| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:30:12 AM | To the OP,
Friends first, ah ha, I don't see to many of those on profiles I look at but when I do I typically don't email them. I lose all interest right away. I have always dreaded a woman trying to be friends with me first because of a few reasons. One being that I'll get become interested in that person. 2, I'll be attracted to them which is usually more common. 3, I see being a friend with a woman first being not first but it. There won't be anything further and furthermore a woman who requires friendship first with me is a woman who is trying to control what happens to make herself feel comfortable and happy. If I don't want to do it she might say to me that oh well, good luck find someone. That's what happened to me in the past whenever I wanted to date someone I was talking to that I met somewhere social or on a dating site. I strictly stick to my dating/desire for a long term relationship because it let's me know right off the bat how compatible we may or may not be. I don't want to be friends with a woman for a few months and then we decide to date and it doesn't work out. I won't want to be in contact with that person regardless of a past friendship then. Some people will see it differently and that's their opinion but in my experience and lot's of my male friends from past to present see friendship first as a dead end that'll take us no where. We'll have to be her shoulder for her to cry on if she ever needs us for something or you know, we'll be overlooked because were JUST friends. Being friends only is overblown just like relationships. It all boils down to each person and what they are looking for in a person. Some women don't want to be friends only at first which is my cup of tea. I find it easy to not relinquish control over to a woman who wants me to be her buddy because I just can't see myself being a girl's buddy. Lame oh.
Anyway, that's my 2 sense.  | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:34:42 AM | Janet4ever said:
------This is not just a dating site, it is a social site (if you choose to use it that way)----------
I say this is a dating site exclusively. If people want a social site then go to myspace or facebook but frankly this is a site full of people with hearts and souls seeking something a little bit more than socializing. Does that mean there aren't people on here who are here just to socialize, no. But that doesn't change the fact that this site is geared towards helping those find a soul mate and relationships that are productive. It says it up above, Free Dating Site.
I don't know how much clearer it can be.
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kel35
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Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 28 | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:42:38 AM | Friends first means just that!! It means people are complex, and I wish to see more than your best foot forward, which is what I'll be seeing in the first little while. I want to know more than one aspect fo your personality before I allow myself, or you to become emotionally attached. I don't want to be hurt, but I also don't want to hurt anybody. Slow down, and get to know who a person is before you go ripping into a full blown relationship!
I've had alot of people say my profile is honest, and I am pretty honest, but even honesty can go from being a virtue to a nightmare when the person extolling it is in a nasty mood!!! | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:55:21 AM | | Friends first............hmmmmmmmm could it be because, you end up as friends ,after that blush and rush of the butterflies in the stomach ends? And you settle into a relationship with your best friend, the one you can tell anything to and they will be there for you. If your not friends first then there isnt much after all the intensity ends. I want to live and die being with my best friend. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:41:36 AM | | I personally do it to dissuade people who are coming to say that I'm the love of their life (kind of thing...) to try to get me into bed. So, I will do friends first, go out, do things together, and when I'm sure that there is some chemistry and that I have some grounds to trust the guy, we will talk about romance. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:47:05 AM | | Physical attraction is what brings men and women together in the first place...as I tend to believe that also, how is that truly being manifested in an online environment where, even with pictures, you cannot get the true gist of what the other person is bringing to the table, physically. Not to mention the fake sights and people with a "mentally ill spouse and I just need a friend like so...you're so damn beautiful!" How is being here online working for us, REALLY? | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:52:35 AM | | I think that's the issue and I still see it, even with online dating...everyone is trying to meeting other people at their 'comfort zone' level. It's like all or nothing in the first email with some people. It doesn't seem that people are considering what has been going on in that person's life before meeting them online and 9 times out of ten, it would shed loads of light on the situation. Some people come in with their heels dragging in the sand because they are reluctant to get caught in a whirlwind 'romance' that leads to a dead end and some come in geared up for "The One". Is it possible to find "The One" without getting to know them as an individual? Was Michael Bolton wrong when he sang, "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:37:27 PM | It's too bad that "friends" on a social, dating, forum site has the connotations of friends with benefits, because to me from looking at a man's profile I might be thinking that's what he's looking for... I am a bit suspicious but my experience is that lot's of potential meets or dates seem to end with them trying to find out how the evenings going to end.. in the sack??? maybe????
Another thought could flicker through my brain is someone feeling a bit bitter over the last failed relationship... so the next one isn't getting too close although in the sack would be ok...
women with friends on her wish list could also be trying to slow down the dating from being a first meet in the sack sort of thing...
stating let's start out as friends and see where it leads???? could be Cool Hand Lukes way of saying I'm not desperate for a woman in my life...
I suppose I see this as a dating site, or perhaps a hook up site... but I guess we can't ever have enough friends huh??? | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:49:22 PM | To "OP":
For me thats exactly what I am here for. I have only been in one relationship so I dont know a lot of people and I dont know what types of people I will be attracted to as "just friends" or potential dates or have a relationship with. I honestly dont have many friends at all. So I would love to make more. I am sure for some people they put just friends because they dont want people thinking they are trying to find someone to date online. Maybe others are kind of embarrased about joining an online dating service. I will be honest. I have never been approached by someone out in public but have had a lot of people talk to me online. Plus I am a shy person and have only been in one relationship so I wouldnt even know how to start. I guess the whole friends first thing can mean different things for different people IMO. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:53:10 PM | | I have been here for a long time and I have a lot of friends. I have been talking to this one guy for over a year. A few emails through out the week but nothing more then that. Just recently I have been getting very excited to check my email. Its the same guy but now all of a sudden he is sexier. I open his emails first. I have even read all of his forum posts. Thats what friends first means to me. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:32:38 PM | | Were it not for the sarcastic tone in the title of this post I wouldn't take issue with it, however; it seems ironic to me that a person who is"not single/not looking" while posting a picture of herself grinding her 'fuzzy whatnots' into the sand on an international dating site, is sarcastically taking issue with the way in which the people whom are actually doing the dating, are doing it???????? Pure curiousty??????? | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:47:24 PM | I think women put "friend's first" because it signals they are not going to put out immediately (even if they do, they dont want guys to think they will)
Guys put it on their profile because they think it's something that women like to hear. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:39:45 PM | The only thing I can think of from a positive point of view is that people who want "friends first" are trying to get people to think outside of the box and not follow what others do in dating. They want to try to avoid high expectations, hard and fast rules, decisions based on 30 seconds of evaluation, avoid the best foot forward we all do in the first few months so they can get to the real person sooner and not to be in such a damn rush through the process. I think they want to try to avoid the ADD version of dating we seem to follow online.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:14:18 PM | Sanchezzz... I Love your last post. You make me laugh!
I am just now stepping back and realizing how things seem to have changed so much in so little time, in regards to relationships. How did we get to a place where people who don't necessarily want to commit to sleeping with a virtual stranger after a brief and enjoyable web-dialogue seem to be defending this stance. Didn't dating used to be about getting to know someone, and then proceeding according to a good, old fashioned Base 1, 2 and 3 system! :) Meanwhile, the couple got to know each other in an assortment of circumstances (through friends, family, general hanging-out exposure and fun events). Often I have encountered people here who seem to move MUCH faster- dating or activity partner can mean just sex to many... I felt naive when I realized what 'Activity' meant to so many...!
How I personally interpret "friends first": A sort of clarification that I would be keen to meet you, see if there is attraction and a lack of creepy vibes, and THEN maybe take some more time to decide if further intimacy is possibly in order. It is a bit of a shift for me, but I expect I will be pleased with the change in my experiences, that way. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:00:59 AM | I like the idea of "friends first" but in my mind that's a very simple and generalized way of dating someone you don't know well.
In my mind, when I'm dating someone I don't know too well (which I'm doing right now), during our dates, phone calls, etcetera, I like to think about what our relationship would be like if it were purely platonic, if there was no physical or romantic attraction to each other. Could we be friends? Could we be close buddies? And if after a few dates, we decided no chemistry was present, could we remain companions after that? Possibly hang out at the bar together, or date a mutual friend without jealousy, resentment, or any other form awkwardness? Focusing on friendship over dating seems like its taking away from the thrill and excitement of dating. It might even slow down or halt your progress together. So, in summation, I thinks it's best to think: "Would we be good friends?" | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:04:44 AM | | So, to summarize, women say they are looking for Friends First because they want to make sure they do not end up getting hurt, right? | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 2:11:24 AM | | For a lot of men, I think "friends first" means hook-up with no need for follow-up because we are "just friends". Kinda like buying relationship insurance. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:14:43 AM | | If I were to write that in my profile, it would be purely on the basis that I will never be comfortable dating someone I could not be friends with. I would not write that in my profile because it does not need to be said. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:12:27 PM | | Can't we just assume that everyone woman "friends first"? Who's gonna put "Friends last, f*** buddies first" on their profile? | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:15:25 PM |
Its the same guy but now all of a sudden he is sexier. I open his emails first. I have even read all of his forum posts.
I know exactly what you mean...... I feel the same way about someone on POF ...... it went from so so she`s kinda cool to............ my god I want her 
Peace | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:49:41 PM |
I say this is a dating site exclusively. If people want a social site then go to myspace or facebook but frankly this is a site full of people with hearts and souls seeking something a little bit more than socializing. Does that mean there aren't people on here who are here just to socialize, no. But that doesn't change the fact that this site is geared towards helping those find a soul mate and relationships that are productive. It says it up above, Free Dating Site.
It takes socializing and friendship to develop something deeper and more meaningful. If you don't believe that, you're still in high school asking to go steady on a first date. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:09:21 PM | What does it mean when someone's profile says "Friends first"? - cutegirl2008
I have to say, this expression drives me nuts!
Makes me damn glad that I am not looking any more. One of my good friends, whom I met on Plenty of
Fish, has this same idiotic line in his profile. And when I asked him WTF that was all about, he says "Well,
I think the best relationships, are the ones that start as friends." When he asked me if i agreed with
that, I said "F*ck no. I am not attracted to my friends." Because a loving, romantic relationship, has to
start with an attraction. And that is really the bottom line. Ideally, the one you love gets to know you so
well, over time, that they are almost like your best friend. But not really, because the closeness is of a
totally different, intimate level, that you can never achieve with someone who is just a friend. JMO. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:29:17 PM | I have to say if you're here just to read and post on the forums...your modeling pic is pointless and is just used as an attention grabber at most...which worked!lol because maybe you don't think people would read what you had to say otherwise?? Not meant to be mean...just curious.
I'm on here to "go on dates" and not really looking for a LTR. A date to me could start a friendship and a friendship could lead into something more. I wouldn't get exclusive with someone before being friends first. I'm friends with a lot of people I'm not attracted to..... not saying they aren't pretty...just not my type. | |
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| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:47:39 PM | First, let's look at your profile, you are very happy with your "Stud Muffin", now why are you on here??? Then I look futher and you have a picture of what may be you and another of a guy, so which are you, the guy or the female imposter???
Stay in California, I still have hope it will fall off in the ocean and all of you (whatever you are) will go with it.
I'm just an OKIE who knows nothing (or not).
Good night Buffy or Biff or whoever you are. | |
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