| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:15:08 PM | "Having sex too early..."
I try not to have sex before about 9:45pm. Well 9:30pm if she is cute and seems to be getting impatient. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:16:49 PM | ^ I don't know... if it's 1 am and I'm asleep... sometimes I just want to keep sleeping...  | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:14:06 PM | | Before you cross that line, one should think motives and outcome and make it known before hand. I d id jump from front to back here, but all the posts are good ones. If you do not think that adding sex too early can interfere with a new relationship, you haven't had many new ones. Both women and men tend to throw away the part that there are many ways to make love. Yeah, I'm a sap. No one can tell you when it's the right time. Just put all your ducks out front first. | |
|
| |
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:49:16 PM | My mom always told me " If you have the desert first, you will miss the main course".....hmmmmm, whatever the hell that means... Oh, well, she was married for 47 years so she must be right! | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/6/2008 10:30:39 PM | SEX too soon? hmmmmm that would be if your 15 years old
We are adults here oveously you both agreed to it wy the guilt now? if it is a strong relationship Nothing can hurt it! | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:01:07 PM |
This to me sounds so old fashioned. Why? Because it's making the assumptions that when a woman has sex with a man that it's only the man that gains something - the so-called "prize". So does this mean that the woman is in bed with a man just to make up the numbers? Or is she in bed with a man because she wants to be sexually satisfied as well? If you're going to have sex with someone then treat that person as an equal or go find somebody else. Don't have sex with someone because you're doing that person a favour. Do it because you want to - not because you fear he will leave you for someone else if you don't.
Well...this points out one of those differences between many men and women...Most women are usually in bed with someone in a relationship because they care about them...the sexual satisfaction part is secondary..not that it isn't important..but, it isn't why they are having the sex? They are expressing love...not just satisfying physical desires...and at least for me, and many other women..that's our first thought? Unlike many men..who's first thought is how good the sex is?
I have seen some men make similar comments before..and from my personal perspective..I don't care how good the sex was..if I cared about him in any way...and he dumped me after sex...it would be no consolation. Obviously, many men don't feel the same way..they are always saying..well, the sex was good wasn't it? S0 what?
Sex clouds things if too soon in my opinion..plus, it just makes it harder to determine where the guy is coming from...and that makes all the difference in the world for those who are looking for something long term and meaningful.... | |
|
| |
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:27:50 AM | I'm 24.
Young and you may say inexperienced (you will be wrong)
Its totally weighed up on the two individuals involved. I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 and a half years of whom we knew each other for about 2 hours before we got randy (full way).
Yet this one (and only) time i waited for like 3-4 months for this girl and it didnt work.
I am not, nor do i see religious people - in australia its not a big thing. So thats a factor thats removed.
I have an issue with people who believe that there is some sort of magical "formula" to a relationship, which involves manipulating a guy and with holding sex for a certain amount period of time before "giving it up". This is supposed to make a guy want you more or some rubbish. Trust me girls, all it does is piss us guys off when we hear "Oh i'm so horny and i really want to but i'm not doing it on X date"... "Er, ok, why's that?"..."just cos i dont". It doesnt work and its stupid. All it does is legit guys like me look at that and say "fark this I aint stickin around a chick who thinks she can manipulate me with sex".
If i'm not sexually compatible with a chick, i can gaurantee its not goin to work. This is a good thing, cos then you can go back to looking and find some1 more suitably matched to you. How often do you hear of a guy complaining his GF doesn't want him in the sack... They are just not compatible. yes there can be some other factors into play but if they are not compatible one is going to be unhappy, want to stray, ect. I personally like to shag early in the relationship so i can stop thinking with the****and start thinking with the top head and talk along with the person instead of constantly thinking "i want to root you... i want to root you".
I remind y'all that i say the things that people thing but never say due to potential lash-back.
So, summing up on things its all up to the decision made between two consenting partners without any bloody manipulation or outside pressures. The duration, no matter how long or short, is highly irrelevant. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:41:49 AM | Another thing thats irritating to hear chicks winge about is when they hold off sex (Manipulative) and push the guy to his limits (because she can), and because she's been holding out for so long when it finally comes down to it the guy lasts 10 pumps before finishing and the chick then goes "oh is that it" or something (she couldnt remember what she done but the way she told me it implied something of that nature) while the guy gets a complex cos he shot the bolt too quick.
You usually find out that she's been coping d1ck from the junkie/loser ex b/f all along anyway. I pity these guys I really do then i thank the way i am; that i did not turn out the same as these poor fellas. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:21:30 AM | RE: Msg 110:
Another thing thats irritating to hear chicks winge about is when they hold off sex (Manipulative) and push the guy to his limits (because she can), and because she's been holding out for so long when it finally comes down to it the guy lasts 10 pumps before finishing and the chick then goes "oh is that it"...
Years ago, a lady explained to me that's why it's important for a guy to have a FWB while searching for a partner. If the guy's sexual needs are being taken care of he is less likely to rush sex with a new partner.
It's sort of bizarre. The guy who is getting sex from a FWB is not in any immediate rush so the new partner thinks the guy is a real decent fella, whereas, the guy who isn't getting any and is in a hurry is looked upon unfavorably.
Go figure. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:44:39 AM | Ummm...... Where is the problem???
Sex is something two adults do with each other because they like it.
So is eating at a restaurant, driving to the beach, climbing a mountain or rollerblading aroung the park.
You form a relationship because you enjoy spending time and doing activities with each other. Sex is an activity. Hopefully an enjoyable one that occurs more often than others, but not magic in any way.
There is no rule about how soon you should start driving together, or scuba-diving together, or going to the opera together.
There is no rule about how soon you should enjoy sex together, but it should occur AFTER you meet.
Rick. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:33:42 AM | I think that you know when its ready when the both of you are on the same page on where the outlook is going...I have met some very nice girls that maybe could have been potential relationships, but sex happened wayyyy to early and i guess its a guy thing but in my head it was too easy and i kind of have lost my urge to be with that person..ON the other hand , the two relationships that i was in, when we were together for sometime and got to know each other with that tension of looking forward to taking that step , the relationship actually got stronger after sex....
So yeah there can be a too soon in my opinion | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:34:15 AM | Nope, never too soon. What is the point in waiting? Get in there and enjoy the moment. You are two consenting adults so have the fun sooner rather than later.
Lingeron xx | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:22:37 AM | | honestly, i hate having sex too early because you have nothing to look forward too, i can see where your both comming from because ive made that mistake too. but you cant undo what you have already done.. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:45:19 PM | | it seems like for some reason having sex too soon has made almost every relationship different from the ones in which we waited until we were friends long enough (3 yrs. of friendship). but there are good friends of mine that i had sex with right away (like a few months of knowing them i went out with them and had sex like the first day we started going out.) or started going out with them the first day i met them and had sex the first day of being together. it all depends on the type of person. some of my exboyfriends totally ignore me today. some of them call me every single day. i dont' think that having sex too soon hurts a relationship cause its going to happen anyway whether you both choose now or later in the relationship. i always pray that God won't let me get deseases and stuff. i honestly dont see how people can wait to have sex. that is very hard. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:31:13 PM | One of the best dates I ever had told me - in reponse to my question :
" I'like to see you again......" "I'm coming over the your house next weekend to have sexwith you That was my second Wife, and a damn fine choice if I do say so.
PS I suppose you could have it to late - as in au revoir | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:39:40 PM | Was chatting about this topic with some friends (both sexes) and one of the men ups and says
was this an internet site date where the sex happened too soon, so presuming that it was, I said yes.
He said well it dont matter with internet dating, cos it is not real, everyone is there to get laid, and hopefully find a date!!!!!!
OMG that set me thinking, he is an internet dater, so is that what some people really think that sex resulting after meeting on the internet is not real anyways  | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:17:18 PM | | As a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, I'd say "too soon" is "before the honeymoon". Which makes me either a throwback or a maverick, depending on who you ask. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:21:38 PM | "My mom always told me " If you have the desert first, you will miss the main course".....hmmmmm, whatever the hell that means... Oh, well, she was married for 47 years so she must be right!"
BINGO!
You build the real intimacy first, then the sex is how you express it. Have the sex before the real intimacy, and you get a biochemical illusion of intimacy. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:18:10 AM | OP-
For me, having sex changes the dynamics of the relationship especially if it's before we're married or committed to each other. It's as if I become needy or dependent on HIS validation of who I am. Obviously, this can be damaging to the relationship, from my point of view!
Hey! I grew up in the sex-crazed '60's and '70's, before the threat of AIDS hit I was married and exclusive. The next time I was unattached I had little kids so **** buddies were not for me! I married my best friend a year after we met and we did NOT have sex before we were married. It was the best relationship I had ever had. I don't know if the difference was in the "no sex" or in the fact that we were both Christians or if we were just very well-matched.
But, I do know that, for me, I'm not going to have sex lightly with whomever comes along next. I want to REALLY know the person WELL, establish who I am & who they are so that when/if sex happens it won't change the relationship.
But this is just me! | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:46:54 AM | | Sometimes and often, having sex too early is too early to determine whether this is going to be a long haul journey with that person. So, if you are interested in long term relationship, having sex too soon won't determine how long the relationship lasts. Having sex with each other, does change the dynamics between the people, you have shared intimate part of yourself, but since you only met, you are strangers in many ways... it is strange combination. Not too many people can handle that and they may feel pressured to be in that relationship with the other person, but it is too soon to determine if you are a good match, since you only met.... There is such thing, as too much too soon can be devastating. | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:09:43 PM | | having sex "too early" isnt even a factor in most of peoples minds here...you're either out for a relationship or not..time frame in having sex has nothing to do with wanting a relationship | |
|
| Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:17:17 PM | I liked your post La Jondi
I copied and pasted your comment. I don't know how to put it in those little white boxes. :(
"Not too many people can handle that and they may feel pressured to be in that relationship with the other person, but it is too soon to determine if you are a good match, since you only met.... There is such thing, as too much too soon can be devastating."
I think that I just fell victim to this VERY thing. I met the woman and was the first person she had dated since her divorce a year ago. I felt an instant connection with her the first time I met her. (Only time that has happened to me to that degree in my life) SHE initiated the sex and we had two GREAT months (at least in my mind) but we never really got to know each other. I THINK that she was feeling pressured like you said and even told me she was fighting the feelings (not sure why one would fight those??)
I think that she was feeling the pressure ( I don't believe that I was applying it and was intentionally try to NOT put any pressure on her, but I Did let her know how much I liked her and how much I enjoyed her company.
So like you said it can be devastating. I think she felt pressured and scared and not sure what else so she needed a break. This was three weeks ago. I'm still trying (although pretty much about to give up) to at lease salvage a friendship out of it.
I definitely saw long term potential with this woman and I ended up being the one that got hurt and am devastated. :(
So In my opinion, Most of the times sex early on won't be damaging, sometimes it is. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
