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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:23:08 AM |
Great. Since we're there, perhaps we could scratch all that "men don't like fat women because of the media making them have unreal expectations", too?
Fine with me, I never say that type of stuff anyway.
You wonder if we've seen the right show. Well, yes, we have. The difference is, we saw it through men's eyes. Perhaps this thread will be useful by showing women what men "see" in a show like this, and learn a few things.
A few? Dunno, but one thing I learned is that some men take shows women watch way too personally and seriously...yikes. I watch, I laugh, my friends who follow the show and I talk about it and laugh together, and...well that's the extent of it. *shrug* | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:55:05 PM |
I thank God for the creation of the show, I think men should worship the show as much as most female fans do. Men should watch the show and learn from it. The shows can really teach men of what every indenpendent, intelligent, successful women want in a relationship. The shows have taught me to have self-confident, to be expressive, that I can be selective as well as learning about fashion and the fashion labels.
Sud; with all due respect? Get a life; God has no part in SITC and Men should worship it? OMG; lol; I've heard it all.
How many times has Kim Cattrell and Sarah Jessica Parker made the worst dressed list; many; Sarah Jessica Parker was just voted the least sexiest woman in hollywood and I agree totally. I'm so sick of these avg. looking women who have had more work done than Kenny Rogers picking and choosing great looking men like they are candy. Independent? Are there any more dysfunctional people than these? This is not real news flash. This is not real life. Its tv for Gods sake.
If you get your self esteem and character from a tv show, you are beyond in trouble. It might have taught you to be a pretentious materialistic consumer, but I've watched that show twice and its a joke.
I know very wealthy people of all ages; in business; and NOT ONE act like those women in the show. This is the problem with tv; people think its real life.
It reminded me with the lady who wrote, when stella got her groove back. She bragged at how independent and hot she was and how she was an awesome woman for getting a young guy to marry her. The problem? He was gay. When it was announced she was humbled to the ground. Again, play in the real world and stop worshipping dysfunctional celebrities on tv shows. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:19:01 PM | Let me state again, "Sex and the City" is entertainment. It is not a model to live by, but something interesting to watch and wonder. Having said that, I was a fan of the show and liked the movie. The movie raises great questions about just this subject. It also raised good questions about love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, tough choices, and being happy with those choices.
I went to see the movie yesterday alone at a matinee. It was a date with myself and a treat. The cashier who sold me the ticket said, "you just missed the nuts dressed like the characters. They came in on Friday." I thought that comment said a lot about how people cannot seem to differentiate entertainment from reality. If all you are getting from "Sex and the City" is about the clothes and trappings, you are missing the point of the show.
Oh, I agreed with Patricia Fields, SATC's costume director, those gladiator sandals SJP wore were amazing. I would not mind buying a knock-off pair somewhere. I hope some knock-off designers are getting ideas after the movie. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:21:34 PM | You know what other TV show raises good questions about love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, tough choices and being happy with those choices?
Sesame Street... | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:26:44 PM | OP, you should thank the producer of "Sex and the City". I think it brought back reality to most girls. No guy is perfect... Every guy is capable of cheating. Especially if you don't have sex in the relationship. Every guy is capable of having doubts about the relationship just as we girls have occasionally. We girls struggle too to be faithful in a relationship. Also, you can have a prince charming that isn't what your list described. Charolette find her prince charming in a guy that most girls probably would not look twice at... So this has definitely opened my eyes to give all types of guys a chance.
Trust me, the guys on Sex in the City are not uber rich and hella handsome... There are the typical Joes in the movie too! I think the movie was great! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:46:19 PM |
So what's the big problem?
The problem is the message it sent to younger women and teen girls who are just learning what it is to be a woman.
From a lady who started watching at 14 about the effect it had on her.
"Lisa" didn't give her real name to ABC News, but she did tell them that she started watching Sex and the City when she was 14, the same year she lost her virginity, cheated on her boyfriend with seven different guys in one week and began ordering****ails at bars she snuck into. In her words: "When you're that age, you try to emulate the people on TV. Carrie smoked, so I smoked. Samantha looked at hooking up with random people as not a big deal, so that's what I did too. It wasn't Sex and the City's fault. I love the show, but I think it made it a little easier to justify my behavior."
I would argue it is STC's fault because these people engaged in these behaviors without consequence. There were rumors about a character dying. They should have given Samantha's character AIDS. that might bring some reality to the show. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:08:23 PM | Great. Just make SATC into a video game, and we'll cover the bases of "it's not my fault...entertainment made me do it," propaganda. Oh wait, we'll also need a heavy metal music soundtrack that sounds "demonic" when played backwards.
If a female is learning how to be a woman from a tv show rather than life, then she had issues before she ever saw SATC. SATC reflects what already exists...it isn't showing anything new. It's just giving a possible "cause" for men to latch onto. Princesses, whores, drama queens and people suffering from entitlement-syndrome existed long before the show ever aired. Women latch onto it because it's fun. It's enjoyable. I get horribly offended when I see any segment of The Man Show but I understand I asked for it when I said, "sure, I'll give it a try". I can sort of understand why so many men abhor SATC, but in the end does it really matter? I don't fuss about men liking certain body types, or bubbly personalities because I know TV is a mirror not a catalyst. *shrug* Ah well. :) I guess in some eyes SATC did ruin dating, while others think it was ruined long before then. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:52:41 PM |
If a female is learning how to be a woman from a tv show rather than life, then she had issues before she ever saw SATC
If you honestly believe that what is presented in the media doesn't have an effect on the mind's of the people who absorb it, you're delusional. Of course it's a catalyst.It's in the media that the minds of the average person is won and lost. And young people are especially vulnerable.
Don't get me wrong, on a certain level the popularity of certain shows like SATC, and Dexter pay my bills. And I'll concede that it's a well written show. But I feel it took characters with some very undesirable traits, altered their realities such that they wouldn't have to deal with realistic consequences of those traits, and turned them into likeable characters that young women would want to emulate. Apparently Lisa agreed with me. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:43:09 PM | | In my opinion if SATC represents the modern empowered woman then it's a dark world we live in indeed. I miss 70's TV shows when everything was more working class as oppose to over glamorizing the elite of our society. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:37:09 PM |
If you honestly believe that what is presented in the media doesn't have an effect on the mind's of the people who absorb it, you're delusional.
No need to get rude, and I don't recall saying that. I recall saying SATC is a reflection of society, not a catalyst. It's fuel for an already burning fire. Apples don't become oranges. You either already carry those traits and believe they're justifiable due to seeing them on TV (immature), or you're one of those "stand for nothing and will fall for anything" types of people.
And as I've said in my previous posts, young women are the ones most in danger of being influenced but not because it's TV and they don't have a mind of their own. It's because men already present a false reality based on how they approach women.
As for Lisa agreeing with you...well she's a 14 year old child that was allowed to watch SATC (not rated, but clearly in the R range) and then run wild doing as she pleases. I'm not surprised she would blame a tv show before taking responsibility for her actions. She's a child, what else is she going to do? Be a grown up? I'd personally be looking to her parents before SATC... | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:39:59 AM |
(sardonis) Carrie had Mr Big into her, he was the guy she wants in the end and wanted all along. And she sabotaged it and went and slept with other men. That's the overall plot of the series.
(DJChickie401) Carrie was dating a man who was into her, but actively dating others (and saw no reason to change that)...granted, she did put WAY more pressure on the relationship, but anytime Carrie slept with anyone else besides Big, it was because she found out she was one of many. The only time she cheated was with Big when dating Aidan...ironically while Big was married and cheating on Natasha - yeah that Big, what a saint.
So, it's okay to do wrong, if the other person is ALSO doing wrong?
While Big may not have been a "saint", he also wasn't the main character in the show, but merely a foil by which to extol Carrie's endless virtues.  I believe that was kinda-sorta the point of Sardonis' post.
Arlo | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:23:41 AM |
So, it's okay to do wrong, if the other person is ALSO doing wrong?
What wrong? Technically, seeing other people (or adding one or two) in a non-exclusive relationship isn't wrong. And if you think you are exclusive because you didn't ask, which is delusional - and you find out you aren't by seeing the other man out on a date, that sleeping with someone else at that point isn't cheating, nor does it make you a villain. IMO the show really focused on crushed idealism - and taught you to communicate with who you're dating because assuming something no one said is a deadly move (evidenced by Charlotte's marriage to Trey, and Samantha's relationship with Richard Wright).
While Big may not have been a "saint", he also wasn't the main character in the show, but merely a foil by which to extol Carrie's endless virtues. I believe that was kinda-sorta the point of Sardonis' post.
My point is that they were both doing the same stuff...and neither of them was perfect about it, but you really can't say either was doing anything to the other...because the rules weren't discussed. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:11:02 AM |
(Arlo) So, it's okay to do wrong, if the other person is ALSO doing wrong?
(DJChickie401) What wrong? Technically, seeing other people (or adding one or two) in a non-exclusive relationship isn't wrong.
*sigh* No, dating others isn't wrong. Cheating is; regardless of whether "he did it first!" is used as an excuse.
(Arlo) While Big may not have been a "saint", he also wasn't the main character in the show, but merely a foil by which to extol Carrie's endless virtues. I believe that was kinda-sorta the point of Sardonis' post.
(DJChickie401) My point is that they were both doing the same stuff...and neither of them was perfect about it, but you really can't say either was doing anything to the other...because the rules weren't discussed.
Once more, with feeling...
The show wasn't called, "Mr. Big and the City".
There's nothing wrong with liking SatC, for whatever reason as you like. Just don't pretend like it tried to portray four skanks as having some sort of high-falutin' moral superiority over the males on the show. The males portrayed were largely of low character, but so were the female leads.
Sheesh...
Arlo | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:35:40 AM |
(DJChickie401) My point is that they were both doing the same stuff...and neither of them was perfect about it, but you really can't say either was doing anything to the other...because the rules weren't discussed.
Long time/first time so be gentle with me ....
Big was MARRIED when he cheated with Carrie. And Carrie knew it. To me, the cheater and the one who helps them cheat are equally skanky.
What I find really interesting is that a lot of people look at the show and movie as a celebration of female friendship, but I thought the show missed the mark on that one. I never felt there was a strong bond between Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte - Carrie seemed to be the one who kept them all together. They all semed to consider her "best friend" and were only marginally were friends with the others.
And something to chew on for those of you who think grown women can seperate fact from fiction, check this out:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/05/overheard_at_the_midnight_scre.html | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:14:55 AM | Once more, with feeling...
The show wasn't called, "Mr. Big and the City".
I don't recall saying it was - in fact I think I said in a previous post that the men were a backdrop to the characters, as was the city itself.
There's nothing wrong with liking SatC, for whatever reason as you like. Just don't pretend like it tried to portray four skanks as having some sort of high-falutin' moral superiority over the males on the show. The males portrayed were largely of low character, but so were the female leads.
Again, I don't remember specifically saying or implying any of that - perhaps my point was misunderstood. Your point is pretty much the same thing I said, tho I think the word "skanks" is somewhat harsh, and I don't see where anything warrants that type of description. I don't think either gender in the show was moral, or horrible...then again, I never expect characters to be moral, if I want to see any realism in what I watch.
Long time/first time so be gentle with me ....
Big was MARRIED when he cheated with Carrie. And Carrie knew it. To me, the cheater and the one who helps them cheat are equally skanky.
My last post actually referred to the seasons before he was married, and they were dating but not exclusively - and she assumed otherwise.
However, they were both cheating once he got married. Whether relationship or marriage - cheating is cheating, and being that they were both in exclusive relationships and knew the other was as well in that part of the series, they were both wrong. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:35:32 AM | That show could have been written from the many posts in these here forums.
It refelcts the issues all singles go thru...'are we exclusive yet', 'how long should I wait before I have sex with this guy'...all the questions asked on that show have been asked here. The only diff is, they used 4 women to experience all of these situations as opposed to millions of individuals.
I enjoyed the show, made me laugh, alot. I saw myself in a few of the women, at different times.
If anyone is threatened by the show being a movie, I feel kinda sorry for them...seems silly to me. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:08:55 AM |
(Arlo) There's nothing wrong with liking SatC, for whatever reason as you like. Just don't pretend like it tried to portray four skanks as having some sort of high-falutin' moral superiority over the males on the show. The males portrayed were largely of low character, but so were the female leads.
(DJChickie401) Again, I don't remember specifically saying or implying any of that - perhaps my point was misunderstood.
No, your implied point came across quite clearly: the only time Carrie cheated was when Mr. Big cheated on her first; so, it was all right for her to cheat, then! Since Mr. Big was slutting around FIRST, then Carrie had carte blanche to slut around, herself.
However, they were both cheating once he got married. Whether relationship or marriage - cheating is cheating, and being that they were both in exclusive relationships and knew the other was as well in that part of the series, they were both wrong.
Well, HALLELUJAH!!!
Arlo | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:16:48 PM |
No, your implied point came across quite clearly: the only time Carrie cheated was when Mr. Big cheated on her first; so, it was all right for her to cheat, then! Since Mr. Big was slutting around FIRST, then Carrie had carte blanche to slut around, herself.
Arlo, I never said she "cheated" ON Big, only on Aidan WITH Big...when she slept with others while she and Big dated, it was when they weren't exclusive. THAT was my point. There was no "relationship" per se, he was dating others - she just thought it was more serious than it was. So neither was obligated to the other. Therefore, she was free to sleep with whoever she wanted, as was he - she was essentially single and casually dating (tho she didn't realize it for a while). | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:50:41 PM | I think SATC is satirical - it makes fun of dating. Everyone knows Samantha is a "try-sexual" (meaning she'll try anything once) and has superficial taste in men. It's funny. The other women are more conservative and at one point have given different guys a chance on dates. If anything, I think SATC should lower men's anxiety. There are plenty of men these women (excluding Sam) dated who were not necessarily "uber rich and hella handsome" (to quote the OP).
I haven't seen the film (and don't plan to, it didn't get a very good rating on metacritic.com). | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:19:53 PM | | If a woman applies what she saw in sex and the city to real world dating It is the equivilant to applying what you played in Grand theft auto 4 to real world driving. or a cop applying what he saw in "CSI Miami" to real world crime solving. everyone knows crimes aren't solved in 44 minutes. Everyone knows applying what you saw in sex and the city is not the key to successful dating. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:15:41 PM | I enjoyed the show and I think it got a lot of people talking and seeing things from the single female point of view. While most men our content being single and never marrying, there was no show that focused on the aging single woman who tried to balance work and dating. Now that I am pushing 30, it does make me wonder how real the show really was. Most of my friends are married or getting married and most women start worrying about marriage after 25, so in a sense I don't think SATC was accurate for woman 30 and over because by age 30, most men and women are married with children. I would have liked to see the series show an accurate depiction of a young couple 25-35.
In the end, it became a never-ending cycle of 35 year old women dating all the wrong guys and instead of feeling enlightened by the plots, it makes you feel more sad for the characters who seemed to want to fall in love with that one guy, but the writers were too afraid to end the single life dynamic.
In the end, it seemed like the women settled for the nice, stable guy which is very realistic, but it showed the rich, ambitious guys as jerks and commitment-phobes which is somewhat accurate but most ambitious men also want that perfect wife and perfect family.
It seemed like the show was preaching that women should marry the nice, stable guy but only if they were done dating jerks and are nearing 40. Its a bit sadistic to encourage women to follow this path. But it did show a different side of life for the working single woman in NYC, that they don't have to settle for the rich jerks, but settle for the stable nice guys. But I think Carrie was just a mess who made all the wrong decisions. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:22:01 PM |
Gentleman you need to relax, the only thing Sex and the City did was open the door for women to accept and explore their sexuality the way men have been doing for years! I loved that show and it never disillusioned me into seeking rich or incredibly handsome men.
Well... I don't know about other people's circles, but the way the women on this show behaved with men is outside of the norm. If there was anyone that slept around like Samantha's character did, she'd be labelled a slut and a whore, chastised and ostracized in my town. But again, that show was based in NYC, maybe the standards are different. Whether it impacts men - oh it never changed my opinion of men - I am of the school that Carrie was a complete idiot for cheating on Aiden. That was my ideal man right there. For anyone who doesn't know the Aiden character - he was loyal and a carpenter and had a nice dog and was down to earth and owned a cabin. He was a total sweetheart. Maybe not right for Carrie - but sooo right in so many ways. He wasn't rich - is was just a nice, average guy. I'm not the only one on this forum that enjoyed the Aiden character either. Mr Big wasn't that interesting to me. So I guess the answer is that if it does change a women's opinion that she should be dating rich and successful men just because of watching the show - then they are very superficial women. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:18:02 PM | Alot of the men that they went out with were players, jerks, dysfunctional in one way or another. Not all of them. I think the point they were making in the show, bottom line is that you have to sort through alot of wrong ones to find the right one.
Aidan, ugh, he was so not for Carrie, and definitely not Jack Burger! He broke up with her on a post-it note! What a complete coward and a$$. Ranks right up there with breaking it off with someone on a text or email or saying nothing at all. Lack of character!
no offense to the poster, just using this to work off of.
this exemplifies that it is better to be the player/jerk because women will constantly sift through them while some better guy is hanging around...sometimes the woman finally realizes the better guy only after her marriage, divorce and three kids. there really could be an accelerated learning curve but i see it goes from 10 to 25 years, and not 1 to 2 years. | |
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