| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:49:37 PM | | Since you have been a member here for one whole month, perhaps you shouldn't be so quick to pull the trigger on the suicide thread. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:53:43 PM | I will counter your argument like this:
I'm a mechanic, albeit a backyard mechanic and not a pro. I have a buddy that used to run his own shop and his business failed. I still seek his advice from time to time. Every time, his advice is right. But, how can that be since his business failed? The answer is simple: he is a great mechanic, but a poor businessman. If I were seeking advice about how to run a business, he wouldn't be the one I would seek advice from.
Just because someone is here doesn't mean they don't know what it takes to have a good relationship. While I find a number of posters whose advice I would never follow, I also find a good number of them that I can learn from. As was pointed out earlier, I can learn from other's mistakes instead of making them on my own. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:57:46 PM |
The answer is simple: he is a great mechanic, but a poor businessman.
Great analogy...maybe even better than you realize. Being a professional businessperson, well...you can't convince someone that they need to pay someone with the skills to learn to manage and run their business.
Pay now, pay later...when they come to me later, it's usually such a mess they can't afford to pay me to help them "fix it".  | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:06:46 PM | Get a life, you people!
Some of us, many of us in fact, have had very successful marriages. We did not ask for what happened to us, we have another learning experience to figure out. And we are, slowly. Just take your time , get rid of your anger, including you "divorcees" and learn to live again.
You have your whole lives ahead of you and believe me, life can and is, very short.
Treat every day as a blessing and not a curse!
Just get over your anger and accept the past. The future is yours now.
Live it, you never know how long you've got.
I'm sorry to sober up all of your rage, but......there it is in a nutshell.
Just trying to help you in times of stress.
Believe me or beat me up, I don't care, I'm ME!!!!!.
And I am moving on with my life and am very happy.
Bob-O-Link | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:45:36 PM | Ignorance as they say is bliss...if your profile is accurate...as single...you've never been married, divorced...widowed...never taken the risk.
So your "relationship" experience at best would be suspect. At 47 years old...if that's accurate...what the heck do you know about relationships.
Read the threads here (there are plenty) about middle aged people who've never been married. There's a reason that many people consider them "undatable" and delete their emails. 
Not me, personally I did date someone 38 years old and when I did put it to him...lived with a woman 8 years and didn't understand why she left. He was flabbergasted...she wanted to get married he didn't...I asked well you loved her..why not? "I wasn't ready" that was his answer.
I didn't break up with him because of that..it was short term and there were so many other reasons. He "found" me here and wrote me recently..not about that.
He's still not that grown up and probably will be the eternal "Peter Pan".
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:52:30 PM | you learn from your mistakes ,but you will never live long enough to make all the mistakes that it takes to know it all ,thats when you tap and learn from other peoples mistakes, | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:13:02 PM | Meaning no disrespect to those who need advice, or those who offer it - but why does anyone think that a site like this, populated almost entirely by people who lack a relationship that they want, or have failed relationships behind them, is a wise place to seek advice?
Well thier is disrespect taken some of us didnt have a failed reationship are spouse died and we are hoping to find some one else to complete are lives, now advice is to be taken with a grain of salt if you want to use it go for but5 no one says you have to take all the advice given. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:37:13 PM | way to make us all feel like a bunch of hopeless losers (doing the big L sign on my forehead for dramatic effect)
people here are reflective of the population in general , just cuz many of us (myself included) aren't in a relationship *atthisverynanosecond* doesn't mean we never have been or that we have no advice to give!
Plus there are people who post here that *are* in happy successful relationships - I did it when I was in one!
If i can shed some light and prevent someone from making some of the same mistakes I've made , I'm happy to do it. As for posting questions/problems here, I consider a lot of these posters to be friends I've made and like any good friends - I turn to them when I have a question or situation that needs figuring out. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:42:40 PM | OP... did it ever occur to you that maybe the people we were married to were not such great people and that's why we're single?
Do most people go to those with successful marriages or relationships and ask for only their advice? Sometimes it's good to get something off your chest, get multiple views or ideas, solutions or opinions... you never know what might hit a chord or validate how you're feeling. You might rethink something you were about to do or come up with a whole new approach to an issue you hadn't thought of.
I appreciate the opinions I get. It doesn't mean I'm going to always take the adice I get, but sometimes someone might say something that makes me really think. That's the value of sharing how you feel. It sure can't hurt.
Sharzi | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:35:38 AM | Well thank God someone has finally arrived who knows "everything," even what we lowly "divorcees" need to do. (And I don't appreciate the insinuation that I somehow "asked" for what happened to my relationship just because it's different from what happened to yours.)
Bob-o-link, I think if you read my profile, you'll see that I don't have the issues you seem to think we all (well except for you, of course) have. You might think you have reason to be all smug because you didn't have a "failed" relationship, but I can tell you that I spent 18 years trying everything I knew to keep my marriage together. The only thing I couldn't control was the other person in my marriage. So the day came when I had to give up and let it go. I have no anger towards him or anyone else. We are good friends to this day.
Just because you've never "had" a failed relationship doesn't mean you never will. Because as I said, the only thing you can't control in a relationship is the other person. What you and the OP don't seem to grasp is that sometimes a person has everything it takes to have a successful relationship, but if the other person in that relationship doesn't, there's not a thing you can do to change that. And many times you don't know it till years down the road.
There are many more, just like me (gasp) who don't have "rage" or anything else. If you hop down off that high horse you rode in here on, and join the rest of us here on Earth, you might see that.
Oh, and get yourself a life. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:47:01 AM | | i don't know anything about online dating. but i think a lot of the people on here have had some successful relationships that you can learn something from them. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:52:56 AM | | My 2 cents...I do wonder about the people that ask total strangers for advice. But maybe they feel they won't get the honest answers they want from friends and family. However, from what I have seen is that most do not heed the advice if it's not what they want to hear...such as leave the cheating bum stuff. Or my favorite...if the women is even semi-attractive, there always are a few men kissing her a$$ hoping to score brownie points. Personally, I'd never ask for advice on here. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:58:37 AM | catchinnj....people have always been able to talk to strangers better than they can to people they know on certain subjects. Better to be judged by strangers than someone we know.
I really think people know the answers before they post ...............they are looking for affirmation | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:00:50 AM | You can't really experience life if you aren't learning from that experience.
I come here for advice because a) I am more comfortable asking for advice here simply because the majority of my friends are married...and not always happily so
and b) because many times I have come across threads on here in which the OP has gone through a relationship experience so similar to one of mine that I can both give advice and learn from the advice of other posters in the thread.
If forums aren't for learning and sharing, OP...what are they for? | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:03:01 AM | Catchinj, I have an easier time asking strangers for advice than I do people in my real life. First of all, I don't like to tell people I know my personal business. Second, if I feel like the advice they give me is bad, and I choose not to take it, they are going to know about it, and never let me hear the end of it. Third, there are things I don't want repeated, and you can never be guaranteed that it won't be if you tell someone you know.
I wouldn't post a deeply personal question here unless I did it with a profile with no picture, but I would rather ask something of that nature to a bunch of people who don't know me than have all my "friends" and even family talking about it behind my back. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:04:17 AM | I think many come here also for atonement. If something ended, and they think they played thier hand incorrectly...they want to confess. I have seen the most well meaning thread starters get pulverized though.
It is a good forum-lots of diff opinions, which helps people when they are struggling to understand an issue. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:05:07 AM | Thank you so much OP for painting us all with such a wide brush. Yes, this is a dating site but also filled with people from all walks of life, different ages, all with different experiences going through the all same things as you are. Most people here are smart enough to know that what your basically doing on any forum is seeking OPINIONS, these threads are merely surveys of a cross section of single adults. Although I have learned a lot by reading some peoples posts, this is not always a good thing, because there are some sick people out there.  | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:11:08 AM | | I kinda do agree with those that said it's easier to ask strangers about something you wouldn't want to share with friends and family. But again, are these people even listening to the advice and making the hard choices...I see it more like a damn Springer Show then anything else...haha | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:19:42 AM | Once with my old account I asked a question and got some really good answers. I asked a question about a situation that seems to keep happening to me...I asked it while it "wasn't" happening, rather than waiting for it to happen again, because I didn't want to ask while I was upset and not so willing/able to listen to advice. I didn't want to know why "all men are jerks," I wanted to know what "I" was doing wrong, how I ended up choosing the same kind of person and how I could avoid it, when they all seemed so different at first.
By asking while it wasn't bothering me so much, I got a lot of good advice that I could take to heart and remember when looking for a future relationship. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:28:28 AM | i like beachbunnies answer as well as the person who expressed his thoughts that the asker doesn't want the 'fallout' from asking the person directly.
1. You don`t want your friends & neighbours do discover everything about you.
2. YOu don`t want to have your friends offer advice- you take it and it doens`t work out so well. THat is going to hang over your relationship.
3. YOu don`t want to have your friends over advice and you don`t take it- and the friend has this over you for the rest of your life.
4. People have a tendency to tell `secrets`.
of course, with friends like that, who needs an enema!
This thread is a bit like another thread about people posting their stories. Some of the stories seem to be told only for validation. Other people ( well,, KD did ..lol ) respond in a positive manner to all the posters while others do not appreciate having their actions questioned in any manner whatsoever.
Initially, I was of the opinion that the threads had to be fraudulent. People`s couldn`t possibly be on here admitting to these things. Then I have come around to believe that they are true. I understand that these things- although common to many - happened to this ONE PERSON and for her, it is very serious. It offers cold comfort for her to be told that other people have gone through it. He wants to know what to expect or what went wrong. For them, it`s incredibly real and poignant.
For some people, many common human conditions- phenomena scare the heck out of them. Just about everything about how people interact with one another bothers them.
And for some people, they are naive or ignorant about so many things- perhaps they lived a sheltered life or were abused in some way that lead them to be unsure of themselves as well as unaware.
Other people make huge assumptions about people and post to hear other people`s view on what they have done. They may be completely taken aback to discover that the assumptions he had were completely wrong or at least innaccurate in this context.
One person has openly posted that she simply doesn't trust people ( herself ) in real life enough to meet them and has decided to get to know a person on line before meeting them. THus she is on the internet. WHether this is a good route to take is not the question.
Some people are incredibly awkward or inept with other people and have decided to go online to meet others who may or may not be just like them. or to watch other people interact in order to learn from them. I would imagine that this is like separating the wheat from the chafe- some do it easily while others....
They post so many questions about topics that to many of us are a matter of routine that you know the person either has done it and is now having huge regrets ( buyer`s remorse) or has heard about it and finds it icky ( seeks validation ignoring people who say `meh- what`s the deal- live and let live ) .
short answer _ - validation for the most part.
anyway- have fun.. enjoy the ride.. popcorn is free. Newbies have to buy the regulars drinks for a week - I am a rum and coke sort of guy- NOT DIET...... if anyone brings me diet coke..... are you trying to tell me something | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:34:46 AM | | Really the only advice I ask for here is cooking advice. The recipes section is a fun diversion. | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:48:22 AM | | Well I think the OP has been totally indoctrinated to POF...............LOL | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:52:37 AM | | Anyone caught posting on this thread should seek medical advice....IMO | |
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| Why seek advice here?
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:57:07 AM | | You just did......Is there a Dr. in the house for arius? | |
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