the caller ID, I ignore his many calls and when he sends me texts, I push DELETE right away, I would never give him the time of day again. Its blows me away how they have the nerve to contact us again after they treated us like DIRT and think that we SHOULD talk to them and give them another chance!
Stay strong, Toho!! All the best to you in finding someone really special that appreciates the genuine person you are! Angel | |
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