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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 126 | |
| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:23:38 PM | Do you seriously assume that women date and choose partners according to what SATC suggests? It's a show, that's all. It's there for entertainment and I quite like it.
Jesus it never crossed my mind to behave according to a show character! That's so silly. If someone does, then they have issues.
I have no such fantasy. There is more to what people bring into relationships than money. And in any case, the show does not promote any such ideas? All of the women in there are high earners and they are after love, not money. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 127 | |
| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:31:37 PM | Amen to that, jani1. It's been very interesting to read this thread and I appreciate the OP posting it...and it is just a show.
The only thing I can think of along these lines (believing that the show is real) is an episode a while back on MTV of "My Super Sweet Sixteen." Yes, I have bad TV habits. In this episode, two girls modeled their over the top Sweet Sixteen party after their interpretation of SATC. It was pretty revealing because these girls were totally into superficial things -- having to have designer everything, and even serving virgin Cosmopolitans and other mocktails! But, pretty much every episode of "My Super Sweet Sixteen" was completely out of whack, anyway... | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 128 | |
| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:43:22 PM | This has brought up some woman hating, hypocritical posts.
One person here claims that if there was such a show about men, it would be banned. Well thats just rubbish. There are many shows and movies where men treat the sex as a casual affair. Now and in the past. Problem with these hateful posters is that they have not really watched the show properly and neither has the buddy of the OP, because their claims are incorrect.
Pretty much all of the four characters actually want a LTR, and its what the show is about. Gosh the_fat_bandit, golddiggers? You have obviously NEVER seen the show. Your post is very hateful and you are talking as if you have women queuing up to shag you, beating them off with a stick. Just because some woman lied to you, no need to burn us all at a stake and bark at a wrong tree. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:18:41 PM | There are four common Deadly Dating patterns that single women struggle with: Crumbs, Chase Me, Not Perfect-I’ll Pass and Safety Net. The Sex & the City characters, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, are good examples of women who dealt with these self-sabotaging patterns. The characters transformed their unique patterns in order to develop love relationships. Each Deadly Dating pattern reflects specific love relationship challenges and triumphs that many single women face. Here are the four types:
1. The Crumbs Deadly Dating Pattern (like Carrie)
Accepting seductive & wonderful treatment from a guy who is ultimately out of reach & afraid of commitment (Mr. Big)
Fantasizing about & falling for men who put her second, behind work or other women (Russian artist, Aleksandr Petrovsky)
Cheating on a man who really loved her (Aidan) and pushing him away
Deeper Dynamic: Believing that you don’t deserve a relationship in which you come first.
2. The Chase Me Deadly Dating Pattern (like Samantha)
Endlessly claiming she did not really want to have a relationship
Leaving lovers & moving on for no apparent reason
Fearing intimacy (Smith holding her hand in public!) and commitment
Deeper Dynamic: A desperate need to be claimed, almost against your will, (As Smith successfully did with Samantha in the end.)
3. The Not Perfect—I’ll Pass Deadly Dating Pattern (like Charlotte)
Fussy and a perfectionist
Almost passed on Harry Goldenblatt, a man who was good husband material but balding & unpolished. (refused to go to beach party with him unless he had his back waxed)
Judgmental and constricted about sexuality
Deeper Dynamic: A self-critical nature where you judge anyone who would want you as “not good enough.”
4. The Safety Net Deadly Dating Pattern (like Miranda)
Afraid of being alone & pessimistic about her odds of meeting a great guy
Dating guys she feels are beneath her
Attracted to a man only if other women are interested in him or he’s left her (Steve)
Deeper Dynamic: Low self esteem & a sense that you can’t compete with other women for a really great successful guy.
If you see yourself in these patterns, congratulations. Insight is the first step to freeing yourself to create the relationship you want!
****By Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:26:01 PM | jani1 don't get so hot under the collar...you don't live here. I met two members of the US Olympic hockey team who were from Boston. They told me they love Winnipeg cause, The girls are so dirty here!" We have the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the western world. As a matter of fact I overheard three girls 19 or 20 one night taking about which guys they knew that they had slept with...they were all dressed to the nines. Another couple of young women were, which seemed they approved of, taking about their friend, "She was back out partying as soon as she dropped her kid!" And as a matter of fact I have about 4 or 5 women chasing my and they all have seedy pasts.
Sorry I prefer women who are wholesome, "Little House on the Prairie" types.
I hate it when the first question out of a woman's mouth when they meet someone is, "What do you do for a living?" I tell them I raise polecats. (From one of my favorite British shows, Monty Python) Heck you can probably compare me to Mr. Fawlty. How many times did he get upset when he thought some shannigans was going on between couples that weren't married?
Find me some old fashion, wholesome, down to earth women. Much like my Italian friend, who married his very attractive wife when she was 28 and still a virgin. He had to ask her father too if he could marry here. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:57:33 PM | | I don't know if it has ruined dating, or caused unrealistic expectations. I do know that the women I work with were talking about this just the other night, and they feel that more men should watch it. These women claim a guy can learn allot about what women want and how to please them, and that is both in and out of bed! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:24:27 AM | No, I don't think Sex and the City created a fantasy that no man can ever reach. Any fantasies the women you encounter have, existed long before Sex and the City hit the air. The "grass is greener" attitude is alive and kicking and is not gender specific.
I own all of Sex and the City and happily watched the movie this morning with my sister. It's deliciously fluffy entertainment that clearly doesn't take itself seriously. I've never felt the men the ladies were involved with were blueprints for the types of men I should consider. I'm not a caricature. I'm a real person looking for another real person.
I do think some women watch Sex and the City and feel more comfortable with being single than they did before since it presents another option. Some women do feel embarrassed or hopeless about being single after a certain age, and having a fantasy where it's not a death sentence is a welcome relief for them.
There are plenty of shows where "average", slightly pudgy, unattractive men are with thin and attractive women. And many movies cast male leads that are considerably older than the female lead. Is it possible that men see this and assume that the same can hold true for them? Perhaps.
In the end, most reasonable people follow what they hope to be true for their lives and adjust if they realize that what they want is unattainable. They either settle for less than they truly want, actively enjoy singledom or reconsider what they believe to be important. If any show has altered a person from that course, then I'm assuming they weren't terribly reasonable to begin with.
I can see how the show could be influential to younger women (18 - 27) since they're at their "prime". The actions of men creates and enforces a belief that they deserve the best and can create an attitude of entitlement. The more in demand you are, the higher you can raise your price. With older women, I believe it can justify their current lifestyle. If they're single, then it's something that can be fabulous and doesn't lessen their societal value. If they're not single, then it let's them be nostalgic about their "single days".
In the end, it's just a show. I don't fully identify with any of the characters, but I can relate to each of them individually in some way. It's a great thing to watch after a long week when you don't want to think and just relax. It's similar to watching a nature show for me.
I would be concerned about anyone who took a tv show so seriously that they would emulate it. It's entertainment. You can get more out of it, but what you get is based more upon who you are than the actual content of the show. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:32:46 AM |
So did "Sex and the City" create a fantasy that no man can ever offer a woman unless he is uber rich AND hella handsome?
Sort of helps separate out those who live in Fantasyland doesn't it? Real women live in the real world. Do you really want the rest? | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:49:42 PM | | I see a lot of you people saying to relax it's just a tv show but what you fail to realize is that the majority of robots(society) is turning that show into reality. Furthermore it's just promoting yuppism. Turn off your tvs, go outside and get a ****in life already. Be the ball... | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:55:14 PM |
Just went to the movie last nite, and gentlemen, start your engines. There were all the hottest women there, dressed to the nines. If you want to be where the hot chix are, go see SATC tonight!!! QUICK!
Actually, when I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last night I got herded into the line of moviegoers waiting to see S&tC. The number of them stamped from the same mold bordered on parody; every last one of them was a middle-aged, dye-jobbed blonde in cheap 'bling' - and there were dozens of them.
This has brought up some woman hating, hypocritical posts.
One person here claims that if there was such a show about men, it would be banned. Well thats just rubbish. There are many shows and movies where men treat the sex as a casual affair.
I don't think that most of the men who have a problem with the way they're portrayed on this show are complaining because the Fab Four are treating them as "casual" so much as the overall air of high-and-mighty "sigh... men... what good are they, and why is it so hard to find one... *one*... who isn't a complete piece of sh!t?"
I can't recall any show I've seen over the last ten years (granted, I tend to not watch modern television) that treated women that way without treating the men just as badly; IE, obvious parodies such as Married... With Children or the aformentioned Man Show (and again, I don't know a single man out there who secretly idolizes or longs to be Al Bundy). I also think it's interesting that, out of all the men who've been on the show over the years, the only two "good" ones were Aidan and Steve.
Your post is very hateful and you are talking as if you have women queuing up to shag you, beating them off with a stick. Just because some woman lied to you, no need to burn us all at a stake and bark at a wrong tree.
One could say the same thing about this show, and the women who idolize it. Then again, what do I know... I'm just a man.  | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:59:58 PM | what? y would a TV SHOW HAVE SUCH AN IMPACT ON A PERSON...if it has .....they r wack...n u dont need em..its not about rich handsome guys its about STRONG WOMEN u r missin the entire point...its about how ur girls can see u thru n e thing and WOMEN DONT NEED MEN...they need each other n if a GOOD ONE COMES ALONG grab him...if not o well
THATS what its about
kathi | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:38:44 PM |
The shows have taught me to have self-confident, to be expressive, that I can be selective as well as learning about fashion and the fashion labels.
Well, that's a good thing.
I think men should worship the show as much as most female fans do. Men should watch the show and learn from it. The shows can really teach men of what every indenpendent, intelligent, successful women want in a relationship.
I'd think about those words...because based on the episodes I've watched, the show taught me that if I want that kind of woman, then I should:
1) Be wealthy
2) Be very good looking
3) Not see cougars as "too old for me".
4) Be a commitment-phobe
5) Be emotionally unavailable
Do you really want a nation of Mr Bigs running loose out there? Do you want more women to basically start pouting why the handsome men who have careers and their lives in order won't commit but will sleep around?
Bear in mind that from what I've seen, the show taught me that if I'm a decent man to a woman the way Aiden Shaw was to Carrie, then I should expect to get cheated on...but if I toy with women the way Big does, then I will be rewarded with women spreading their legs for me, desperately trying to change me...and I'll keep them on me as long as I don't give them what they really want.
Be careful what you say...because while I do agree that there was some good learning lessons for women on that show, a man watching the show or series would more be inclined to believe they will be rewarded for being more "playa" and tossed aside if they are "decent guy" to a woman. | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 140 | |
| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:47:00 PM | | wonkabar, first of all its a show, so is Married with children. I dont get why it bothers anyone. So dont watch it. Simple. I have seen all of it, which you have not. I can tell because you say there were only 2 decent male character in it, which is not true. The men in the show are not portrayed in any less or more flattering light than are the women. It's not a man hating show, it's about being a single woman in her 30s or 40s. In my opinion, you will find far wackier and sex biased opinions on these posts than in that show, how can you deal with that then? Women like it not because its something to aspire to, but because they can identify themselves, their joys and frustrations in the bits of the characters in it. Again if its not your thing, dont watch it. I find the whole idea of it ruining dating ridiculous, thats why I posted here, to see how seriously was it meant. Gosh if women had to complain about all the misrepresentation, imagined or real, they encounter on telly or otherwise, they would never shut up! You are dating human individuals, not some herd of sheep. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:03:02 PM | Everytime I see Sarah Jessica Parker I lose my erection but Kim Katrall was pretty hot. Sex and the City was a decent show but the main characrter was unnatractive and has a huge wart on her chin. I do agree though it did give women a someone unrealistic idea of dating and men in general. But if you look at the cahacters they all ended up with losers. Cynthia nixonx character ended up with a real loser. Charlotee ended up witha bald hairy dude. Kim Catrall stayed a slut and Carrie ened up alone and pining for Mr. Bigg until the movie.
I thinkt he characters were neurotic about stupid things and I don't get the whole shoe fetish the women had. I could not care less about shoes. They even talked abotu how Carrie owned over $30k wortht he sheos and never wore them. The show was about rich NY women in their 30's with good jobs and crappy dating lives. they hung out with gay men and dated losers and it was funny. And they had odd opinions of things. It was funny to watch though. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:21:50 PM | I'm trying not to laugh...but not having much success
It was a show. Most women watched it because as many of the ladies here have said we can identify with some of what happened. The show was written by a MAN...so ask yourself if a guy is writing this does he think that women want a man who's "uber rich and hella handsome"? Pfft....hell no.
And for the guy here who said there weren't shows that showed men doing that...WRONG. Show on ABC last season...4 men, very rich, shallow, women chasing men. One guy had an ex-wife he still loved but couldn't keep it in his pants. Another had a nice wife but had to have a mistress...cause he had to. You get the picture...it was called Big Shots. And it was cancelled because it wasn't that funny or even good.
Hell...if anything it ruined women for desiring expensive a** shoes, clothes and handbags!!
If you and your buds are worried about a show ruining dating...well ya'll got bigger issues than that!!!!  | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:35:13 PM |
I thinkt he characters were neurotic about stupid things and I don't get the whole shoe fetish the women had. I could not care less about shoes.
AA if you date then you should know a few things about women already...
1) we get neurotic about "stupid things" sometimes...but that's what some of us do (shrugs)...are you supposed to understand everything about a woman?
2) unless you're a fashion designer or gay you will NEVER understand about shoes, handbags, or clothes. You're a GUY...I could say that I don't understand when men obsess over old cars, miniature train sets, setting farts on fire...you get the picture.
Everytime I see Sarah Jessica Parker I lose my erection but Kim Katrall was pretty hot. Sex and the City was a decent show but the main characrter was unnatractive and has a huge wart on her chin.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder my friend...remember that. And the fact that you are even talking about an erection while watching the show....that's just weird...
And they had odd opinions of things
Like? Please elaborate...
But if you look at the cahacters they all ended up with losers. Cynthia nixonx character ended up with a real loser. Charlotee ended up witha bald hairy dude. Kim Catrall stayed a slut and Carrie ened up alone and pining for Mr. Bigg until the movie
Miranda married a guy who ended up owning his own bar...loser? Methinks not. Charlotte ended up with a man who sexed her up damn good and was an even better lawyer...bald and hairy do not equal loser. Samantha ended up with a younger man that she ended up falling in love with...who also became a hot actor...hmmm...no loser tendencies there! And Carrie ended up with Big at the end of the show...rich, successful guy...hmmm...loser too?
I guess your definition of loser is a lot different than mine!
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:13:11 PM |
wonkabar, first of all its a show, so is Married with children.
Well, yea. It is a show. A show that, according to some in this thread, women need to "worship" and men need to "learn from". So, which is it? Fiction we shouldn't take seriously or some kind of must-have commentary on modern dating? And if the latter, then why are men portrayed as such utter garbage? I'm supposed to be *accept* that?
I dont get why it bothers anyone.
Then you need to develop some better reading comprehension, because we've been explaining it pretty clearly in this very thread. In summary, those of us who do not like the show are kind of concerned that a show that portrays men in such a negative light has taken such a hold over (some) women today.
I have seen all of it, which you have not. I can tell because you say there were only 2 decent male character in it, which is not true.
I've seen enough of it to notice a trend that turned me off from watching further, so you don't really need to tell me not to watch it, and I don't really care to suffer through the rest to form a "better" opinion. What I came away with was something that left me with the feeling that I should be vaguely insulted that women actually see men this way. Then again, I'm secure enough in myself to not feel threatened by a TV show.
Do I think the show has ruined dating? No, actually, because women have been screwing themselves in the dating game long before this show started capitalizing on it. If anything, it summarizes quite clearly just what the problems are.
Gosh if women had to complain about all the misrepresentation, imagined or real, they encounter on telly or otherwise, they would never shut up!
Nah, too easy. Sometimes the punchlines just write themselves. Still, I'll repeat what I said before - that being, that when women are "misrepresented", as you say, it is generally in an atmosphere where nothing is sacred, and everything is being poked fun at, or if not, it is still not a portrayal that men somehow "aspire" to or consider to be true. Again, men do not want to be Al Bundy. We don't have threads asking whether or not men really live by The Man Show.
You are dating human individuals, not some herd of sheep.
TBH, since you don't actually date women, you don't really know *what* my experience is. We'll just leave it at that. | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 146 | |
| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:30:42 PM | I'm secure enough in myself to not feel threatened by a TV show.
Yeah I can see that.
When I say I dont get why it bothers people, I mean why watch a show just to get angry about it? There is thing called life out there.
You are talking like we (women) are some mindless herd, that needs to be told how to behave and like you men need to take charge and see what we watch on telly and then censor it, because otherwise it could spoil us. Just flip over the channel instead.
No I dont date women, but I am one, which make me more of an expert on woman psyche than you are.
What I find mind boggling is that you are trying to argue about something you have not watched properly, so you pick up bits out of context and get worked up about it.
SATC is not taking itself too seriously btw. It's entertainment and you get some pretty bad female characters in it too. It pokes at all sorts of things. The 4 main characters make mistakes and learn lessons. And often these bits touch upon something that rings true and thats what makes the show successful.
Which exact bit actually bothers you that much? | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:11:55 PM |
You are talking like we (women) are some mindless herd, that needs to be told how to behave and like you men need to take charge and see what we watch on telly and then censor it, because otherwise it could spoil us.
Well, again I think you need to brush up on your reading comprehension, because I have not seen a single male in this thread say anything even remotely close to that.
No I dont date women, but I am one, which make me more of an expert on woman psyche than you are.
No, it just means that you don't see yourself as others see you (generally speaking), and that you only know how you treat men you date, whereas I've gone on dates with lots of women and can see definite patterns.
What I find mind boggling is that you are trying to argue about something you have not watched properly, so you pick up bits out of context and get worked up about it.
Who's getting worked up? I'm pretty capable of saying "no, I don't like this" without frothing at the mouth or calling for censorship. I also think I'm intelligent enough to draw a conclusion about something without having to sit through six or seven seasons of it to get the general gist. Or are you trying to tell me I've simply had the misfortune of sitting through the only episodes that don't actually represent to me what the series is about? It's *not* actually about four women who have a hard time dating because all the men they meet are total basket cases?
Which exact bit actually bothers you that much?
I think, at this point, if you *still* need me to explain what I have a problem with, you're not going to understand it - because I've already said it four different ways and you're still not getting it - you'd rather just keep picking at the fact that I am judging it without having watched all two hundred episodes, or however many there are. But, for the sake of giving it one last college try, I don't have a problem with the show itself, although I did find its portrayal of men to be shallow and insulting... but as you so sagely advised, I don't watch what I don't like. I do, however, have to wonder why so many women seem to flock to this show like it's the second coming of Jesus... given just how badly men are portrayed on it. Do they really think that badly about us? Why does the show resonate with them so deeply? It can't possibly be because they recognize that the four leads are f*cking up their own lives entirely of their own merit, and see that in themselves, can it?
And, just to throw some more gasoline on the fire... if a show about four men, that followed a very similar format (and, unlike Big Shots, were funny and smartly written), came on the air... would it have as much success? I, personally, don't think so. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:44:59 PM | The problem, as I think it in this topic is that many can say that it's just a show or just a movie and anyone who takes it seriously needs help versus those who actually see those embrace the show's lifestyle and thus feel threatened as potential mates.
History has shown that many social beliefs and customs have been learned from the media.
HOWEVER, as I've stated several times, the behavior of the four women on SATC isn't anything new. This has been happening even before the show ever aired.
MY FEELING? I think women could learn from SATC in terms of how to better conduct their love lives. That if they are chasing a "Mr Big" and now see what's happening, they might instead opt to chase an Aiden Shaw, or if one woman states how she loves being free, independent and only wants men for sex, that she might deep inside discover it's all a whitewash for her own fears of getting close to someone. Or if a woman is sitting there thinking only a wealthy handsome Ken doll is the ideal husband, that maybe she should look deeper and see if the Ken dolls have brought her happiness and maybe instead a bald Jewish male would actually love her to death.
For men? Stop fearing the show and LEARN from it as well. Guess what? If I met a Carrie Bradshaw out there, or a Miranda, or a Samantha, or a Charlotte...I'm not going to sit here and examine and wonder if I can win them over into being the good woman...I"m going to instead walk away and seek out someone real, not some spoiled materialistic brat who models her life off a TV show.
Don't sit here thinking dating and femdom is now a mess because of SATC, just more see it as you can see the telltale signs between a good woman and a bad woman. Many women can pull up the flags of how they deserve only the best and/or how men fear a strong independent woman, but then later these same women start up the topics asking why men won't commit or marry.
It's not worth getting into it if a TV show or shows have led the youth into bad dating dilemmas. In all honesty, it's more time the older folk try to educate the younger folk so it doesn't take them all the way til they hit 30 to figure out what they want in their lives. You know...all the "I don't know what I want" people out there? | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:47:15 PM | Well I don't normally post on forums but this thread is so sad that I couldn't resist.
Guys AND girls... Where has all the confidence gone???
Life is what you make of it. Opportunities are there for people who create them. Guys seriously are you so off your game or have no game at all that you can blame a dating failure on a TV show and actually make yourself beleive it????? A TV show has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with dating success; it all starts with you and your attitude towards life.... Seeing a show as something to worry about is the wrong attitude!
If you meet a girl that was affected negatively by a TELEVISION SHOW (wow ridiculous), it's NOT THE SHOW'S FAULT, the girl was messed up already. And if you ARE willing to date a childish person that's affected by mainstream media crap then you must be desperate and you get what you deserve!!!!
Bearing in mind that I haven't seen one episode and have met many women that are both level headed AND watch the show, I would say that this show has absolutely no impact on dating FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE STILL LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD!!
Hint: If you're a guy, why not watch the show or go see the movie??? If so many girls are watching it, it can make a great conversation topic/something to make fun of!!! Why not turn a perceived disadvantage into a complete advantage?
Guys (and the ladies of course!), keep your chin up, forget the show and go play the field!
BTW, check my profile/drop me a line! You can never have too many friends!!! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:49:58 PM |
If you meet a girl that was affected negatively by a TELEVISION SHOW (wow ridiculous), it's NOT THE SHOW'S FAULT, the girl was messed up already. And if you ARE willing to date a childish person that's affected by mainstream media crap then you must be desperate and you get what you deserve!!!!
AGREED!!!!!!! | |
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