| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:45:56 AM | Went out to see a movie last Friday. You should have seen the ton of hotties walking out of Sex in the City dress to the 9s! Maybe I'm looking for love in the wrong place!
 JF | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:21:54 AM | i don't think sex and the city has ruined dating. i don't think a TV show can ruin dating. what i got from watching the show (from about the impressionable age of 13- making me prime grooming material for Darren Star and the gang if there intention was to turn me into a superficial, man hating fiend) was that the women involved were looking for true love, often getting their asses kicked along the way, and always relying on friendship to pull them through. The show also stopped me thinking that women who were over 25 were fit for a nursing home and now I don't believe my life will end until I hit 45 (i joooke i jooooke).
so here's how i see it. Sex and the City made being single not only acceptable but rather fabulous. i can't speak for other women but i know that i can be single and happy just being me, earning my own money, being independent and probably seeking a man to join my world rather than be it. so perhaps that changed the way my dating life will go because i don't feel the need to get into a LTR with the first guy that comes along simply to prove that i'm worthy.
the show didn't make me believe men had to be gorgeous and rich at ALL. in fact i was always highly disappointed with the asthetics as far as men went, Big? Don't fancy him. Steve? No thanks. Harry? My goodness you couldn't pin any of them on your wall. (Exceptions that prove the rule are Aidan and Smith- until the movie. I was severly let down by Smith in the movie). And as for life_of_leisure who says that Miranda settled, she didn't settle! She loved Steve! She wanted to share her money with him; remember the suit incident? But his ego couldn't handle her providing so that caused tensions in that respect. Then later in the episode Miranda realised that it wasn't fancy suits she needed but her loving boyfriend, so lesson learned. Furthermore Miranda looked after Braidey as a single mother for a good while and then she realised that she truely did love Steve and wanted to be with him. So no settling there. He may not have been her first choice right away but he became the only choice she wanted eventually. Isn't that how it works with most people?
I think Charlotte summed the show up perfectly during lunch with the girls one day, she suggested that they could be each others soulmates and that way the pressure was off them to find the 'one' and instead they could concentrate on nice guys who they could have fun with. Now if womens views of dating were influenced by that then i don't see a problem; I see an improvement. You don't need to find a man and make him complete you, you complete yourself and then whatever comes next is just fabulous.
I'm by no means a fanatical sex and the city fan but i do love it. If I'm feeling down I love to glam up, call my friends and indulge in some cosmos and if that's a result of SATC then I thank goodness for it! Sure a lot of people here are saying that Sex and the City isn't "reality" it's not "real" women who try to lead their lives like the characters are superficial and not worth much time but I entirely disagree. If someone can afford to buy a pair of expensive shoes and doing so makes them happy then I wish them plentiful store cards and storage space. If someone doesn't want a LTR and prefers to sleep around (with adequate protection) then go for it. If someone likes to look to a TV show to give them hope, make them smile and help them feel fabulous the I 100% endorse that.
I know it's all TV but I took a lot from that show, mainly on the bases of appreciating my friends and laughing off bad dates. If I'm feeling shy, scared or self-concious I don't let it conquer me, I fight through it the way any of the SATC characters would have and at 19 it's nice to have a little fantasy to make things seem sunnier.
When I was younger when I felt scared or intimidated I always pretending in my head that I was the Pink Power Ranger or the blonde from Captain Planet and the first day of school was easier, approaching new friends was a cinch. Now that I'm almost twenty being the Pink Power Ranger doesn't quite cut it so I pretend I'm Samantha, or Carrie. If that makes me an idiot then so be it, it works for me. It's kind of a less righteous 'What would Jesus do' way of doing things.
That's how watching Sex and the City affected me. I love it.
Now I must go; I've got a new pair of Jimmy Choos to break in, a column to write and a randy calvin klein model waiting for me at Bungalow 8. Until later darling! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:38:13 AM |
Comments like the two above make me wonder if they've seen the right show...I don't get where they'd get this idea...
Maybe you are only seeing it from your female-centric point of view.
Carrie had Mr Big into her, he was the guy she wants in the end and wanted all along. And she sabotaged it and went and slept with other men. That's the overall plot of the series.
How is that behavior OK? I can't imagine a show in which guy does that to a woman and still be the protagonist.
And I doubt a real "Mr Big" would put up with that crap. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:41:08 AM |
Carrie had Mr Big into her, he was the guy she wants in the end and wanted all along. And she sabotaged it and went and slept with other men. That's the overall plot of the series.
whaaaat?! when?!!!! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:53:47 AM | I don't know why the anxiety--it showed some women treat men like meat; some women are trying their hardest to raise children, have a job, and try to meet all the demands of a man; and some women are incredibly happily married when a man treats them great--I still believe it all boils down to the way you are treated depends on the way you treat others. If a man is uber rich and hella handsome, well, just like Hugh Hefner, you can always attract shallow and needy women--did you know that Mr. Heffner's mother never touched him as a child--guess he sure makes up for it now.  | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:57:00 AM |
whaaaat?! when?!!!!
Carrie was the one who initially broke up with Mr Big because she was not sure where it was headed. And then she goes and has other boyfriends.
Is it ok for a man to do that to a woman, and expect her to take him back? | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:11:24 PM |
Carrie was the one who initially broke up with Mr Big because she was not sure where it was headed. And then she goes and has other boyfriends.
Is it ok for a man to do that to a woman, and expect her to take him back?
she took him back when he did more than that! PRIME EXAMPLE: he was dating OTHER PEOPLE while dating Carrie! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:33:24 PM |
If any woman were to say to me that she was a big fan of that obnoxious program, it would be an immediate deal breaker. Fortunately I know several women who found it as dehumanizing, selfish, and shallow as I did. Portraying women as smarta$$ed controllers in the sexual wars is hardly a triumph of feminist equality. In any revolution the challenge is to not become simply another version of the thing you overthrew. This show depicts women as being WORSE than pre-feminist men in the callousness of their behavior. Establishing as a truism that women are constantly trolling the world of men to demand better and better sex from better and better looking men, and then adding to that their totally unrealistic pursuit of hyper-materialism, limitless wealth, and super status is an affront to real men and real women. From the number of fans of the show I would HOPE that many of them see it as mindless entertainment that is so over the top that they laught AT these four vapid and pathetic predators. Any woman who cheers them on, emulates then, and admires them are going to be relationship troublemakers. I'm not worried about them because they are going to have to wait as long to find a good and loving real man as they are to fill their closets with shoes by Jimmy Choo.
You said it all! I would have NOTHING to do with any woman who thinks that show has any quality. (I did hear that hanging out at the theater these days is a pretty good way to pick up women though) | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:43:41 PM | Re the Opost:
Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Nope, quite to the contrary, if anything!
Re post 25:
"..... the only thing Sex and the City did was open the door for women to accept and explore their sexuality the way men have been doing for years! ............... Samantha blew the lid off that! Not only did that show reveal that sex is fun, but we found out that you don't have to be married to the man! ...."
I agree with the above assertions re the influence of thes TV series.
And of course poeple are to some extent, to some extent, infleunced by what they hear, see, watch, read, but to some extent, of course! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:52:09 PM |
Now I must go; I've got a new pair of Jimmy Choos to break in, a column to write and a randy calvin klein model waiting for me at Bungalow 8. Until later darling!
You'll never get in without a key...I'll wait at home with the game on and my bucket of KFC. : )
Maybe you are only seeing it from your female-centric point of view.
Well, the show was written in a female-centric point of view, so maybe that's the issue here...
Carrie had Mr Big into her, he was the guy she wants in the end and wanted all along. And she sabotaged it and went and slept with other men. That's the overall plot of the series.
Carrie was dating a man who was into her, but actively dating others (and saw no reason to change that)...granted, she did put WAY more pressure on the relationship, but anytime Carrie slept with anyone else besides Big, it was because she found out she was one of many. The only time she cheated was with Big when dating Aidan...ironically while Big was married and cheating on Natasha - yeah that Big, what a saint.
How is that behavior OK? I can't imagine a show in which guy does that to a woman and still be the protagonist.
Big did do that to her...more than once. That's the point. She thought it was exclusive and found out otherwise, and her actions were REactions to that. Trust me, his character wasn't home pining away over where she was...unless of course he knew she was with someone else in which case he suddenly became interested...typical.
Big was the epitome of the man who wants you enough to see you sometimes but not enough to be serious, and doesn't want you full time, but doesn't want anyone else to have you either. I am sure the female writers all collaborated on him as a unified past experience...we've all had one of those.
You said it all! I would have NOTHING to do with any woman who thinks that show has any quality.
It did have quality as entertainment, it's no different than anything else you watch to unwind after a rough (real life) day...and trust me, the reality shows they've got on now are the ones influencing audiences...since they're not fictional. It's much worse now. People watched the Supranos...but I don't see the world trying to emulate those characters...what's the difference? | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:35:41 PM | | So "it's just a show" and "it doesn't influence on how women see dating"? Well, then I suppose I can watch porn ("makes men objectify women") without regret, and tell all those "thin TV models cause anorexia in young girls" advocates that they can go to hell. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:14:49 AM |
So "it's just a show" and "it doesn't influence on how women see dating"? Well, then I suppose I can watch porn ("makes men objectify women") without regret, and tell all those "thin TV models cause anorexia in young girls" advocates that they can go to hell.
Sounds good to me - I have no problem with porn, in fact I watch a lot of it, so why would you regret it? I even watch the type that supposedly objectify women. I objectify men, so I don't find that offensive. I draw the line at children and animals (and even some food) but otherwise, I'm pretty open minded about it. I'm sure I watch porn that would make some men cringe...lol.
I also don't see a whole lot of women struggling to stay thin at a young age - what I see are a lot of teens and early 20s women who could stand to be healthier and more fit for their age (in my area, anyway). I think the present world of kids is in front of the TV too much, and fast food is becoming a staple for families with two working parents or single mothers. So again, that doesn't bother me one bit. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:59:30 AM | Great. Since we're there, perhaps we could scratch all that "men don't like fat women because of the media making them have unreal expectations", too?
You wonder if we've seen the right show. Well, yes, we have. The difference is, we saw it through men's eyes. Perhaps this thread will be useful by showing women what men "see" in a show like this, and learn a few things. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:18:14 AM | > remember the suit incident?
Clothes are a girl thing, so I'm quite happy (and proud) to say "No, I didn't." Nor will I be plowing through all six seasons again in order to know what you're talking about. Sorry. A guy can only take so much.
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:23:08 AM |
Great. Since we're there, perhaps we could scratch all that "men don't like fat women because of the media making them have unreal expectations", too?
Fine with me, I never say that type of stuff anyway.
You wonder if we've seen the right show. Well, yes, we have. The difference is, we saw it through men's eyes. Perhaps this thread will be useful by showing women what men "see" in a show like this, and learn a few things.
A few? Dunno, but one thing I learned is that some men take shows women watch way too personally and seriously...yikes. I watch, I laugh, my friends who follow the show and I talk about it and laugh together, and...well that's the extent of it. *shrug* | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:55:05 PM |
I thank God for the creation of the show, I think men should worship the show as much as most female fans do. Men should watch the show and learn from it. The shows can really teach men of what every indenpendent, intelligent, successful women want in a relationship. The shows have taught me to have self-confident, to be expressive, that I can be selective as well as learning about fashion and the fashion labels.
Sud; with all due respect? Get a life; God has no part in SITC and Men should worship it? OMG; lol; I've heard it all.
How many times has Kim Cattrell and Sarah Jessica Parker made the worst dressed list; many; Sarah Jessica Parker was just voted the least sexiest woman in hollywood and I agree totally. I'm so sick of these avg. looking women who have had more work done than Kenny Rogers picking and choosing great looking men like they are candy. Independent? Are there any more dysfunctional people than these? This is not real news flash. This is not real life. Its tv for Gods sake.
If you get your self esteem and character from a tv show, you are beyond in trouble. It might have taught you to be a pretentious materialistic consumer, but I've watched that show twice and its a joke.
I know very wealthy people of all ages; in business; and NOT ONE act like those women in the show. This is the problem with tv; people think its real life.
It reminded me with the lady who wrote, when stella got her groove back. She bragged at how independent and hot she was and how she was an awesome woman for getting a young guy to marry her. The problem? He was gay. When it was announced she was humbled to the ground. Again, play in the real world and stop worshipping dysfunctional celebrities on tv shows. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:19:01 PM | Let me state again, "Sex and the City" is entertainment. It is not a model to live by, but something interesting to watch and wonder. Having said that, I was a fan of the show and liked the movie. The movie raises great questions about just this subject. It also raised good questions about love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, tough choices, and being happy with those choices.
I went to see the movie yesterday alone at a matinee. It was a date with myself and a treat. The cashier who sold me the ticket said, "you just missed the nuts dressed like the characters. They came in on Friday." I thought that comment said a lot about how people cannot seem to differentiate entertainment from reality. If all you are getting from "Sex and the City" is about the clothes and trappings, you are missing the point of the show.
Oh, I agreed with Patricia Fields, SATC's costume director, those gladiator sandals SJP wore were amazing. I would not mind buying a knock-off pair somewhere. I hope some knock-off designers are getting ideas after the movie. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:21:34 PM | You know what other TV show raises good questions about love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, tough choices and being happy with those choices?
Sesame Street... | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:26:44 PM | OP, you should thank the producer of "Sex and the City". I think it brought back reality to most girls. No guy is perfect... Every guy is capable of cheating. Especially if you don't have sex in the relationship. Every guy is capable of having doubts about the relationship just as we girls have occasionally. We girls struggle too to be faithful in a relationship. Also, you can have a prince charming that isn't what your list described. Charolette find her prince charming in a guy that most girls probably would not look twice at... So this has definitely opened my eyes to give all types of guys a chance.
Trust me, the guys on Sex in the City are not uber rich and hella handsome... There are the typical Joes in the movie too! I think the movie was great! | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:46:19 PM |
So what's the big problem?
The problem is the message it sent to younger women and teen girls who are just learning what it is to be a woman.
From a lady who started watching at 14 about the effect it had on her.
"Lisa" didn't give her real name to ABC News, but she did tell them that she started watching Sex and the City when she was 14, the same year she lost her virginity, cheated on her boyfriend with seven different guys in one week and began ordering****ails at bars she snuck into. In her words: "When you're that age, you try to emulate the people on TV. Carrie smoked, so I smoked. Samantha looked at hooking up with random people as not a big deal, so that's what I did too. It wasn't Sex and the City's fault. I love the show, but I think it made it a little easier to justify my behavior."
I would argue it is STC's fault because these people engaged in these behaviors without consequence. There were rumors about a character dying. They should have given Samantha's character AIDS. that might bring some reality to the show. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:08:23 PM | Great. Just make SATC into a video game, and we'll cover the bases of "it's not my fault...entertainment made me do it," propaganda. Oh wait, we'll also need a heavy metal music soundtrack that sounds "demonic" when played backwards.
If a female is learning how to be a woman from a tv show rather than life, then she had issues before she ever saw SATC. SATC reflects what already exists...it isn't showing anything new. It's just giving a possible "cause" for men to latch onto. Princesses, whores, drama queens and people suffering from entitlement-syndrome existed long before the show ever aired. Women latch onto it because it's fun. It's enjoyable. I get horribly offended when I see any segment of The Man Show but I understand I asked for it when I said, "sure, I'll give it a try". I can sort of understand why so many men abhor SATC, but in the end does it really matter? I don't fuss about men liking certain body types, or bubbly personalities because I know TV is a mirror not a catalyst. *shrug* Ah well. :) I guess in some eyes SATC did ruin dating, while others think it was ruined long before then. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:52:41 PM |
If a female is learning how to be a woman from a tv show rather than life, then she had issues before she ever saw SATC
If you honestly believe that what is presented in the media doesn't have an effect on the mind's of the people who absorb it, you're delusional. Of course it's a catalyst.It's in the media that the minds of the average person is won and lost. And young people are especially vulnerable.
Don't get me wrong, on a certain level the popularity of certain shows like SATC, and Dexter pay my bills. And I'll concede that it's a well written show. But I feel it took characters with some very undesirable traits, altered their realities such that they wouldn't have to deal with realistic consequences of those traits, and turned them into likeable characters that young women would want to emulate. Apparently Lisa agreed with me. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:43:09 PM | | In my opinion if SATC represents the modern empowered woman then it's a dark world we live in indeed. I miss 70's TV shows when everything was more working class as oppose to over glamorizing the elite of our society. | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:37:09 PM |
If you honestly believe that what is presented in the media doesn't have an effect on the mind's of the people who absorb it, you're delusional.
No need to get rude, and I don't recall saying that. I recall saying SATC is a reflection of society, not a catalyst. It's fuel for an already burning fire. Apples don't become oranges. You either already carry those traits and believe they're justifiable due to seeing them on TV (immature), or you're one of those "stand for nothing and will fall for anything" types of people.
And as I've said in my previous posts, young women are the ones most in danger of being influenced but not because it's TV and they don't have a mind of their own. It's because men already present a false reality based on how they approach women.
As for Lisa agreeing with you...well she's a 14 year old child that was allowed to watch SATC (not rated, but clearly in the R range) and then run wild doing as she pleases. I'm not surprised she would blame a tv show before taking responsibility for her actions. She's a child, what else is she going to do? Be a grown up? I'd personally be looking to her parents before SATC... | |
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| Did Sex and the City ruin dating?
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:39:59 AM |
(sardonis) Carrie had Mr Big into her, he was the guy she wants in the end and wanted all along. And she sabotaged it and went and slept with other men. That's the overall plot of the series.
(DJChickie401) Carrie was dating a man who was into her, but actively dating others (and saw no reason to change that)...granted, she did put WAY more pressure on the relationship, but anytime Carrie slept with anyone else besides Big, it was because she found out she was one of many. The only time she cheated was with Big when dating Aidan...ironically while Big was married and cheating on Natasha - yeah that Big, what a saint.
So, it's okay to do wrong, if the other person is ALSO doing wrong?
While Big may not have been a "saint", he also wasn't the main character in the show, but merely a foil by which to extol Carrie's endless virtues. I believe that was kinda-sorta the point of Sardonis' post.
Arlo | |
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