| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:08:14 PM | Considering most people expect their partner to be faithful when in a relationship, meaning they expect their partner to have sex with them and only them, then sexual compatibility must be established.
It's frequently stated that if a relationship is going well sex just falls into place. That is a fairy tale. Sex doesn't just fall into place. Sex is an innate drive similar to hunger/thirst. Changing a person's sexual habits is like trying to change a person's eating habits. While it's possible not too many people accept it.
Also, sexual compatibility involves how often a person desires sex. That can not be determined after one or two sexual encounters. If two people decide to date to see if they're compatible I recommend both being tested for STDs and start to determine sexual compatibility along with determining compatibility in other things. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:12:13 PM |
What is "too soon" though?
It doesn't matter.
If it is going to work it will, if it isn't it wont.
People who delay sex just prolong the the time before you find out if you are physicaly compatible or just p!ssing in the wind.
Most of the first dates I went on we wanted to get the sex out of the way so we could enjoy getting to know each other with out that hanging over our heads.
 | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:12:41 PM | At long as possible until you can no longer stand the sight of each other with clothes on. The first time should be crazy, mad, tearing off clothes...
From a logical point of view, I don't know. One could say you shouldn't "waste any precious time" by getting the badaboom bond going on with someone you might not work with but that sort of takes a lot of that wonderful passion out of it doesn't it. I don't know the source but there is a quote that goes something like, "Pursue all matters of love with wild reckless abandon".
There is just a time. Wait as long as you can. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:02:15 PM | "Too soon"?
Just as you've entered her imagination.
Let it build for a moment or two. Even mercury needs time to rise. | |
|
| |
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:10:16 AM | Smiling said it so well:
At long as possible until you can no longer stand the sight of each other with clothes on. The first time should be crazy, mad, tearing off clothes...
Yep. And that only comes when you've really gotten to know someone and WANT to move to that level :)
there is just a time. Wait as long as you can I'd amend that to say "wait until YOU are ready." You'll know.
This brings me to the age old question/line of "men ask, women decide." Is it fair to say that most men are ready before women are (I don't mean the ones that just have casual sex-we're talking relationship building intimacy). And i don't think there's anything wrong with that. As long as the woman is honest and he respects that she's not just stringing him along. Timing is everything, and a bond has to be there before sex, otherwise it's just bumping bits. That's kind of sad sex IMHO. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:12:10 PM | What happen to not having sex before marriage!!!
ancient and outdated thinking in my opinion! | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:31:22 PM | I think if you think about it so hard and try to control the situation you are making a mistake. Let nature takes it course. If you are hot for each other, then game on. if not, then wait. Don't think so much about where its going or whether or not you will RUIN it by having sex too early, etc.. There is no such thing. If you are the kind of person that can only have sex with someone that shares a certain level of commitment, then by all means wait.
What I hear far too often are girls that think in some way if there is a guy that they want to have a relationship with, that they have to hold out on sex in order to get him to stay. Well any way you try to word that, that is manipulative. Do you really want a guy to be slowly tricked into being your BF or future husband that way? I doubt it. Just go with the flow, let nature take its course.
If a guy loses interest after early sex...then oh well..he ain't the one for you, but you will at least enjoy the sex and go on to find another guy without wasting 6 months dating that guy only to find out that he isn't the right one. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:30:42 AM | If you don't know if you can cope with the consequences of an unnecessary risk, taking the risk is not a good plan.
 Good Job Rune3... | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:23:42 AM | You want to know the rules? There aren't any, get over it. 
Should you change your behavior out of concern with what the person you are meeting will think? Unless you know them pretty well you don't know what they will think, so this is a waste of energy.
You could try sharing what you think, asking them what they think, and seeing how they match. Of course if you lie, or they lie, this is also a waste of energy. But even if you hold back saying what you really think because you are concerned with their opinion of your opinions, or if they do the same, it is still a waste of time.
In my opinion, having sex with a lady before we have talked about it is not something I am willing to do any more, for the reasons cited above. It has nothing to do with any one else's rules but rather with my own sense of what is appropriate in light of the consequences.
As far as the notion that we should try sex to see if we are "compatible," that is so much balderdash. I don't think what happens, or doesn't happen, the first time is a very good predictor of how it will be down the road. That may have been true 100 years ago, but there is a wealth of information about how to improve sexual enjoyment. If we have a positive and playful attitude about sex, we continue to learn about what our partner enjoys and why would we not modify our own behavior to provide it? If our partner is unwilling or unable to do that, the relationship is in trouble but I don't see how jumping into bed is going to tell us that.
Just my opinion!  | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:29:41 AM | | I have yet to discover what the right timing is. Like everything else, I just shoot for 'when it feels right'. That usually leads me down a pretty sunny path. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:39:40 AM | For me it's too soon if there are not strong feelings involved.
I am really not into sex per se , I prefer....Making Love , and usually that involves being in love in order to achieve that. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:42:07 AM | | Dave 1234, I agree with you. There is no real good timing. It just happens. The only thing, from a woman's perspective, is that a woman might mistake the warm, fuzzy feelings of good sex and friendship as love and a guy might not. Then that is when you start wondering if it was too early. Don't doubt yourself if this happens. You want to weed out the non-compatibles anyway. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:50:21 AM | | I'm not sure if it's just the sex with someone you hardly know that causes problems or waking up in the morning and getting them out of your house that's realy awkward. IF you are really comfortable with them then maybe some more sex, a shower and breakfast is in order. Waking up with someone that you are anxious to hustle out the door is not a good feeling LOL. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:50:31 AM |
Do you feel that having sex too soon can hurt a relationship? What about waiting too long? What do you think most people would consider to be too soon or too late? Do you feel that it even matters?
I think it only matters depending on the people involved. I had sex with one woman a month (to the day) after our first date, and the relationship lasted 22 months. I had sex with a different woman 8 days after our first date, and we ended up married for 12 years, together for 14 total. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:03:38 AM | I agree with everything you said. I think it's important to get to know someone outside the bedroom first. If you are only looking for sex it doesn't make a difference.
I think sometimes a woman might think she was used for sex, which could be true, but there is also a very strong possibility the man decided not to be with her anymore because once he got to know her better he decided she is not the one for him. It can work both ways. It doesn't necessarily mean that anyone was used for sex. It just didn't work out.
I'll give an embarassing, personal example as to why I think it's better to wait. One guy told me he was a construction worker. As I got to know him all the red flags indicated that he was actually a drug dealer. I made a phone call to someone who finally admitted that he was a drug dealer. Obviously I stopped seeing him. A few weeks later I received an phone call from a woman who claimed to be his girlfriend. She was asking questions and wanted to know why my number is in his cell. I said I barely know him, I never talk to him and we just exchanged numbers the night we met and that was it. I was downplaying it because I don't want to get involved with someone who could possibly be a psycho ****. It's not my problem she's with a cheater and doesn't she realize he is probably screwing strippers? Strippers and drug dealers go together like peas and carrots. Thank god I am not the type to have sex too early and believe in getting to know someone first. Otherwise who knows how many diseases I would have caught from Mr. Drug Dealer. Of course I realize anyone can have a disease but obviously some people are higher risk than others and a condom does not offer 100% protection. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:11:45 AM | I think when people say they were "used for sex" it was too soon.
They give their bodies as a down-payment on a future... instead of realizing it is about giving and receiving in the moment with someone you care about. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:54:14 AM | | i don't know.. but if eye contact while walking down the shopping aisle results in two bodies on the floor... ( clean up on aisle 7 ) and she then turns out to be that love of one's life.. bells do actually end up ringing... just imagine all the exciting places the two of you can travel and explore... | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:06:16 PM | About 2 months ago I got out of a relationship where we started having sex soon after beginning to see each other.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First date may not be best time for getting it on if you really like the lady...And aside from becoming trusted freinds, etc...HERE IS A DIFFERENT REASON: You know how when you are getting to know someone words and stories and dreams just fly, we can learn a lot about our potential partners on those first few dats, BUT IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH THEM, a lot of that grinds to a halt. I am not trying to be manipulative, but I do miss that "revealing" that goes on before two people get it on. I say each should take advantage of that.
((( am really not into sex per se , I prefer....Making Love , and usually that involves being in love in order to achieve that.))) Oh SaphirePoet, that was beautiful way to put things. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:21:24 PM | | such a good question .. but it is really hard for me to answer it | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:29:46 PM | If its before 4 in the afternoon or after 4 in the morning its too soon.............
If you have regrets after.... its too soon
If he looks at you and laughs..its too soon
If he calls you Mary and your name is Jane......its too soon...........
CRAP.....I'm 68 and I still dont know when its too soon.............
 | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:39:07 PM | I always make it my goal not to get sexually intimate with someone too soon. However, when a woman decides she wants it it's pretty impossible not to give in to her seductive charms ...
 | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:41:20 PM | women are extremely loose in todays world; its amazing how things have changed. Most young guys want sex; they give it up then wonder why their relationships crumble.
I agree with you; jumping in the sack may feel good at the time, but it doesn't help a relationship. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:09:48 PM | | Im still confused about how a woman is called a slut if she sleeps with men to fast and the man is called a hero | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:10:36 PM | | I once had a boyfriend who said "We're going to do it eventually", which kind of made sense at the time (I was really in need). But I think it all depends on you. If you know that it's something that you may regret in the future, don't bother. If you know that this is not going to make you change your mind about continuing getting to know someone, then by all means. | |
|
Home
login 
