| |
| |
| |
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:28:46 PM | | I don't think I would want to snack even if I was single. Certainly not while I am in a relationship. Life is complicated enough, for me anyway, without involving snacking. I understand the logic of those that do. But, just not for me. 'course, I guess there are those that binge then purge? | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:04:42 AM | | As somebody else mentioned one of the problems with snacking is that sometimes the snack can misinterpret your snacking as taking them for the big meal, then they get hurt. That's ok for those who don't really care about the snacks feelings, but personally through my experiences I have come to the realisation that it isn't worth it for me, and I'd rather wait until I know for sure that what I have on my plate will fully satisfy me, and of course that I will satisfy it mutually. Ok so this can mean having a great deal of patience, but all the best things come to those who wait patiently. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:57:13 AM | To elaborate on what pamperpooch said...
In my profession, I hear and see a lot...sometimes I hear wayyy too much information.
Let me just say that I would never want to be someone's "fill in" until they find the "real deal." I have never been tempted to do that to someone, as in I'm so lonely, he will do, until I meet Mr. Right. There is something so cold and heartless about it!
At times it seems that a lot of people engage in this practice and for me it becomes "people using people!" There is no denying, it goes on constantly.
I guess one could rationalize that if both parties are doing it to each other, what's the harm?
The problem is someone always gets hurt. Not judging. Just sayin.... | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:10:13 AM |
The problem is someone always gets hurt. Not judging. Just sayin Most of the time, yes… but not always!
I guess one could rationalize that if both parties are doing it to each other, what's the harm? Doing what to each other?... being honest?... what a novel idea, a relationship that starts off with honesty.
I have more faith in sex with honesty than I do in instant romance with bullsh1t… oh baby were going to be together forever, you’re the greatest, bla bla bla…
The problem isn’t the act it self, the problem is how honest people can be with each other and with them selves. Why does it always have to involve lying and devious behavior? | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:51:46 AM | Ahh sorry to say this but IMO even this so called upfront honesty becomes a game.
It's called let's be friends with benefits but somewhere along the line someone is hoping to switch the game! You just have to read the forums..people do it all the time...I just want to be your friend...oh by the way can we start having sex...six months down the line, either person finds the "one" and the sex partner gets dumped with a "you knew this wasn't going anywhere!" Righteous indignation sets in and you hear cries of "you used me!" "You led me on!"
So flyinhigh..you can honestly say, you tell women upfront you just want to have sex with them but hey don't expect this to turn into anything serious because of I don't like abc about your personality!  | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:00:48 AM | Hey what's that movie with jack where he shouts out..." You can't handle the truth! "
Many can't handle , or are even capable of even thinking along the lines of being "self-aware". While plenty will pay this term lip service... it really is a trait or ability I think can't be easily picked up!
It took a personal tragedy to "awaken" it in me.... now dam it I can't turn it off!
Now with self awareness comes, I believe a compassion for the feelings of others!
How many can say they regularly place the wants, needs and desires of others ahead of their own selfish wants ? Hmmm ? Isn't that where compromise starts ? Doesn't that make it work ?
It's a good thing I now think of POf primarily as entertainment ! Heck otherwise i would develop a complex from the many rejections I get to my intro emails of .."nice boobs" or
"what would you like for breakfast"....lol ( tongue firmly planted in cheek ! folks ..lol )
Honestly, anyone can be anything on here ! Not too many would stand up to public scrutiny of how they "treat" other people! I find the ones that cry the loudest about certain things are the ones that they themselves do to others and just don't get that "what goes around- comes around " !
My expectations went from seriously hoping to meet a great woman, to getting pizzed of at how rude so many are.." read delete"- with no response what so ever... to just throwing emails out there, to .... well not really bothering to send out very many anymore...
How many people have gone, came back, gone and came back or simply changed their name to come back as "new" and restart that attention phase they loved ... but died out quickly ?
Do you know what it feels like to the one of the few honest ones in a room full of liars ?
Okay ,.. maybe liars is a tad too strong of wording. Because if said person isn't self aware and they don't realize what they are doing ( not capable to comprehend the actions and reasons behind them) then I guess they are just ..... what ?
Too simple ??? | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:33:14 AM |
So flyinhigh..you can honestly say, you tell women upfront you just want to have sex with them but hey don't expect this to turn into anything Actually I’ve never told a woman that… I always wanted it to turn into something… I just don’t expect it!
and the sex partner gets dumped with a "you knew this wasn't going anywhere!" That’s the whole point of being honest… both sides know that it’s not going anywhere.
but somewhere along the line someone is hoping to switch the game! It’s a shame you have such a negative outlook on relationships… btw, who switched the game before your divorce?
Don’t believe everything you read in these forums… the majority of the negative posts are the ones who suffer from “Righteous indignation”, we rarely hear from people who are honest with them selves and chose not to blame others for their short comings.
I suppose my way of thinking seems simple… I still prefer it to the complicated GAME that you keep talking about.
| |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:20:48 AM | On the contrary, flyinhigh I am what some might call a romantic fool... who still believes in love!
However, I am a realist, if you choose to see that as being negative...that's your choice. I just know that for my age bracket...the herd has thinned and last time I checked we do live in a country where their is freedom of choice.
Why does a good portion of our society seem to buy into that theory that something must be wrong with you, male or female if your not hooked up!
BTW there can be other circumstances for a divorce ...other than a husband or wife cheating or getting involved with someone else. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:11:22 PM |
On the contrary, flyinhigh I am what some might call a romantic fool... who still believes in love! We all believe in it, and it doesn’t make you a fool!
However, I am a realist, if you choose to see that as being negative...that's your choice. Please quit twisting my words with assumptions… otherwise I’m going to do the same thing… and we all know where those conversations end up.
Why does a good portion of our society seem to buy into that theory that something must be wrong with you, male or female if your not hooked up! This is where our opinions start to differ… maybe you definition of “good portion” is different than mine, but I really don’t think that a lot people think that… As far as I can tell, the only people who think like that are the ones in bad relationships, and they need to justify their bad relationship by pointing out that it’s better than being single.
Ok, how do I say this nicely… Unless you have taken poll from a “good portion” of society, your statement has no basis in fact… it’s really nothing more than your perception, and (in this case) your perception is negative… when you say things like that, is when I start thinking that you’re slightly negative. I’m not sure where that perception comes from, but if it’s from the POF forums or people who aren’t happy with their own relationships, then… you aren’t being a realist… you being a pessimist.
BTW there can be other circumstances for a divorce ...other than a husband or wife cheating or getting involved with someone else. My point was… The game can change at any time for any reason regardless of your intentions or expectations!
Ok, you can shoot me now.
I still say… It’s better have laid and lost, than never have laid at all!... Oh wait, that’s suppose to be love… ah, whatever! | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:36:11 PM | edjoecdn
the movie is called A Few Good Men
interlude
flyinghigh
I think that I understand what you are saying.... I just think that it's hard to not get attached. And I know that there are definately people that can be intimate and walk away easily without a care for the other person.
I'm not rude to guys that put it out there that they only want nookie and "no strings attached". And they aren't rude to me when they know that I'm a waste of their time.
They aren't playing with emotions, they are just going after what they want. I have to respect that. I'm positive that there are more people out there that just can't get into the whole casual thing. And sometimes I think that everyone is hardwired to not be so casual about intimacy.... their hearts were just broken one too many times and it's self-preservation.
That just my opinion though | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:48:20 PM |
I just think that it's hard to not get attached. It’s impossible to not get attached to some degree, or have zero feelings… it’s never JUST sex, and there are always strings attached… who said you wouldnt get attached?… unless you’re a prostitute. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:37:28 PM | It is almost tougher to find someone that you can have sex with and NOT to fall in love, someone you only want to do specific things with, than to find the person you want to do everything with
As one of those HONEST people, I "interviewed" for a potential FLUCKBUDDY when I was first out of my marriage six years ago. The successful candidate was someone who I could share my trust and lust. We were great friends before and became even better friends.  Everything went great and when he reconnected with an old workmate who was now available, fell in love and got married I was almost excited as him!! Though I regretted losing him and his considerable assets, we were such good friends I couldn't help but be happy for his happiness. <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
It is not a male or female trait to be willing or able to seperate love and sex, it is a matter of honesty with yourself and others. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:51:07 PM | Heyyyyy I think that prostitutes have feelings! Oh Flyin, we really do have different politics.
I just think that those that keep enough bootycalls, or are constantly looking for them can't really be bothered to feel much for any of them. They have someone for every mood. If one of the collection is annoying, there are other options.
To quote a person that is constantly on the lookout for something new or better than the others, "(He'll) take it where (he) can get it". I think that he's missing out, but it's his life and he is perfectly happy with it.
I read it in another thread about whether both people have both of their feet in a circle ..... it is quite a dance if one of the couple has their feet in other circles.
It is just my opinion that if one does not give one person their complete romantic attention, they really aren't going to know if it would have worked out... or even cared for that matter. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 3:36:29 PM | I just know that for my age bracket...the herd has thinned
Oh I miss-read this and thought it was about me. I thought it said my hair had thinned. Back to our regularly scheduled program.
The only way I can think of two people being naughty with each other and it not developing to a point where one person wants more from the other is if it was not a regular occurrence. I can see two people having some fun and not minding if the other finds someone else, because as one may have put it one night ‘If we never knew each other for so long and we just met we probably would pass on by without any interest in the other.’ While there is a bond there they may not be compatible enough that they would ever considered a relationship.
During the time one or both are in relationships they can remain friends and care what happens to the other because the relationship is not built upon sex but friendship. They just know that love and sex are two different things and there are times that an itch needs to be scratched, and trust each other enough to show their intimate side.
This is all a simplified theory of course because I am a simple guy and really do not have much experience in such things. I would guess this situation does not happen often as we do not hear the story told much. But the world that it is I would bet that something along this line has happened in the past.
Now that I look back and see Letsgo's post sneak in here I may actually think my story may not sound so farfetched. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:46:58 PM |
Heyyyyy I think that prostitutes have feelings! Oh Flyin, we really do have different politics. Yes, I’m sure prostitutes have feelings like every one else… I just meant, what they experience wouldn’t be the same and would be less personal if they’re being paid for it. When did we start talking about politics?... I know you didn’t mean it literally, but I have no idea what it means figuratively.
I just think that those that keep enough bootycalls, or are constantly looking for them can't really be bothered to feel much for any of them. They have someone for every mood. How did this go from having a snack, to, living off of potato chips and pop?
Now that I look back and see Letsgo's post sneak in here I may actually think my story may not sound so farfetched. I doubt it’s very common, but it’s definitely not far fetched. | |
|
| |
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:30:25 PM |
These blue cheese and hot wings flavored Doritos are awful!
Good to know. I like the commercial and thought I might even try them.
Back to the question of what is good enough. Do we keep looking for the ultimate experience with the one person that makes the rest of your life a notch above everyone else’s. Or do we settle for something lesser than that?
Fifteen years ago I met a woman that stopped me in my tracks and I hers. Even without talking we knew what was inside the other. I have met a lot of women before her and many after and have not come close to finding someone who had that effect on me or I on her.
Knowing that lightning hit once do I keep looking for it or do I accept something less and yet build a life with that person? How much is enough? How much do you need and how much would you trade off from your ideal that you may find in the future for the here and now? | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:45:38 PM | I don't think people consciously settle for less than what they want. At times, we may fool ourselves into believing that we have found it and later come to realize we were wrong but that isn't the same as making a decision to accept less than it all.
I think we have no choice but to settle. I know in my case the one who has it all will not exist in mainstream society. I have very definate opinions and ideals and the one who can fulfill them does not exist in modern times and very likely never will. I believe it is the same with most of us but can only speak for myself as to knowing i will have to settle if i even bother. We all fall short of expectations so we settle for the one who fills most of our needs. Plus in my case i keep changing my "wish list" wich makes it even more difficult to fulfill, it is never finished so it can never be filled.
As far as the original posting i will say that my expectations have not changed. I had no real expectations when i joined this site and no idea how i might be accepted. I decided to put up a profile and if someone contacted me through it fine if not i lose nothing. I am not actively persuing anyone nor do i intend to, i will read profiles but spend most my time on the forums. It is entirely up to any woman who may wish to contact me and make herself clear as to what she wants. I did contact 2 women since making my profile. The first one never responded and the second is one who had contacted me earlier on and we corresponded a bit until i never heard from her again. Her profile disappeared then i met up with her on a forum and contacted her and we are still corresponding but only as friends. My expectations or lack of have not changed nor has my decision to let the women say what they want point blank no hints. I have had a few others contact me also but only one have i had more than a couple of messages with and my decision stands.
Has my outlook changed?
Most definately. My opinions of society haven't changed so much but i think many people are being one thing in society and another at heart. My opinion of individuals and ability to accept them has changed from being on the forums here and on other sites in facebook groups. I think individuals are still basically good people wich is what i thought years ago then gave up. I still think poorly of society though and that it is lost until we find it again. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:33:52 PM | I guess that my expectations have not changed much since I originally signed up on this site. My outlook, yes, that has changed. I think (hope) that the rose coloured glasses are off.
But is what you have... simply "good enough" ? Is that romantic... survival enough to carry you ? Will it remain as it is ? With No progression to something more serious and intimate ? Has your love life hit a plateau and it's "good enough" ??? Is the goal of "falling in love" and doing all these wonderful things togeather been set aside for you have met an adequate lonliness filler ? [/qoute] What is one supposed to do when ..... they want so very much more.... yet see's a ltd selection at the buffet table ?
Does one snack to satisfy a "grumble" or hold out for the full course meal ?
Holding out for the full course meal seems to be the only option. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:08:31 AM | The bar scene that's a different scenario..can't tell you the number of women that I know personally who have spotted a guy that THEIR interested in, not just any guy, strutted across the bar loaded up on the sauce, then made their move to take him home for the night.
They have also indicated to me that
gosh golly...didn't know what I was doing....then express disappointment when the guy quickly lost their number or didn't return their calls. My point being that in some cases...it wasn't booze that made them go home with the guy. They were definitely attracted and hoped something would develop from what usually is a ....one night stand. There are also IMO the male predator who scans the bar looking for drunk women that he can easily make a conquest with. Should stipulate, because of our laws, I think MOST men are pretty cautious about this one now. Never can tell when a women might say she was raped.
Different strokes for different folks...
By all means, I think some people can connect over the internet, two of my clients have and are dating. I can say with complete certainty that one is dating not to be alone on a Saturday
night. Not judging, just sayin what she told me.
IMO internet dating is a longshot. I still prefer dating the old fashioned way! | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:10:22 AM | Basically, it is like applying for a job. I have such a hard time doing the cover letter for positions I would be interested in, because you have to "embellish" yourself, bragging, of a sort. I can state facts and that I know I could do the job. But when I had my boss help me do a cover letter to progress with my job, the letter looked nothing like what I picture myself as being.
I like calling a spade a spade. This is me, plain and simple (minded? lol!) I know that when I met a person, I didn't want to hear or see their "cover letter", I wanted just simple, plain truth and friendliness. | |
|
| Are your expectations fading ? Has your outlook changed ?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:15:04 AM | | Getting back to topic, as I am all out of popcorn from other burning threads - I think we all change because the situations that come up change us, even minutely. Every event that happens in our life changes us for the better or worse. | |
|
Home
login 
