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Posted: 6/14/2008 5:38:14 PM | | I wonder if at some point a will should be manditory.It would eliminate a lot of problems. | |
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Posted: 6/14/2008 9:04:42 PM | OP: Mature individuals have a Will drawn up. And in my state you need the following
to help your significant other: Financial Power of Atty.,Medical Power of Atty., and a
Living Will.
Even though the OP's position has now changed I believe my friend A/W
said it best. "If you can't agree financially before marriage, How will you be able
to compromise while in the marriage?"
Go Hit the Lottery and don't worry about money! LOL!
Keep The Faith
Skunxster | |
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Posted: 6/14/2008 9:21:55 PM | Skunxster.Two things .First you assume that both individuals are mature.Second you assume that the understanding is based on solid legal advice rather then an emotional response. This is my response rather then your friend A/W. If you can agree on all things before the marriage, something is wrong 
Maybe if you marry a lawyer all things would make sense. Naw i doubt it The Lottery sounds good. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 5:13:47 PM | Sorry you had to go through the rotten experience you survived, Tableguy. You are DEFINITELY soooo, sooooo much better off. I know the break up is tough because of the feelings you had for the persson and the thought of moving on and having once again to start a "new search" is not very pleasant. Been there myself 3 times (relationships but only 1 was a live-together) and she had 2 small kids and 1 teenager.
I was a workhorse and a slave for her and her extended family. Gave all of my full-time job paycheck to put in the "pot" to pay all bills with nothing for myself. Why do I mention this? Simple: scares the hell out of me to think if I had married her and I would eventually have been in the devastating position that many on here have warned about with the latter part of life, retirement, who gets what, and how much if any to each party's kids, etc. My parents have been ( who are still together by the way) through all of the above and could probably write a book on this whole scenario 'cause my Dad was chosen as POA and put in place over several close relatives affairs even before they were totally unable to make the decisions and care for themselves; he has been chosen for this several times. He told me he would not wish that responsibility on his worst enemy!!! He said so many different aspects of carrying out all the legal and medical decisions and issues was a nightmare! Don't know all the details of those individuals (and don't want to know) but from the little that they have discussed with me, it really further impresses on me to think about the type of character material that I would choose for a special someone to be with! It's not only thought-provoking, from doing this from an intelligent standpoint, it's scary with all the dang liars, deceivers, cheaters, frauds, scammers, and theives. So as one said, it made the hair stand up on the back of her neck, much care must be exercised in the choice we make who to be with. One things for sure, as has been said but I will phrase it differently PUT THEM TO THE TEST REALLY SOON after first communication with them, ask pointed, poignant questions to search and feel them out, doing so in a mild and respectful way. It's been my experience in the dating scene these days, when you do as I just stated, their true colors come to light, their claws come out, and the REAL TRUE THEM OF A GREEDY SOUL IS REVEALED!!! | |
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Posted: 6/17/2008 6:39:08 PM | Its the biggest decision of your life, yet you are caught up in the emotion and happiness of the occasion our parents days it was a lifelong commitment to get married and bring up a family, everything was geared to the family concept. When you see old movies or TV shows the concept was love and marriage.Now the media portrays marriage as an event that will end when? The office and any workplace is a place to have an affair. We are bombarded by the media ( the grown up's teacher) that you cant be married and be cool.It's not happening if you are married. I think it gets into people psche.Woman get bombarded everyday by weight loss commercials , make up commercials etc.There are very few family commercials or shows.
If a couple makes it through today its a miracle.Now the second and third time could be a nightmare. You now are not thinking like a lover but more like an accountant and lawyer.As you said "PUT THEM THROUGH THE TEST REALLY SOON". Good legal advice, but is a good marrying advice. Probably yes if there are complications.Today marriage is an event, not a lifelong event. To many pressures. As i stated before a longterm relationship or marriage , sounds real good, but will never happen.To find happiness that will last more then 12 months is a crapshoot.IN most cases you have only your kids. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2008 7:25:36 AM | Countrymanisgentle, although your father says it is a "great responsibility" (and it is), it is a high compliment to his character and integrity to be given this role. God bless hm!!!! | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 1:18:23 PM | | If you ex past away and left the inheritance to your children who you are guardian of, do you ask for any money even though you earned all of it . | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 3:35:03 PM | I saw the movie "Bonneville" the other night, starring Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Joan Allen. Lange's husband dies apparently without having updated his will since his first wife had died some 20 years earlier. There's an adult daughter almost Lange's age and the tension is...palpable.
I thought about this forum thread as I was watching the movie and think it would be interesting watching for anyone wondering about this issue. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 9:21:31 PM | | Thanks, I will look for that movie and watch .I am in quandry, not knowing what to do and trying not to break up the relationship. | |
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Posted: 6/29/2008 10:19:04 PM | | Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure what another person will do ... so in comes the safety net of the law. Law is not meant to provide a limit to hopes dreams and desires, it is only a safety net to prevent the worst injustices. You provide the love and dreams, the law provides a measure of safety. Is it prudent to risk your heart? No, but we do it anyways. Is it responsible to risk your children's legacy? No and we have a duty to protect it. Law is part of living in a society. Just put it in its right place. Best of luck. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 4:37:38 PM | | If you read message #85 its well said .Its great when you are on the outside looking in but emotion does get in the way of logic . | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 5:24:17 PM | I don't think you should marry if you're worried about what will happen to your MONEY when you're DEAD.
I'd be more worried about your love life while you're still alive...
I'd hope that if I'm ever in this situation, we could work out a solution to include all children in an eventual inheritance without disrupting the lifestyle of the surviving spouse. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2008 6:33:14 PM | | This very fascinating thread should be a wake up call to all of us [who haven't] to get their "stuff" together before too long, even if you aren't planning to marry at the moment. I agree with everyone who says if you can't discuss finances with your intended, then red flags should abound. You should not only discuss where the assets go upon one's death, but how are they to be handled during the time you are alive. | |
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