| |
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:47:58 AM |
Stay in California, I still have hope it will fall off in the ocean and all of you (whatever you are) will go with it.
To that I only have one comment..................whatthe????????
You get the award for the dumbest comment on the forums............. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:05:51 AM | | People have alot of ways to express themseves on here that serves themselves in a unique way. Friends first is just another way to go about it. What matters is what is real in real life . Is there attraction ? I hardly believe people are saying they want to marry their best pall, buddy at soccer practice, lol, because they play well together. I think what people mean when they say friends first is that they like to develop a relationship slowly. Thats all. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:20:09 AM | | first of all if you have a boyfreind whay are you really on this site think about it.bored with him because if your in love why is there a need for you to be on here.the other thing why have a profile that says cute girl?why dont you let us decide or does it even matter to you himm? i am not trying to be harsh but when you question other poeples motives what is yours? | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:27:12 PM | | I think friends first is more of a female trait, perhaps a defense mechanism, especially if they were hurt previously. It gives someone the time and space to slowly get to know someone before committing. Once you cross the FRIENDS FIRST line and become more then friends you can't go back. Personally I don't understand the concept, if two people are attracted to each other and have chemistry things should just develop naturally, but I'm a guy and for us many things are black and white. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:09:06 PM | | ^^^ Yeah I have to agree... Women mostly use this ... MY personal interpitation of it is that it means we can go out and you can wine and dine me but don't look for sex. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:00:21 PM | | I would assume most is looking for a love mate to also be a friend... so why is it necessary to say looking for friends? like it's an epiphany? | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:33:13 PM | Some people just aren't interested in "jumping through hoops" trying to show that they are a "good catch" without seeing enough of someone to know whether they are worth the effort or not...
Many / most women want to be wooed... They want sparks and fireworks and romance. Similarly, an honest guy will want to know the potential is there before trying to "go the extra mile."
I figure the 1st meeting is just to figure out if you have enough in common to want to spend the day or evening together... The 1st date is to get to know each other a little better and have a little fun without too much pressure.... After that it is time to determine if there are any major "show stoppers" or hidden land mines waiting to blow up and put an early / unexpected end to things... Many of these potential "show stoppers" could involve asking rather intimate questions of somebody. I would not feel comfortable asking those kinds of questions without having at least the beginnings of a solid friendship between us... | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:37:38 PM | A thought such as this "I feel absolutely no attraction to you, but let's become friends. Maybe we can grow from our friendship into romance" has never crossed my mind. And I really don't think there are many people who will continue going out with someone they are not attracted to just to be friends if they've met on a dating site.
I don't think this is in my profile, but for me "friends first" means I already know I am attracted to you but don't want to jump into this huge physical relationship without first spending time as friends getting to know each other...it's better to know who you're dealing with before you let your hormones decide everything.
It's not JUST a friendship - for me that would be "just" friends. If I have no attraction to someone in the first 10 minutes, it's pretty much never going to happen.... | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:48:36 AM | Maybe "Enemies First" suits some people's libido better. Plus they do say that there is a thin line between hate and love.
I prefer Friends, real Friends, foerst! My libido does not work well with Enemies, ie I do not get a kick out of making love with enemies (0r strangers).
Real friendship between a man and a woman usually includes some "romantic" undertones. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:27:13 AM | | This one's simple.."Friends First" is almost always code for "I control men by with- holding sex or use other tease head games..." These are women, who for some sad reason (probably observed from their mother's bad relationship practices with their fathers) , believe they can gain control of a man from the get-go, and don't grasp that this behavior is the exact reason their men found someone else and ran. It's uncanny how many women who have contacted me, with that phrase in their profiles, are all similar in respect to their control issues. Avoid these like you would ones with tons of party-girl pics, "kids come first and always will", "I'm real", tramp stamps, biker pics, etc, and you may actually find someone sane on any of these sites. | |
|
| |
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:53:05 AM | | I totally agree that dating is about chemistry, attraction and romance however, for me longterm is about still having that chemistry, attraction and romance with your best friend when your 80. Without the foundation of friendship how does someone expect any of the others to last? | |
|
| |
| |
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:38:34 AM | | Crap! Triple post! A new one. Pretty bed, even for me! Go back three spaces and lose one turn. Do not pass "Go"; do not collect $200.00! | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:53:46 PM | OP, my personal experience says you're wrong in that friends can't become more.
Just because you don't lust after somebody the moment you meet them, doesn't mean that something can't grow from it.
Example:
Many years ago, I became friends with a woman for many months.
We became really good friends, and had an energy where we could spend enormous amounts of time together and it never got stale.
I finally fell pretty hard for her, and after some persuasion, got her to start going out with me.
It was great, and I never fell so hard for a woman in my life since.
Yet we started out as friends for a long time first.
I've just never subscribed to the notion that friends can't become more over time | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:44:29 PM | For me, friends first just means - it's not going to be sex first and then I get to know you afterwards, maybe. If I ever hear from you again. Which I probably won't, if we jumped right into sex first.
So, I guess that makes me "controlling" as someone in this thread says is the meaning of the phrase - yes, I'm working to control my destiny in a dating situation by choosing, rightly or wrongly, to get to know someone first before taking things to the next level. If I'm still dating that person beyond the first meeting, then I'm attracted, and hopeful that more will develop; if I'm going to become intimate, I'll need to have developed feelings that will give meaning to the physical act. Those feelings will be built on a foundation of friendship, affection, trust, respect, etc.
While it's not impossible that the friendship and more serious relationship can develop even if it all started with sex first, most women of any age and experience know that the chances are a lot less likely. And, therefore, we may choose to use this "code" to forewarn men who are reading the ads, and they can pass on by if they know they are only after a sexual or casual encounter.
Debbie | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:55:32 PM | | let me see OP...how can I put this simply enough for you to possibly understand??? Friends = respect? Not just "I want to jump into bed with the first "Dick" that comes along. " - To put it more blatently (oops - too big a word?) | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:58:12 PM | What does it mean when someone's profile says "Friends first"? - cutegirl2008
When I see 'friends first' in a profile headline, I shiver and think: So, it's friends first? OK. What happens when two people get to know each other and decide to marry, for instance? Are they no longer friends? Is the friendship gone? What can supersede friendship? Surely it should be friends - first, last and always? Is there something more than friendship? Aren't married couples friends, and isn't that one of the closest friendships?
I have never seen this 'friends first' approach on a man's profile, just like I have never seen a man describe himself as 'independent'. It is always the woman who is independent.
Best wishes - Soul Union. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:59:30 PM | Hi, I've tried it in reverse and it doesn't work. That's one of the reason I'm still single and on here.
When two people are friends they've established a give and take relati0nship, they've learned / earned respect for each other and they've shown compassion and caring for that person. Also, they've learned how their friend will act and react to numerous situations
Before becoming emotionally and sexually involved being friends is the precursor.
When you are seeking a "forever" "grow old together" relationship friends first is a great (safe) rule to follow.
Oh, course if you are just seeking great physical connections and fleeting emotion then go have fun. But, I suspect,that someday you'll be forty something on a web site looking for your best friend and lover.
Sincerely...L | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:03:32 PM | Re the Opost
Friendship is "forever". Lust, eros, being in love and love are not.
Why? Because friends do not whine about commitment and the like. lol
And friends have things in common, other than lust, love or sex. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:21:17 PM | My profile says "friends first"...why?
Because there will be a tendency for common ground and when times get tough, friends usually stand by each other. I'd like to know that the guy will be there through "thick and thin". | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:26:28 AM | Re post 74:
""... I'd like to know that the guy will be there through "thick and thin"...."
He/she, the Friend, may be "there" "forever" and "through thick and thin" as a friend, but not necessarily as (always) a lover or a "partner". If only more women realised the unrealistic of expecting a lover or an SO to be there for more than a few years, especially in this day and age. If he/she is, it will be under the "friend" label. True friendship between a woman and a man withstands erotic separation, IMO, it does not blow up into pieces, only fake friendships do, IMO/IME. | |
|
| Friends First??? I beg your pardon…….
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:12:29 AM | Thick and thin means through whatever we go through.....
Most of the strongest relationships I am privy to witness, the 2 people agree that they are each other's best friends.
Hope that answers your question. | |
|
Home
login 
